Sirius paced back and forth on the glossy wood floor. It was three days past the full moon, and just four days until Harry's birthday. Dumbledore had set an appointment to see how well he and Remus had cleaned up 12 Grimmauld Place. The former Black Manor had been in disrepair when Sirius entered. It had sat empty for years - well, except for Kreacher. Sirius shuddered, thinking about the wretched house elf. Sirius' first duty as Master was to dismiss the house elf. He promptly hired a new house elf, Penelope. She was pleasant and hard working.

When Sirius had walked in to his childhood home, plaster had been falling off of the lath, revealing cracks that would have disgraced his mother. Family portraits that shrieked as he walked by - specifically one of his mother - hung on the wall. They had been charmed to stay, but Sirius was determined to pry every last memory of the Black family out of the home. There had been a time period on his teenage years where he wished to be nothing more than a Potter. He hated his surname. When he became an Auror, however, and was so publicly lauded as a member of the Order, Sirius embraced the Black family surname; there was nothing better than serving his family one last dish of disappointment.

With enough magic to last a lifetime, the portraits had peeled away from the walls. Remus had helped with that part, just a few days before the full moon. He had taken two full days to recuperate from the full moon, which puzzled Sirius. He had to remind himself that they weren't as young as he remembered, and the change had always been exhausting on Moony. Moony had stirred and had a healthy sized breakfast this morning, but Sirius hadn't seen him since. There was still a wall of hurt built between the two of them, but Sirius was hoping to help repair it. Where he stood today, it felt like he had all of the time in the world to do so.

Once the portraits were down and the plaster walls corrected to their once pristine state, Sirius magicked the house clean. He was so thankful that he was a wizard and not a muggle; he had never seen such filth in one house. It was finally starting to feel like a home where he could raise a young Harry Potter.

Thinking of Harry, Sirius felt a lump form in his throat. He hoped that the muggles were treating Harry okay. He hoped that they told Harry how brave his mum and dad were; how loved he was. Sirius hoped that Harry excelled at all he did.

Sirius had loved James like they were blood brothers, and Lily was just part of the package. Sirius had always known that Lily was going to give in to James; there was no way that she would be able to resist him. And eventually, she couldn't. And then they married in a whirlwind. It might have been the only bright side to the Great War. Sirius felt his face crack a smile at the thought - the world had been utter chaos for so long, but watching Lily and James love each other, and bring a child into this world, that had been the only bright spot.

And then it was all ripped from him. The lump in Sirius' throat grew larger at the thought. How stupid was I, he thought, to not realize that it was Peter who was the traitor? James had doubted the idea that Moony was the traitor, but I insisted. I thought Peter to be weak... but I was wrong. I killed my best friend. It's all my fault.

Sirius' heart ached, and a tear spilled out onto his cheek. Spending all of that time in Azkaban had made him feel things differently. He had felt so consumed with sadness, but at the same time, he had been unable to touch it and process it. The whirlwind that had surrounded that Halloween had only started to make sense when he left Azkaban the previous week. It was as if he had six years worth of thoughts and feelings and memories and he had to work on sorting them out. Sirius felt a wave of immense guilt wash over him, and he sat down in the middle of the hallway.

Almost as if on cue, Sirius heard Remus' voice, "Are you okay, Padfoot?" Remus sounded concerned, but also cautious. The wall that had been built between the two of them had much work before it could fall down completely.

"Yes, sorry. Dumbledore will be here soon to inspect that we've done the work we promised."

"I don't see how he can say no. I don't think i've ever seen this house look so nice..." Remus paused, thinking about the time in sixth year where the Marauders had snuck into Grimmauld Place to retrieve a few important items from Sirius' room. "This house has quite the history, but you wouldn't remember it anymore."

Sirius nodded, and then brought himself to his feet. "I do appreciate all of the help, Rem."

Remus snorted, "I wasn't much help, was I? Turned into a werewolf and then spent two days trying to sleep it off." Remus' eyes clouded with disappointment - at himself? He leaned against the wall casually, eyeing Sirius' movements.

