Homestuck: Truth or Dare (we're all sick of this game)

by eridanisnotonfire

A fanfic where you can send in Truth or Dares to the characters of Homestuck! (Otherwise known as the biggest cliche known to the fandom to which you can send your shitty OTP dreams to the characters of Homestuck, all of which who have been imprisoned in a large house for several months by an insane Eridan fangirl.)

2. The Beginning of Torture

((Authors Note: before I begin I would just like to recognize the several comments made about the Karkat rule in a lot of your reviews.

The rule was made more for a comedic shoutout to other ToD fanfics than anything else. And I never meant to scare anyone away from using their best Karkat dares. All I meant was that I didn't want it to escalate to the point where all I have are Karkat dares. I simply didn't want it all to become too tortuous for him. So if you have some really good Karkat Truths or Dares, go right ahead! I'm sure they won't be too ridiculous. But please, no crab costumes. That is WAY overdone. (pfft. Says the girl writing a Truth or Dare fic.) ))

The scene opens very early in the morning. The sun has just begun to rise and John Egbert, floating just above Karkat's sleeping head stifles a snicker as he holds a bright blue mp3 player just centimeters from his ear. John pressed the on button and the screen lit up. He pressed the play button with his finger.

Karkat awoke with a start as a loud rock song blasted into his ear.

Karkat: JOHN YOU FUCKING BASTARD!

John: *dying of laughter on the ground*

Karkat got to his feet and turned off the mp3 player.

Karkat: WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?

John: heheheheheheheh

John: I had to break in some of my new prank ideas...and you were SO vulnerable!

Karkat: *hits him in the head with a pillow*

Dave: *yawning and grumbling with his eyes closed* what are you idiots doing?

Author: *yelling from the kitchen downstairs* John! Dave! Karkat! Get down here!

The three trudged down the stairs to the kitchen, Dave still half asleep and Karkat giving John a death stare.

Soft light poured in through the windows. Several people were sitting around a circular table. Eridan sat on the floor alone in the corner, and many people were also sitting in random spots on the counter. Nepeta and Equius waited patiently on the window seat. The Author stared at her computer screen, occasionally scrolling down using the finger pad or clicking down on one of the buttons.

Author: *smiling brightly* did you all sleep well?

Karkat: *grumbling* I WAS UNTIL THIS ONE BLASTED SOME DUMBASS HUMAN MUSIC IN MY EAR.

John: *shrugging blankly* seemed like a good idea to me.

Author: …

Author: well, i'm glad most of you are well rested. We have a lot of dares ahead of us.

Eridan: wwhy did you havve to do this in the mornin?

Author: well, I out-ruled torturing Karkat and my torture meter was running dangerously low, so I had to do SOMETHING.

Feferi: c)(-E-Er up -Eridan! I'm shore this will all b-E r-E-Ely -EXCITING!

Eridan: yeah, suuuuuurrrrreeeee *yawning*

Author: okay...our first set of Truths and Dares is from Deranged Shadow Fangirl...wait a minute. Didn't you comment on my fanfiction?

Dave: you write fanfiction? pfft. *under his breath* nerd.

Karkat: YOU WERE WRITING FANFICTION ABOUT US?

Author: yeah.

Karkat: WHO ABOUT?

Author: *mumbling* erisol.

John: what?

Author: OK! Moving on to the Dares! heheh.

TRUTHS AND DARES

Author: Are anvils allowed in the dares?

John: What's the best prank you've EVER pulled?

Dave: *hands you a cooler full of apple juice* Go wild, my fellow Houstanian. Go wild.

Karkat: Um, could you give Nepeta a kiss? Please? It would mean a LOT to me.

John: Take a picture of Karkat kissing Nepeta, and then give me a copy.

~Deranged Shadow Fangirl

Author: Yes. I would say anvils are allowed in the dares...I just hope I haven't written you all a death sentence by saying that... O_O

Author: John, this next one is for you...um...what's the best prank you've EVER pulled?

John: heheheheheheh...I pulled a pretty good one this morning ;D

Karkat: IF BY PRETTY GOOD YOU MEAN THAT IT BLASTED OUT MY FUCKING EAR DRUMS, THEN YES. THAT WAS "PRETTY GOOD".

Author: next! um... *holding up a package that she has received in the mail* It looks like someone sent you something Dave...apparently a "cooler full of apple juice"

Dave: *takes the package* hm. *pulls off sticky note, then reads it and a wild smile spreads across his face*

Dave runs off and locks himself in a closet.

