Sorry for the crazy long time i took to update this story. i think i lost my interest, but from now onwards, the updates will be much sooner.

CHAPTER 2

The empire was sparkling with more glitz and glamour than any other day, the evening of Dan and Serena's reception. Everybody who was anybody in New York was present in the room, and they were all anxiously waiting for the latest It-couple in NYC.

Dan was waiting upstairs in Chuck's old room at the Empire, as Serena was running late for her own reception. Typical Serena, Dan thought to himself. He couldn't make an entrance without her as everybody he knew was waiting downstairs to see both of them make the grand entrance after their wedding. Dan usually hated these kind of glitzy glamorous social gatherings, but right now he couldn't wait to go down and be in that room with people he didn't know, people who probably looked down upon him for being an outsider. But he didn't care, he wanted to just go out there with Serena, so he could block out everything his mind was forcing him to think. He couldn't and would never allow himself to question his previous actions, his present unease and his future anxiety. He couldn't deal with the guilt, the regret and yet something far more than that. He couldn't. Not now. Not ever.

Dan kept pacing around the room, and he lit a cigarette, although he knew if Serena saw him smoking, she would be very pissed, but he needed something to make him feel calmer right now. Dan barely managed to finish smoking his cigarette, and Serena came in along with Jenny. Serena was wearing a beautiful beige off- shoulder gown with an intricate gold lace work and she looked absolutely divine.

Serena squealed, "Dan, I'm sorry I know I'm late baby, but…"

Dan was glad to see her, he was somehow relieved to see her there, and he smiled and moved forward to kiss her cheek and smilingly said, "It's alright. I'm used to waiting for you and now it's going to be a lifetime of that."

As Dan lent in close to kiss Serena, she said, "Dan, you were smoking right now?"

Dan stepped back and said, "Yeah, I'm sorry I was just nervous, I don't know why and I shouldn't have".

Before Serena could say anything anymore, Jenny's phone began to ring. It was Lily who was screaming over the phone that Serena was running a little too late, to even pass off as fashionably late, and they should come as quickly as possible.

Serena turned to Dan and said, "Dan you promised me that you'd never smoke again. How could you?"

Dan said, "Serena. Hey. Iam sorry. I wont. Never again. Believe me."

Jenny interrupted the newly married couple and said, "Okay, just as nice it is to be witnessing your first marital discord, its not the time for this. Dan's an ass Serena, but now he's your husband and he's sorry. So now let's just go."

Serena and Dan both looked at Jenny with an annoyed look and she finally had to push them both ahead to get them to move out.

Just before entering their grand reception party, Serena who was walking hand in hand with Dan, turned to him and said, "I love you Dan, but don't smoke again. Please"

Dan just turned to her and kissed her softly on the lips and said, "I wont. I love you so much."

Serena and Dan made an opulent entrance and every eye in the room was looking at them. One by one numerous people came up to them and congratulated them, so much so both Serena and Dan were soon exhausted smiling and thanking everyone. Finally it was time for raising the toast to the newly married couple.

Lily was the first one to go up and raise a toast to Dan and Serena, followed by Rufus and then Eric and Jenny gave a small and funny toast together. Nate was next, who was to be followed by Blair. Just as soon as Nate finished his toast, nobody could find Blair Waldorf-Bass in the room. It was then that Nate, Jenny and Eric realized that nobody had really seen Blair since the wedding in the morning. Just then Chuck Bass stepped in, although earlier he had refused to raise a toast, as he said that Blair and him were one and if Blair was giving a toast, there was no reason for him to give one. Seeing that Blair wasn't in the room, Chuck stepped up and holding a champagne glass in his hand he began

"To the Humphries, the second most tumultuous love story I know, next to only Blair and me…"

Before chuck could precede any further, there came a huge commercion from the other end of the room and all eyes turned towards a very visibly drunk Blair Waldorf.

Blair could barely manage to walk and Chuck ran towards her and held her up, and spoke to her in a hushed tone, "Where the hell were you and what the hell is this? You're fucking drunk." Blair just smirked at him and loosened herself from his grip and before anyone could grab her ran up to the podium in front and snatched a champagne glass from one of the guests in the front.

