Alright! Another chapter! It's not as long as the first one but I was struggling with it near the end. I hope you enjoy!
Lance woke to the hiss of the cryopod and a deep ache in his bones. Blinking slowly, he pushed the door the rest of the way open, stumbling out of the pod and groaning at the stiff pain in his limbs and joints. A quick glance around proved that the medbay was empty, which was as much a relief as it was painful to realize. Lance knew that he was never anyone's first priority.
He stumbled his way out of the pod and to the console, unsure why he felt so horrible. Probably something to do with whatever ray or beam or whatever he had been shot with; Lance didn't want to think about the odd exhaustion being permanent as he scrolled through the list of what had been wrong with him. Part of his training had been going through the Altean dictionaries, mostly children's books to help him learn the language. He was sure that Pidge was much further along, but he didn't want to ask her for help. He didn't want to seem foolish to the Green paladin.
The list was simple; injuries that would have had him in a hospital for weeks back on Earth (a serious concussion, broken ribs, dislocated shoulder, broken leg, serious bruising) had taken less than a day to heal completely in the pod. That was probably why no one was there – it wasn't serious enough to worry about, not like the time he had almost died. And even then, by the time he came out of the pod none of them were waiting, instead arguing about whether ticks or seconds were faster. Ever since coming into space, it was a familiar feeling, he realized now. Everyone was focused on something else, something more important. Hunk was focused on Shay, or on working with Pidge on some new tech. Pidge had never wanted Lance's company to begin with, but now that she had space to get away from him, it seemed like the only time they interacted was in training or at meals, or when Lance stumbled over her when he took walks when he couldn't sleep in the middle of the night.
He had tried to interact with Keith at the Garrison, but the former red paladin hadn't even bothered to react when Lance tried to talk to him. Now, the only reason he talked to Lance was to direct him or to reprimand him. There was no communication like they had had on the Balmera, no chance of another... Bonding moment. Lance had given up hope of ever feeling like Keith respected him as an equal; the way that he had slipped into the 'commander' role by taking Shiro's place had confirmed that. And Shiro... Shiro had been his idol ever since the man was first selected to pilot the Kerberos mission. The way he had been brushing Lance off ever since they met only hurt, and it was only the fact that despite that pain Lance still wanted the man safe, especially now that he knew him personally, that kept him wanting to fight to find the man. Well, that and his desire to return to being Blue's paladin, but... Well, would they still want him now that they knew Allura did just as good, maybe even much better, piloting the Lion?
His silent musings were interrupted by the hiss of the door opening from the hall, and footsteps entering the room, a low humming accompanying them. "Oh! Lance," Coran greeted, smiling at the paladin. "You're out of your pod a bit early. Are you feeling alright?"
Lance looked up, smiling weakly at Coran's question. "Yeah, I guess. Just tired and sore," he replied, wondering if the soreness was from the bruises. "I was going to go do some yoga to loosen up and see if that helped." Coran's face took on a concerned expression that was quickly brushed off, and the Altean stepped forward to put a hand on his shoulder.
"Let me run a quick scan to make sure that the pod didn't malfunction and release you early," Coran insisted, looking Lance up and down. He was clearly not anywhere near as badly injured as he had been, but he looked weary and worn, and that was no fit state for any paladin, especially not the one Coran had bonded with most. Lance looked far more tired than he should, by any rights, and Coran didn't want that to hinder his healing process.
"Alright," Lance agreed, not wanting to argue or put up a fight. He let Coran run his scans, doing his best not to wobble in place. He just wanted to stretch and lay down and maybe even manage to get some sleep. He looked at the Altean, plenty of words that he had never seen before and didn't understand flashing over the screen. "What's it saying?"
