Everything Twilight related; characters and the world they live in belongs to Stephanie Meyer. All misinterpretation is my fault and no disrespect was meant.

Authors Note: After re-reading my original Chapter 1 it didn't flow as well as I thought it had so I added slightly to it, hopefully it is better now. This is my re-write, please leave me comments. I hope you enjoy it.

CHAPTER 1

My Perfect Life

My life is perfect, it really and truly is, well as perfect as life can be for a vegetarian vampire, I have everything that I have ever wanted and more. It truly amazes me everyday that I get to have all my dreams come true, but they did. I have the perfect little family, Renesmee my daughter and my husband Edward, my life revolves around them - especially my husband, Edward, who I still have trouble believing really wanted me back when I was human, but he chose me. I descended the main stairs of the house silently - the Cullen's still lived in the house outside of Forks, but we worked and went to school in Port Angeles now, a short drive away - and saw Edward seated across the family room, concentrating on something, a smile playing across his lips.

I can't believe I have been married for 10 years already, it seems like just yesterday that I was the literal blushing bride, walking down these stairs towards the man of dreams, the love of my life, the man I would get to spend my whole existence with, Edward Cullen. I smiled and sighed, remembering how perfect the day had been.

"Bella love, what's wrong?" Edward turned and looked at me from where he was sat at his piano, a look of concern etched across his face, he was still the most beautiful person in the world to me, his perfect topaz coloured eyes looked into my core, he could see me, all of me and I wanted him to be able to, I was his, I would never want anyone else but him, if I could still blush though, I would be flaming red right now.

"Nothing's wrong darling, I was just thinking" I walked across the room towards him

"About what?" he still looked concerned, until I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him lightly on the lips

"Just about our wedding day, I was remembering how perfect that day had been, and how I couldn't believe you had been mine for 10 years" he leant towards me and kissed me again, deeper than I had kissed him, a smile playing across his lips, I knew he was thinking about the same thing now, and I didn't have to be a mind reader to know it. I smiled again, I loved him more than my whole existence.

"12" he corrected me, OK well technically he was right but I just rolled my eyes and hugged him closer, snuggling into his neck as he started to play the lullaby he had composed for me just after we had met.

" I love you" I breathed

"As I do you, always" he stopped playing and wrapped his arms around me, drawing me into him for a yet deeper kiss, he always took my breathe away.

"Jeez, you two get a room will you" Emmett and Rose had come down the stairs silently and caught us in our embrace

"We have one Emmett" Edward said pulling away from me and turning to face them

"Use it then!, enough of the PDA's, if were not allowed, why should you guys be?" He threw a pillow towards us, but Edward caught it before it hit us.

"Em, why do you even bother, you know he can read your mind, he knows what you are going to do as soon as you think it" I said standing up, and holding my hand towards Edward "C'mon, we need to go and see Renesmee before she goes to sleep, and then maybe we WILL use our room" I shot a glance toward Emmett who was smiling now, rolling his eyes.

"He can't always read my mind, I'll get him back, when he's least expecting it" he wiggled his eyebrows suggestively at us - we had recently found out that Edward couldn't 'hear' people whilst we were being intimate with each other and now Emmett and Alice took great pleasure in walking in on us whenever their other halves were away - it was starting to get annoying to say the least.

Edward took my hand pulling me out of my reverie and pulled me up the stairs towards Nessie's bedroom. She lived in the main house now as there was more room than in our cottage and Jacob liked to spend the night with her when he wasn't patrolling. Edward hadn't been happy about hearing him there that first night - not that they had been dating then - he was still just her friend, but he still didn't like it, I guess it had something to do with Jacob's thoughts towards Nessie but he never mentioned it to me so when I suggested she move in here, and she jumped at the chance to get away from her mind reading father at night. Then the roof fell in on our cottage and we all had to move in.

Edward chuckled as we reached the top of the stairs and said " Me too" under his breath.

"What?" I asked looking confused, I still wasn't used to the silent questions Edward would answer

"Oh just Emmett, he was just thinking that he couldn't wait for our cottage to be fixed, I think he finally gets what it was like for everyone to be around him and Rosalie all those years, and the Me too was me agreeing, I can't wait for our cottage to be fixed" he looked at me, his topaz eyes smouldering, I felt my breath hitch, and he smiled his crooked smile that he knew I couldn't resist, before pulling me into the deepest kiss of the day so far, when he pulled away, I was pouting at him, almost begging him for more with my eyes, I bit my lip knowing, he couldn't resist.

