Author's Notes: Ooh, look! An update that didn't take an entire year to be put up!
This story was originally named "Terror From the Year 2011" - a play on the movie title "Terror From the Year 5000" - before being renamed "Terror From the Year 2012", and now it is "Temporal Delay" because A) It's not 2011 or 2012 anymore, B) It's not going to stay 2013 forever, so it would be dated really fast, and C) There is no actual terror to speak of, just a weird Sci-Fi plot.
Enjoy.
The darkest reaches of deep space were suddenly intruded upon by a small red flying saucer. It zipped and looped around the planets and rocketed towards one in particular. It zoomed at high speed towards the green surface.
We join our hero, the intrepid Spaceman Spiff, as he zooms in for a landing on an uncharted planet in the Garlex System. He brings the cruiser in for a landing in an area overlooking a huge canyon.
The glass dome over the craft slid open, and Spiff jumped out, making sure to put on the security device, which he did by taking his key fob and pressing a button. Instead of the clichéd car alarm chirp, it flashed a green orb around the ship that appeared briefly before vanishing from normal view.
With his ship secure for now, our hero sets off to explore and discover what weirdness there may be in the area.
Spiff trekked out across the plains of the rocky ridges, trying to locate anything out of the ordinary.
He wanders for several minutes. The area seems uninhabited. Our hero takes out his Bizarre-O-Tron 3000 to scan the area with.
Spiff reached into his utility belt and took out a device that looked like an iPod. He pressed some commands into the touch-screen and swiped it around the area deftly, listening to the beeping sound it made either slow down or speed up in the various directions.
At first, nothing, but then…
BEEPEDY-BEEP! BEEPEDY-BEEP! BEEPEDY-BEEP!
…weirdness at last! Our hero moves north by northwest!
Spiff followed the device's beeping towards the source of the weird.
For at least thirty minutes, nothing is found. Spiff grows weary under this planet's sun, which is much closer than Earth's.
Sweating and gasping, Spiff climbed up over rocks and through shrubbery, trying to determine the source of his device's beeping.
"Come on, come on…," he muttered. "There must be something making that beeping noise!"
But at last, his persistence pays off! He climbs over the top of another hill, and as he peers down into the valley below, he gasps at what he sees. There is some sort of strange creature down below, surrounded by other smaller creatures.
Spiff stared over the top of the hill at the strange ceremony taking place below him.
A medium-sized yet squat-looking alien with multiple stubby appendages had four other smaller aliens tied to a row of stakes. They all had horrified looks on their faces as the bigger monster loomed over them.
"What bizarre rituals could they be performing?" Spiff pondered aloud.
The squat alien was standing before a cauldron, which was bubbling with some sort of vile-looking liquid. It took out an object that resembled a ladle, and it scooped out some and poured it into four little cups.
Our hero consults the Bizarre-O-Tron to determine these curious goings-on going on.
Spiff pressed for more options on the touch screen and selected SCAN EVENT. He then aimed it at the group down below. The device scanned the brain patterns of the creatures to conclude what was happening.
After a few moments, the results were displayed before his eyes on the screen.
Apparently this is no ritual at all! That strange creature, known only as a Fem-All, is committing mass-murder! Those four aliens are about to be poisoned by an unknown toxin! Spiff sizes up the situation: he must barge in and stop the Fem-All from committing this deed. He reaches for his blaster.
Spiff pulled out his rad-pistol and aimed it at the monster.
"What goes around comes around, you sick fiend," he muttered, lining up the shot.
He was just about to let fire when…
"Calvin, what are you doing?"
Spiff looked back over his shoulder at the figure.
It was Calvin's Dad.
Suddenly, the great canyon was his own front yard. The hilltop became some shrubbery. The squat alien became Susie Derkins, the vile poison was some tea, and the captured aliens were her various dollies.
Calvin blinked a few times, looking at the blaster in his hand, which had somehow turned into a bunch of mushy apples. Realizing that this painted a rather bad picture against him, he promptly ditched them in the shrubbery and turned around to face his father.
"Hey, Dad, what's up?" he asked pleasantly.
"Well, I was just thinking today, and I believe it's time you and I had some more quality time together," Dad replied.
Calvin stared at him. "What? You mean, we're on that whole 'quality time' kick again?"
"Calvin, it's been too long since the last time we went bike riding together."
"I don't think it's been long enough, quite frankly! That bike had it out for me!"
"Okay, so you have a balancing problem. We could work on that."
"Dad, quite frankly, I am fairly open to various other alternatives to bike riding."
"Don't worry. I had a feeling you would be. That's why I got us tickets to the art museum today!"
Calvin blinked twice. "Did you indeed? How fascinating…," he said, looking very uninterested in the idea.
"Oh, come on, it'll be fun! I'll let you bring Hobbes with you."
"Dad, I just don't know about going to an art museum… Can't we go to the Natural History Museum instead?"
