disclaimer! well, i'm still just a broke teenager, on a broken laptop, so obviously i'm getting no money for this. sadly, because that would be freaking awesome.
author's note! so, um, it's been, um, like how long since i promised an update? yeah, um, sorry? i lost muse. sadly. but here it is. i hope you enjoy. please review 'cause that'd be stellar.
When Sirius awoke up the next day, he wished he hadn't. He had the worst headache he had ever had, and hangovers were pretty familiar to him. For a sixteen year old boy, he has dealt with a fair share of bad hangovers. But he grew up in a family in which alcohol was a pretty common thing. Wine for dinner, all sorts of alcohol at the hundreds of parties they had thrown over the years. And despite the drinking age, Sirius had been drinking alcohol since he could remember. Of course, he wouldn't have too much when he was younger, but the older he got, the more he drank until it came to this point, right now with him laying in bed with a headache so massive it could kill an elephant.
Sirius felt as if he should be dead.
Groaning loudly, he sat up in bed slowly, being careful not to make any sudden movements, he ran a hand down his face in agony and took a glance at the clock.
1:46.
He'd slept the entire day. Crap, that meant he had missed classes. His teachers were bound to be asking questions and although James and Remus would cover for him, there were bound to be queries as to why he wasn't in the Hospital Wing if he was sick. Sirius groaned again and stood up, slowly again, to head for the bathroom.
A nice cold shower was in the plans.
Stripping of his clothes and stepping into the shower, Sirius turned the shower on and flinched as the cold water hit him, then sighed in relief. His head was pounding.
When he got out of the shower an hour later, Sirius walked into the dormitory, towel wrapped around his waist and headache only a notch less painful, to the less than pleased sight of his three best friends waiting for him. Remus was sitting on his bed, head in his hands. Peter was standing off in the background, as if he was trying to make himself appear smaller. James was a frightening sight. His eyes were dark and cloudy. His arms were crossed and his face was tightened in anger. Sirius sighed.
"I know. I messed up. I'm sorry. But can I be yelled at later? I have a killer headache," he spoke before James had the chance to.
But his bespectacled friend wasn't going to have any of it. He let out a low laugh, but it held no humor in it. Shaking his head, James uncrossed his arms and advanced on friend, pointing an accusatory finger at him. "Oh no, you're going to have it right now." Sirius inwardly groaned but advanced towards his trunk so that he could grab some clothes but James cut him off. "Sit," he said shortly.
Sirius raised his eyebrows. "Can't I –" he started.
"No. Sit," James repeated.
Sirius sighed again but complied. He knew better than to anger James even more when he was already furious. It was best to just do what he said. So, clad in just a towel, Sirius sat on his bed, James seeming to tower over him. If Sirius didn't know the boy better, he would have cowered under the harsh glare.
"What were you thinking?" James started, his voice rising with each word. "You had us worried sick! You were out all night! You could have been dead for all we knew! What were you thinking?!"
Sirius opened his mouth to retort, but wasn't given the chance.
"You are an idiot! An absolute, goddamn idiot!" James' face was turning red and Sirius had to stop himself from laughing. "We should have just left you out there. You could have been caught! You could have been kicked out of school! They could have sent you back home! Are you an idiot?! No, you are. You are an idiot!"
Sirius hung his head, his dark hair covering his face. To James, it may have looked as if he was ashamed, but he was merely hiding a grin. He could never take his best friend seriously when he was angry. Despite the massive headache that James' shouting certainly was not helping, he couldn't help but find this moment humorous.
"Stop it!" James blurt out suddenly, clapping his hands loudly in Sirius' ear. The latter of the two boys grimaced and immediately his grin was replaced with a frown.
"Ow," he moaned as he looked up, holding his head in pain. James' face was redder than ever. His eyes held more anger than Sirius had ever seen and he was, for a moment, taken aback. He hadn't realized how hurt James was.
"When are you going to grow up?" James asked, finally resigned, before exiting the room, shoulders slumped and running a hand through his messy black hair.
Sirius sighed one more time before standing up and grabbing his clothes from his trunk. James was one to talk about growing up. He was just as immature as Sirius. The only difference between the two of them was that James had never touched a drop of liquor in his life, willingly.
