Gates picked the piece of paper up, unfolded it and read it out loud:
Dear damn diary,
This is the first and most likely the last time I have to write something like this. Neela has moved out and with her everything that meant something to me. Pratt has seen how I smoked a joint. I can't wait until I get to go back to the hospital tomorrow. Weaver for sure wants me to take a drug test. Like she would really care if I'd taken drugs or not. She just wants to be sure, that she won't get problems if I kill a patient when I'm high.
Seriously, Weaver thinks only of herself. Selfish Bitch!
But tomorrow is the day I get revenge, the day of reckoning when Neela has to pay for everything she has done to me. Either way she will suffer. Tomorrow I will lock her in the toilet with me and give myself the final shot.
If somebody comes in I will shoot her.
I already know what Abby would say to this 'Ray and giving himself the final shot. For this he is way too cowardly. He's afraid of needles'
Until now I was only afraid of needles because they reminded me of the time when I was a junkie. But now that I'm taking drugs again I don't feel fear anymore, no, just pleasure that the drugs give me the possibility to enter a different world.
Abby would most probably consider it impossible for me to kill Neela. I'd love her so much!
Bullshit! I hate Neela! She is the reason why I'm getting drunk almost every night and from my life there is only left a heap of broken hopes and dreams.
Abby would love to enter the toilet when I'm already dead. But unfortunately she forgets the shock Neela has to endure when she has to look on how I die.
At the end I'd tell her that everything is her fault. That would destroy her for good, just like it destroyed me when she moved out.
Either way she will suffer and that's everything that matters to me right now.
Thus, dear world, I have the feeling that my life is going to be over by tomorrow. There are only two words I can think of: Fuck you!
When Gates has finished reading Abby went to the door.
"I'll go in there right now"
"What? You can't do that!" Luka screamed desperately and reached for Abby's hand.
"No Luka! Let me! I have to go in there! Ray for sure is already high and on the verge of dying. If there is a right moment then it's now"
"But what if that is exactly what Ray is waiting for? When he isn't high yet but just waiting for someone to open the door so he can shoot Neela?" said Morris, making everyone to think.
"What I'm asking myself the whole time", Kerry spoke up, "why hasn't Ray just shot Neela and then himself? That would be much easier!"
"The gun...", Pratt whispered, "I knew that I have seen it before. We took it away from a boy who was in a gang shooting three days ago. The police wanted to collect it tomorrow. Ray must have taken it when he arrived at the hospital. There is only one bullet in it. He can't shoot Neela and then kill himself because that would take too long before he injected himself the final shot"
"What if he bought extra bullets for the gun?" Frank asked.
"No, he couldn't. He didn't know which gun it was and what bullets he would have needed for it. I only told him about the gun"
"I'm going in!", Abby said, determined, "He wants to kill himself tonight. He can't shoot Neela. He is for sure already high and his reactions have slowed. Before he can even aim the gun at Neela I will have already kicked it out of his hand"
"Okay, but I'll go in too" Luka said, more confident than he felt.
"One moment. He has most probably blocked the door. He wanted to give himself enough time so he can aim at Neela" Kerry said quickly.
"Then we'll just break it down. Step back" Luka warned and broke the door down.
Abby wanted to run towards Ray to kick the gun out of his hand but stopped when she saw that the gun was lying in the middle of the room, unreachable for both Neela and Ray.
Neelas mouth was taped shut by a piece of duct tape and her hands were tied together behind her back.
Ray was lying in an angle, high but still alive. The needle was lying next to him.
Luka ran toward Neela and freed her.
Ray grinned lightheaded: "Welcome to my show!"
"Your show? You bastard!, I'll kill you" Gates roared and lunged at Ray. Nobody was holding him back.
Ray spat in his face.
"You don't need to kill me. I'm already doing that for you"
"Hold on", Pratt said unsure, "what do you mean with 'Welcome to my show'? What a dirty game are you playing?"
"Pratt, not a dirty game. Where are your manners? This is a perfect planned game. Have you found the piece of paper?"
"What? We thought..." Abby stuttered.