"Calvin, we've been there several times now. You know the dinosaur exhibits by heart. Besides, your ban hasn't been lifted yet since last time's visit. Remember?"
Calvin scowled. "Well, if they don't want me to bite people, they should really say that somewhere on a sign."
Dad sighed. "Come on, it'll be fun! You could use a little more culture in your life after all those mind-sapping cartoons that have been on lately."
"There's nothing wrong with mind-sapping cartoons! They give you a chance to not think anything provoking or stimulating for a half-hour!"
"I've noticed. Now come on, get Hobbes and then get in the car."
And with that, Dad turned and headed for the garage.
Calvin glared at him and fingered the mushy apples in the bushes for a moment thoughtfully before deciding against it and heading towards the house.
Hobbes and Socrates were up in the bedroom. They were both on the bed reading some of Calvin's comic books.
Hobbes' ears perked up at one point. "Oop, he's coming up the stairs," he said, putting his issue of Captain Napalm away.
"Uh-oh," Socrates said. "Better ditch the comics."
"He's like one of us when you roam on our territory."
"Huh?"
"Well, when you wander onto a tiger's territory, we growl and hiss and attack you until you either clear off or we eat you."
"We do?"
Hobbes looked up at his fellow tiger. "Socrates, when's the last time you ever pounced anything?" he asked curiously.
Socrates looked at his watch. "Er…what is…today?" he asked sheepishly.
At that moment, Calvin walked in, looking rather irritated.
"Hey, Cally!" Socrates said cheerfully.
"Quiet, you," Calvin snapped back. "Hobbes, come on. We're going somewhere."
"Really? Where?" Hobbes asked.
"Dad's taking us to the art museum. We need to get going."
"The art museum? Why are we going there?"
"Eh, Dad wants to spend 'quality time' with me again, so I have to go with him to get all 'cultured' up."
"Ooh, can't wait," Hobbes sighed, getting down.
"Can I come too?" Socrates asked excitedly.
"Why would you want to come to an art museum?" Calvin asked.
"Why not? I can find joy and beauty in paintings and sculptures. Michelangelo's painting of the sunflowers is simply breathtaking!"
"Van Gogh."
"Huh?"
"Michelangelo didn't paint the sunflowers painting. Vincent Van Gogh did."
"Oh… Then what did Michelangelo paint?"
"He did that church ceiling full of naked people trying to touch fingers," Hobbes filled in.
"Oh… Well, nevertheless, I'm game."
Calvin shrugged. "Well, against my better judgment, sure, why not?" he said with a sigh. "Let's get going."
They started to leave, but then Calvin remembered something and doubled back to his desk, snatching up the snoozing MTM.
"Come on, MTM, we're going to get 'cultured'."
"Hmmm…? What? What's happening?" MTM asked sleepily.
But Calvin just jammed him in his pocket and hurried on.
Twenty minutes later, they were in the parking lot and getting out of the car.
"Okay, Calvin, remember to behave yourself," Dad said sternly as he locked the door.
"Oh, it's not me you have to worry about," Calvin said. "Worry about Socrates. I have some feeling he's going to play Frisbee with The Last Supper."
Dad rolled his eyes, not seeing Socrates grin innocently at Calvin.
They walked along towards the front doors of the giant building, and as they pushed their way through, they saw the turnstiles up ahead, and a man in a uniform was standing there, looking at them pleasantly.
Calvin's eyes widened. "Wait a minute," he said, "aren't you Klein?!"
"Hey, yeah, I remember you," Klein replied, grinning down at him. "Calvin, right?"
"Yeah! Which Klein are you again?"
"I'm the one who ran the prank shop."
"Oh, right, that was a good shop. What happened?"
"Eh, place went out a business. In this recession, it's difficult to run a store where the best selling item is a gag-buzzer."
"It has been a trying year," Socrates whispered to Hobbes.
Dad had been watching all this in a stupor before he finally snapped out of it. "Excuse me," he said, trying to grab Klein's attention.
"Yes, sir, I take it you are the boy's father," he said.
"Yes, I am. We'd like to look at the exhibits, please."
"Very well, sir. That's twenty bucks for the adult and seven bucks for the kid."
"Tigers get in for free, right?" Calvin asked.
"Yeah, sure, why not?" Klein shrugged, glancing at the stuffed tigers behind him.
Dad got out his wallet and handed him the cash. Klein put it in the machine and then pulled out two tickets, passing them on.
"Right then," he said, "no spitting on the paintings, no painting the statues, no staring at the Sistine Chapel replica for more than two minutes, and no shouting obscenities at the soup can. Have a nice day."
"Thank you," Dad replied, and he walked through the turnstile.
Calvin walked through after him, having to push against it with his hands, as he wasn't quite tall enough yet.
Hobbes simply pounced over it, landing deftly on his feet next to Calvin.