He growled and lunged at me, slamming me against the wall and kissing me deeply, I didn't care that there was bits of dry wall in my hair, just that his body was pressed to mine. I wanted more, I wanted him right there. I didn't care if people saw us, I just wanted Edward.

"Ew, Mom, Dad, seriously could you not just wait, your room is just upstairs, that is seriously just disgusting, stop it now, and Grandma Esme won't be very happy you have just put a hole in her wall, she only fixed it up last week after Em and Rose, well you know" Renesmee trailed off, we were looking at her, like school children that had been caught doing something naughty. My eyes were on the ground. I guess my daughter catching us would be a horrendous thing to happen, and she was right our room was just upstairs.

"Jeez guys, I was just yanking your chains, its romantic that you guys are still like that, well it's gross too I don't need to see that, but you know, it is your anniversary tomorrow after all, I hope after 10 years Jake and I are still like that" Edward stiffened at my side at the mention of Jake but I smiled at her, I loved my daughter as much as I loved Edward, they were my whole life, and the mention of our anniversary made me sigh again.

Edward chuckled and said "Its true she is, that's one of the reasons I love her" huh? I looked between them knowing I had missed a silent exchange involving the pair of them.

We walked into Nessie's bedroom as she put her hand on my cheek, and using her gift she showed me the look that had passed on my face as I had been thinking of Edwards and my anniversary and had sighed. I looked so happy, it made me smile again.

"I was just thinking that you looked so happy that you might explode" she explained "and that you looked a little innocent, childlike" she went on. It was the first time I had been described as childlike in a long time, not since I was a child actually, Renee was always the child in our mother, daughter relationship, I missed her too much sometimes. I wished she could get to know Nessie, but it was too dangerous for her, in another seven years they could meet, and my family would be complete again, I hated lying to Mom but Nessie had grown so quickly that it had been necessary, she thought we all lived in Alaska, we'd told her that so she didn't visit, she hated the cold. I hated that she couldn't come.

"Thank you darling" I hugged her "Jeez Ness, how long have you been with Jake today? You stink like a dog" I smirked

"Oh very funny, I'm gonna take a shower now anyway, so I'll let you get back to, well, you know, Jake is coming over soon, he's not patrolling tonight" she beamed up at us, I felt Edwards grip tighten in my hand, I rubbed his arm, soothing him and he loosened his grip. They were together now, it was something we had to get used to, its not like we didn't know it would happen eventually, but with Nessie technically not even 10 years old yet, it was still weird for us, of course she didn't look like a 9 year old girl, she was a fully matured 17 year old vampire/ human hybrid. But, we worried about her, she was still our little girl, and Edward was very protective over her.

"How are things going with you two anyway, honey?" I asked as Edward excused himself out of the conversation saying goodnight and hugging Renesmee before he left the room, I chuckled remembering the day they had told us that they had started dating. The morning had started so well. Amazing actually I remembered.

FLASHBACK

"Momma, Daddy" Renesmee called from outside the cottage "Are you decent? We have to talk to you about something important" Edward groaned at the word 'we', but kept thrusting into me, he was so good at this, I stifled a moan in his mouth I was so close and wasn't ready to stop yet "Please guys it really can't wait" I bucked my hips towards him trying to get his thoughts back on what we were doing.

"Damn it, you're a nuisance child", but when he spoke I knew she would get her way, and we would get up, I could already smell Jacob with her, and now he had lost his focus Edward could probably hear his mind too. Rubbish.

I loved that he couldn't seem to use his gift when we were together physically, I liked to think it was because he was so into me, Edward agreed, and that made me happy. Although it had been annoying and embarrassing until we realised why Emmett and Alice kept walking in on us, they were taking advantage of Edward not knowing what they were doing for once in their existence, getting him back so to speak. I didn't like being part of this revenge plan though, it was ruining our sex life, so I put my foot down with Alice telling her I wouldn't go shopping again, ever, unless she stopped it, getting back at Emmett would be a lot tougher though and I had to get Rosalie to agree to something, but I would get him back, I had all of eternity to do it.

