MONTH 1
Tuesday, January 1, 1980
I hate the Knight Bus. I really do. It's noisy, and bumpy, and always smells like a combination of vomit and floral air freshener. And it's purple. I've always hated the color purple... It sickens me... It's the color of eggplant. The color of EVIL. Even the word 'purple' sickens me. For one thing, it starts with the letter 'P'. 'Nuff said. And then the beginning is the word 'pur'. Pur is a word in the stupid motto my dear old Mumsie and Popsicle insisted on drilling into my poor innocent little brain from the tender age of two seconds old. I came out of the womb expected to know that motto. Pur is also the sound a cat makes. I hate cats. I'm pretty sure I don't have to tell you why. And 'ple' sounds like 'pull', and I don't like pulling. It hurts. Stupid Prongs always used to pull my soft, beautiful, lovely, hair in school and it scarred me for life. Life I tell you! And Moony pulls my ear whenever I've been bad, which is surprisingly often. And I just know that Prongs' kid will pull my tail after it gets born. I've seen what children do to dogs… I shuddered at the thought of it.
The stupid, bumpy, noisy, and PURPLE Knight Bus gave a particularly violent lurch, and I let out a very... um... manly shriek as the hot coffee I had in my hand spilled onto my lap. Great. Now I was going to have to put ice on my dick. I hope it doesn't blister. Oooh, that sounded painful. A blistered dick... God that would suck. And I don't mean literally. What sane person would suck a man with a blistered dick? Besides, like, a prostitute or my crazy cousin or something. Yeah, I'm pretty sure that Bellatrix's husband has painful blisters on his dick… That mental image shouldn't have been as pleasing as it was.
When the Knight Bus finally came to a stop outside Moony's and mine flat a few minutes after the Disastrous And Traumatizing Dick Scalding Incident, (now known as The DATDSI) I nearly flew off the evil, purple, penis scalding… thing, and ran for the door. After unlocking it I started to climb the stairs.
There were four floors in our flat and, unfortunately, Remus and I lived on the very top floor. The Land Lady didn't allow appriation, because the noise "disrupted her 'Me Time'.'" (Her words, not mine) Which was just silly, since she claimed that she was a witch and refused to acknowledge how Squibbish she really was. Couldn't she just use a Silencing Spell or something? It really wasn't that hard. After all it was just a simple little flick. Just like Windgardium Leviosa without the swish. (That's how I remembered it).
"Mooooony! I'm ba-ack!" I'm home, I'm home, I'mhomeI'mhomeI'mhome, and off of that horrible Knight Bus. I felt a wide grin stretch itself across my face as Moony looked over his shoulder and smiled warmly at me from where he stood at the kitchen sink.
"Hi, Padfoot. How was work?"
"Fine." I let my eyes travel up and down Remus' body while I quickly shed my coat and toed off my boots. "You look nice today."
Remus flushed slightly and turned back to the sink, trying not to let me see him smiling. "Oh, be quiet you. I look a hot mess."
"Well, you're half right." I smirked, and eyed Remus' outfit. He was wearing one of my old AC/DC t-shirts, and a slightly ripped pair of tight jeans, but it was the accessories that made him look so sexy… well, more sexy than usual anyway. Who knew that seeing your husband keeping his hair out of his face using a floral bandanna and some pink butterfly clips, while at the same time wearing an apron could be such a turn on?
Remus turned towards me again, and smirked. "Flattery will get you nowhere."
"Au Contraire, my Dear Moonykins." I grinned and wrapped my arms around Remus' waist. "Flattery will get me everywhere. Like here," I kissed Remus' nose softly. "And here," I kissed his chin. "And here." I finally pressed my mouth to his and Remus kissed me back. I felt his soapy hands wind themselves in my hair and the hardening bulge beneath the denim and the apron, and I grasped his arse in my hands and gave them a hard squeeze. We ground together for a few more moments before Remus broke away from me and grinned mischievously.
"When's the last time that you fucked me in the kitchen?"
I groaned. "At least two months…" Sadly, it was true. We both worked, me from five am, to six pm, and Remus from four pm, to ten pm. When we actually got to see each other, both of us were too tired to kiss each other hello, let alone fuck. It was only when one of us was off that we got to spend some *ahem* social time together. Like tonight.
"It seems like forever…" Remus sighed happily as I kissed his neck. "I miss feeling you inside of me."
"I miss it too." I tugged at the strings at the back of the apron, and when I couldn't get them undone (damn double knots), I reached underneath and yanked down his jeans. The apron tented impressively and Remus blushed.
"It's been a long time." Remus' tone was defensive.