"The pod is just fine, you simply seemed to heal faster... Or to the point that the pod could no longer heal what was wrong with you," Coran explained. "You're completely healed of anything life threatening. There's likely going to be some bruising left, or some muscular aches, but you should be fine." He turned slightly, frowning as he mumbled to himself, "It's odd. It was scanning almost like it would an Altean... Ah, no matter. The pods are likely just getting more used to your human gene structures," he assured Lance, turning back to the teen. "Go on and get some rest. You never know when the Galra will attack again, and you need as much as you can get!"
"Alright, I will. Thanks, Coran, it's good to know that I'll be okay," Lance said with a smile. At least Coran seemed to be fine with him, not minding his presence or his questions. "I'll be fine by the time we have to clean out the pods," he added as he started walking away. He liked spending time with Coran, so he wasn't going to let a bit of soreness get in the way of that.
On the way to his room (thankfully he had been allowed to keep that, and the Blue Paladin pajamas), Lance pondered the last few days. Red hadn't bonded with him or even acknowledged him after that first day, not aside from growls of irritation in his mind when he went to do something that she disliked. He missed Blue, and he wondered if she missed him. Well, he wouldn't, not if he got a paladin change from him to a princess, especially one as amazing as Allura at that.
He was pulled out of his internal pondering by the sight of Keith waiting outside his door, arms crossed as he leaned against the wall. "Lance, we need to talk," he said, voice stern.
"Oh. Alright, what is it?" Lance didn't have the energy for this. He was far too exhausted to deal with Keith at the moment.
"You can't do what you did again. The lions are too important to lose for a risky maneuver like that. I get that you were trying to make sure no one got hurt but –"
"No, I get it," Lance said softly. "You don't have to keep going, I get it. I won't do it again. I don't have a desire to keep coming out of healing pods," he assured, smirking at Keith. What was he if not a joke, to them? That was a mask he had been keeping up for years. It was no trouble to keep it up now.
"...Good. I'll hold you to that. Coran said that you should get some rest, so I'll have Hunk bring you something to eat, you should get some sleep." Keith gave Lance a look that was somehow more of a grimace than a smile, but patted his shoulder (Keith shouldn't be doing that, that was Shiro's thing, just because he was leading the time didn't mean he had to become Shiro) before turning and leaving.
Great, Lance thought, frowning as he stepped inside his room, rubbing tiredly at his eyes. Now they don't even want me to eat with them. What did I do wrong this time? He sighed heavily, flopping onto his bed without changing out of the pod suit. He didn't have the energy even for that.
Laying on his bed, Lance started going over his new mental list. It was ever-growing, especially since Shiro had disappeared.
Don't let the others know when you're upset It was the easiest. Just flirt with someone or make a joke.
Be more like Keith. It was harder. Lance liked to analyze situations, to think of plans, to be cautious no matter how naive or gullible the others thought him. But he could manage it, with some effort.
Don't talk about missing Blue or the Lion switch. It was hard, but Lance knew why he shouldn't. None of the others could relate; none of them were having the same problems that he was. Black was tolerant of Keith enough to work with him, and Allura and Blue seemed to love each other.
Train more. Train as much as possible. Lance had to live up to being the Red Paladin, a master of bladed footwork and short-range fighting. Before this, the closest Lance had ever gotten to using a sword or a polearm like the bayard turned into was a kitchen knife, so he had a lot to work through.
Don't eat with the others. They don't want you there. This was the new one. Lance didn't know what he'd done but it was enough to make them want him gone while they ate. He supposed he could keep up with it, since he planned on training more anyway. No reason to be a bother to the others.
Going over his list, Lance started falling asleep, worries and fears and rules amassing while he drifted off to form a nightmare that Lance wouldn't remember the next morning but would feel the results of for weeks to come.
Lance was alone. He didn't know why, or where he was. He didn't know what time it was, only that it was dark and the sky above him was starless, the ground below him hard and slightly sandy. If he were to hazard a guess, he would say it wasn't unlike an inverse of when he connected with Blue, though normally there was an ocean and far more sand and the sky was so full of stars and constellations that Lance could read in the light.
