Chapter 2

It had been three days since Sam and Deeks were rescued and Deeks had yet to wake up. The doctor said that was to be expected, that Deeks went through a lot and needed time to recover from it. Sam was doing better. His heart rate went back to normal so he didn't need a pacemaker. Both Sam and Michelle were happy about that. Callen and Granger had spent the last three days grilling Isaac Sidorov about the nuclear weapons. Eric and Nell had been sitting in Ops for three days straight now doing everything they could to find the nuclear weapons. To say they were exhausted would have been an understatement. Everyone was doing everything they could to find the nuclear weapons and after a grueling three days they finally had a lead. Callen got a team together and they hit a set of old abandon warehouses to search everywhere for the nuclear weapons. Eric and Nell were able to narrow it down to five warehouses based on the level of radiation in the building. It took a couple hours, but Callen and the team were able to find both nuclear weapons in a storage locker in one of the abandon warehouses. The mission and operation was finally over. It had been going on for months, but now it was finally over. Sidorov was going to the top security prison this country had where he would be executed. The nuclear weapons were back in Government custody and they had all there members of the team safe once again. Sam and Deeks were in the hospital, but they were at least safe now.

Kensi had been at the hospital for three days straight. She hadn't left Deeks' hospital room once during those three days. Hetty had been by to see how Deeks was and how Kensi was doing. Nurses had been in and out of the room for three days every two hours. They were keeping a close eye on Deeks to make sure he didn't get an infection from the operation. The oxygen mask had been removed two days ago and now he was just wearing the one that goes under his nose to help him. His bandages had been changed and Kensi couldn't believe how bad he looked. He was covered in stitches and Kensi found herself unable to look. It was the only time she had left Deeks' side and that was only to stand out front of his hospital room. Deeks had been moved earlier that morning to a normal private room. Kensi was happy that he was no longer in the ICU and the doctor wasn't worried about his health or his recovery. They still had to wait for him to wake up so they could see if he had brain damage or not. Kensi was just trying to be positive. It wasn't easy especially after finding out that Deeks had brain damage from when he was seven. It was all so unbelievable. She couldn't believe that Deeks never told her anything about his childhood. She knew it wasn't easy to talk about, but even when he learned that she was homeless at times he didn't say anything. He could have told her then that he had been homeless off and on as well. She needed to have a serious conversation with Deeks, but she wasn't sure when that would be. Deeks wasn't one to share about his past and after everything that happened she knew he wouldn't be in the mind frame to talk about it.

Kensi also couldn't get her mind to stop thinking about that kiss. She had wanted Deeks to kiss her for months now and when he finally does she runs away. Yes she had to go after Michelle, but she could have at least said something to him. She would talk to him later; she could have said yes that communication works great, something anything would have been better than what she did say. The problem was Kensi wasn't good with relationships and commitment. She was with Jack for years and they were engaged, but he left her. He just took off on Christmas Eve and left her without saying anything. Ever since then she hadn't been with anyone seriously since. She was afraid of someone walking away again and leaving her in pieces. She knew Deeks was different; he was different than any man she had ever dated. He was the complete opposite of Jack and at first Kensi thought that Deeks was annoying and aggravating. He would make jokes at the wrong time, he never took anything seriously and never stopped talking. Over time though, he had wormed his way into Kensi's heart. She saw that he had different levels to his personality and he was more than just some joker. Deeks could be serious when he needed to be. He could become a different person at a drop of a hat. He was talented and he had a lot of different levels to his personality and that made Kensi want to get to know him more. They started to hang out as partners and they started to get to know each other. Kensi wasn't sure when it happened that she fell in love with Deeks, but it had happened. She was in love with her partner. She was in love with the most amazing man she had ever seen in her life. Now she completely screwed it up. All she had to do was say something else after he kissed her, but she didn't. She had ran away and left him there. That was the last thing she had said to him before he was gone and being tortured. Now all she wanted to do was to kiss him back and tell him how much she loved him, but she knew she couldn't. Deeks needed to overcome this before they could even start to entertain their thing being something more.

Kensi was snapped out of her thoughts when she heard Deeks let out a groan. Kensi turned her full attention to Deeks lying on the hospital bed. She grabbed his hand that wasn't in a cast and gently spoke.

"Deeks, it's okay wake up."

Deeks let out a moan as the pain started to hit him full force. Deeks slowly opened his eyes and he had to close them from the pain the light caused his eyes. Deeks freed his hand from Kensi's and brought it up to his eyes to try and stop the pain. Kensi went over to the light switch and turned it off so there was only the small sunlight coming through the room. She went back over to Deeks and spoke.

"It's okay Deeks the lights are off. Can you open your eyes for me?" Kensi said softly again. She didn't know if Deeks had a headache or not and she didn't want to speak too loudly.

Deeks tried to open his eyes again, but he had a horrible headache. He was able to open them slightly. He looked over and saw that Kensi was in fact there beside him. Deeks noticed that he was no longer in that room, that he was in a hospital room now. His whole body hurt like there was no tomorrow.

"Kens" Deeks tried to talk, but he found out that his jaw hurt worse than his head.

Kensi could feel Deeks shaking from the pain and from his head injury. She hit the nurse call button so they could come in and check him out. Hopefully they will be able to give him more pain medication.

"It's okay just relax a nurse will be in here real soon. You are safe just hang on Deeks." Kensi said softly.

Deeks closed his eyes and tried to breathe through the pain. His whole body felt like it was on fire from the pain. He couldn't believe how much everything hurt. He thought he would be feeling better in a hospital and not worse. Deeks heard the door to the room open and he squinted his eyes to see that a nurse came into the room.

"Page Doctor Andrews." The nurse told another nurse behind her.

The nurse came into the room and closed the door behind her. She went over to the other side of the bed as she spoke to Deeks.