I smirked and grasped Remus from underneath the apron. He gasped and rocked into my hand. "Too long." I murmured, nibbling at that spot on Remus' ear that he just loves. He arched into my touch and let his hands wander down to the crotch of my jeans where he rubbed me through the fabric expertly. I gave an embarrassingly loud moan and pushed Remus against the sink. Hooking his legs around my waist, I felt him undo my belt, and shove my pants and underwear down. Wasting no time I pushed inside of Remus, and felt his moan rip through his entire body. Without waiting for him to adjust (Moony liked it rough, anyway) I started to thrust in and out of Remus as hard as I could. We could make love later, but now it was time for some hardcore fucking.
(A/N: While Padfoot's busy drilling away at his Moony, you should all know that he's dripping. As in there's pre-cum leaking from his dick. Did you know that there's an itsy bitsy teeny weenie bit of sperm in pre cum? Not a lot, but enough to get someone pregnant. Which is what's happening right now. At this very moment hundreds of Sirius' little sperm cells are wriggling towards the thing in Remus that allows men to have babies. I haven't thought of a name yet, but whatever. Any who, a baby is now conceived, and in nine months Remus will be Mummy Moony, and Sirius will be a daddy! Well, I suppose you all want to get back to the sexy kitchen sex scene now, so see you again at the end of the chapter!)
What seemed like mere moments later, I began to feel Remus tighten around me. "So… close…" Remus panted in my ear, echoing my thoughts. It really had been too long since we last did this if we were both already about to come. "S-Sirius…!" Remus' hand was moving furiously between us, nearly becoming a blur. I knew that he was seconds away from finishing. I wrapped my hand around his, and Remus let out a high-pitched gasp.
"Oh… OH! Siriussss! I love you! I love you… IloveyouIloveyouIloveyouI- Oh, GOD yes!"
Then there was a warm splattering on my belly, and Remus collapsed against me, panting heavily. I quickened my pace and soon I was spilling over inside of my Husband.
Remus moaned slightly as I withdrew. "We must do this more often." He sighed and snuggled into my chest. I nodded and kissed Remus softly on his forehead.
Later that night, at dinner I broke some bad news to Remus. "Moony… Baby?"
"Hmmm?" Remus looked up at me from a mouthful of chicken.
"I need to go to America for a month."
My announcement was met with a stunned silence.
"But… why?" I winced when I saw the hurt in Remus' wide-eyed expression.
"Arthur… err… Mr. Weasley, Fabian and Gideon's sister's husband… you know, the head of the Department of Misuse of Muggle Artifacts… so, my boss? He wants us, err, the Department, to visit the American Academy of Magic so we can give some lecture on not misusing muggle things and not treating Muggles like my parents treat them… and then we're supposed to go around to some other schools like the Salem University of Witchcraft in Massachusetts, and the Matthew Grant School for Wizards, and the Temperance Lloyd Institute of Magic. It's… I mean, yes the whole situation is a bit inconvenient, but it's for a good educational cause."
"It's okay, Padfoot. I understand. You don't have to explain." Remus said softly. Despite his words I could tell that he was upset. I would be missing the full moon and our Five Year Anniversary. I was such a lousy Husband...
"If you'd like, I could make up an excuse not to go..." I offered.
Remus started to shake his head before I even finished talking. "No, go. You have responsibilities." He smiled up at me. "Don't worry about Little Old Me…"
We both poked at our food for a few more silent moments before Remus broke the quiet.
"When… when are you leaving?"
"The tenth." I refused to meet Remus' eyes.
"But that means you'll miss our Anniversary!" Remus exclaimed.
"I know." I reached across the table and placed my hand on top of Remus' "We'll do something when I get back, okay?"
Remus nodded sadly. The corners of his mouth were pulled down with disappointment. Neither of us have ever missed a birthday/holiday/anniversary before, and me missing a Full Moon was unheard of. Even after the Willow Incident in sixth year, I still went to the Shack.
"I'm going to go put the food away now." Remus said and stood up. I watched him go to the cupboard and pull down a few plastic containers, filling them with chicken, yellow rice, and salad.
I sat still for a few more moments watching him, before I pushed my chair back and stood up. Walking around the table I pressed myself to Remus' back, and wrapped my arms around him. "I'm sorry..." Remus heaved a large sigh and I kissed the back of his neck. "Let's go shower, and go to bed."
"I need to do the dishes." Remus protested weakly.
"Do them later." I mumbled, kissing his neck again. I bit it softly, and smirked at the noise he made.
"I can't do them later." I was pleased to note that Remus' voice was shaky. I started to nibble on the place I had just kissed "If I don't do them now, then I wont feel like doing them tomorrow, and I'll keep putting them off until the dirty dishes overflow and completely take over the kitchen and grow funky smelling mold that will crawl around the house while I'm asleep and eat me alive. And then it will be too late to wash the dishes."