"I'm so glad to be back, guys," Shiro's voice echoed towards him, but Lance couldn't see where it was coming from. He whipped his head around, seeing if he could pinpoint the origin of the sound.
"It's good to have you back, Shiro. We missed you so much." That was Keith's voice, and Lance already knew that Hunk would be hugging the man.
"And now Keith can go back to the Red lion," Pidge assessed, voice bright with happiness. "But the Princess..."
"Well, I have bonded with the Blue Lion quite a bit. Lance often talked about going back home. He did not seem as dedicated to the cause as the rest of you," Allura said, making Lance's heart constrict in his chest. He was dedicated – was it so wrong to be homesick?
"Well, we can always bring him back home if he wants to go," Hunk replied, and Lance had to disbelieve it for a moment. Hunk wouldn't say that, would he?
"We don't have the time to bring one human back home. Finding the Holts is more important, as is continuing to free the universe from Zarkon's reign. He can find his own way home, I'm sure," Allura insisted. "You humans are very resourceful."
"She's right, Hunk. I mean, Lance can get himself home. It can't be that hard."
"Guys, I'm right here," Lance tried to call, but no sound escaped his mouth as he made the attempt. Eyes bulging with fear, he ran towards the source of the voices, and after a few steps, he was in the lion's hangars. "Blue?" He was able to speak that time, but the Blue Lion remained unresponsive, not shifting or purring or even growling in response to his voice. "Blue, I'm right here, it's me. Shiro is back, we can be partners again..."
There was only silence.
Blue slowly responded, but it wasn't in the way that Lance wanted. She shifted, giant head turning away from him as her robotic tail curled around her front paws, blocking any way Lance had to get to her.
"Y... You too?" It was the straw that broke the camel's back, and Lance felt tears filling his eyes, nose running and stuffing his head. "W-what did I do wrong? I'm doing my best," Lance whimpered, falling to his knees.
With a gasp, Lance jolted awake, heart pounding with fear and an odd ache in his chest, separate from the stiff soreness from before. His cheeks and eyes were wet with tears which still poured down his cheeks, but Lance was at a loss for why – probably the same nightmare that had set his heart pounding. Groaning, he turned over, wondering if he would be able to fall asleep again after that. He doubted it.
Lance stared through the dark and counted his breaths, still trying to calm down after the nightmare he couldn't remember. The texture of the bed underneath him was grating; his skin felt oversensitive and he was sweating under the blanket. It wasn't heavy, not like he normally wanted, but right now even this was too much.
"Ughhhh," Lance groaned, rolling onto his back and throwing his arm over his eyes. He wanted to sleep; he was exhausted and he was still sore, but he knew that sleeping was the best way to get over that pain. Still, though he knew that sleep was the best way to finish healing, the stiff soreness was what was keeping him from sleeping.
After laying in bed for almost an hour (or at least what felt like an hour; Lance wasn't quite sure how much time had passed), Lance got up, groaning in pain at the pounding in his head. Silently debating his options for a long moment, Lance moved towards the kitchen to get himself a plate of food goo. If he wasn't going to eat with the others there was no need for Hunk to go out of his way and make extra for him, after all.
Walking seemed to help, surprisingly enough. Oh, sure, Lance was all for hair-of-the-dog, "fix your problem by suffering through it to make it better" kind of solutions, but he hadn't expected it to be the same for injury recovery like this. At that point, Lance decided to go to train after he ate. Best to wear himself out if he wanted to be able to go back to sleep, and it was late enough that not even Keith would still be in the training deck.
With a full plate of goo, Lance sat down on the counter, picking at it. He wasn't really hungry; he just knew that he had to eat if he wanted to have the energy to train. The castle was eerily silent. Not even the mice made noise as they moved around – and Lance knew they were moving around. How else would Allura know what was going on everywhere, all the time? – so being alone felt even more disquieting. Without even realizing it, Lance started humming under his breath, hurrying to clean his plate before making his way to the training deck. He tried humming the James Bond theme to calm himself, as it was easier to walk around in the dimly lit halls of the Altean castle in the simulated night while pretending he was actually sneaking around.
