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The room was heavy with grief, as the team sat with Emily and Reid in Emily's living room. They had just arrived from the funeral and no one knew what to say, because there was nothing to say. No words could make up for the unimaginable loss that they had just suffered. "I'm sorry," didn't seem like enough. Nothing was enough.
Morgan still blamed himself for their child's death. No matter what Hotch and Rossi said, he should have gotten there sooner. And now as he looked at the ghosts of his two team members there was nothing he could do.
He held Garcia close as she shook with tears, and did his best to provide her with comfort, but his mind was elsewhere. All he could see was that little coffin descending down into the ground, never to be seen again. It was barely even a consolation that the bastards that had done this were dead.
JJ gripped Emily's free hand and held her close. She had known Emily was scared when she found out about the baby, but JJ also knew she had loved her with all of her heart. She wanted so badly to help her hurting friends, that it felt like her heart was going to be torn out of her chest. She could see tears at the edge of Emily's eyes, but she refused to let them fall. JJ just wanted to hug her and tell her that it was okay to cry, but she couldn't move. She had heard that fear was paralyzing, but she didn't know that pain could do the same thing.
Looking around the room Emily felt JJ's warm hand in her right hand and Reid's in her left. She saw her entire team here. Garcia in tears, Morgan comforting her. Hotch had a stone expression, but every once in a while it would crack and show what was underneath. Rossi was full of concern, as he usually was.
Suddenly Emily couldn't handle it. She couldn't handle all of them being here. For them. For her. She didn't deserve it. She could feel the tears rising up and her throat started to close. She pulled her hands away from JJ and Reid and stood up abruptly.
She excused herself and clumsily ran out of the room. She made her way to her bedroom and closed the door, but then continued on to the bathroom. The cold tile sent a shiver through her body as she collapsed to the ground. No longer was she able to control the emotions that ran through her body.
Sobs escaped from her, and she felt more alone that she ever had in her life. There was nothing for her to hold onto. All she wanted right now was for the ground to open and swallow her. Maybe this way she would never have to feel again.
XXX
Morgan couldn't help but keep staring at the two empty desks in the bullpen. He was now alone down there, with the rest of the team in offices. JJ had offered him a table in her office, but he had refused her.
Going through file after file of paperwork seemed pointless. No matter how long it had been since the funeral, the pain didn't leave. The kind of pain he had was not one that left with time, it was not sympathy. He was mad. He wished Gray wasn't dead so that he could do it himself. Seeing those empty desks reinvigorated that anger each and every day.
Those empty desks reminded him of the life that had been stolen. Not yet born, but already gone. It wasn't fair.
No matter how much he studied human behavior he still couldn't understand what drove someone to do something like this. He didn't care about the bullshit answers of an abused child hood, or losing a job.
How could someone ever justify murdering an unborn child?
XXX
From downstairs they could hear the door slam shut and Reid immediately stood up, but before he could leave the room Hotch stopped him.
"Reid, I know what you're going through," He said sadly. "Right now Emily needs to mourn your guys' loss in her own way. Go and be there for her, but don't try to stop her, just be there."
Reid nodded and quickly ran upstairs. When he stepped into her bedroom he could hear her broken sobs coming from the bathroom. He stepped inside and slowly descended to the floor with her.
He pulled her tightly into his arms and rubbed her arms slowly. A few silent tears slipped down his cheeks as he held the woman he loved. The pain she was feeling was so obvious that it hurt Reid himself.
XXX
Emily had fallen asleep against Reid as they watched the sun rise together. He hated to wake her but he had to. Today was their first day back at work. Reid shook Emily gently to get her up.
"Emily, you have to wake up now." He whispered, a light hand still shaking her.
"Go 'way." She grumbled moodily.
"We're going back to work today Emmy."
She turned towards him and glared with sharp eyes. Reid sighed and grabbed her hand.
"Get dressed, I'll make some breakfast."
Emily groaned as she walked over to her closet and pulled out the closest shirt which happened to be a short sleeved navy blue one and then a pair of black pants. Once she slipped her clothes on she noticed how the once tight shirt hung loosely off her body. Looking at herself in the mirror she cringed involuntarily; she looked like a ghost.
She heard Reid call up to her and slowly she walked down the stairs to meet him in the kitchen. There were two plates of eggs and toast sitting on the kitchen table. Reid pulled out the chair for her and she sat down, but once she smelled the food, she was no longer hungry.
Reid sat down in the chair next to Emily, and saw her pick at her food, not eating any. Quickly he finished his plate hoping that she would follow after him, but she didn't. All she took was one bite of eggs, and then dropped her fork back to the plate.
"You need to eat something, Em." Reid spoke with a gentle tone. Emily looked into his deep brown eyes.
"I'm not hungry." Her voice was wispy, not strong as it used to be.
"Please, I can't watch you do this to yourself. Eat something. For me?"
Emily cleared her throat and slowly picked the fork up again. The cold metal warmed in her hand, she glanced over to Reid. He gave her an encouraging look.
The first bite was the worst, it was hard to swallow and it felt like a rock in her stomach. But after the next bite she felt a painful hunger she'd never felt before.
She began eating more rapidly until Reid took the plate away.
"What the hell," She growled; she'd only eaten about half of the plate.
"I-I wasn't expecting you to eat...You'll make yourself sick." Reid's eyes held confliction; he didn't want to keep the food from her. It was such a big step.
"Give me my breakfast." She ordered sternly. Reid just shook his head.
"You haven't eaten anything for a long time. You won't be able to hold it down."
Emily looked longingly at the food but nodded. "Fine."
Reid looked between the clock and Emily, it read 10:30, they were already late to work. He quickly walked past her and placed a kiss on her cheek. He put the plate in the sink and grabbed his bag. Emily got up and followed slowly behind him.
At the door Reid waited for Emily and they walked out holding hands. Reid got into the driver's seat and pulled out of the driveway, keeping one eye on Emily the entire time.
When they pulled into an empty parking spot Reid grabbed Emily's hand before she could get out of the car.
"I love you Emmy. We can leave if it's too much." He squeezed her hand and gave her an encouraging half-smile.
For a moment he thought he saw the corners of her mouth twitch upwards. It was a start.
They stepped out of their car and Reid held his hand out for Emily. She eyed it skeptically but took it anyway. They both knew that today was going to be a long day, and if they wanted to get through it, they would need each other.