"You were more than enough help. You helped get rid of the shrieking banshee that I once called my mother." Sirius looked utterly joyful at that idea. For a fleeting moment, he remembered what it was to feel happy. His whole face appeared to light up, and he almost looked his age. There were still dark demons swirling behind his eyes, though, causing him to appear to be millions of miles away. Sirius might be here physically, but his spirit hadn't caught up yet.

"May I cut your hair?" Remus' question brought Sirius back to the present, fighting off the demons once more.

"Sorry?"

"I don't think that it's just Grimmauld Place that needs cleaned up, Sirius. You know that. You're putting on weight, which is good. You looked like a sack of bones. I think Dumbledore would appreciate seeing you completely cleaned up, though. Healthy looking. I could do your hair like it used to look." Remus stood up straight, and took a step back. He was apprehensive of how Sirius might react to the suggestion. Although Sirius hadn't appeared to actually be violent since his return, Remus didn't want to take any chances. You never know what time in Azkaban might do to someone.

Sirius nodded, looking unsure. He motioned for the men to walk to the kitchen behind Remus. Remus obliged, and magic'd up a pair of haircutting shears. It had been a long time since Remus had cut James or Sirius' hair, but he was confident that he'd be able to remember. Sirius obliged by sitting in the chair at the table, still mute at the idea of having it cut. Once Sirius was situated in the chair, Remus took to cutting the hair. Locks of long, dark hair fell to the ground under the table. It was not only reducing a physical weight on Sirius' head, but it also appeared to be releasing an emotional weight with each cut. As Sirius watched the hair fall to the ground, tears streamed down his cheeks.

Before, when James was James and they were partners as Aurors, Sirius and James always did this together. They cut each others hair - although there wasn't much help for the mop that James wore. In his days at Hogwarts, Sirius had worn his hair slightly longer than other boys, almost as if he was rebelling. Once they were accepted in to the Auror Academy, however, the length got shorter and shorter. He found, in some ways, that it made it easier to fight when his hair wasn't flopping into his eyes. He had been such a confident Auror, and the hair that shielded him away from others as a teen was no longer necessary. Without the long hair now, however, Sirius felt naked. He had grown used to it, almost like a security blanket.

James and Sirius had made a good team. Sirius reminisced about how many duels they got in to, only to have a successful outcome. Their team had been disbanded, however, when a prophecy was made about Harry. Sirius had never thought he'd love a child, but when Harry was born, he understood. While Harry might have been James' child, Sirius felt a remarkable duty to protect and save this child from any and all evil. Sirius blinked several more tears from his eyes; I failed.

After what felt like an eternity in silence, Remus proclaimed, "All done!" Remus had noticed Sirius' emotional state, but decided against mentioning it. Remus handed Sirius a handheld mirror that appeared out of thin air.

Sirius ran his hands through what was left of his now short hair. It was somewhat choppy, but in a good way. For the first time in a long time, Sirius smiled a smile that met his eyes. His whole face seemed to light up without the weight of the hair that had grown long in Azkaban. "I love it. Thank you."

"Of course. I-" Remus' comment was cut short by the sound of someone arriving through the floo system.

Sirius and Remus both headed towards the chimney, wands drawn for safety. "Ah, boys. Put the wands down. You knew to expect me," came Dumbledore's voice. His blue eyes twinkled with pride as he scanned the room. "It looks better than I ever could have imagined, Sirius. Good job."

"Thank you, Albus," Sirius said quietly, holstering the wand that he was getting re-accustomed to. "Would you like a tour?"

"Of course, young boy," Dumbledore stated as if he was confused to why Sirius would even ask. Remus shifted uncomfortably, and then excused himself. Sirius recalled Remus stating that he didn't want to go on the tour; he wanted Dumbledore to have alone time with Sirius to get a better judge of who he was after six years of hell.