"Hello Detective Deeks I'm nurse Rachel. It's good to see you awake. I know it hurts to talk so I won't ask you that many questions. The most important one right now is how bad is the pain on a scale of one to ten, ten being the worst." The nurse said.

"Nine" Deeks said through gritted teeth. Deeks couldn't believe how bad the pain was all throughout his body, but especially his jaw and head.

"Okay no more talking then. Over here is your pain relief button. When it is glowing green you can push it. Right now it is set at the maximum dosage we can give you. It will put you to sleep most likely and make you a little out of it. In a few days we will lower it and keep doing that as the pain lessens to eventually you can just be on a pill. Doctor Andrews will be in in a few minutes. So I need you to hold out for a little bit longer before you can hit that button. He really needs to speak to you and see how you are doing. You took a few good hits to your head and suffered some head trauma. So he needs to talk to you and see how you respond. I know it hurts, but it's very important for us to do. We need to make sure that you have no brain damage or any extra trauma that we missed. So I need you to breathe through the pain right now and just bare-with us."

Kensi held onto Deeks' hand again and rubbed small circles on the back of his hand with her thumb.

"It's okay Deeks, just breathe." Kensi said calmly.

Deeks did his best to breathe through the pain the problem was it hurt worse than he remembered. Now that he had slept for three days his mind was fully aware of all the pain his body was in. He couldn't believe how much everything hurt. He could feel himself slightly shaking from the pain. Deeks just couldn't believe how much pain he was in. He swore it was not this bad in that room and yet here in the hospital it was ten times worse.

"Deeks look at me." Kensi said softly. She could tell that Deeks was in a great deal of pain and she wanted to so badly hit the pain relief button.

Deeks turned his head to look at Kensi, but his eyes were still squinted from the pain in his head.

"Just breathe. The doctor is going to be here very soon. You can do this just breathe." Kensi said encouragingly.

Kensi was so relieved that Deeks was finally awake, but now she was wishing for him to be back asleep where he would be free from the pain. The door finally opened again and Dr. Andrews walked through the door. He went over to where the nurse was so he was close to Deeks.

"Hello there Detective. I am Dr. Andrews and I am your attending physician. I can tell you are in a great deal of pain so I will make this quick. You have some bruising on your brain as well as a skull fracture. So I need to just do a quick couple of tests to make sure that you don't have any brain damage or neurological problems. We will do this very quickly so it won't take long. I know your jaw hurts so I'll do my best to not make you talk. Can you squeeze your partner's hand?"

Deeks squeezed Kensi's hand and Dr. Andrews gave a nod.

"Good. Your right hand is in a cast from your wrist being broken. So be careful when you move it for a couple of days. Can you tell me what two plus two is?"

Deeks really didn't want to talk, but he knew he would have to in order for the doctor to leave him alone. All Deeks wanted to do was to sleep and escape from this pain.

"Four" Deeks said through gritted teeth.

"Good. Do you know what city you are in?" The doctor asked.

"L.A?" Deeks said as he looked over at Kensi with confusion on his face.

"Yup." Kensi said.

"Good. I know your jaw hurts. It was broken in multiple places and as a result I had to put metal plates along your jaw until your bones heal. It will be sore for a couple of weeks, but the pain medication will help relieve that pain. I won't ask you anymore questions I do just need to look into your eyes and make sure your pupils have not gotten worse."

Doctor Andrews grabbed his little pen light from his pocket and leaned over so he could look into Deeks' eyes. Once the light hit Deeks' left eye he couldn't help, but look away. He let out a groan and released Kensi's hand to bring his own hands up to his face. The light hurt, it was a level of pain that Deeks never felt before. His shaking was worse and he was reaching his braking point.

"I know the light hurts, but I need to see your eyes." Dr. Andrews said.

"He's in too much pain right now. All you are doing is causing him more." Kensi said with force as she stood up.

"His eyes will be sensitive to light while the skull fracture is there. In a week or so it won't cause him pain, but I need to make sure that the skull fracture and his pupils are not worse. I don't want to cause him pain, but I need to check." Dr. Andrews tried to reason with Kensi.

"So do it when he's asleep or when the pain medication is in his system, but you are not doing it now." Kensi said back as the door to the room opened again to reveal Hetty and Callen standing there.

They wanted to come and give Kensi the news in person that it was finally over. What they didn't expect to walk in on was Deeks awake and shaking from pain with Kensi and the doctor arguing over top of him.

"I need to do it while he is awake so I can see how his pupils respond. I'm not doing this to be cruel, but I have to." Dr. Andrews tried again.

"You're not doing it. Do it later when he has some pain medication in him." Kensi argued back.

"Everyone calm down. Miss. Blye and Dr. Andrews lower your voice. I don't know what is going on, but the loud voices are only going to hurt Mr. Deeks more. Now someone explain to me what is going on and why doesn't Mr. Deeks have pain medication?"

Hetty said as she moved into the room. Callen went over to Kensi to see if he could help Deeks. Deeks' shaking was getting to the extreme level and Callen knew he was in unbearable pain. They could see that Deeks' heart rate was going up and Callen was getting upset over this.

"Why is his heart rat so high?" Callen asked with anger in his voice.

"His heart is reacting to the pain that his body is in. If I could just finish this test then he can have pain medication." Dr. Andrews said.

"Why does Mr. Deeks not have pain medication now?" Hetty asked again.

"It will put him to sleep and I need him awake to check his brain. I need to see if his pupils have gotten worse. The only way I can do that is by looking at them with this light, but because of the skull fracture his eyes are sensitive to light so it hurts, but it needs to be done." Dr. Andrews said.

"Why can't this be done at a later time?" Hetty asked.

"It will be. His pupils will be checked every time he wakes up." Dr. Andrews said.

"Deeks." Callen said softly to him.