As he was making his way to the bathroom, Sirius felt a hand on his shoulder and looked behind him to see Remus, looking as tired as he had ever seen him. He hadn't even heard the other boy walk towards him. "You need to stop this, Sirius. One of these days you're just going to go too far."
The towel-clad boy simply gave him his signature smirk. "I don't know what you're talking about," he responded with and turned back on his way to the bathroom.
He heard Remus sigh and, as he shut the door, heard him say quietly, "We don't want to lose you."
They'd gone to bed barely speaking that night. Remus wouldn't let Sirius out of the dormitory and, for dinner, brought him up food from the Great Hall. Said it wouldn't look good for his alibi of having a terrible cold if he showed himself in front of the teachers. After that short exchange, he didn't say another word to his still hung-over friend. James wouldn't even look at him. Peter had merely given him a sheepish look as he entered the dorm before climbing under the covers and closing the curtain to his bed.
Sirius didn't mind, though. His friends never stayed mad at him for too long. How could they?
The next morning rose with a dark sky and a cover of clouds that threatened rain. As the four boys trudged down to breakfast, James still refused to merely glance at his best friend. Remus worried but didn't say anything. James could hold a grudge. Sirius just was one of the few exceptions. Lily Evans was another. And Professor McGonagall was the third. It usually only took Sirius and James at the most a few hours to get over their feuds, but Remus could tell that James was really fed up this time. Sirius didn't say anything either, just greedily piled food onto his plate as they took their seats at the Gryffindor table. The way he ate, it was as if he had never seen food before.
James stabbed angrily at his food and shoved mouthfuls down his throat, barely taking the time to chew. He was unusually quiet the whole meal, not even bothering to talk to Lily Evans, something that shocked Remus and troubled him deeply. If James had no patience to deal with the "love of his life," something was wrong and Remus didn't like it.
Sirius knew better to even try to speak to James, even as they headed to their first class of the day, Charms. And he silently took a place next to Peter, giving Remus his usual spot beside James.
And so it went on for the remainder of the day. Sirius, Remus noticed, was becoming more and more troubled by the moment. James had never stayed this mad at him for this long before. Remus could tell that it was bothering him greatly. Sirius and James forgave each other for everything, usually without a moment's hesitation. The two got into so many fights throughout the past six years, it was amazing that they couldn't get over anything. They'd been through it all – girls, drugs, sex, breakups, Quidditch, school, family, death, everything – together. There was nothing the two best friends could overcome.
And so, as James drew away from everyone, Sirius drew more into himself. When spoken to, he would grunt in response. He seemed distracted, never gave a straight answer to anything, not even when talking to teachers. By the time they headed off to the common room after dinner, Sirius wasn't speaking at all. He headed off in the direction of the library without a word and Remus had half a mind to follow him. Surely he shouldn't be alone in a mood like this. But he thought better of it and decided to speak to James instead. This had gone on long enough.
They had just stepped into the common room and walked to a table in the back of the room when Remus confronted him. They had dropped into their chairs, the three of them, and Remus crossed his arms. "James," he started, rather sharply, and James snapped his head up at the urgent tone. It was rare the fair-haired boy spoke in anything but a calm manner. "What's wrong?" Remus said, his voice a lot calmer and kinder.
James looked at him in confusion but by the stern look on his friend's face, sighed in resignation and buried his face in his palm.
"James," Remus said, putting a comforting hand on the dark-haired boy's arm. "What is it?"
James shook his head. "He's tiring me. Sirius," he added, as if in an afterthought and as if Remus had no idea who he was talking about. The other boy waited for James to continue. He did so, after another sigh escaped his lips and he finally looked back up at his friend. "I worry so much about him; especially after this past summer. So much has happened to him. I feel as if he's slipping away and I worry I won't be able to reach him."
Remus grimaced in pain at the fear in James' voice.
"He's my best friend, Rem. I can't lose him. But I just feel like he's becoming someone else. He doesn't feel like our Sirius anymore."
