Author's note: Hey to anyone who's reading!~ This is the second chapter, obviously, and I've got the last one typed up, so I'll post it in a few days (: A special thanks to "XxHeartlessKissxX for her really nice review~ (: Glad you like it!
If you read this, please, please review (: I need reviews like Mello needs chocolate. *Says with a straight face.* Hahaha.
~Rainbow Fruit Loop.
~Forever and Always~
Chapter Two
Fifty eight and a half minutes later, Matt takes a deep breath. His heart is pounding in his throat, and he is sweating.
But, at the very bottom of his heart, he believes that Mello will have chosen him.
How could he not? They've been best friends for five years, and lovers for a year and a half. How could he choose Near – a frustratingly annoying freak - over him?
Matt realises that he smells strongly of smoke; he always believes that cigarettes make him feel calm. He hopes that Mello won't mind too much; because 'calm' is what he needs right now.
But, when Matt opens the door to reveal an ashen-faced, miserable Mello holding a large, slightly battered cardboard box filled to the brim with all of Matt's belongings, Matt loses any sense of 'calm' he may have had.
"Is that…? Are you…? Y-You're chucking me out?" he manages to choke out, bewildered and aghast.
No…
Please, no…
Matt doesn't want it to end. He's scared, and his weakness disgusts him.
Silently, Mello hands him the box. He then looks down at the cream carpet, and scrunches his face up slightly. His hands make their way into the pockets of his tight leather pants, and he kicks gently at the edge of the bookcase next to him.
Everything feels awkward; Mello can't look Matt in the eye.
"Please, please don't tell me you chose him over me…"
Because as much as Matt denied it in the beginning, that's what is comes down to.
"You made me choose, Matty, and I've devoted my entire fucking life to beating Near. I can't just stop now! I don't want to be a fucking loser; a quitter. I can't stand being 'Number Two' for much longer. It's going to crush me." Mello spits.
But who does Mello think he is? He's tearing their love to pieces.
Matt is silent – he feels sick to his stomach – and he waits for Mello to continue.
Is… Is he for real?
Or is this just some stupid, warped trick he's playing?
Oh shit.
Mello takes a deep breath, obviously to calm himself down. "Sorry. I told myself that I wasn't going to yell."
Matt nods slowly – still not trusting himself to speak - and fingers the hem of his stripey shirt with shaking hands.
"But, you know, Matty, I once thought: 'I'll kill anyone who gets in my way. I'll be Number One.' I still think that, but I'm not going to kill you."
Mello shifts awkwardly, and scratches lightly at his forehead.
"Even though you know me well enough to write a book about me… even though you know my face well enough to draw a sketch of me with your eyes closed… and even though you know my real name… Even though you're now a fucking threat to me, I'm not going to – and don't want to – kill you." Mello says, his voice trailing off to barely over a whisper. "I don't want to say goodbye to you, Matt, but…"
Mello's eyes are still glued to the carpet.
After a long silence, Matt manages to open his mouth, and form a coherent sentence.
"Are you joking, Mels?"
Finally, Mello raises his stunning cobalt eyes from the carpet, to gaze into Matt's emerald orbs, causing blue to meet with green with a spark of something akin to electricity.
Because the passionate romance is still there.
"No, I'm not."
"So… This is it then?" Matt asks, his voice shaking. "You've definitely chosen Near… over me?"
He feels so angry, yet he feels so sad. He doesn't know which emotion is stronger. Because everything is blurring; fusing into oblivion.
"Yes… We can still be friends, though, yeah?" Mello asks.
He knows that Matt will say no. He knows that they can't be friends anymore. But he says it anyway; it needs to be said.
Just in case.
"No. I don't think we can." Matt says hotly.
"For Fuck's sake, Matt. You don't have to be so bloody dramatic." Mello breathes, frowning.
But they both know what Mello actually means. Because, somewhere, buried deep within the harsh words, lies a hidden apology.
Because Mello is notoriously bad at apologizing.
"I'm sorry too, Mello. I really am." Matt inhales sharply, and frowns. "I guess… I guess I'll be going now."
He turns around, and heads for the door.
He can't believe it. He honestly can't.
Mello doesn't need him anymore.
And it confuses him. Because, when did Mello ever let his head rule his heart?
His mind is spinning with beautiful images of his Mello, like some sort of sick, twisted slideshow.
Mello smiling his adorable, half-asleep smile, which would only make itself present when the two awoke in each others arms.
Mello kissing him in the rare, glistening white snow, his cheeks lightly tinged with pink because of the cold.
Mello laughing with him as he attempted to win a race in 'Mario Carts' – a competition he knew he would never win; but trying nonetheless.