"I can't it hurts. I can't." Deeks said through gritted teeth and Callen knew that Deeks was beyond his breaking point.

He just woke up after being tortured for two days. This was not something he could handle. The pain level alone was too much for Deeks and Callen couldn't blame him. With all of the injuries that Deeks had the pain would be excruciating. This truly was the last thing he needed.

"What's this green button here for?" Callen asked.

"It's his pain relief." Nurse Rachel said.

Callen hit the button without even a second thought. He didn't care what tests the doctor had to do. Deeks was in too much pain to handle any more.

"Did you just hit that button?" Dr. Andrews said with some anger in his voice.

"Ya I did. He's been tortured for two days I'm not about to stand around and let you torture him some more. He's in too much pain for your test so try again later." Callen said in his team leader voice.

They all could see the pain medication kicking in as Deeks' shaking slowed down. His heart rate was going back to normal and his hands were now at his sides with his eyes closed. Callen didn't care what the doctor had to say he knew he made the right decision and he would make the same one again.

"You are risking his health. If his pupils are more dilated the skull fracture could be worse than we expected it to be." Dr. Andrews said.

"That doesn't give you the right to leave him in agony. Especially while you argue over top of him making it worse." Callen said.

"Dr. Andrews I know you are only trying to do your job, but understand so are we. We are a family and the only family Mr. Deeks has. I understand you need to run tests on him, but causing him that much pain is not acceptable. When he wakes up next do that test first, but for now he needs his rest. He's in an extreme amount of pain and we are not about to stand around and let someone cause him more. Doctor or not." Hetty said.

"Fine, but just know that your actions here is putting Detective Deeks at risk. If his skull fracture is worse than the chances of him having brain damage goes up." Dr. Andrews said.

"He's fine. He answered your questions. He pushed through the pain in his jaw to answer your questions. You can't expect him to push through the pain in his head as well after you made the pain worse. He knew his name, he knew my name and where he was. That should have been good enough for you." Kensi said.

"Well now it has to be. When he wakes up next this test will be done. Or security will escort you all out." Dr. Andrews said as he left the room with Nurse Rachel behind him.

Once the door was closed was when Kensi let out a breath. She didn't expect to get into an argument with Deeks' doctor, but she wasn't going to just stand around and let him hurt Deeks more.

"I'm sorry I know I shouldn't have argued with him, but I just couldn't let him hurt Deeks anymore." Kensi said.

"That's perfectly understandable Miss. Blye. If Mr. Callen hadn't hit that button I would have myself." Hetty said as she went to sit down in the chair on the other side of Deeks' bed.

"I've never seen him in that much pain before. Even when he was shot and came after me, he wasn't in this much pain." Kensi said.

"He's going to be in pain for a long time. We'll be here though to help him through it." Callen said.

"We do have good news. Mr. Callen was able to recover both nuclear weapons. The mission is finally complete." Hetty said.

"Good. At least all of this wasn't for nothing. I'm not sure if Deeks will see it that way, but at least its' over." Kensi said.

"The mission is over, but the healing has just begun. It's going to be a long road, but they will both recover by the end of it. I have ordered Mr. Getz back to help us all get passed what has happened. I figured Mr. Hanna and Mr. Deeks would be more comfortable speaking with him than a stranger." Hetty said.

"Except neither one of them will want to speak to him." Callen said.

"They don't have a choice. If they wish to return to duty then they need to be cleared by Mr. Getz first." Hetty said.

"Hopefully they won't fight him too much." Kensi said.

"At least for now Mr. Deeks is able to escape the pain." Hetty said.

"How's Sam?" Kensi asked.

"He's doing good. I haven't seen him today yet, but yesterday he seemed to be healing nicely. Michelle has been keeping him in bed and behaving with the doctors. I'll go see him in a few minutes. I wanted to come and see if Deeks had woken up yet. I didn't expect to walk in to him being in that much pain." Callen said.

"He just woke up and the nurse came in asking him these questions. Then the doctor came in asking more questions and the light in his eyes just pushed him over the edge. He woke up in pain, that's why the lights are off. He didn't need any more pain." Kensi said.

"He'll be okay Kens. He just needs time. Once the pain starts to go down then he'll be able to heal and get passed all of this. I'm going to go and see Sam and let him know we found the nukes." Callen said.

"Say hi to Sam for me." Kensi said.

"I will see Mr. Hanna shortly." Hetty said.

"I'll come see you later." Callen said to Kensi.

Callen headed out to go and see Sam and update him on everything. Kensi sat back down in the chair and got ready for the wait once again until Deeks would wake up.

Callen headed down the hall to where Sam's room was. When Deeks was released from the ICU they moved him so he would be on the same floor as Sam to make things easier. Sam would be allowed out of bed within the next day or so and they knew Sam would want to see Deeks as soon as he could. Callen wasn't too worried about Sam. Sam was a Navy Seal he had been in war zones and been in a position of torture. He was trained to take pain and be able to move on from it. Callen knew that once Sam got home to his family he would be okay. Callen was more worried about Deeks. Deeks was just a cop with L.A.P.D and even though Deeks was great at being a cop, he wasn't trained for this. Deeks wasn't trained to take pain and accept torture. Deeks wasn't trained to get passed being tortured and being in that type of situation. This would be a lot for anyone to handle, but especially for someone like Deeks. He didn't do well with emotions. Callen wasn't fooled by what Deeks shows everyone at work. Callen knew that underneath all that laughter and joking was a very damaged person. Callen had been in the foster care his whole life and he knew an abuse victim when he saw one. Callen knew that Deeks had been abused growing up, he didn't know to what level and he especially didn't know he had brain damage from it. Deeks had a lot of demons in his closet and Callen knew this would push Deeks over the edge. It was just a matter of time if it would be a quick nosedive or if it would be a slow downward spiral.