Socrates stared at it for a moment before trying to follow in suit after Hobbes, rearing up and pouncing, but he ended up not going quite high enough so he hit the top bar of the turnstile and got stuck, and he ended up spinning on it like it was a windmill in a hurricane, before he finally lost his grip on it and was sent crashing to the ground in a heap next to them.
Calvin and Hobbes stared at him.
Socrates tried to grin back, looking rather dizzy.
"You're a disgrace," Hobbes muttered, shaking his head in disgust, slinking off on all fours.
Socrates scowled at him and followed.
"Well, Calvin, what do you think?" Dad asked, spreading his arms enthusiastically around the museum.
Calvin looked at all the paintings. "Fascinating," he muttered. "A bunch of paintings of people desperately trying to imitate life is just what I needed to feel better about our relationship."
"Oh, look around, Calvin," Dad said. "Just look at all these paintings! Van Gogh, Da Vinci, Michelangelo, Pablo Picasso, Gainsborough… Each one tells a different story! Just think: Vincent Van Gogh was one of the world's greatest painters, but he lived out his entire life being mocked, believed to be mad, and eventually he committed suicide in his thirty, a financial failure."
Calvin stared at him. "Well, that's an inspiring story," he said disparagingly.
"But look around us now! Van Gogh now has his own section in the museum! He is now the most well-known and admired painter in all of history!"
"Most people just remember his little ear adventure."
Dad sighed. "Calvin, take a look around this place. I guarantee you you'll find something that impresses you. Something that will make you think."
"Yeah, I'm sure. Come on, guys," he sighed, grabbing his tigers and heading further into the museum.
Dad watched him leave for a moment, grinning to himself before turning around and noticing another painting of a Krazy Kat cartoon. He scowled at it disappointedly. "Stupid cartoons everywhere," he grumbled.
Calvin, Hobbes and Socrates wandered around the museum, looking at the various paintings.
"Look at all of these," Calvin remarked. "I find it hard to believe that Van Gogh died a financial failure. Just look at all of these! They're just screaming for reproduction!"
"How do you mean?" Hobbes asked, studying them.
"Look at them! A field of wheat? A church? A café? They're easily replicated! Slap 'em on a T-shirt and they're ready to go!"
"So what? They're just paintings he wanted to make."
"Oh come on! He was before his time. He wanted to get rich quick, but people were blind. They couldn't see how easily replicated his work could be. They could've caught on as mascots! Imagine a giant Van Gogh with a bandaged ear encouraging crowds at a football game!"
Socrates genuinely thought about this. "I could see it…," he mused.
"Oh brother," Hobbes sighed.
"Hey, it's not my fault fine art is dead! Nobody understands it. Nobody likes it. Nobody sees it. Only sad pathetic people still clinging to beauty in brushstrokes bother to come to these places. It's irrelevant to today's culture. If you want to influence people, pop art is the way to go. Mass market commercial art is the future. Besides, it's the only way to make serious money and that's what's important about being an artist."
"Yes, that whole expressing creativity and heart and soul thing is probably just a bonus," Hobbes said, rolling his eyes.
"Exactly! See, the problem with fine art is that it's supposed to express original truths! But who likes originality and truth?! Nobody! Life's hard enough without it! Only an idiot would pay for it! But popular art knows the customer is right! People want more of what they already know they like, so popular art gives it to 'em!"
"I take it that's why fan fiction has become so popular," Socrates remarked.
"Exactly!" Calvin agreed. "There's no real thinking behind fan fiction. It saves you the trouble of thinking up your own characters and ideas. You just take what somebody else came up with and retool it to your own needs. Unfortunately, a little thing called copywriting keeps them from going public."
His eyes flitted to another painting.
"And look at that painting over there! Look at it! It's totally lacking in aesthetic quality! Where's the reason? The motivation? The laser guns?!"
Hobbes and Socrates stared at it for a moment.
"I think they've gotten the one riding and the one being ridden are mixed up," Hobbes noted.
"Not a very good caricature of a tiger either," Socrates added.
Calvin groaned. "See, this is why nobody likes museums! They only come in for the gift shop! That's where the real money is. If your painting is so easy to market, you can put it on a coffee mug, then you know you've made it!"
"Something to strive for, I suppose," Hobbes sighed.
"Man, I can't believe I allowed myself to be dragged here. I want out. Hang on a minute…"
Calvin reached into his pocket and pulled out MTM.
"Okay, MTM, we've got a job for you."
"You want me to reconfigure the molecular structure of The Thinker while whistling Dixie?" MTM asked.
"No, I want you to… I want you…to…er… Wait, what?"
"What do you want me to do?"
"Er…I want you to fast-forward us through this visit to the art museum."
"Ooh, sounds fun!" Socrates said excitedly.
But MTM wasn't so sure. "Calvin, I feel it is my formal obligation to inform you that time doesn't work like that. You never know what could go wrong with such a request."
"Look, MTM, I'm sorry, but I just can't stand wandering around this place for so long. It's boring. It's dull. There are no decent cartoon characters. Why can't we ever see a portrait of Bugs Bunny playing a trick on Elmer Fudd? Why can't those paintings be in this museum?"