"I would never let that happen." I pressed my groin closer to Remus' arse. "The only one around here allowed to eat you, is me."
Thursday, January 10, 1980
When I woke up the morning of the trip, I felt like shite. My throat hurt, I was coughing, I couldn't breathe out of my nose, and last nights dinner was threatening to come back up. At first, Moony thought that I was overreacting and told me to get up and stop complaining.
"You're overreacting. Get up and stop complaining, Pads. I know that you don't want to go, but you have to leave in an hour."
"But Moony-"
"Now Sirius!"
After Remus made me quote un quote "Drag my lazy ass out of bed" and take a shower and shave so I stopped looking (and smelling) like, quote un quote "A homeless bum with a pet skunk", I attempted to choke down some overly sweet French Toast, and some much too creamy coffee. Remus told me to, quote un quote "Stop picking at my food and eat. There are children starving in Africa."
And then I threw up.
All over Remus' French toast.
And boy, was he pissed.
I gulped.
No one messed with Remus John Lupin's French Toast and got away with it.
...Not even me.
Remus stood up and closed his eyes like he was concentrating on not killing me. Then he took out his wand and scrougified the vomit. I watched the wand carefully. Like I said before, no one messed with Remus John Lupin's French Toast and got away with it. I expected his wand to come crashing down at any second turning me into a flea. A harmless little flea. And then he'd put that flea into a box. And then he'd put that box into another box, and then he'd put that box into another box, and mail it to himself. And when the package arrived, he'll smash it with a hammer! Or, to save on postage, he'll just Avada Kedavra me right now, and feed my dead body to Hagrid's giant pet spider, Aragog, that lives deep within the bowels of the Forbidden Forest.
Remus looked up at me, grimacing slightly. "Do you feel better now?"
Surprisingly, I did. So I nodded.
"Good. Now go change your clothes." Remus turned away from me. "We need to get you to the Portkey in twenty minutes."
Wednesday, January 16, 1980
I fucking hate Americans… they are loud, and rude, and strangely obsessed with European accents.
"Kay, now say 'bottle'!"
I sighed. "Bottle."
The girls sitting around me started to giggle again, and I tried not to roll my eyes. This was so not in the job description… I glared at Greg Harris, a fellow Ministry worker from my Department. He grinned and shrugged while wrapping his arm around some petite brunette whose face reminded me of Remus'… I missed my Moony… I missed my Moony when he mooned me… Me missed my mooning Moony… I was actually getting quite worried about him. Not only was it the full moon a few nights ago, but he also said that he had been throwing up a lot lately. He said that he thought that he was coming down with what I had. We were Flooing the other day, and we were having a perfectly normal conversation, when he suddenly got this weird look on his face and ran off. Moments later I could hear him throwing up. It was gross. And when we had talked last night Remus had been acting a little nervous. When I asked him why he said that there had been another muggle killing, but I couldn't shake the feeling that there was something else bugging him.
"Now say 'table'!" the blonde girl jerked me out of my 'Remus-Centric' thoughts, and I rolled my eyes.
"Table."
"Oh… it sounds the same…" The blonde girl and her two equally blonde friends decided to start pouting in disappointment.
This time I couldn't resist rolling my eyes. Of course the words sounded the same. They were the same damn words for crying out loud! "I have to go to the restroom…" I muttered. As I walked away, I heard the girls squealing with delight. ('He said, "I have to go to the restroom"! *insert fangirl scream here*) I walked up to Greg and grabbed him by his collar.
"Why did you bring me to this Hellhole?"
Greg smirked at me. "Are you not enjoying yourself? Those three girls seem to be just loving your company."
I glared at Greg, and attempted to toss my hair back in a dignified manner. I ended up just getting it stuck to my face and in my mouth. I spluttered, while Greg pointed and laughed.
"Merlin, you really are a pouf!" Greg laughed. "So over dramatic!"
I scowled. "I'll be at the hotel…" I muttered, and stalked out of the bar. I couldn't wait to get back to my room where I could Floo my Darling Moonykins. I really needed to be comforted after that traumatizing experience with those three fake blonde American floozies.
When I had walked the three blocks back to the hotel (and on the way almost being molested by some random homeless person) I hurried to the fireplace and threw a handful of Floo Powder in. I got onto my knees (Thank Merlin for fluffy carpeting) and stuck my head in.
I stared into my empty living room. "Moony?"
"Sirius?" A pair of feet appeared, but they didn't belong to my Remus. Lily knelt down and smiled at me. 'How are you?"
"Fine. Where's Remus?" I attempted to look around Lily's legs.