Mello eating a huge chocolate ice cream at a wharf with him, complaining about how the chocolate ice cream 'doesn't taste how chocolate fucking should' – but eating it within seconds all the same.
Mello. His gorgeous, dazzling, absolutely terrifying Mello.
"Wait…" Mello says suddenly. His voice is uncharacteristically soft.
Matt turns around, confused.
"What?" he asks hotly.
His voice comes out harsher than he had meant it.
"Why did you think I'd choose you? You know how important winning is to me."
For some odd reason, Mello's words are not full of malice and disapproval and cruel teasing. He sounds honestly curious as to why Matt would think that he would give up everything for him.
Even so, the words sting a lot more than they should.
"Why did I think you'd choose me?" Matt repeats glumly. "Well, I guess that I just thought that, when it came down to it, you'd choose me. I thought that, after everything we've been through, you'd be happy staying by my side. Remember that promise we made when we were children at Wammy's? Forever and always, remember?"
Mello bites down on his bottom lip, and winces at the memory.
"I… I'm sorry." Mello says simply.
Matt can't help but to be shocked at Mello's apology.
Because Mello never shows regret.
"I'm sorry that I've broken my promise. But… I need to beat Near… I need to win…"
It's in that moment that Matt realises that Mello's hurting too.
"I'm so sorry." He repeats softly. "I'm so fucking sorry."
Matt sighs, knowing that there is no chance that Mello is going to change his mind.
He feels like curling up into a ball and crying; sobbing his heart out until he can't stand the pain for much longer. He wants to close his eyes, and never, ever open them again.
And the amount of emotion he's feeling scares him.
Because, although Matt is supposed to be strong, intelligent, and completely and utterly badass, Mail Jeevas has always been afraid, emotional, and hopelessly, helplessly and irrevocably in love.
Matt has always been weak on the inside.
"I know you are." Matt says quietly. "Thank you… thank you for saying it."
There's a bit of a silence, and Matt shifts awkwardly; distributing the weight of the large box from one hip to the other.
"I guess I'll be off, then." Matt says, looking at the door.
He needs to get out; he needs to be by himself.
His world is spinning; twisting and turning with a ferocious malevolence.
"Hold on, Matty." Mello murmurs.
Matt turns around again, and frowns.
Why doesn't Mello realise that he needs to be alone?
Mello walks up to him with an atypical nervousness, and takes the box out of Matt's hands. Matt watches as Mello places the box down, before stepping closer to him, and gently pressing his lips to the redhead's.
"Something to remember me by." Mello murmurs against Matt's lips.
Before he can stop himself, Matt is kissing back, lightly running his tongue over Mello's smooth, soft pink lips. Without knowing when it happened, Matt's fingers are tangled in Mello's smooth, blonde hair, drawing his ex-boyfriend closer, closer, closer, until there's almost no space left between them.
Mello's fingers have drifted down to rest precariously low on Matt's hips, and are tracing small, light patterns on the exposed skin. The sensation causes tingles to run down Matt's spine, and he can't help but to moan into Mello's lips.
Matt knows that he shouldn't be kissing Mello like this; it'll only make it all the more harder to let him go, but it just feels so damn good.
There is a sudden urgency in Mello's kiss, and the blonde deepens said kiss by pushing his body against Matt's; desperately, passionately, and for the very last time.
Their kiss is full of despair, loneliness, hurt, and melancholy, and neither of the men want it to end, but they both know that it must.
The decision has been made, and nothing can change it.
Matt knows that this will be the last time that he will feel Mello's lips on his, and it hurts more than he could have imagined.
Because Mello completes him; Mello is his life.
Eventually, Matt regains his senses, and gently pushes Mello away from him.
Both men are breathing heavily, and look guiltily dishevelled.
It takes a minute for Mello to speak up.
"I love you, Matty. I really do. And I'm really, really sorry for have hurting you in the past few weeks. I didn't mean to. I honestly didn't. Are… Are you sure that I have to make this decision?"
Matt nods his head.
Because now that he knows Mello's answer, it would be hard for him to forget about it, and forgive his ex-lover. Because now that Matt knows that he comes second in Mello's life, it would be hard for him to pretend that it didn't hurt.
Because Matt knows that he will never look at Mello in the same light ever again.
"This is it, Mels." Matt says. "Goodbye."
Matt picks up his box, turns to the door, and angrily wipes at a tear threatening to spill over.
He shouldn't be crying. He should be too badass to cry.
And, as he opens the door, ready to leave for the second time that day, he hears Mello speak.
"Goodbye, Matty. I promise I won't forget you."
But Matt doesn't believe him.
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