MTM sighed electronically. "So you're sure about this?"
"I've never been surer in my life."
"Alright then, but don't blame me if something goes wrong."
"Not a problem. Socrates is right over there."
"Hey!" Socrates snapped.
"Right, warming up… Preparing to fast-forward… Everyone grab on."
Calvin held the CD player up, and Hobbes and Socrates both held onto his edge.
"Here we go."
MTM then began to hum, almost like an engine powering up.
Then they noticed that the people around them were speeding up. They were flashing past in a blur as time flashed by, like stock footage being fast-forwarded, while they themselves seemed to not be going very fast at all.
"Wow…," Hobbes remarked.
"Hang on… This visit will end in another two hours. I just need to make a good solid skip ahead to 3:00 PM."
"Alright, we're ready when you are," Calvin replied.
"Okay, just give me a second…second…second…second…second…"
Calvin, Hobbes and Socrates stared at the MTM in confusion.
"What's he doing that for?" Socrates asked.
"…second…second…second…second…"
Calvin's eyes widened. "Uh-oh. I think he's in a loop. Something must've gone wrong."
"Of course it did," Hobbes sighed resentfully.
"…second…second…second…second…"
"Hang on, let me try something."
"…second…second…second…second…"
"Why, what are you…?"
"…second…second…second…second…"
Calvin brought his fist down on top of the MTM.
"…second…second…second…second…uh-oh…"
Suddenly there was a blinding flash of light, and all three of them lost their grip on the MTM as if something had yanked it away from them. They all fell to the floor, sat for a moment, and then blindly reached around, trying to figure out what had happened, unable to see in front of themselves.
Finally, Calvin realized his sight was returning to him.
When he looked around, he saw that the people were moving at normal speed.
He checked his watch.
3:00 PM.
"Hey, we did it!" he exclaimed. "Guys? Everyone okay?"
Calvin looked around and saw the MTM lying inactive on the floor. He hurried over and picked him up, but got nothing.
Hobbes was off to the side. He was slowly getting up as well. He slowly started to notice Calvin.
"I'm fine, Hobbes, it's MTM I'm concerned for," Calvin replied.
"Hey, are you okay?" he asked, trying to get his head to stop swimming.
There was a moment's pause.
Hobbes stared at him for a moment, a little confused, but shrugged it off and headed over towards him.
"I think he's over there," Calvin said, motioning over towards where he thought Socrates might be.
"So where's Socrates? Is he okay?" he asked, stretching a little.
Calvin glanced up at Hobbes in surprise for a moment before he went back to examining MTM.
Hobbes blinked twice before he seemed to realize what had just happened.
"I'm not sure. Isn't it weird?" Calvin replied, raising his eyebrows in surprise.
"How'd you do that?" Hobbes asked.
"That's why I'm trying to get MTM up and running. He'll tell us what went wrong."
"I'll say it is. What do you think happened?"
Then Calvin looked in Socrates' direction. "I'm not sure. MTM's on the blink."
Just then Socrates got up. "What happened?" he asked tiredly.
And then Socrates glanced over to where Calvin had been lying down a minute a go and seemed to be following something over to where he was now.
"Something went wrong in the transference," Calvin replied.
"What happened to the MTM?" he asked.
Socrates glanced over at where Hobbes had been, then looked confused as he glanced at where he was now.
"What are you talking about?"
But Socrates just stared at him for a long time before he spoke again.
"Hey, Hobbo, how'd you get up there so fast?"
"Yeah, just sit there for a moment while I figure this out."
"Do you need me to do anything?"
"Give him a moment, Hobbes. He's a little slow right now."
Hobbes stared. "Wait, Socrates, what's happening to you?"
They all sat in silence while Socrates just sat there, staring at them intently. Ten seconds passed and then he suddenly looked insulted. "Hey, what do you mean I'm slow?"
"I already said, something went wrong with the transference," Calvin explained.
Hobbes' eyes widened. "What's happening?" he demanded.
"Will somebody please answer my question?!" Socrates yelled.
"I'm trying to get the right setting. I'm seeing if I can get him to speak in three different times at once," Calvin said. Then to Socrates he said, "Hang on, I'm looking for an answer."
"What are you even doing?" Hobbes asked.
"Why are you guys talking like that?" Socrates asked.
"Well, as far as I can tell, I'm three seconds before you, and you're a ten seconds before Socrates, and he's thirteen seconds behind me."
"Can you tell us anything now?"
Calvin just grimaced at the weird conversation. "I honestly wish we'd left Socrates at home. Then it'd just be the two of us. It'd be a heck of a lot easier to keep up with these new time zones."
As he continued to work, Hobbes then looked up at him while he didn't speak, and after it was over he rolled his eyes, and by the time thirteen seconds had passed, Socrates looked rather insulted.
"Wait, I think I've…got it!"