Callen knocked on Sam's hospital room door before he walked into the room to see Sam and Michelle playing cards. Michelle had been bouncing back and forth between the hospital and being home with the girls. She would be at the hospital all day long while the girls were in school and then around dinner time she would go home for the night. Sam didn't want the girls alone with a babysitter or with Michelle's family so he always made sure she would be home with them. The other day Michelle had brought the girls by to see Sam, but since then they hadn't been back. Sam was a strong believer that children shouldn't see their parents in the hospital. So he let them come once, but he hadn't let them come back yet. Sam would be able to leave in four days. The doctor just wanted to keep him for a week, because he was electrocuted and he wanted to make sure there were no surprises that would come up.

"Hey partner, how are you feeling?" Callen asked as he made his way over to the other side of the bed that Michelle wasn't on.

"I'm good. How is everything G? Did you find the nukes yet?" Sam asked.

"We did a few hours ago. Both were recovered. Eric and Nell are on their way home now. None of us have slept in the past three days. Ganger wanted these nukes found and he was being his usual tyrant self. But it's over the mission is finally classified as complete." Callen said.

"Good. All this mission has done is help me remember why I retired in the first place. It was fun at the first, but now I have a lot to lose." Michelle said.

"You have no idea how happy I am to hear you say that." Sam said.

"Well one of us needs to be alive for our baby girls." Michelle said.

"Hey you ever need a break from the girls, you just call me and I'll have you put on a stake out." Callen said.

"G" Sam said with a warning in his voice.

"What? No one gets hurt on a stake out." Callen joked back.

"How's Deeks?" Sam asked with worry in his voice.

Sam had wanted to see Deeks for three days now, but the doctor wouldn't let him. Sam was hoping he would be able to see him shortly. He needed to talk to him and tell him how much this meant to him. Other people would have given up Michelle in a heartbeat to avoid the pain and torture. Deeks put himself through hell just so his wife would be kept safe and Sam needed to thank him for it. Sam had been all wrong about Deeks and he had to talk to him about it and make this right.

"He woke up not too long ago." Callen said.

"How was he?" Sam asked with worry all throughout his voice.

"Kensi was with him when he woke up. The lights are really hurting his eyes and that is making his head hurt. She turned the lights off for him. A nurse came in and asked him some questions, than Dr. Andrews came in and asked him more questions. When he woke up they couldn't let him have any pain mediation, because it would put him to sleep. So he was in a lot of pain. Dr. Andrews had to run a small test where he needed to look at Deeks' pupils to see if the skull fracture is worse. He had to use a pen light to look into his eyes and that made the pain worse. Hetty and I walked in just as Kensi was arguing with Dr. Andrews. Deeks was in so much pain he was shaking and his heart rate was getting up high. I've never seen him in so much pain before. He couldn't take it. Dr. Andrews said he couldn't get any pain relief until he was able to do the test." Callen said.

"They were just going to leave him in that much pain?" Sam asked with anger.

"The test was supposed to be quick, but the pain in his head from the light was too much for Deeks to handle right now. Plus the arguing wasn't helping his head any. I hit Deeks' pain relief button so the medication would be administered. Dr. Andrews was mad, but I didn't care. Deeks was asleep within minutes." Callen finished.

"That poor guy. It's not bad enough that he was tortured and is in that much pain, but the doctor is just making it worse." Michelle said.

"Deeks is tough he'll make it." Callen said.

"He might never be okay from this G. He's going to be in a lot of pain for weeks. He might never recover from this." Sam said.

"He's not doing this alone. He has us. Deeks is strong he'll make it. It's going to take him some time, but he'll get there. Hetty has called Nate back to help everyone get passed all of this." Callen said.

"I don't need to talk about what happened G. I'm fine." Sam said.

"I know you are fine and you'll be fine. You're trained for this and Deeks isn't. Hetty doesn't care though. She said if you want to be back to work you need Nate's clearance." Callen said.

"I doesn't hurt to talk about it baby. You might be trained for this, but reading about it and going through it are two different things. You can't act like this didn't happen or it won't ever go away. One day you'll explode and that can be very dangerous for you." Michelle said.

"I'm more worried about Deeks handling all of this then me. He's not trained for this and Deeks isn't exactly the type of person that could handle this." Sam said.

"He's not going to handle this well at all and I can't blame him for that. Deeks is a cop and even though he does this job as well as the rest of us he doesn't have the training we have. He didn't go through the training that you and I have. He's going to have a very hard time for a long time. He might never be the same again." Callen said.

"He's never been tortured, but growing up being abused would have been just as bad. He might handle this better than the two of you think." Michelle said.

"Maybe." Callen said.

"I need to see him." Sam said.

"He's asleep right now and I don't think he'll be awake any time soon." Callen said.

"I need to apologise to him G. I should never have said those things to him. I should have seen underneath all those jokes. I should never have judged him and given him such a hard time. I didn't like that he was just a cop and I thought he didn't have the training for this job. I should have just worked with him and gave him the training. Instead of belittling him and giving him crap every time he did something that I didn't think was good enough. I should have worked with him. I'm the training agent it's my job to make sure everyone is at the same level. I should have done everything different with Deeks." Sam said.

"You can do that now. You can't change the past, but you can change your relationship with Deeks now. You can be that training agent that I know you can be. Take the time to get to know Deeks and maybe we all can be a team and a family like we should be." Callen said.

"There is one thing you have to consider. Deeks might not want to be with NCIS anymore. He could just go back to L.A.P.D." Michelle said.

"I never even thought about that." Callen admitted.

"He can't go back there; they treat him like shit there. Cops hate Deeks for whatever reason. It's not safe for Deeks to be going undercover without any backup or a proper backstop done. Deeks is safer with us and he belongs with us. He can't go back." Sam said.