Chuck and Nate both ran to Blair and told her to come down and that she was not in a good state, but Blair grabbed the microphone from Nate's hand and pushed them both to the side and began, " I'm sorry I'm a little drunk but why shouldn't I be. It's one of the biggest days of my life, as my best friend, my soul sister is getting married today. In fact, not only Serena, but also Dan had also been my best friend at some point, before he chose to hate me again. But anyways two friends getting married to each other. What more could one want."

Everybody in the room had an amused or startled expression on their face, and were definitely enjoying the show that was unfolding in front of them. Chuck looked angry and Nate, Jenny and Eric were all confused, whereas Lily, Allison, Rufus and William looked on in bewilderment. Serena looked worried, and she couldn't force herself to smile anymore, she looked disturbed looking at Blair. Dan on the other hand felt he couldn't breathe, he felt like something bad, something really bad was about to happen and he didn't know what he could do about it right now. Dan kept praying that Chuck would somehow succeed in getting Blair off the podium before much damage unfolded.

Chuck got up next to Blair again and tried to get her to walk away, but she pushed him to the side once again and said, "Serena, You know you've always been my best friend, since we were so little. You're the one person who's been a constant in my life, even the times I hated you and never wanted to see you again. and today is the biggest, the happiest day of your life and you're finally married to the man sitting next to you, a man you love with everything in you."

Blair looked at Serena and smiled and Serena smiled back. Dan started to relax a little bit listening to Blair and he finally thought it was going to be okay. After all it was Blair she wouldn't do anything to embarrass herself socially. Just then Blair spoke again and said, " You're happier today then I have ever seen you Serena and that makes me hate you. Hate you so much more. You've always taken everything away from me and here's my chance. The man you married, the man who promised to be loyal and faithful to you doesn't even know the meaning of those words. How many times in the last five years has he slept with me? Ask him? You can't lie about this Dan, you just cant. He said he loves you but he's never resisted me, not even once. He will never be yours completely, coz no matter what you do, and I'll always have a part of him. The part you can never have. This is your payback Serena for everything you've done, for everything you've stolen from me, for coming between me and Dan, I loved him then and I love him now, even after the despicable man he's become."

Before the shock of the words could be registered by all present in the room, Chuck dragged Blair very forcefully by the arm, but before he could succeed, she screamed, "Bass, I want a divorce". Chuck angrily dragged Blair all the way outside.

Serena's face was whitewashed with pain and hurt and she ran outside from the front gate and was followed by Lily and Eric. The media persons present at the event crowded Dan, but before the scene could get worse, the security of the hotel escorted Dan safely to a room upstairs. William Van der Woodsen did his best to quieten the uproar in the room and tried to minimize the scandal that had just taken place.

It had already been more than half an hour, before the big scandal had unfolded but Dan was still shocked into silence and he went completely blank at what had just happened. Just then Rufus entered the room, and Nate who was sitting inside with Dan got up to leave.

Rufus came in and said, " Dan, why didn't you say anything then. Obviously Blair was saying all these lies. Why did you just let her get away with it? Dan say something. Blair wasn't telling the truth. Was she?"

Dan couldn't look at Rufus straight in the eye and turned away from him and very softly, almost inaudibly said, "It's true."

Rufus looked shocked, forlorn and disappointed all at once and said, "Dan, Why did you?"

Dan didn't look up at Rufus at all because he knew that his dad was standing their judging him and being ashamed of him. Just then a tear dropped from Dan's eyes.

Rufus went and sat next to Dan on the bed and kept his hand on Dan's shoulder and said, "Dan, I don't know what to say and what to do, but you should go talk to Serena, she deserves an explanation."

Dan just hugged his father and was almost crying and said, "I ruined everything and now it's all over before it even began."

Serena was sitting on her bed in front of the mirror in her room, or what used to be her old room at Lily's penthouse. This was her first night as a married woman and here she was, spending it without her husband, by herself in her mother's house, still wearing her reception gown, and with run down make up on her face.