Author: Uh, Karkat? Could you come here a second?

Karkat: YEAH... *walks over*

Author: *whispers something in his ear*

Karkat: ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! DO YOU PEOPLE HATE ME OR SOMETHING?

Author: it was a dare.

Author: oh yeah and John, you have to take a picture. *hands him a small purple digital camera*

Eridan: WWHAT is this obsession wwith the color purple?

Author: *ignores completely*

Karkat: UGH. FOR THE RECORD, THIS HAS ABSOLUTELY NO VALUE AND CANNOT BE HELD AGAINST ME, CONSIDERING THIS IS A DARE.

Karkat: …

AND ON THE OFF CHANCE THAT A CERTAIN PERSON IN THIS ROOM WHOM I WILL NOT NAME IS CONSIDERING TAKING ME BACK...THIS MEANS NOTHING.

Karkat: *walks over to Nepeta and kisses her quickly on the cheek*

John: *quickly snaps the picture*

Author: i'll be sure to get those developed ;)

After the fact that Karkat has just kissed her sinks into her brain, Nepeta's face flushes light green and she falls over sideways into Equius' lap, her eyes and mouth wide open in happy surprise.

Author: *returning from the printing room* Let's move on! This next set is from livvykitty...who appears to have some questions for me?

Hello, young author! This is an experienced ToD writer saying congrats! I must

know, though: What animes, shows, comics or movies are you a fan of? I myself

love all the dear trolls here and the movie Pitch Perfect. :3 Also, favorite

Homestuck pairings?

Ahem...

Dave: Since Karkles can't be dared to do anything too ridiculous, you will be

my target! You must take off your shades and ride Maplehoof while wearing a

skirt with the My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic theme playing in the

background.

Davesprite: How much do you miss your legs?

John: Allow Karkat to use you as a servant. :)

Karkat: If I had, say, tickets to see Troll Will Smith in concert, would you

want them?

Welp, good luck!

~livvykitty

Author: Well hello to you to livvykitty! Thank you for reading my ToD fanfic! To answer your questions, I like Sol *soul Eater ((shit.)) , Sergeant Frog, and Squid Girl. I like Gravity Falls a lot as well as MLP FiM and of COURSE we all know what my favorite COMIC is... I don't really have favorite movies because so many movies are so good, but I enjoyed all the Harry Potter movies (( high five Rose!)) and my favorite Homestuck pairings are NepQuius, GamTav, erm...Karezi and...um... erisol. ((later I realized that my favorite movie is Groundhog Day, I just forgot. But I also really love the Avengers...yeah.))

Sollux: waiit-WHAT?!

Eridan: hold up!

Author: SO with that out of the way- onto the dares!

Eridan: hey, hold on!

Author: NO. Shut up, fish boy.

Eridan: *looks slightly disturbed by this nickname*

Author: alright...I would start from the top of the list, but Dave is still locked in the closet...so I'll begin with one for Davesprite...who I apparently recently appearified without notifying anyone. ((YOU DUMB SHIT HE'S NOT PART OF THE CAST!...*angelic smile*))

Davesprite: caw.

Author: so, Davesprite, how much DO you miss your legs?

Davesprite: *shrugs, looking pretty cool*

Author: *clapping, pretending to wipe away a tear* LET'S GIVE IT UP FOR DAVESPRITE WOW SO INSPIRATIONAL.

Davesprite floats outside.

Author: John, this next one is for you...allow Karkat to use you as his personal servant.

Karkat: *evil grin*

John: Are you KIDDING me?!

Author: nope. sorry John. *pats on back*

Author: and now for Karkat...-uh, what are you doing?

Kanaya circles around John, tailoring him for a butlers suit, while he stands blankly, looking very depressed.

John: *sigh*

Author: okaaaaaaayyy...? Karkat, livvykitty wants to know...if she had, say, tickets to see Troll Will Smith in concert..would you want them?

Karkat: YES. OF COURSE I WOULD TOTALLY FUCKING WANT THEM IF HE HADN'T BEEN BLOWN TO PIECES ALONG WITH EVERYTHING ELSE ON OUR STUPID FUCKING PLANET. BUT EVEN IF HE WAS STILL ALIVE AND TRAVELING ON THE METEOR WITH US, I MIGHT JUST HAVE TO DECLINE YOUR OFFER, CONSIDERING I HAVE A LOT MORE IMPORTANT THINGS TO BE THINKING ABOUT AND...DOING AND...JUST- I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF I WOULD HAVE THE TIME FOR THAT IN OUR CURRENT SITUATION...SO..I DUNNO...I GUESS IT JUST DEPENDS.