"Deeks will fight through this and he will be perfectly fine. It's going to take some time, but he'll get there. We just need to be patient with him and offer any support we can." Callen said.

"Come on Callen, come play some cards. It's the only way to stay sane in a hospital." Michelle said.

Callen pulled up a chair and sat down to play with his partner and his partner's wife. Callen didn't know what the future was going to hold, but he was hoping that the team would survive this.

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Deeks had been in the hospital for two weeks now and he was driving Kensi insane. Deeks was never good with hospitals, he had seen them too many times growing up. He just wanted to go home where he could be with Monty and in his own bed. The hospital food sucked, not that he wanted to eat anyways. His jaw hurt no matter what he did so if he had to put himself through the pain of eating he wanted something more than nasty hospital food. Kensi had often snuck him in milkshakes and soup from his favorite restaurant. Deeks was trying his best to be patient with Kensi and nice, but at times he just wanted to be left alone. He wanted to go home where he could just be alone and figure things out. His body was in pain and he was always exhausted. He just didn't want to be here anymore. He was tired of nurses asking him questions and poking at him. He was tired of the florescent lights hurting his eyes. He was tired of constantly being around people. What he was most tired of was Sam trying to see him. For that first week and a half Deeks couldn't even talk from the pain being so bad. Sam had come by at the end of the first week to speak to him, but Deeks wasn't going to deal with any of it. He didn't want to see Sam, he didn't want to talk to Sam and he most definitely didn't want to hear what Sam had to say to him. Deeks was pissed off at Sam and he wasn't afraid to show it. Everyone knew that Deeks was pissed at Sam and Kensi had even told Sam that it would be better to wait to speak to him. Deeks wasn't mad that because of Sam he was tortured. Deeks wasn't mad that Sam only got a little bit of torture and was walking out of the hospital a week later perfectly fine. What Deeks was so mad about was what Sam had said to him just days before they were tortured. Deeks wasn't in the mood to tell Sam it was all okay. Deeks wasn't in the mood to lie and make Sam feel better. Deeks just wanted to go home and be in his own house, sleeping in his own bed with his own food. That's all he wanted.

So at the end of week two when Hetty walked into his hospital room he knew he could get out of here. He had been alone for a few hours after he forced Kensi to leave so she could go home and shower and sleep. Callen had been looking after Monty for him, because Kensi was spending all her time at the hospital with Deeks. Callen didn't mind looking after Monty and Deeks was appreciative of him for it. Deeks was now on a pain pill to help when he needed it with the pain. The pain was still bad and Deeks took the maximum dosage each and every time he was allowed to take a pill, but at least it was an improvement. Hetty sat down in the chair beside the bed to speak to Deeks. He had yet to speak to Nate about what happened, but she couldn't blame him. Up until a few days ago Deeks wasn't really talking much. His jaw hurt and moving it always made the pain level go up. So she had let him not talk to Nate, but Nate had been by to see him so Deeks would get used to him being around again.

"How are you doing Mr. Deeks?" Hetty asked.

"Hetty, I want to go home." Deeks said softly while he looked at Hetty.

"I know Marty. The doctor is worried about the pain level going up, once you are moving around more at home."

"I'm on pain medication. Hetty I don't have an infection, my stitches are fine, I'm eating food and I've been moving around. I can't be here anymore. Please let me go home."

Hetty let out a sigh. She knew this conversation would be coming sooner rather than later. She couldn't blame Deeks for wanting to be out of the hospital and back at home. Deeks was not the type of person that liked being in hospitals. He had been in his fair share of them growing up and each one had a worse memory than the next. The problem was she was worried about Deeks being home alone. He had yet to speak to Sam or Nate and she knew that wasn't a good thing.

"I'll make you a deal Mr. Deeks. Mr. Getz is out in the hallway, he wants to speak to you. If you give him an hour with you and you talk. You don't have to talk about what happened, but you just talk. I will go and speak to your doctor and have you sprung. I need to know that you are going to start talking about this. You can't burry what happened to you like you did with things growing up. You show me that you are willing to start the process then I will have you home tonight. Do we have a deal?"

"Deal."

Deeks didn't even have to think about it. If he could be home tonight and talking to Nate for an hour was the price he had to pay then he would pay it. Nate wasn't that bad and he knew when not to push Deeks on a topic. Deeks could also stall for time by asking how his life had been since the last time they saw him.

"Very well I will send in Mr. Getz and I will speak to your doctor." Hetty said as she got up.

"Thank-you Hetty."

Hetty left the room and closed the door behind her. She wanted a word with Nate first before sending him in. She knew that Deeks wouldn't talk about being tortured so soon after it happened. However, she was hoping for some insight on how Deeks and Sam's relationship was. She could get that through Nate. She had spoken to Sam and he had said he tried to see Deeks, but Deeks doesn't want to see him. Maybe now she will get Deeks' side of the story and see if she could repair the damage. Nate was standing off to the side by the nurses' desk waiting to see if he would be able to speak to Deeks or not. He had seen Deeks a few times in the last week since he had returned, but Deeks didn't say much. Nate knew about his injuries so he knew that his jaw would be hurting and talking would be making it worse. In the last few days Deeks had been talking more so he was hoping to get some time with him. Hetty went over to Nate so she could speak to him.

"He has agreed to speak to you for an hour. I made a deal with him that if he spoke to you for an hour then I would speak to his doctor about him being released. His jaw is still very painful and talking will hurt so be patient with him." Hetty said.

"We won't get into too much today. I don't want to scare him away." Nate said.

"See if you can find out how he feels about what Mr. Hanna said." Hetty said.

"Sam said that he questioned Deeks' character a few days before they were taken. Has Deeks talked about it with anyone?" Nate asked.

"He has not brought it up; he just refuses to see Mr. Hanna. Maybe you can find out why." Hetty suggested.

"I'll do my best."