Sirius never went to the library. Instead, he wandered the corridors of Hogwarts aimlessly, lost in thought. Never had James been so angry with him. Never had he ignored him for so long. Never. Sirius wasn't sure he could handle it. Not with everything that was happening. It wasn't fair. It's not like he's never done anything stupid before. What reasoning did James have for being so upset with him this time? Sirius often snuck out to drink. He often stayed out all night before. Never had he been out so late, never had he been so drunk, on a school night before, but he figured James might've understood. James knew what he'd been through. James knew how badly he had suffered. Naturally, he may not have spoken that he knew the whole story, but Sirius knew that he understood. He never really had to use words to get James to know what he was thinking before. They were like brothers. Connected. They understood each other. That's just the way it always has been between the two.
Never had James put Sirius under such pressure and strain before.
Sirius missed his friend already.
"Well, well, well," a slow, cold, drawling voice echoed in the halls and Sirius, off his guard, caught his breath in his throat sharply, the cold air from the dungeons, of which he had not realized he was in, stinging the back of his throat. He snapped his around to find where the source of the voice was coming from and saw the sneering face of Severus Snape not six feet away from him.
"What are you doing down here, Black?" Snape asked, drawing closer to Sirius as the latter recomposed himself, inserting a sneer of his own on his face.
Rolling his eyes as the greasy-haired Slytherin stood in front of him, Sirius responded, "No matter of yours, Snape."
As he turned on his heel to leave, Sirius was stopped by the sound of the other boy's voice. "Missed you in classes yesterday. Heard you were out 'sick'. Funny, I thought that was your friend Lupin's thing." Sirius stopped in his tracks and felt his eyes narrow, but he said nothing in response and quickly began to walk again. "I have my own theories on you, though." When Sirius showed no signs of responding, the Slytherin continued. "Did you have enough to drink?"
Sirius stopped once again, his fists clenching. "What are you talking about?" He snapped, tilting his head slightly back over his shoulder.
"The other night. You were a bit out of it when I stumbled across you in Hogsmeade."
Sirius couldn't help but restrain the shock from sliding onto his face. Luckily, his back was still turned and Snape could not see the look. He was, for one of the few times in his life, at a loss for words. Severus caught this and was pleased. Rare was the moment he had the upper hand over Sirius Black. Usually he and James Potter were the ones carrying information over his head. But this was the second time in the past three days that Severus could say he was on top of Sirius, no sexual references intended.
"Muttering, you were," Severus continued, taking another step towards his nemesis. "I didn't understand it at first." Sirius caught his breath in his throat a second time for that night. "In fact, I fear it took me until yesterday afternoon for me to stumble across what it could have been." He walked around Sirius so that he was standing in front of him. The boy's face was defiant, but his eyes held fear and disturbance. Severus' smirk grew. "I knew you didn't get along with your parents-" Severus trailed off at the look of reborn anger and defiance in the Gryffindor's eyes.
"You have no idea what you are talking about." Sirius' voice held more coldness that it had ever had before. He seemed to grow taller in that moment. He seemed to loom over Severus, his eyes carrying so much darkness, so much hatred, so much anger. But despite the frightening stance he was taking, Severus still held his ground, did not lose a beat. He still had Sirius exactly where he wanted him.
"Oh I think I do," Severus said arrogantly. "You have quite the relationship with your father, don't you, Sirius?"
Narrowing his eyes, the sixth year Gryffindor suddenly shoved Severus backwards. "You know not what you speak of, Snape," he threatened, his voice low and dangerous. "You know nothing," he repeated, the warning clear from his tone as he drew each of the words out.
"Nay, Mr. Black. I know all and now I believe I own you." With one last haughty smirk, Severus shoved past Sirius and headed in the direction of the Slytherin common room.
Sirius closed his eyes shut, his fists clenching so tightly his fingernails cut into the palms of his hands and he felt a bit of blood exit his flesh. Opening his eyes, he turned sharply on his heel. "I'll kill you," he muttered under his breath, but loud enough that he knew Snape would hear it. His voice carried so much hatred that Severus had the feeling that he might just do so at that moment. But he merely laughed cruelly and continued on his way to his common room, leaving the other boy standing alone in the cold dungeons.