"Haven't you gotten him working yet?" Hobbes asked.
At that moment, MTM powered on, but only Calvin witnessed this. Although Hobbes and Socrates could also see this, it didn't register with them until their respective time zones caught up with events.
"Alright, Calvin, I'm talking to you in your time zone," MTM said. "The others will hear my message in their times. I've prepared some dialogue for them as well. Just tune them out for now and focus on me."
Calvin nodded glancing at Hobbes and Socrates.
They were also looking at MTM, but Hobbes nodded three seconds later, and then Socrates ten seconds after that, showing that they all were in on the plot.
"Essentially, the problem occurred when we tried to skip time. There was a slight software hiccup, and to cut a long story short, we've gotten stuck in a place halfway between the time vortex and the real world."
"So what do we do about it?" Calvin asked.
"Well the best thing we can do is…," MTM began, pausing for a moment.
"So what do we do about it?" Hobbes asked.
"…try to work on a solution. I'll need to dedicate all of my run-time to figuring out what precisely that solution is. It might be best to wait until we get home."
"So what do we do about it?" Socrates suddenly asked.
"Okay, I'll try that. Do I keep you out while they finish talking to you, or should I just put you in my pocket now?" Calvin asked.
"Go ahead and put me away. They'll figure it out," MTM replied.
"Okay."
Calvin put MTM in his pocket, and waited for the others to catch up with him.
Three seconds later, Hobbes said, "Okay, we'll do that," and he looked up at Calvin expectantly.
Then ten seconds later, Socrates laughed and said, "Yeah, he totally is, isn't he? See you there," and then he too looked at Calvin.
Calvin and Hobbes looked confused but decided to just ignore it.
"Let's go find Dad and head home," Calvin said. "We need to sort this out."
"So what do we do now?" Hobbes asked.
Calvin was already walking away, and Hobbes slowly started to walk after him three seconds later.
Ten seconds later, Socrates, who was staring at that same spot, looked innocent and said, "What?" Then another ten seconds later, he nodded and followed after them.
Dad was reading a brochure on the bench near the entrance. He was just going over some info about a painting when Calvin walked up with his tigers in his arms.
"Yeah, sure, Dad, whatever, can we go home now?" Calvin asked.
"Ah, Calvin, did you have fun like I thought you would?" Dad asked eagerly.
Dad stared at him, surprised.
"I'm three seconds ahead of you, that's how."
"How did you know I was going to say that?"
Dad's brow furrowed. How did his son do that?
"It's not my fault, Dad. MTM had a malfunction and now I'm three seconds ahead of you and Hobbes."
"Calvin, what are you doing?"
"It's not a trick, Dad! I'm stuck in the wrong part of time now! Hobbes and Socrates are too!"
"Calvin, this is a neat trick, but enough is enough."
"I'll say it's ridiculous! You're not seeing it from my point of view!"
"Calvin, really, this is starting to get ridiculous."
"That's what I wanted it in the first place!"
"Alright, that's it. We're going home right now."
"Dad, stop shouting! People are staring at us now!"
"Calvin, just stop talking! This is really annoying!"
Then Dad stopped and realized what Calvin had said. He looked around at the crowd that was slowly gathering around them.
"Wow! It must've taken them ages to rehearse this!" one spectator said.
And people started clapping, impressed.
Dad glared at Calvin.
"Okay, okay, I'm coming," Calvin grumbled, heading towards the door.
"Alright, young man, we're going home," he snapped, heading for the door.
Then he stopped, realized, gritted his teeth and tried to keep ahead of his son.
They passed through the turnstile, showing Klein their tickets on the way out.
"Whatever," Calvin grumbled.
"Hope you enjoyed your stay," Klein said with a wave. "Come back soon."
As they were walking through the glass doors, Klein realized what had happened.
"Huh," he remarked. "Must've been a time distortion just then. Strange… They usually don't come along until springtime." And with that, he went back to his magazine.
Calvin walked through his front door with his two stuffed tigers draped over his shoulder.
"Boring as heck. What do we have scheduled for dinner?" he said, starting up the stairs.
"How was the museum visit, Calvin?" Mom said, leaning out of the kitchen. She paused for a second.
"I said it was boring as heck," Calvin nodded, again.
"Wait, what did you say?" Mom asked, raising her eyebrows.
Calvin and Mom stared at each other for a long moment.
"Yeah well, I vote we order pizza," Calvin said, turning around and heading upstairs.
"We're having Eggplant casserole for dinner, Calvin," Mom said, turning back around to go into the kitchen.
She paused. At that moment, Dad entered the house.
"So how long has he been doing this?" she asked, turning to him.
Dad shrugged. "He's just being weird, again," he sighed.
"What do you mean?" Mom asked. "How's he doing that?"
"No, I'm not!" Calvin suddenly shouted from upstairs.
"I think he's just guessing what we're going to say," Dad shrugged.
There was a moment of silence.
Mom and Dad stared at each other for a long moment.