"Oh, he's still sleeping." Lily glanced behind her towards our bedroom. "He's been acting really lethargic lately. Want me to go wake him up for you?" I shook my head and bid Lily good night.
Thursday, January 31, 1980
I had marked down this day as the day that I was supposed to go home, but nooo! I had to stay in America for another two weeks because bloody Dark Wizards were wreaking havoc, and they wanted to keep as much people out of Britain as possible! When I told Remus that I wasn't coming home yet, he had nearly burst into tears. I felt terrible. I really… really hated my job sometimes. I mean, it had its perks (i.e., annoying the piss out of my family and giving me an excuse to bring the Black Bitch home), but sometimes I wish that I could just take a solid week off, and just spend some time alone with Remus. I found it quite upsetting tat I saw Lily, James, Peter and even bloody Snivelus, more than I saw my own husband who I fucking lived with. I mean, I had lunch with Lily, and James everyday, and whenever I felt like surprising Moony with a little gift (which was often) I stopped by Pettigrew's Presents for a little knick-knack or something, and saw Peter. Plus I passed by the Slug & Jiggers Apothecary everyday on my way to and from work. I bet that you can guess who works there.
I really, really hated business trips…
Thursday, February 14, 1980
When I opened the door to our flat, I was attacked by an overexcited werewolf. "Oh Merlin, Sirius… I missed you so much!" Remus snuggled into my chest, and grinned up at me with sparkly eyes.
I grinned back. "I missed you too." I kissed Remus softly on his lips, and frowned a bit. "Love, why do you smell like paint?" I pulled back and stared at him. Remus was wearing the exact same outfit that he had worn the night I told him about The Trip, except now he was also covered with flecks of yellow and white paint. His outfit and new aroma of Eu de Paint wasn't the only thing different about him though. There was a slightly more subtle difference that was only noticeable if you knew Remus well. Even then it was hard to point out.
Remus smiled a mischievous smile. "I have a surprise for you…" He said in a sing song voice, biting his bottom lip to keep from smiling.
I smirked and decided to nibble on that lip for him. "Does it involve sex?" I whispered as seductively as I could.
Remus gave a small and decidedly Un-Moony like giggle, and shrugged. "In a way… follow me!"
I walked after Remus as he almost literally danced to the 'spare' bedroom, which we used as a Library/Office/Store Room/'Dungeon' for Sexy Fun Time. We stood outside the door, and I gawked at the floor. It seemed as if the Library's/Office's/Store Room's/'Dungeon' for Sexy Fun Time's entire contents were packed away in boxes and bags all around the door and all down the hall. It even looked as if there were some boxes in the living room and bed room.
"Are we having a yard or garage sale or something?"
"Nope." Remus chirped. "We don't even have a garage... or a yard. I suppose that we could have a 'Hall Sale' or something though." Remus looked at me, and gave me a nervous smile. "Are... are you ready for your superise, Sirius?"
I nodded, and Remus took a deep breath before he swung the Library/Office/Store Room/'Dungeon' for Sexy Fun Time door wide open. (A/N: Insert AVPM Ginny Style scream here.) "Tah-Dah!"
I stared. "Remus… why is the Library yellow? And why do we suddenly have a crib in here?" I stared at the white crib. Were Lily and James getting a new one and keeping it here?
Remus stared at me. "Siri, we're going to have a baby!"
"… Why?"
"Padders, I'm pregnant!"
And that's when my body hit the floor.
Okay, that's the end of the first OFFICIAL chapter… I hope you all liked it! Sorry it took so long though… it would have been updated a week ago but fanfiction . net was NOT cooperating with me. Something about an Error 2 or something like that...
I don't know how often updates will be, because I have School Work/Drama Club/Good Boys Like It Rough to focus on, but I promise that this will not be abandoned.
So, guess who I met on Wednesday? DAN SAVAGE! Yes, THAT Dan Savage! THE Dan SAVAGE. It was so cool… and I got all of his books signed, including his new one. I was totally fangirling all over the place. He must've thought that I was so weird. If you, (dare I say it), don't know who Dan Savage is, look up the 'It Gets Better Project' on YouTube. Or you can just google it. Be sure to go to the website too. And if you're not from the U.S. of A., then don't worry. It's international. I also met Terry Miller. (Dan' Husband in Canada, and boyfriend in America.) He's kind of really hot. I was staring at his ass most of the time... They now ALSO have my email. Terry said he'd email me, but I don't think he will he said he would though... I also got personally invited to a luncheon where Dan will be speaking by the VP of Equality Illinois. (why is it that only gay guys give me their numbers?)
Any ideas you guys have for future chapters will be added in! Please Review!