Author: …

Dave: *slams the door to the closet and drops the empty cooler on the ground, wiping sticky apple juice from his mouth* That. was the best 10 minutes of my life. THANK YOU.

Author: DAVE! We have a dare for you! um...*scrolling down screen with mouse pad* livvykitty wants you to know that since Karkat is not supposed to be given really ridiculous dares you are her new..."target"

Dave: *eyes widen and he looks afraid*

Karkat: HAHA.

Author: so...apparently you must...*reading* take off your shades and ride Maplehoof while wearing a skirt with the My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic theme playing in the background. O_O

Dave: what. no way.

Author: It's a dare man.

Dave: -_- I hate you so much lk.

Equius: D- uh.

D- I was wondering...

D- if I could perhaps...accompany...Mr. Strider on this Dare...

D- No.

D- nevermind..this...this is f001ish and inane.

Dave, now wearing his skirt which is lacy and red, smiles slightly and holds out his hand to Equius.

Dave: bro, just put on the skirt. You know you want to.

Minutes later, Equius has returned wearing a jean skirt. His mouth curls up into an almost pleasant smile.

Dave and Equius: ride Maplehoof while wearing skirts with the MLP theme in the background.

Karkat and several others cover their eyes as Equius and Dave perform this action, Nepeta just glancing up occasionally and smirking as she appears to be drawing on a bit of the wall in the corner with red and blue crayons.

A few minutes pass, and Dave and Equius have changed back again, Dave looking ashamed and blushing and Equius his smile still lasting upon his face, kind of in la la land on the window seat.

Author: ….. O_o I'lllllll pretend that wasn't the creepiest shit I ever witnessed and move on to the next few dares...these ones are from shipperPsiioniic.

Sollux: cool.

Eridan: I dare you to dye your hair streak orange for a day

Sollux: You are amazing. I wont give you any weird dares, just a cool one:

Tell everyone what you really think about them. Don't hold back anything.

Gamzee: I dare you to mix your faygo with sopor pie.

Tavros: How do you feel about Gamzee?

And last but not least, Karkat: Try on one of Kanaya's dresses.

Author: interesting...

Author: let's start with Eridan. SP Dares you to dye your hair streak orange for a day.

Eridan: WWHAT?! *looks horrified*

Author: you don't have to do it right now..

Eridan: *takes a deep breath and seems to calm down*

Feferi: um...Tavros?

Tavros: yEAH?

Feferi: w-E mig)(t N-E-ED you lat-Er on...

Tavros: oH,,,oKAY...*glances at Eridan and then at Feferi, then it seems to dawn on him* wAIT UH-

Author: hehhheheh. oookie doookie now...*mumbling: "why are my readers such freaks?" and shaking her head in disbelief* Gamzee...

Gamzee: *waking up from a faygo induced slumber* HooOOnnKK?

Author: ...you've been dared to mix Faygo with Sopor Slime...

Gamzee: *smiling mischieviously*

Author: but before you get your hopes up...due to recent...happenings...I will not allow you to consume any of this mixture. I do hope we can satisfy SP with simply creating this disgusting concoction.

Gamzee: *pours the Faygo in some sopor slime, then starts to dip his finger in it...* -

Karkat: NOPE. *grabbing the tin from under his hand and pouring the whole thing down the sink drain*

Author: alright. Good. we avoided another murderous rampage. Moving on...Tavros!

Tavros: hUH?

Author: how do you feel about Gamzee?

Tavros: uMMMM...

Gamzee grins at him and honks.

Tavros: wELL,,,uH,,,,i THINK HE'S PRETTY COOL...aND,,,uH,,,hE HELPS ME OUT A LOT AND,,,uH,,,hE'S REALLY GOOD AT THROWING DOWN SICK FIRES...bUT,,,uH,,,hE SCARES ME A LITTLE...aND I DON"T REALLY KNOW WHY...wHEN I'M AROUND HIM I JUST FEEL REALLY NERVOUS THAT I'LL DO SOMETHING STUPID...

Vriska: you should 8e nervous. You do something stupid almost all the time.

John: wow Vriska! That was really mean! *looks disapproving*

Tavros: bUT UM...i LIKE GAMZEE A LOT AND,,,uH,,,wHENEVER I'M AROUND HIM IT'S REALLY HARD TO BREATHE AND,,,uH,,,i DON'T KNOW WHY EXACTLY...sO,,,uH,,,yEAH. *blushing*

Gamzee: HoNk :O)

Author: aww!