"That's all I have ever asked of you. I will see you in an hour. I have a doctor to find." Hetty said.

Nate just gave a smile as he headed over to Deeks' hospital room. He knocked on the door first before he entered to see Deeks sitting up in bed. He was no longer wearing the hospital gown, but he was wearing scrubs. It was easier for the hospital staff if an emergency happened if Deeks was wearing scrubs or a gown. Deeks had opted for the scrubs as soon as they were offered to him. Nate went over to the side of the bed and sat down in the chair.

"How are you feeling Marty?"

"Getting better. Each day that passes the pain lessens so that helps. Jaw and head still hurt a lot though."

"Skull fractures are very dangerous and take a long time to heal. You basically broke you head that's not easy to heal from. You're on a pain pill now though, so that's good."

"Ya"

"Marty I know you are not one for talking about your emotions and life experiences. I'm not going to make you talk about what happened. I know it's still too early for that. So we can talk about whatever you want. You know as team psychologist that I have read your file that Hetty has as well as the others. So we can talk about your past if you want." Nate said.

"I don't talk about growing up." Deeks said.

"Okay. How is everything going with Kensi?" Nate asked.

"Fine. She's been here every day with me."

"Have you two crossed the lines between partners and romantic partners?" Nate asked.

"Kensi is my partner. Apparently that is all we are going to be."

"Why do you say that? Did something happen?"

"I kissed her before all of this happened." Deeks said. He always found it easy to talk to Nate. He didn't judge.

"Really? Good for you. What did she do?"

"She ran away. I know she had to follow Michelle, but she could have said something. She does what she always does, she ran. We haven't spoken about it since."

"Kensi has some emotional problems since her fiancé Jack left her. She's afraid to give her heart to someone. She cares about you or she wouldn't be here every day. Callen is not here with Sam all day every day. She's not doing this because she is your partner. She is doing this, because she cares. I think when you are ready you need to have that conversation with her. Don't be quick to think she doesn't care. You know Kensi better than anyone. When you are ready you need to talk to her about it and see what she has to say about it."

"Maybe"

"How do you feel towards Callen after all of this? He trusted Janvier to help you buy these nukes and because of him you and Sam were taken. How are you feeling towards Callen?"

"Callen made a choice and he took a risk. We didn't know that Sidorov and Janvier knew each other. Callen trusted his gut and it didn't work out. It could have happened to any of us."

"So you have no hard feelings towards Callen?"

"No. He was put in a tough position. He had to make a choice and he did. It could have happened to anyone of us. It's not his fault this could have worked out just fine."

"So then why are you so mad at Sam?"

"Who said I was mad?" Deeks asked.

"You have seen Kensi, you've seen Callen, and you've seen Eric and Nell. You refuse to see Sam. That tells me that you are mad at him. Why are you mad at him?" Nate asked gently.

"I have a right to be mad at him." Deeks said with a slight anger to his voice.

"I haven't known you to get angry for no reason. I'm sure you have a very good reason. Is it because of what you went through together? That he's out of the hospital and healthy?"

"No. I'm glad he's fine. I don't want him to suffer or to die."

"Okay, so why are you so angry at him?"

Deeks took a deep breath to calm himself down and to give his mouth a few minutes of rest. He wasn't good with words and he knew Nate would do his best to understand, but that didn't mean he was able to put his thoughts into words. Nate didn't say anything he just sat there waiting for when Deeks would be ready to talk again. After a few minutes Deeks spoke.

"I've been working with them for three years. I've saved each and every one of their lives. I've been on operations and held my own just like them. All the while Sam has done nothing, but belittles me and gives me crap all day every day. So a few days before everything happened we were partnered up. I asked him why he treats me the way that he does. And he tells me it's because of my character. He's a seal so that makes him better than the cop from a broken home. Three years I have kept Kensi safe and unharmed. I have watched Callen's back and made sure he was covered and safe same with Sam. Yet nothing I did was good enough for him, because I'm a cop. So ya I'm pissed, because for three years I have taken his crap only for him to tell me that I'm not good enough, that my character isn't good enough for him. I don't care what he has to say and I don't want to hear it. I'm not in the mood to lie to make him feel better."

"You have every right to feel this way. You have every right to be angry at him and not speak to him until you are ready. He insulted your character; he's given you a hard time for three years all for nothing. You get to be mad and you get to take as long as you need before you have that conversation with him. I think you need to talk about it with him and both of you need to clear the air. I'm sure there is a lot he wants to tell you."

"I don't want to hear any of it. If I want to feel like I don't belong and be treated like crap I would be back at L.A.P.D."

"Is that something you are considering?"

"I can't even think about going back to work right now."

"Fair enough. How do you feel about going home?"

"That's all I can think about. I just want to be home."

"Why? Besides the obvious reason of not being in a hospital."

"I miss Monty. I want to be home and sleep in my own bed without someone waking me up every three hours. I want to be able to lie in bed all day and just watch tv or a movie. What I want the most though, is sitting on my balcony and looking out at the beach. I know I can't surf, but just being at the beach and seeing it always makes me feel at home. The beach has been the only home I've ever had. It's always been there for me. It's sad, but it makes me feel better. It makes me feel like I can breathe."

Nate didn't say anything to that. He knew that Deeks didn't have much growing up and the beach had been his safety, his escape from reality. Nate wasn't too sure about Deeks being home alone, but after hearing him he had to agree that the best place for Deeks would be at his home.

"I think that is enough for today. I can tell that your jaw is giving you a lot of pain from talking. So that's enough for today. I'll go and see if Hetty was able to manipulate your doctor into letting you go." Nate said lightly.

"If she can't do it no one can."

Nate got up as he spoke. "I'll see you later Marty. I'll come and visit you when you are home and we can continue talking. Feel better Marty."

"Thanks Doc."