"You thought what? That it fell out of my pocked by accident?" Rays laughter sounded so cold it gave everyone the creeps.
"If you still didn't get it I did it on purpose. A part of my plan. I knew that you would react like you did. I knew that you, Pratt, would recognize the gun. That you, Abby, wouldn't allow Neela to see me die. And this is the scene that compensates everything I had to go trough in the last months. I can't miss it. This is why I got myself addicted to heroin. It takes affect later but the amount is enough to kill me in the end. The drugs aren't the sense of my life, but knowing that you were scared, that you feared for Neela's life, for losing her just like I did"
"You bastard!" Abby yelled.
Ray ignored her.
Instead he looked Neela in the eyes while he spoke to the others:
"Did you really think I could kill Neela? I love her way too much to do this. Even if she broke me apart, my love for her will never end"
Ray couldn't uphold the facade any longer; a tear found his way down his cheek before he closed his eyes and drew his last breath.
"No!!"Neela screamed and rushed to him.
"I love you! Please don't leave me alone! I'm sorry, this is my entire fault!" She clutched Ray's lifeless body to hers and clung to it as if he would come back to life right there.
"No Neela!" Abby yelled desperately when she saw her hysterical friend.
She took hold of her shoulders and shook her:
"Don't you see it? This is what Ray wanted the whole time. For you to blame yourself for his death!"
"Leave me alone! You don't deserve to be here and judge Ray!"
"No, I won't leave you alone. I love you. I'm here for you!" Gates took a few steps towards Neela.
"Stop it! Stop it! I hate you! It's your fault too that Ray died!"
Neela hit Gates as hard as she could and ran out of the room, out in the night air of Chicago.
Abby and Luka went after her while Dr. Weaver and Pratt knelt down next to Ray and tried to process what happened and Sam and Frank took care of Gates.
"We need to find her Luka! She needs us more than ever now!" Abby said hysterical and watched out for Neela.
As she and Luka reached the exit of County General they couldn't spot Neela anymore. Luka got his car and now they were driving through Chicago on the search of Neela.
"We've already been everywhere where Neela could be. In the church, in the bar, where we always are and at Michael's grave"
"No, we weren't everywhere yet!"Abby said astonished and cursed herself because she hadn't thought of it before, "drive to Ray's apartment. Neela still has the keys"
When they arrived at Ray's apartment the door was left ajar. Abby kicked it open.
"Neela, it's us, me and Luka. We know that you are here. Come out and talk to us!"
Abby listened if she could hear Neela's voice somewhere but there was only silence that greeted her.
"Let's scan the rooms"Luka suggested.
Luka entered Ray's Room. There wasn't a trace of Neela. Luka took a closer look. Ray's guitar was lying in an angle. On the nightstand there was beer bottles and in the middle of them a picture of Ray and Neela that was taken at Sam's birthday party a few months ago. Luka sat down on the bed and covered his face in his hands while tears found their way down his face.
"What have you done Ray?"
Luka jumped up when he heard Abby scream
"Abby, Abby?! Where are you?"
He ran through the apartment until he found Abby who was standing at the door frame of the bathroom. Luka walked towards her slowly but when he saw the scene in the bathroom he turned around immediately.
Abby was staring at what was once her best friend. Neela, with slit wrists, wearing one of Ray's T-Shirts lying on the floor. Her body was still present but her soul already in a different place.
Neela opened her eyes. Her breath caught in her throat. She was surrounded by flames.
"Welcome Neela" an all too familiar voice said behind her.
She turned around.
"Ray, where are we?"
"In hell..."
AN: Just a few notes at the end. I just want to say that I love Ray, I'm a big Reela fan. It's not typical for me to write such a dramatic story.
Usually I love happy endings. So please don't be too disappointed that the story ended like this.
To the last scene (the one in hell). I'm not even sure that heaven/hell exists but the scene just wouldn't get out of my head, I just had to write it. And because there are plenty of theories that you land in hell if you commit suicide I thought it would fit very well.
Thanks for reading. Andi
P.S. Criticism is welcome, but no flames!