Author: the next one is for Karkat...oh god.

Karkat: WHAT? *looks over her shoulder* OH MY GOG. NO. I'M NOT DOING THAT.

Author: it's a dare.

Karkat: SERIOUSLY. YOU GUYS ARE LIKE A GANG OF SICK FUCKS. EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU FINDS IT ENTERTAINING TO WATCH ME HUMILIATE MYSELF IN FRONT OF PEOPLE THAT I RESPECT AND...SOME OF THEM...LIKE.

Terezi: *avoids eye contact, blushing slightly*

Karkat: BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? FINE. I'LL PUT ON THE DRESS.

Kanaya: Wait. What Dress?

Karkat: KANAYA YOUR ROOM IS ON THE SECOND FLOOR, RIGHT?

Kanaya: Yes...But What Are You Doing? Don't Touch Those Dresses!

Karkat calls down from the top of the stairs, making it slightly muffled. "IT WAS A DARE!"

Kanaya: You Will One Day Regret This SP...*mumbling, reaching to her pocket and moving around what could only be her lipstick with her fingers*

In a few minutes, Karkat walks down the stairs again, now wearing a long and poofy turquoise dress covered in sparkles. Everyone just stares at him supressing smirks. while he glares at the Author until Dave whistles at him, causing John to lose it and collapse on the ground. Jade just rolled her eyes and Rose marveled at their immaturity.

Karkat: SHUT THE FUCK UP DAVE.

Kanaya:That...That Took Me Months To Perfect... *eye twitching*

Karkat then hurries back up the stairs to change back into his normal clothes, leaving the room in chaotic laughter. Even Tavros is tittering a little.

Author: *calming down from the laughter* OH- *gasp-giggle* Okay...*giggle* Okay...I saved this one for last. Sollux...shipperPsiioniic says she won't give you anything weird because you're amazing...so she dares you to tell everyone in this room what you sincerely think about them without holding it in. Let it all out Sollux.

Sollux: and thii2 ii2 a cool dare, iin theiir opiiniion?

Author: apparently...go on now!

Sollux: *sigh* okay...

He walks over to each person that he is addressing as he performs the dare.

Sollux: alriight kk, ii'll 2tart wiith you becau2e ii don't fuckiing hate you. *deep breath* you really 2uck at viideo game2 and you're not the ea2iie2t two talk two becau2e you get mad and blow your top 2o ea2iily, even when ii'm jokiing, whiich mo2t tiime2 ii am. But...you're 2tiill liike, my be2t friiend and ii know that ii can count on you for nearly everythiing. and iin addiitiion two that, even iif we diidn't all 2urviive, you're a pretty damn good leader two.

They then give eachother a bro hug.

Karkat: T-THANKS SOLLUX.

Sollux: kn, ii don't know you all that well but what ii do know ii2 that you're very hard-workiing and you alway2 try your be2t, whiich are great qualiitiie2. You have wonderful genero2iity and tolderance and 2ometiime2 ii wii2h ii wa2 liike you.

tr, ii thiink that you have lot2 of confiidence, you ju2t don't know where to fiind iit, and you alway2 2ee the good 2iide of people, no matter how many bad thiing2 they've done. You're alway2 wiiliing two forgiive.

np, you are one of the brave2t people ii have known iin my entiire liife. ii gue22 that ii2n't really 2ayiing much 2iince that liife wa2n't very long, but 2tiill. you can be annoyiing at tiime2 but when iit count2, you have a lot of determiinatiion and 2trength iin you that come2 from pure love, and you're wiilliing two put love iin front of liife. But you 2hould really thiink about 2trategy before makiing quiick deciisiiion2, becau2e 2ometiime2 you'll regret them later on.

eq, you're really bo22y and you 2hould 2tart tryiing two 2ee everyone a2 equal2. ii mean, look, hiighblood2 are 2uppo2ed two liive longer than lowblood2 and kk's 2till aliive, wherea2 you're long gone. You are 2ort of creepy and maniipulatiive, and you alway2 thiink you're riight. but you're REALLY 2trong and when iit matter2, you wiill alway2 be there for the people you care about. I don't really thiink you'd be all that bad iif you weren't 2o 2tuck up. ii mean, you've ba2ed half your liife2 decii2iion2 off the hemo2pectrum, and iit2 obviiou2 that you are capable of haviing feeliing2 that shiine through that, and 2ometiime2 you 2eem to que2tiion your own way of thiinkiing. you WANT other people two giive you order2, not a2 2uperior2, but a2 equal2.