Nate left Deeks' hospital room to go and find Hetty to tell her what happened. Nate found Hetty speaking with Dr. Andrews just down the hall.

"Mr. Getz, how did it go?" Hetty asked.

"It went well."

"I was just speaking to Dr. Andrews about Mr. Deeks leaving. He doesn't think it is a good idea. What is your medical opinion on it?" Hetty asked.

"I'm not a medical doctor, but mentally and emotionally speaking. It is my psychological opinion that Detective Deeks needs to be home. His apartment is right on the beach; he's a surfer and has always found comfort in the beach and the water. For Detective Deeks to heal emotionally and mentally he needs to be home." Nate said.

"I can understand that, but physically he is still in a lot of pain. I think he needs to be here for another week at least." Dr. Andrews said.

"Dr. Andrews, what is the difference of Mr. Deeks being at home in his own bed then being here? The pain will still be the same level no matter where he is. Why not let him be comfortable." Hetty said.

"Why do I have a feeling I am not going to win this argument?" Dr. Andrews said.

"Because Mr. Deeks could just check himself out A.M.A. He needs to be home and I agree that that is the best place for him." Hetty said.

Dr. Andrews let out a sigh. "Alright, I will prepare his release forms and he can leave in an hour or so. I will also give him a list of how to take care of his stitches."

"Thank you Doctor." Hetty said.

Dr. Andrews left so he could prepare for Deeks' release from the hospital.

"How did it really go Mr. Getz?" Hetty asked once they were alone.

"Marty was cooperative. We just spoke about his relationship with Callen, Kensi and Sam. Things between him and Kensi are a little awkward right now."

"Because of the kiss." Hetty stated.

"How did you know?" Nate asked with confusion.

"I know everything Mr. Getz that happens with my agents. Maybe next time Mr. Deeks kisses Miss. Blye he won't have the com-link on." Hetty said.

"And you are okay with two of your agents possibly having a romantic relationship?"

"It has been coming for a long time now. At first I wasn't too happy about it, but they make each other happy. I'm fine with it now. I want them both to be happy."

"Well they are both ignoring the kiss right now. Kensi is being her usual self by running from the issue and Marty is being his usual self by pretending like nothing happened. I do believe that he needs to be home where he feels safe and comfortable." Nate said.

"I completely agree. How does he feel towards Mr. Callen and Mr. Hanna?"

"He's not mad at Callen. He thinks he made a choice that any of them could have made. It was either going to go either way and based on the situation Callen didn't have much of a choice. Sam is a completely different topic. He's very mad at Sam, but it has nothing to do with the torture. He's mad that Sam called his character untrustworthy. He feels like for the last three years he's taken Sam's crap and Sam's belittling, thinking that at the end of it all that Sam would accept him into the team. Except he finds out that Sam was doing that, because he doesn't trust or like Marty's character and for Marty that's the last straw. He feels that Sam is looking down on him as a seal, because he's a cop from a broken home. Marty said that if he wanted to be hated and belittled he would be working for L.A.P.D. He's stayed with NCIS, because he thought he was on a team that accepted him and that he finally found a place where he belonged. Much like Callen, Marty wants a home and a place to belong more than anything in this world. He didn't say it, but you could tell over the last three years that he looked up to Sam and saw him as an older brother figure. To find out that Sam didn't trust him and all that belittling was for nothing. Sam truly didn't like Marty and for Marty that hurts more than he is saying."

"Mr. Hanna has a lot of work to do to repair this damaged relationship. Is he thinking about going back to L.A.P.D?"

"He said he wasn't thinking about work at all. He's not ready to cross that bridge yet. I think Marty and Sam need to talk and I don't think he should wait until Marty is ready. The longer Sam waits to speak with Marty the angrier he is going to get. They need to talk this out before it tears the team apart."

"I'll speak to Mr. Hanna about this. I will also call Miss. Blye so she can come and take Mr. Deeks home. I'm sure she will be happy to hear that Mr. Deeks can leave."

"I told Marty that I would come and see him within the week to speak more about everything."

"Was he fine with that?"

"He was. I'm not sure how easy it will be to get him to open up about what happened. He's not used to being able to talk about how he feels and what he thinks without being reprimanded or judged. Hopefully he opens up to me."

"I'm sure with a little patience and some time he will open up to you. Thank-you Mr. Getz."

"I'm happy to be here to help them out any way that I can."

"I know; that's why I called you back."

Nate just smiled as Hetty turned so she could call Kensi to let her know that Deeks could go home.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXX

It was another long three hours for Deeks, but finally he was home. Kensi had come back to the hospital once she found out that Deeks was able to leave. She didn't bring any clothes for him, because she knew once he got home he would want to shower and get changed. Deeks never wanted his clothes to smell like a hospital. She had remembered him telling her that when he was in the hospital after being shot. Deeks didn't even waste any time he told Kensi that he was going to shower and Kensi said she was just going to watch tv. She knew that Deeks would be going to bed after taking a shower. He was still exhausted, because of the pain and the pain medication. So Kensi just hung out while Deeks showered and slept. It wasn't until seven o'clock at night did Deeks finally wake up and come out of the bedroom.

"You're still here?" Deeks asked confused.

"You didn't actually think I was going to leave you alone tonight did you?" Kensi said.

"Kens I'm fine. You don't need to babysit me."

"Good, because I'm here with my partner making sure he is okay for tonight. I'll leave you alone tomorrow, but tonight you are stuck with me. So how about some food?"

Deeks went over to the couch and sat down.

"Not hungry."

"Thirsty?"

"Ya"

"How about some water?"

"Sure

Kensi got up and headed into the kitchen to get Deeks a bottle of water. When she had found out that Deeks was going to be released from the hospital she went to the grocery store to get Deeks some food. She came back into the living room and handed Deeks the water bottle as she sat down.