As Sirius and Dumbledore toured the massive home, Dumbledore spoke about what he knew of Harry's life thus-far. It turned out that the woman who lived across the street was a personal friend, stationed there to watch out for Harry. Harry was small for his age - has he always been? I can't remember, thought Sirius - but he appeared to be happy and helpful. The source, whom Dumbledore wouldn't reveal, had no major concerns over Harry's health and wellbeing.

This seemed to settle Sirius' attitude about the whole situation, although he still felt in the pit of his stomach that had Lily and James wanted Lily's sister to be Harry's caregiver, they would have specified it. Sirius remembered that Lily hadn't been too fond of her sister prior to her death; James and Lily had shown up to her sister's wedding, only to be turned away. When Lily's parents were tortured and killed by death eaters the year before Lily was killed, Petunia had stated that she wished it had been Lily that died. After that, they never spoke again. Sirius wasn't even sure if Petunia had known that Harry had been born, or knew that Lily ever had a baby.

After touring the house, Dumbledore sat down with Sirius at the kitchen table. A note scrawled on a pad that sat on the table was easily recognizable as Remus' handwriting. Ran to the grocery. Be back soon. A smile plastered itself on Sirius' face. Just a week ago, he never thought he'd see that handwriting again. And here he was, worrying about stupid things like groceries.

"Sirius," said Dumbledore, demanding Sirius' attention. "I think that this is an appropriate place for Harry to live, but like I told you before, we need to make sure that Harry can still receive the protection from his aunt and uncle."

"What does that entail?" wondered Sirius out loud, searching Dumbledore's searing blue eyes for answers.

Dumbledore inhaled, and nodded in understanding of the question. "Harry will need to spend two weeks each year with his aunt and uncle. These two weeks would preferably be consecutive."

Sirius nodded slowly, understanding. He didn't understand this blood protection spell, but he trusted Dumbledore enough to let him make that recommendation. After all, Dumbledore had kept Harry safe for the past five years when Sirius had been unable to. "Okay," he resigned, nodding his head along. "When can I go get him?"

"I don't believe that Harry knows anything of you. Not knowing how he feels towards his aunt and uncle, this could be a complicated situation," Dumbledore said delicately. Sirius felt like his heart was crushing in his chest. He hadn't even thought of the instance where Harry might want to stay with his aunt and uncle.

"He's far too young to decide something like that!" protested Sirius.

Dumbledore silenced Sirius with the look he gave him; the piercing blue eyes seemed to read Sirius' sole. "I do not want to traumatize this young many any more than I need to. You can show up on his birthday - I believe that's in four days? - and have a conversation about this with his aunt, uncle, and Harry. You're not going to go around disturbing him anymore than you need to. Family is a temperamental thing, as I'm sure you remember. If Harry has the ability to stay with his blood relatives and not have any more loss, I'd prefer that."

Sirius exhaled loudly, feeling as if he'd been punched in the stomach. "But James and Lily wanted me to take care of Harry."

Dumbledore stood up from the table and began to make his way to the floo network in the other room. As he reached the fireplace, he gave Sirius a steely look. "Just keep it in mind, Sirius. It isn't fair to him for you to disrupt his whole life. I'm not saying you can't see him, I'm just saying that you need to be considerate of where he's been."

With that, Dumbledore stepped in to the fireplace and yelled, "Hogwarts!" before disappearing altogether. Sirius sat down on the floor with his back against the wall. He hadn't considered that Harry might stay. He hadn't considered any of this. Leaning his head back, Sirius closed his eyes.

"Life is so bloody complicated."

All Sirius could do was hope and pray to Merlin that Harry wanted to be in his life as much as he wanted Harry to be in his. Harry was why Sirius had remained sane throughout his time in Azkaban; Sirius replayed the moments prior to the life changing events that had included Harry. Harry had kept him somewhat normal. Sirius had promised to always protect him. But you had promised to always protect James and Lily, too. Look where that got you, Black, he thought to himself.

I'll do better this time. I know it. This is a fresh start.