I pouted as Edward pulled himself out of me, and headed to the closet, we had been having an amazing morning, we rarely got alone time these days. Now Nessie was living in the main house full time it was getting better though, more fun time for Edward and Bella.

"Just a sec, honey, you can come in the house though" Edward was dressed now, and he pulled me up to join him, growling in my ear, a shiver of excitement ran through me, and I pulled him closer, in a tight embrace.

"Later love, believe me I was NOT finished with you" I groaned as he ran his finger along my wet slit, flicking my clit before he pulled away, telling me to get dressed and licking his finger. A shot of pleasure went through me every time he did that, it was so damn sexy.

I was dressed a second later and walking down the hallway, cursing under my breath, I was frustrated now.

"Renesmee Carlie Cullen, you better have a really good reason for disturbing us" she just giggled and I noticed Jacob was stood outside the front door

"Jake, why are you outside?" he grimaced and Edward let out a loud laugh, I looked at him, and he said

"he didn't want to interrupt darling, he could hear you moaning before Nessie could, and now he's embarrassed" if I could have blushed I would have. Nessie did it for me. She looked like she wanted to hide beneath a rock.

"Blush much Bells?" Jake said as he walked over our threshold and sat next to Renesmee on the sofa.

"I can't blush Jacob, I have no blood, anyway what did you guys want to talk to us about so urgently?" I already had a feeling that I knew where this was going, it was about time too, if I had to look at Jacob watching my daughter with the look of longing he has had for the last 6 months, any longer, I swear I was going to just set them up myself, or at least get Alice to do it.

"Do you guys wanna sit down?" Nessie waved her hands towards the overstuffed chair by the fireplace, we went over and sat on it, I snuggled myself into Edwards lap, being so close to him reminded me what had just been interrupted, I was eager to finish what we started. So I just asked

"What's going on?" Renesmee looked slightly embarrassed about what she was about to say, but Jake looked ecstatic, Edward growled under his breath at a thought one of them must have had, Nessie looked at us then beamed up at Jake and took his hand between both of hers, it was so tender, it made me smile.

"Well Momma, Daddy, Jake and I are dating, we have been for about a month now, since just after I moved into the big house, and well its starting to get pretty serious, so I wanted to tell you about it" she smiled at us

"A month?" I was shocked how did I not know?, how did Edward not know? "Why? How? What? How do we not know about this already? How did you keep it from your father? Why did you not tell us? and what exactly do you mean when you say serious, Jacob?" I was so confused, and angry, if that mutt has touched my daughter like that I was going to rip his head off, I gripped Edwards thigh beneath me.

"Well Bells, Alice had been giving me tips on how get around Edwards little gift for a while so I just told Nessie how to do it too, we weren't ready to tell you until now, Nessie thought you would be mad, but then you started treating her more like a grown up you know with her moving out and all that she was more independent, I love her, and she loves me too" he beamed back at her, his smile so full of love that it caught me off guard, I was starting to calm down, plus I knew was only a matter of time "so we decided to tell you, we just couldn't find the right time, there was always other people around, or you were busy" he grimaced "obviously though this was not the right time, so I am really sorry about that too" he grimaced again, and shook his head at some image that had popped in there "as for your last question I wouldn't do anything that Nessie didn't want to, we haven't well, you know what, but it is pretty serious, I don't want to be away from her" now it was Edwards turn to grip onto me, that was fine with me, so long as he didn't kill Jake today he could grip all he wanted to.

" And you are happy?" I asked, looking at Renesmee she beamed before replying

"Yes I really, really am, I'm happier than I have ever been "

"Well I can't say I'm surprised, but I wish you would have told us earlier, don't you Edward?" I turned to look at him, his teeth were gritted, and his eyes were staring straight at Jacob, mad was not the word I would have used to describe the emotion on his face, furious was.

"Jacob Black" he growled through gritted teeth, Uh Oh

"Nessie, Jake, get out of here, NOW" I had recognised the tone of Edwards voice, he was going to break something, probably Jake, I didn't think Renesmee would be too happy about that though, they ran just as Edward stood up and knocked me out of his lap before punching a hole in the chimney breast.

"Edward, calm down, we knew this was going to happen, stop being dramatic" he acted as though he hadn't heard me, and continued to pummel the wall until there was a gaping hole, in the side of our cottage.