He had hardly gotten into it when he got to the training room, and Lance sighed in slight relief as he realized that he would be able to train alone. A quick search revealed his most often-used yoga mat (or whatever the Altean equivalent was), and Lance laid it out, running through his normal routine to warm up. It was more necessary than ever now that he had to use a short-range weapon rather than his rifle, since he would have to be more active and in the fight now. He focused his breathing, slow and gentle as he worked through the poses.
Downward dog. Breathe. Hold. Three-legged dog. Breathe. Hold. Switch legs. Tabletop. Breathe. Hold. Switch sides. Breathe. Hold. Cobra. Breathe. Hold. Forward fold. Breathe. Hold. Warrior I. Breathe. Hold. Switch sides. Breathe. Hold.
The ritual was calming; it kept Lance focused when his mind wanted to buzz with worries and fears and intrusive thoughts. It helped him now, trying to recover from the soreness the pod had left him and the unnerving anxiety that the silence of the castle save from the odd creak of metal settling aroused within him. Gently moving into a pigeon position after a few minutes of a dragon pose, Lance let out a low breath, closing his eyes. Even if he didn't train that night, it was fine; just doing yoga on his own, while it was quiet and dark, helped to focus him, and Lance felt like he was actually doing something. At least his sleepless night was being done to further his training.
By the time Lance's routine had finished (almost an hour after beginning) he was feeling rather limber and ready to take on a gladiator – only at level one, of course. He wasn't able to beat Pidge, so how could he expect to be able to beat any of the gladiator levels? He knew that Allura had said it was simple enough for an Altean child, but... well, he wasn't exactly Altean, was he? After all, Allura was his size and able to throw Shiro across the room.
Shiro, Lance thought, face firming as he rolled up the mat and pulled the red bayard. This as all to get him back. The sooner they got Shiro back, the sooner he could go back to Blue... if she even wanted him. "Level one," he said in a firm voice, summoning the bladed staff that he had yet to come up with a name for. The gladiator rose from the floor in front of him, and Lance swallowed back his fear, narrowing his eyes at the robot. He could do this.
The first few blows were jarring; Lance had to wonder just how Altean children managed hits of this force. Perhaps Allura had been exaggerating? Though she didn't seem like the type to do that. Before he knew it, though, Lance had fallen into a rhythm, batting away blows until he was able to swipe through the gladiator's defenses, blade splitting the robot in two. "Level two," he said immediately, not even taking a moment to breathe. He needed to get better – stronger, faster... He needed to earn his keep.
Before Lance knew it he was on level eight, which was higher than he had ever gone. He was sweating and panting with exertion, but he wasn't stiff any longer, and he was actually feeling pretty good, if tired. Weighing his staff in his hand, Lance debated going for another round, but this was only his first time doing extra training. He didn't want to do too much and overexert himself, hurting himself in the process. That would just mean an extra visit to the pods and questions he didn't want to answer. He knew that the team knew he was useless, but he didn't want to confirm it by seeing the derision on their faces if he admitted to doing extra training in the middle of the night.
Sighing once more, Lance let his bayard return to its dormant form, straightening and making sure to end the training sequence before doing a few cool-down stretches. No need to cramp in the morning because he got careless. When he was done, Lance moved back to the door, casting one last look inside before hurrying back to his room, not bothering to hum this time. Once inside his room, Lance curled up in his bed, yawning hard enough for his eyes to squint shut. He was exhausted again, and worn out enough from training that sleep came almost as quickly as it had the first time he laid down that night.
No nightmares accompanied this sleep, remembered or not. In fact, Lance didn't dream at all, and woke with a start at the sound of Allura's voice over the intercom, summoning all of the paladins to a group training session. Lance felt off with no face mask to wash away, but he was able to change more quickly and hurry to the communal area, arriving on time despite his messy hair. He hadn't taken the time to brush it – he didn't want to disappoint Allura or Keith or Hunk or Pidge. None of them would take kindly to him being late, he didn't think.
