Chapter 2
--
Session seven, and Addison was in full-on self-pity mode. This was new, but not entirely unexpected.
She had come in, sat down and promptly buried her head in her hands with a manically desperate chuckle. "God. I disgust myself."
Seven stages of grief, Sydney reminded herself. This was not entirely unexpected. She kept her expression neutral. "Why is that?"
Addison picked up her hands again, waved them absently over her glum, sober face. "I mean, look at me."
"You're going through a difficult transition."
"No, not going through. Succumbing, Wallowing. Feeling sorry for myself. It's disgusting."
"Is it?"
"I'm not like this, you know."
"Of course."
"I mean, if you knew me before…I'm strong. Competent. Driven. I'm a respected surgeon at the top of her game. This? This isn't me."
Denial. First stage of grief.
"And when it was good? Okay, so it maybe wasn't good for as long as I'd been fooling myself that it was, but when it was good? We had that. At least, I think we did."
"Addison…"
"No! See, I'm doubting again, and that's pathetic, and it's disgusting, and weak and I'm not doing that. We had that."
"Okay…"
"So maybe, he looks at her, and it's so new and special and…I don't know. And he looks at her, and I see it, and it's hard for me to remember it, but I had it too…"
"And you're wondering when it was that it changed for you?"
"No. I'm wondering when it was that it changed for him."
"Isn't that the same thing?"
Head in the hands again. "You're trying to confuse me."
"Hey, I'm just here to listen. I don't judge. I don't influence."
"Yeah, you just listen. So how, exactly, is this supposed to help me?"
"Faith, Addison. Therapy, like relationships, is a process. A journey."
"And am I getting any further along?"
"Well, you're talking. You didn't at first."
Addison frowned, confusion nudging away the unhappiness for a moment. "I didn't?"
"No."
The frown deepened. "I don't remember that."
"It's a process."
"I don't remember that. But it happened?"
"Yes."
"I don't remember him looking at me the way he looks at her, either. Did that happen too?"
Sydney kept her voice deliberately soft, deliberately gentle. "I can't answer that for you."
She nodded, dropped her head again. "I hate this. I really, really do."
--