"I'm going to go get ready for dinner," Dad mumbled, trudging away.
Calvin, Hobbes and Socrates walked into Calvin's bedroom as he set the MTM on the desk.
"Alright, MTM, what are we going to do about this?" Calvin said, stretching a kink out of his neck.
"Yeah, really," Hobbes moaned three seconds later.
Socrates simply continued standing there with a blank expression on his face staring at Calvin and Hobbes. Finally, he spoke.
"Ya know, I'm starting to think I'm getting left out here," he said, his brow furrowing.
"Well," MTM began. "In theory, the same time rewind in the opposite direction may recalibrate the time stream and put everyone back in order."
"That's great, let's do it," Calvin said, rubbing his hands together.
"Sorry," MTM said. "Can't at the moment."
Calvin stared at CD player.
"And... why can't you do it?" he said, glaring at it.
"Energy purposes," MTM said, simply. "I need to recharge the time machine before I can use it, again."
Calvin, Hobbes and Socrates all stared at the MTM in utter disbelief.
"And how long have you been doing this?" Hobbes demanded.
"Since yesterday," MTM said, sounding as if he was nodding. "Found out the reason my cable TV goes out every so often is because I use the time machine in too close together intervals."
Calvin closed his eyes. "You're kidding, right?" he grumbled.
"Nope," MTM said. "Luckily, though, I'll be able to set everything back to normal by this time tomorrow,"
"Tomorrow?!" Calvin demanded. "But I have school, tomorrow!"
MTM thought about this. "You do, indeed," he said, thoughtfully.
"I can't go to school like this!" Calvin said, slapping his forehead. "Do you have any idea how many times I'll get in trouble?"
"Oh relax," MTM said. "Just make sure you wait three seconds before you answer anybody that talks to you,"
"What about me?" Socrates asked, putting his paw on his chest. "I can't do that!"
"Yes well, you're, I'm afraid, completely out of luck." MTM said.
Socrates glared at the CD player.
Susie walked down the sidewalk with her textbooks held under her arm as she whistled a small tune to herself, approaching the bus stop.
As she came closer, she spotted Calvin standing off by himself with his arms crossed. Her smile dropped slightly.
"Ho boy," she muttered. "What do I have to look forward to, today?"
She approached him.
"Been better."
"Hi Calvin, how are you?" Susie asked.
There was a moment of silence.
"I said been better," Calvin repeated.
"What did you say?" Susie asked.
"Because I'm three seconds ahead of you."
"Why are you talking like that?" Susie asked, raising her eyebrows.
"If only I cared, Miss Derkins," Calvin said.
"OK, fine, if you're going to be weird like that, I just won't talk to you," Susie said, turning around.
There was a moment of silence.
Susie thought about their conversation for a long moment. She turned back to him.
"We had a report due today?" Calvin said, blankly.
"Did you finish that report that's due today on the Roman Empire?" She asked.
She paused.
"Again, if only I cared," Calvin said.
"I don't get you, Calvin," Susie said, turning back around.
At that moment, the school bus pulled up.
As the doors opened and Calvin and Susie walked aboard, with Susie giving him weird looks as she went, Calvin noticed Moe sitting near the front. He glared at Calvin.
"Don't you ever think of new threatening phrases?" Calvin asked, blinking.
"Hey Twinky, it's gonna cost twenty five cents for you to be my friend, today!" Moe said, pointing at him.
He paused.
"My point exactly," Calvin said, taking his seat.
"What?" Moe stuttered.
Susie rolled her eyes. This is gonna be a long day. She thought to herself.
"Alright, so who would like to come up to the board and demonstrate this problem?" Miss Wormwood asked, pointing her chalk at the board which currently had a simple math problem drawn on it.
"What?" Calvin asked, looking up.
"Calvin would you like to?" Miss Wormwood asked, turning around.
There was a moment of silence.
Calvin and Miss Wormwood stared at each other.
"No, that's why I said 'What'," Calvin said.
"Calvin, did you hear me?" Miss Wormwood asked.
There was another moment of silence.
"What am I doing?"
"Calvin, I'm really not in the mood for this," Miss Wormwood groaned.
Some of the other students began chuckling.
"Oh, sure. I'd love to," Calvin said, standing up.
"Just come up and do the problem, Calvin!" Miss Wormwood ordered, pointing at the chalkboard. She paused as she stared at Calvin for a long moment.
Finally, she just sighed and sat down at her desk.
Calvin walked up to the board and stared at it. The problem was 3 plus 4. He tapped his chin as he examined it.
"Alright then," He said, cracking his knuckles. "I will work this problem out with the knowledge I've gained from Hobbes' experience." He picked up the chalk. "I will begin by isolating the three by dividing both sides of the equation by the four. That leaves us with 0.75 plus one. The one, like the penny, is completely useless and irrelevant, so we will throw it away and replace it with 2,012, because that's the year the Mayan calendar ends. We then multiply 2,012 by 0.75 and subtract the product by my age. This leaves us 1,503 and the plus sign which we have to put onto the opposite side and reverse it, meaning the answer is negative one thousand five hundred and three."