"So, what's the training session today, princess?" Pidge asked once the paladins were all gathered, one hand on her hip as she looked up at the Altean princess for an answer.
"We will all be working on trust exercises not unlike the ones Coran had you run through when you initially arrived. I thought it best if we began with the shield exercise. It seemed to bring you all the most difficulty from the beginning, and we have not attempted it since then." Allura smiled at all of them, though Lance could swear her expression tightened slightly as she passed over him. He did his best not to cringe back, and he was fairly certain that he managed.
"Alright! I think we can do way better this time," Hunk said optimistically. "Right, guys?"
"Yeah, definitely," Lance said, trying to sound as perky as usual. He didn't want anyone to think that he was tired or nervous, or worse, unable to do the exercise. "Let's do it. I've got your back, guys!"
Hunk smiled back at Lance, knowing something was off but glad to see his friend acting a little more like himself.
"Yeah, we can do this," Pidge agreed, a firm grin on her face as she took her position, somehow reassured by the pressure of the others against her back.
"Alright. Let's start it up, then," Keith said with a nod, activating his shield. He had to hope that everyone had his back, especially Lance – he knew that the current red paladin hadn't been feeling well the night before and he'd noticed a three hour addition to the log for the training deck when he came in in the morning. It wasn't good to overtrain, especially not while exhausted.
The lasers came quickly and thickly, enough that while blocking the lasers the paladins were at more and more risk of getting hit, themselves. A quick glance behind him told Lance that Pidge was across from him, and he came up with a plan easily. "Pidge, duck!" He had to hope that Pidge would follow his command, and ducked, waiting for the clattering sound of one of the gladiators being taken out by the shot. An instant later, he grinned – it had worked. "Guys, if we time things – "
"If we time things right, then we can take down the gladiators without getting hit!" Pidge cried excitedly.
"Wonderful idea, Pidge," Allura said brightly, casting a quick glance behind her. "Hunk, jump on three! One, two, three!" Lance felt Hunk jumping as a laser went under his knees, cutting the gladiator off at the same point.
Within moments, the rest of their opponents had been taken out, and pleased cheers filled the room. It was easy to celebrate, after all – it was one of the first team exercises that they had successfully completed, other than simply forming Voltron. And even then they were only able to do it during a real fight, when tensions were high. But for Lance, it was a little harder. Once again, Pidge got the credit for his idea, simply because it was so easy for her to talk over him. He hated it.
"Great job, everyone," Lance said brightly, grinning between Hunk and Pidge. "That went really smooth." Even angry, it was hard not to congratulate his team. He wanted everyone to know that he was supporting them.
"Yeah, great job," Keith agreed, nodding in agreement. "Let's go hit the kitchen, get some breakfast before we do a bit of hand-to-hand. Everyone needs to work on that a bit, especially you guys, Lance, Pidge, and Hunk."
Lance's smile faltered. "You guys go on ahead, I'm going to get in some extra training. I'm not hungry right now, anyway, and I know that I've got to put in some more work because I'm still getting used to my bayard."
Hunk frowned in response to Lance's words, but his friend missed the expression. Keith glanced up and down Lance's figure, then nodded. "Alright. Just make sure that you eat something sometime today. Don't want to collapse because you don't have any energy."
Lance nodded in response. "Of course. I'm just gonna... work on this. I'll get something to eat before we do the team training for hand-to-hand," he assured. It hurt to know that the only reason they were concerned was that he might collapse in the middle of training, but he supposed he should have expected it. "I'll see you guys in a bit." He gave them a tense half-smile, watching as the other paladins left the room before slumping his shoulders and sighing heavily. He just wished that the others would care for once. "Hah. Too unrealistic," Lance muttered to himself, calling up the training program and summoning his bayard, letting out a deep breath as the gladiator rose from the floor.