"Erm Edward, we need walls you know" I walked over to him and wrapped my arms around him, trying to calm him down, he sighed it was working his punches were less frequent now.

"We knew this was coming" I repeated, and he hit out at the wall one last time, before sighing again and leaning back into me

"I know, it doesn't make it any easier though does it, especially when I have to hear all about it in his head, he's so damn happy, it makes me want to puke" I chuckled

"Did you really just say 'puke' Edward Cullen?" I kissed his neck, and he turned to face me

"Yeah, I guess I did, maybe you're starting to rub off on me" he kissed me as I chuckled, he wasn't mad anymore, now that Jake had left, and we were alone again, that reminded me we had been interrupted this morning so very rudely.

"I haven't started that yet" I winked suggestively "but can if you want" my hands lightly traced down his chest to the bottom of his shirt before pulling it up over his head, and kissing him deeply on his perfect lips.

He groaned into my mouth, and kissed me back with all his might, before spinning us to rest lightly against the wall

"Now where were we when we were so rudely interrupted?" he asked me as my breath hitched and he rubbed my hardened nipples through my shirt

"Just take me Edward" I panted in his ear as he growled and pushed me up against the wall, a little too hard though, with all the damage he had already done to it, the pressure of us pushing against it, was too much, we went through the wall landing in a pile of rubble laughing, as the roof fell around us.

"Earth to Mom" Renesmee waved her hand in front of my eyes

"Sorry honey, I was just thinking about the day, you guys told us you were together" I said chuckling

"You mean the day you guys broke the cottage" she was sniggering now and I heard Emmett laughing loudly downstairs.

"Yeah" I grudgingly admitted " So really, how are you guys doing?" she smiled

"Really well Mom, I love him so much, I don't know what I would do without him, he's sweet and kind, and well I don't know he's Jake like"

"Yeah I know, I remember what its like in those first few months, all you want to do is be with the one you love, touch them, kiss them and can't believe that they are really yours, although I still find it hard to believe that I get to keep your father even now"

"Mom that's silly, Dad has always been yours, he told me all about it, how he fell in love with you and never wanted to leave you even though he felt he had to, he still feels bad about that you know" I was shocked, when had Edward told Nessie about that? Did that mean an awkward conversation about my past with Jake didn't need to happen?

"Erm, I should go and find your father now, so I'll let you go and shower honey, say hey to Jake for me" I left, but called over my shoulder "Sweet Dreams, love you" to her

"You too Mom" now where was Edward

"Kitchen" Alice called from downstairs, I ran down and wrapped my arms around his waist

"Thanks Alice" she had a knowing smile on her face "I would've found him though"

"No doubt, I thought I'd help though, by the way Esme, is gonna be mad about that wall unless you offer to help fix it" I grimaced again, and Edward smiled his crooked smile at me.

"Where is Esme anyway?" I asked listening around the house for her, she wasn't around

"She was shopping when I got a vision of you guys smashing that wall, so called her and sent her to Home Depot, Carlisle went and met her there, you need to help her fix it though or your cottage won't get finished anytime soon" she chuckled, her laugh sounding like a peel of bells.

"I guess we should, it was our fault, urgh I wish our cottage was fixed already" stone was harder than dry wall, not as much damage when Edward threw me against things, and it was far enough away that people couldn't hear what we were doing, not even those people with Vampire hearing, unlike in the main house, where our room was the only one not soundproofed, I had had enough of Emmett's ribbing about how loud we were, I was getting turned on just thinking about it.

"Jeez guys get a room" Jasper had walked in the kitchen and put his arms around Alice, she giggled obviously realising what Jasper could feel coming from Edward and I

"We have one" I quoted Edward from earlier

"Then use it" Emmett called from the family room, everyone laughed, including Edward

"That reminds me" he kissed me, and pulled me towards the stairs again "I hate to be interrupted" he kissed me again, picking me up and wrapping my legs around his waist as he carried me upstairs, to the guest room, Edwards old room had been turned into a sewing room for Alice, she was sick of not being able to find exactly what she wanted in the designers collections, so had started designing her own clothes, they were awesome. Even I agreed to this despite my aversion to shopping.

"Don't knock any walls down this time though, we like our roof where it is" Emmett boomed, Rosalie must have hit him though as I heard him mutter 'Ow' but I was too absorbed in Edward now to really pay any attention. I knew he was the same, he would be just focusing on us, how I liked him.