Calvin put the chalk on the board and turned to Miss Wormwood. She stared at him for a long throbbing moment.
Mr. Spittle was in his office, filing some papers and examining some folders. Suddenly, he heard a knock at the door.
"Come in," he called.
"You always I assume I'm in trouble for something!" Calvin said, as he burst into the office. "How do you know I'm not here to visit or something?"
"What did you do this time, Calvin?" Mr. Spittle sighed, giving him his usual blank expression.
There was a moment of silence in which the two stared at each other for a moment.
"I don't know, you were the one who talked first," Calvin said.
"What?" Mr. Spittle began.
There was another silence.
"I agree," Calvin nodded. "I don't have time for this kind of nonsense."
"Oh god," Mr. Spittle groaned.
"Fine thanks and yours?" Calvin said, walking through the front door.
"How was your day, Calvin?" Mom asked, leaning out of the kitchen.
There was a pause as Calvin and Mom stared at each other.
"Whatever," Mom said, turning back into the kitchen.
Calvin stared at the doorway for another second, shrugged, and started up the stairs. He opened the door to his bedroom and looked around. MTM was sitting on the bed, emitting a low computer hum.
"Oh hello, my good man," MTM said, upon his entering into the bedroom. "How was school?"
"Surprisingly interesting," Calvin nodded. "Where's Hobbes?"
"Last I saw him he was getting ready to pounce on you."
"Really?" he said, blinking. "I didn't see him."
"Well, that's what he said," MTM said, simply.
At that moment, Hobbes walked through the bedroom door.
"I'm five seconds ahead of you, remember?" Calvin said, turning to him as soon as he walked in.
"Where the heck did you come from?" Hobbes demanded, glaring at him.
There was a moment of silence as they stared at each other.
Calvin nodded.
"Oh right," Hobbes said. "Kinda forgot for a minute."
Calvin turned back to the MTM.
"So what's up?" He said, raising his eyebrows. "Can you fix us, yet?"
"Probably," MTM said. "Only thing is, the temporal adjuster is still a bit off, which will require a bit of a thinner bit of air to cause it to work."
"What does that mean?" Calvin asked.
"We need to be high up when I do it."
Calvin shrugged.
"Alright, no big deal," He said. "We can just get into the tree house. Why don't you alert our old buddy of the development,"
"Hold on," MTM said, the humming starting up, again.
BRAZAP!
Suddenly, there was a flash of light and Socrates suddenly appeared in front of Calvin and Hobbes. He landed on the floor in front of them, and continued to stare off into space, as if he had been watching TV.
Calvin and Hobbes stared at him.
Socrates continued staring blankly ahead.
"Erm... Socrates?" Hobbes began.
"Yeah, well, if only I cared, Socrates," Calvin said, picking up the MTM. "Come on, we have work to do."
Suddenly, Socrates went into a little mini seizure as the pain from being dropped three feet into the air onto the ground finally registered, and he found out where he was. "OW!" he yelled, looking around. "Really, now. A little bit of warning would be nice before you do that!"
Hobbes followed Calvin out the door.
There was a moment of silence as Socrates stared off into space for another minute. Then, he looked around.
"Hey? Where'd everyone go?" he asked.
Calvin, Hobbes, and Socrates all sat in a circle in the tree house. Calvin had put the MTM in front of them and was typing commands.
"Alright," he said. "You think this is high enough?"
"Probably," MTM said. "Give me a minute and I'll initiate the redo function."
There was a moment of silence as they all stared at the CD player.
Suddenly, Calvin looked up at Hobbes.
"Yes, I agree," he said, simply.
He looked back down at the MTM.
There was a short pause.
"I think there's an interesting lesson we should learn from this," Hobbes said, looking up at Calvin.
He looked back down at the MTM.
There was a slightly longer pause.
Calvin looked up again. "Nobody asked you," he said, turning to Socrates. He looked down again.
Socrates looked up.
"What?" he asked.
"OK, I'm ready." MTM suddenly interjected. "All of you put your hands on me."
Calvin, Hobbes and Socrates all put their hands on top of the CD player.
"Rebooting system," MTM said. "Initiating time correction in three... two... one..."
BRAZAP!
There was a moment of silence.
"Did it work?" Socrates asked.
There was a long moment of silence.
Calvin and Hobbes stared at Socrates with blank expressions.
A good minute and a half went by before there was any response.
"I'm not sure," Calvin said. "MTM did it work?"
MTM heaved a deep sigh.
"No," he grumbled. "We're not high up enough."
"I don't know if it worked or not," Hobbes said, finally.
"So it didn't work?" Socrates asked.
There was a long moment of silence.
"Oh well, this is just perfect," Calvin groaned. "Now it's even worse than before!"