"I went to the store for you and got you some food for the next week. I figured you wouldn't be up for it."

"Thanks"

"Any time. You'd do the same for me."

"In a heartbeat, but I better not have to."

"With a partner like you, I won't have to worry."

Monty came over to them from the bedroom. Kensi had picked him up on the way to the hospital. Monty went over and laid down right by Deeks' feet.

"Someone missed you."

"I missed him. You see the same person every day for years then all of a sudden that person isn't there anymore, it's depressing. I miss having him around."

"Well now you two can play all day together." Kensi said with a smile.

There was a knock at the door and Kensi and Deeks looked at each other.

"Expecting company?" Deeks asked Kensi.

"No, you?"

"No"

Kensi got up and she went to the door. She opened it to reveal Sam on the other side. Kensi turned to look at Deeks and she could tell he wasn't in the mood for this. Sam didn't care though; he wasn't going to be ignored anymore. Sam walked into Deeks' apartment and Kensi knew that he wasn't leaving until they talked.

"Why don't I take Monty for a walk?"

Kensi suggested as she grabbed Monty's leash. At the clicking sound of the leash Monty's head popped up and he headed straight for Kensi. Kensi clicked the leash on Monty's collar and then looked at Deeks. Deeks gave a nod and Kensi headed out closing the door behind him. The room was full of awkward intensity that neither man knew how to break. Sam knew that Deeks was mad at him, but he thought it was more towards the torture and not his character comment. He knew Deeks was mad about that, but he had no idea just how mad Deeks was.

"What do you want Sam?" Deeks asked with anger in his voice.

"Deeks, look I know you're pissed at me and I don't blame you. I questioned your character, and it was my fault that you were tortured. You risked your life to save mine and my wife's. I can never repay you enough for what you did for my family."

"Are you done?" Deeks asked rudely.

"Deeks we have to talk about this. This won't just go away on its own. Deeks we need to talk about this."

"What exactly is it that you think we need to talk about?" Deeks asked rudely again.

"It's my fault for what happened to you. Deeks you were tortured, because you protected my wife. I know we had a little fight a few days before and I was wrong for what I said to you. I'm sorry this happened."

"See that's the problem you actually thought I was going to give Michelle up. That I would put another Agent's life on the line. That I would risk Sidorov disappearing with the nukes and selling them before we had a chance to get him. You actually thought I was that weak that I would risk the fate of the world, because of some pain. That's why I'm pissed off at you Sam. You thought that little of me to think I would risk the world's safety. I'm pissed, because you insulted my character. You act like you're better than me, because you're a navy seal and I'm just some cop from a broken home. You belittle me for three years all, because you were nothing but a judgemental asshole. You could have helped me. When I did something that you didn't think was safe or good enough you could have said something to me. Callen took me aside after our first take down and told me how L.A.P.D has different protocols then NCIS does. He gave me a book so I could read up on NCIS protocols so we are all on the same page. He actually tried to help me, when you were the training agent, but I was never good enough for you. So excuse me if I don't want to hear your bullshit sorry or your bullshit excuses. I don't want to hear it. Get the hell out of my house." Deeks said with a deadly calm anger to his voice.

"Deeks" Sam said gently hoping he would be able to reason with him.

"I said get out!" Deeks yelled.

Sam was shocked that Deeks had yelled. It wasn't often when he lost his temper and Sam knew it took a lot for Deeks to reach that point. Sam knew he shouldn't be pushing Deeks right now so he would respect his wishes and leave. Sam walked out of the apartment and closed the door behind him. Deeks was pissed off that Sam would just show up at his apartment unannounced and acting like he knew what was bothering him. Deeks was pissed and he truly didn't know if he wanted to be back with NCIS and dealing with Sam's shit again. Deeks wasn't foolish enough to think that things would be different. He knew that Sam would never think differently of him. Deeks was pissed and he knew he needed to calm down so he got up and headed out to his balcony. He sat down on the comfy bench that he bought a couple years ago. The fresh air was nice, it was a little cool from being close to the water, but Deeks loved the view. The moonlight always made the water glow.

It was another fifteen minutes before Kensi came back inside with Monty. She wanted to give Deeks and Sam enough time together and she only came in, because she saw that Sam's charger was no longer out front. She let Monty off his leash and then went to see if Deeks went back to bed. She went and saw that he was actually on the balcony so Kensi grabbed a blanket from the couch and headed out with Monty behind her.

"Hey partner." Kensi said as she sat down and put the blanket over them both. She curled her legs up and turned her body slightly so she could put her head on Deeks' shoulder.

"Hey" Deeks said and Kensi could hear that he was upset.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Kensi asked with concern.

"Nope."

Kensi looked down to see Monty curled up in the other corner of the balcony.

"You ever want to talk I'll be here for you."

"I know."

Kensi let out a comfortable sigh as she curled up closer into Deeks. She couldn't believe how beautiful the beach looked in the moonlight. Most of the time they were at her place after work. They had never been here at night and Kensi couldn't believe that she had missed this.

"This is beautiful. No wonder you love this apartment so much."

"I've spent a lot of nights just sitting out here. After a bad operation or after a long undercover it's nice to just sit here all day or night. It makes me feel better. It makes me feel at home."

"It's comforting and soothing out here. I can see why this would be your favorite thing to do. I could sit here all night just listening to the waves."

"I was thinking about getting a little fire pit, so when it's cold I can warm the area up."

"That would be cool. It would definitely help keep it warmer."

Deeks moved his arm so he could bring Kensi in closer to him. Kensi curled up to Deeks' chest and they sat outside all night just watching the waves and watching the sunrise. It was going to be a long couple of months, but Kensi wasn't going to give up on Deeks. She was going to be there for him through thick and thin no matter what. Deeks was her partner and the man that she loved. She was not going to let him go through this on his own. No matter how bad it got.