I could already feel the wetness pooling in my underwear so I knew Edward could feel it too, I pulled myself closer to him as we got to our bedroom, grinding myself onto him, I moaned in pleasure as I felt how hard he already was. It just made me more aroused feeling him. He pushed the door open, and walked us through the door, kicking it closed behind us.

"Uh, Bella, you make me so hard" I smiled at that and moved my kisses to his neck, nipping my way down towards his collarbone, he was putting me down now and pushing me against the door making sure it was fully closed, his hard length rubbing against me, it sent pulses of desire through my whole body.

"Edward, please, I want you now" he was kissing down my neck now, his hands gently pulling my dress over my head, his kisses kept getting lower, and his hands were working along with them, when his mouth reached my bra he gently bit my nipple through the lace, it hardened immediately and he smiled as he did the same to my other nipple, before just ripping my bra off and began lightly flicking his tongue over my hardened peaks. A moan escaped my lips and he smiled again.

"Tell me how much you like that Bella" I groaned again as his hand pulled my leg up around his waist before brushing my clit through my panties

"So good Edward, I love it, please" I pleaded, and he ran his thumb over my clit again and I pushed my hips towards him, "Please Edward stop teasing me, I want you inside me" he chuckled and nipped my neck.

I groaned again and reached my hands towards the button on Edwards jeans, I fumbled with it for a second before I finally got it open, I yanked his pants and boxers down releasing his hard, thick, perfect cock from its cloth prison, my hand began to slide up and down his shaft, I didn't want to wait any longer for him to be inside me, I was so aroused already. I doubled my speed and Edward groaned into my chest pulling my panties off before finally plunging two fingers inside me, just as I had wanted him too, he began pumping them in and out slowly at first and then speeding up and pushing them deeper as I bucked my hips to get closer to him, and moaned his name, he was so good at this.

I wrapped my other leg around his waist too, he was holding me up now. His fingers were plunging in and out of me in time with my own hand around his throbbing cock, I knew I was close I could feel the tightening in my stomach beginning.

"Edward I'm so close, don't stop, he plunged a third finger inside me and rubbed his thumb in circles on my clit, I felt myself falling over the edge as I bucked my hips onto his fingers wanting him deeper, I had to stop what I was doing to his cock so I could grip onto his shoulders for support, I thrust harder against his fingers

"Edward oh god, I.. I'm.. I.. I'm cuming, Edward" I felt myself clench around his fingers as the most delicious orgasm gripped my body.

"Mmm that was amazing" I said into his ear as I finally came down, he was licking my juices off his fingers, god that was so damn sexy when he did that, it made me want to taste him "But I forgot about you" I pouted as I detached myself from Edward, spinning him round in the process to lean him against the door this time, before grabbing his cock again

"I'll make it up to you" I looked at him, while I started moving my hand again, slowly

"Bella, stop teasing me" he quoted, and he groaned while grabbing my hand to make me go faster and harder, his breathing hitched and I knew he wasn't far off his own orgasm when his head rolled back and he groaned, with that I knelt down and took the head of his perfect cock in my hand, swirling my tongue around it before flicking it across the top and plunging him deep into my mouth.

"Ugh, Bella" he moaned, grabbing my head and forcing me down again, I loved doing this to Edward, his actions were so unpredictable, it was hot, he made me so wet, I grabbed the base of his cock before licking back up to the top, following with my hand and then plunging him back into my mouth, I repeated the action again but instead of licking back up I gently grazed my teeth up the length of him, I knew he loved that, he gripped my hair tighter.

"Fuck, I'm cuming" I smiled, I loved it when he cursed, only I could get that out of him, I sucked with all my might once more and he was spilling into my mouth, I swallowed it all down before flicking my tongue across the head once more to collect every last drop of him.

I looked up at him smiling, pleased with myself, I knew he had enjoyed it, he had his crooked smile on his face, I knew what was coming now, or who would be anyway, I bit my bottom lip seductively

"You're pretty happy with yourself aren't you? You think you are so clever, you tease, you have no idea what I want to do to you now" he pulled me up and kissed me

"Well you taste so good, What was I meant to do?" I smiled seductively, well I thought it was seductive anyway, he must have too though as his fingers found my folds again, I was already dripping with desire for him, and I moaned, throwing my head back

"So wet Bella, is that for me? Tell me its for me" he brushed my clit and I shuddered, god I wanted him more than normal today.

