*Author's Note: Maria's first dream visit to her mother. Takes place in the piece "Where I Will Always Love You."
"Do you think she's ready to see me?" I ask Coach.
"Who, honey?"
"My mother."
"Well, of course she's ready to see you!"
"You don't think she'll be sad?"
"No. I bet she'll be happy."
I was still scared though. I of course was brave enough to visit them when they were awake. They couldn't see me then, they could only feel me. Ernie, my brother, left me a candy bar on Halloween in my old dresser that was now going to be used for Elizabeth, my sister. It was my favorite candy, too: Snickers. Spencer pulled out my chair at the dining room table out of habit on Thanksgiving. He thought it felt heavy when he pushed it back (that was because I was sitting in it, weenie!). Mommy and Daddy hung up my stocking at Christmas even though I wouldn't be there in my body.
I hope my mommy's ready to see me. She hasn't cried, but I know she still feels really bad, they all do. I wish I hadn't hurt their feelings like I did. I wish they could come stay with me up here. I like it here and I know they would, too. When my brothers and sister are here, we are going to run around all day! There is so much soft grass to run barefoot in, so many trees to climb, so many ponds to swim in. We're going to have a blast when they come.
I walk over to my pond, I have officially named it Maria's Pond. It's the one place I can look down and see what my family is up to. All I have to do is swim down deep and I'm a part of their world again. They may not know it, but I'm there. I'm sad to see mommy crying, happy to see daddy hugging and kissing her as he should. Next thing I know, mommy is going to sleep already! My big chance has arrived and I'm going to jump on it! I swim faster than I have ever done before, and I'm fast. I can't wait to get to her. Please don't wake up on me, mommy!
"Mommy!" I'm here. This is so cool!
"Not now, Maria."
Is she kidding me? I came all this way and she doesn't even want to see me? Too bad, she's going to see me!
"Mommy, look at me!"
"Maria...I...Maria?" She just realized she was talking to me. I ducked down behind the bed for a minute. I don't know why, but I got scared. Maybe I wasn't as ready for this as I thought. I tiptoe around the bed and then I looked at her as soon as she looked at me. It felt so good to look at her and knowing she knew I was really here for her.
"Maria, baby! Come here my little baby!"
I laugh because I'm so happy she's happy. She wants a hug and so do I. I run to her, wrap my arms around her neck and throw my legs around her hips. I can really feel her now and to me it was sad. I wanted to come back to her so bad and I knew that couldn't happen. I needed to get out of there.
"Mommy..."
"I'm so happy to see you, honey."
"I gotta go."
"What? You just came."
"Don't be sad, mommy. I'll always come back to see you. It's okay."
"If you say so."
"I know so. I love you, mommy."
"I love you too, baby."
I was back on the edge of Maria's Pond before I knew it. Coach had found me and took a seat next to me.
"You saw her, didn't you?"
"Yeah. I wanted to stay with her so bad, Coach."
"You can go back down if you want to."
"No. I won't be able to go back to mommy and daddy like I want to. Mommy can't have anymore babies and even if I could see her, I wouldn't be me. They need to know that it's me. I will wait for them to come here."