"Let's not fret," MTM said, reassuringly. "I'm sure if we go a little bit higher we'll get better results."
Calvin glared at him. "What good is that going to do?"
"Not sure," MTM said. "Frankly I've been operating from guess work for the last half hour. Gets me out of a surprisingly large amount of problems."
"Like what?" Hobbes demanded.
"Can't remember any at the moment," MTM said. "Alright then, we better get to work on climbing the tree."
Everyone groaned. Or to be slightly more specific, Socrates groaned, Calvin groaned about a minute later and Hobbes groaned another thirty seconds after that. Confusing stuff.
About fifteen minutes later, Calvin, Hobbes and Socrates were sitting on a tree branch a good thirty feet above their tree house. Calvin was holding the MTM to the sky, while Hobbes held onto him and kept a look out for if his Mom saw them.
"Alright, can you do it, now?!" Calvin demanded, his face, partially hidden from behind all the leaves in front of it.
"I'm pretty sure," MTM said. "I'll just need a second to warm the equipment up, again."
There was a moment of silence as everyone held as still as possible and waited.
Calvin felt his arms beginning to get tired.
"Um, MTM?" Calvin began.
"Hmm?" MTM asked.
"Hurry the heck up."
"Righto, everything's ready,"
There was another pause.
"Initiating time correction in three... two... one..."
BRAZAP!
There was a moment of silence as Calvin and Hobbes looked around.
"Did it work?" Calvin asked.
"I don't know," Hobbes started.
They stared at each other.
"Yep, it worked," Hobbes nodded.
The two turned to Socrates.
"Alright, Socrates, everything is back to nor..."
"Did it work?" Socrates suddenly, interjected.
Silence filled the land. Calvin and Hobbes stared at Socrates for a long throbbing moment. They exchanged glances.
"Can we just...?" Calvin began.
Hobbes gave him a stern look.
Calvin frowned and crossed his arms. "Fine," he grumbled. "Let's go fix Socrates now."
Several minutes later, Calvin, Hobbes and Socrates were even higher in the tree, with Calvin holding the MTM as high as he could.
"Alright, buddy," Calvin groaned. "Think you'll make it actually work this time?!"
MTM scoffed. "I'm offended. You take no consideration of the fact that you and Hobbes are back in your proper time streams."
"Yeah, and you take no consideration that it didn't work!" Calvin grumbled.
"Oh complaints," MTM scoffed. "Nobody focuses on the positives of like, anymore."
"Just fix it," Hobbes moaned.
There was a moment of silence.
"So it didn't work, then?" Socrates said.
"Fine," MTM said. "Initiating time correction in three... two... three... system error."
There was a moment of silence.
Calvin and Hobbes stared at the MTM with a blank expression.
"What?" Hobbes asked.
"Hang about. Rebooting systems."
Calvin and Hobbes groaned.
"Initiating time correction in three... two... one..."
BRAZAAP!
There was a moment of silence.
"Did it work this time?" Socrates asked.
"Wait," MTM said. "Calvin's still a bit off."
BRAZAP!
There was another moment of silence.
"Wow, still just by a bit. Hobbes is off by a smidgen, too," MTM admitted. "Hang about."
BRAZAP!
There was a pause.
"Hmmm, I can do better than that," MTM said.
BRAZAAP!
BRAZAAP!
BRAZAAP!!
"There we go! All better!"
Calvin glared at the CD player.
"Really?" He asked.
"Well, Socrates is still behind by about 0.00035 seconds, but I'm pretty sure, he can live with it."
Socrates glared at MTM.
There was a pause.
"Actually, no, I'm a perfectionist," MTM said, suddenly. "Let me have another go."
"Yeah, we're done," Calvin said, bringing the MTM down. "Let's just test to make sure. Hobbes say something,"
"Something," Hobbes said.
"Socrates, say something else."
"OK," Socrates grinned.
"It's fixed," Calvin said, simply. "Now that everything's nice and happy, we just have to get out of this stupid tree."
There was a pause as they looked around the giant tree branch they were sitting on. It was about fifty feet from the ground. They all stared down at it for a long moment as they tried to plot their way downward.
"You know what just occurred to me?" Hobbes said, suddenly, looking up.
"Yes?" Calvin asked.
"Why didn't we just use the cardboard box to fly us at whatever altitude we needed to be at?"
Silence filled the land.
Calvin and Socrates' expressions blanked out as they thought about this fact.
Finally, Calvin looked back up.
"Shut up," he grumbled, turning away.
It was going to be a longer day than he'd thought.
The End
Voice Work:
Pamela Adlon: Calvin
Tom Hanks: Hobbes
Ryan Stiles: Socrates
Norman Lovett: MTM
Jennifer Love Hewitt: Mom
Bill Murray: Dad
Robert Klein: Klein
Dakota Fanning: Susie
Elizabeth Daily: Moe
Mary Jo Catlett: Miss Wormwood
Tom Kenny: Mr Spittle