"Its always for you" I looked straight into his eyes as he plunged a finger inside me, before pulling it right out I shuddered again, I needed him right now "just for you, please Edward I want you inside me, I'm begging"

"Oh you will be alright, you'll be begging me not to stop" he kicked off his pants that were still around his ankles and pushed me to the big bed in the middle of the room

He was already hard again, and was teasing his cock along my slit

"Please Edward" I had already started begging I noted, he chuckled and pushed the tip of his cock into me, before pulling all the way out, I pouted up at him before he rammed himself all the way into me, harder than he had before, my eyes rolled back into my head and we both gasped at how amazing it felt, I could get used to this, "So good Edward, I like it when you take control" he thrust into me again and again, it was so amazing but I wanted more, I wanted him deeper in me, I needed it, I wrapped my legs around his waist and pulled him in even deeper

We both moaned at that and Edward muttered "Fuck, you're so tight Bella, so wet and tight for me, I love it" he kept thrusting into me, I was already on the edge of an orgasm.

"Edward I'm cuming, don't stop, please don't stop, oh god" I flung my head back and arched my back off the bed, trying to get closer still as Edward moved his hands between us pressing his fingers against my clit and rubbing small circles over it, I could feel myself tightening around him but he never stopped plunging himself into me. I fell over the edge moaning his name over and over, but he didn't stop, he just slowed to let me get my rhythm again, kissing me deeply and pulling one of my legs up over his shoulder to get a different angle to thrust into.

"Bella" he growled my name, it was so erotic, he could turn me on just by saying my name I loved that "Tell me what you want" he was starting to get faster again nearing his climax, he was ramming his beautiful, thick cock into me so hard I could already feel myself becoming unwound again. It seemed stupid that I was scared that first time that he wouldn't fit in me, we were a perfect match.

"Yes, Oh Harder Edward, faster and harder, oh god yes, don't stop, please don't ever stop" he obliged and I could tell he was almost there too, he kissed me and moved his hands down to my clit again so he could give me more pleasure

"Cum for me Bella, cum with me now" he thrust into me harder yet, and I grabbed into his bronze hair as the springs in my stomach unwound and my orgasm found me.

"Oh Edward, yes Edward, oh god Edward" I thrashed and bucked my hips against him as I tried to get closer, I felt my walls clench around his perfect cock and felt him spill inside me, He said my name over and over as he came, it felt amazing, I was so lucky to have him in my life.

"God Bella, that was amazing" he thrust into me once more and we laid still, wrapped in each others arms out of breath, but so satisfied, I couldn't keep the smile from appearing on my lips, he saw my smile and flashed his crooked grin at me "Did you enjoy that Mrs Cullen?" he smirked, I nodded still too out of breath to talk "See I told you I would have you begging me not to stop"

I pouted "But you did though" I stuck out my bottom lip and tried to look sad, he nipped my lip and said

"You have no idea how much I want to take you again right now, but up you get, we have to get dressed Esme wants to have a word with us" I groaned, but disentangled myself from him and walked to the closet looking for new underwear

"Edward you seriously need to stop ripping my underwear off me, this is the last bra I have, and I sooo don't want to go shopping, you know how much I hate it" I said holding up a plain white satin bra before I put it on, followed by matching panties and a yellow sundress. Even though I had been a vampire for 10 years almost I still was not over my abhorrence to shopping, much to Alice and Rosalie's dismay, luckily though Renesmee loved spending time at the mall with them, so it normally let me off.

"It's your fault I do it, those noises you make, Bella, you have no idea what they do to me" if it was anything like what I felt like when he said my name, I knew alright.

"C'mon then, lets go and face Esme" I said, they all knew we were finished 'having fun' so it wouldn't be long before they came and got us. He was dressed now too, in a white t-shirt and a pair of faded blue jeans. He looked so sexy, no stop thinking that, you're already in trouble. I wasn't looking forward to what Emmett was going to say to us either, we had been quite loud today. It was so worth it though, I could take the jokes today.

Thanks for reading, please click on the green button and let me know if you enjoyed it, even if you didn't enjoy it I'd like to know, I enjoy getting mail, all criticism is welcome