vk, fuck you. you're a total biitch, maniipulatiive, and ii don't know HOW tr could 2ee ANY good iin you what2oever. you've ruiined 2o many people2 liive2 wiith your 2tupiid game2...but...when we were lookiing for the trea2ure you actually 2eemed to want to help. you were tryiing two do 2omethiing good, and you're riight. You DON'T have two be a good per2on to be a hero. beiing proud of who you are ii2 one thiing that you're really good at...you have 2o much confiidence iin your2elf...maybe you don't mean to put other people down...maybe you ju2t liike to prank people and ju2t go two far...me22iing wiith 2omeone ii2n't a biig deal, but ii ju2t don't 2upport all the paiin you've cau2ed.

gz, ii'm never eatiing your cupcake2 AGAIIN. but...you have a really great way of 2eeiing the world...okay...everythiing ii2n't a miiracle, but you piick out the be2t thiing2 about liife and look at them wiith wonder. everythiing ii2 beautiiful to you and you don't take anythiing for granted, becau2e you thiink that iit2 a miiracle iit2 even there.

tz, you are fuckiing out of your mind...whiich ii2 weiird becau2e you're the 2eer of miind, but your creatiiviity never cea2e2 to amaze me. no matter what you thiink, you're really liikable and fun, and...ju2t the type of per2on that grow2 on you, even iif you're determiined NOT two liike them. You can tell that a lot of people liike you enough two bee iin a more 2eriiou2 relatiion2hiip, but you have to fiigure out what you want. you obviiou2ly are troubled by a lot of thiing2, but driinkiing them away ii2 not the an2wer. you have two decide who you are and what you 2tand for. only then wiill you be able to bee who you want two bee.

ff, let me ju2t 2ay you are REALLY PERKY, and you are alway2 able to put a po2iitiive twii2t on anythiing. ii liike talkiing two you a lot, and you're a really great moiiraiil...but there2 defiiniitely other people who need you more. 2ometiime2 ii thiink that you 2hould have 2tayed wiith your oriigiinal moiiraiil. ii really do care about you, but you need to 2et your priioriitiie2 2traiight. ii al2o admiire your striive two change thiing2...you're not ju2t goiing two follow the path laiid out for you.

John, Dave, Ro2e, and Jade, we're from two completely diifferent world2, and ii don't actually know that much about you guy2, but the bond that you all 2hare ii2 a beautiiful thiing. iit2 liike 2ome kiind of 4-way moiiraiileiigence. iindiividually, John, you're pretty funny, Dave, you're not that bad at human...reapiing, wa2 iit?

Dave: rapping.

Sollux: rappiing. riight. Jade, you're really happy all the tiime and Ro2e, you're pretty 2mart.

aa...hmm...well, you're really pretty for one, but you're al2o really ea2ygoiing and acceptiing, but geez, when you get angry...the poiint ii2, you're niice iin general but you don't hold back iif 2omeone ii2 a biitch two you. You al2o have a good under2tandiing of the world and completely accept death. ii liike you a lot...

*sigh*

ED...ii've alway2 thought you were a 2tuck up iidiiot who was far too proud of hiim2elf and wa2 whiiny and riidiiculous and...horriible...but then ii realiized... 2ometiime2 all people need ii2 a little love. ii alway2 thought that your 2carf and hair and cape were 2o 2tupiid and were really iinconveniient and you ju2t wore them two 2how off...but then ii realiized...they kiind of 2uiit you...ii u2ed two thiink that we kept haviing fiight2 becau2e your were a biig-headed drama-machiine that couldn't except that hiis moiiraiil wa2 tiired of hiim and hated my gut2 for 2ome rea2on...but then ii realiized...you really loved her...and ii ju2t took her away, all the whiile beiing a total jerk two you ju2t becau2e you wanted to de2troy u2, but even that wa2 for a good rea2on that ii 2hould have under2tood...ii u2ed to thiink ii hated you...but then ii realized...ii-ii love you. ii thiink that all you ever needed wa2 2omeone two love you when no one el2e would. and...ii do.

Eridan's cheeks turned dark violet as Sollux pressed his lips against his own. Everyone at this point was staring at them. The Author sighed, resting her cheek lazily on her hand and smiling. Karkat looked at her with disgust.

Author: oh yeah, and Karkat, you can only say nice or positive things about people for the next 2 rounds.

Karkat: WHAT!?