Serena heard the door to her room open and saw Dan standing outside. She turned her back to him, without saying anything. She was fighting really hard to not break down and cry again, but just as she heard his steps approaching her, Serena's howling got louder and louder.

Dan had no idea of what he could possibly do, of how he could sort the mess that was created. He knew he had damaged his relationship with Serena permanently, but he somehow hoped that there could be a miracle that would let it all fall into place eventually.

Dan stepped near Serena, and her face was turned away from him. She was crying inconsolably and her entire body was shivering, at that moment Dan wanted to reach out to her, to touch her and hold her in his arms, but maybe he didn't have that right anymore.

Dan sat on the comforter chair on the side of the bed and said, " Serena, I'm…please don't cry like this. I cant …please." He couldn't put a coherent sentence together, as he found himself choked with tears at that moment.

Serena didn't turn back to look at him, but her crying became more faint, almost like sobbing. Dan wiped the few tears that were shed from his eyes, and shifted to the bed and touched Serena's shoulders and said, "Hit me, slap me if you want Serena, but please look at me. Just once. Please just look at me."

Serena shrugged her shoulders away from Dan's hand and wiped her tears from her face and turned to face Dan on the bed. Her eyes were red from all the crying and her mascara was all over her face… even in that moment, in the moment of acute pain, betrayal and heartbreak, Dan knew Serena was beautiful. Tragically Beautiful.

Serena looked Dan straight in the eye and said, "Did you ever really stop smoking Dan or were you just lying to me?"

Dan was taken aback by Serena's question, was she really asking him about smoking at this point. That's when it hit him, Serena knew, She knew everything all along.

Dan turned white and looked at Serena and said, "You knew everything. All along. Why did you? How ? You didn't say anything ever, you never even acted that way. Serena why didn't you say anything?"

Serena got mad at Dan's question and something in her just snapped and she started screaming and saying, "I did. I knew it all along Dan. Of what you were. What you are and what you were doing. But what could I say? Oh, I know you're a lying-cheating scumbag, whose screwing my married best friend behind my back. What could I do? Confront you or Blair over it, so you could both deny it to my face, or even worse accept it."

Serena got up from the bed and her entire body was shaking now, "you don't know what everyday was like for me. Everyday hurt, looking at you. Pretending I knew nothing. You know how many times I wanted to leave. Just leave everything and go away. So many times I just came so close to ending it, but I just couldn't."

Dan held Serena by the arms in order to calm her shivering and said, "Why didn't you leave Serena. Why did you stay with me? With someone like me, I don't deserve you, I never had and I never will. I'm despicable, I'm the worst kind of human there is. I loathe myself so much, but you shouldn't have stayed with me. I don't deserve you."

There were tears streaming down both Dan and Serena's faces and Serena pulled herself away from Dan and said, "I tried to leave so many times, but I couldn't, because I couldn't live without you, I couldn't even imagine it. I knew I was hurting myself on a daily basis by pretending that you weren't fucking Blair. I hated you and I hated myself in those moments of weakness, but I don't know how to live without you Dan. If I left I knew I wouldn't be able to live, coz I don't know why, you're the only reason I want to live, I want to be. I stayed and stayed with you even if it made me unhappy, because you mean everything to me Dan. You have. I hate myself so much for loving you this much. I really do."

Serena looked drained of all her energy and sat down on the bed with a thump. Dan knelt down in front of her and held her hands in his and said, "I wish I deserved some of that love, but I deserve nothing. I hurt you, and I kept hurting you…I don't even know how to say sorry, or how to even begin explaining myself. Or Just even be in this room with you. Serena, why do you love me so much? I'm disgusting…I don't deserve you."

Serena just looked on blankly at Dan and said, "I Don't know why I do, I just do, even when I have tried so hard not to."

Dan looked up at Serena and said, "I don't know where we are or where will ever be, but I'll do whatever you want and if you want to walk away from this marriage, to end us, whatever you do want, I'll do it."

Serena looked at him with sad eyes and said, "You want to end us? You want that?"

Dan said, "No, Serena, I don't want that…I don't want to lose you, but after what I have done, I don't think you should be with me. I don't know how to face you and how to face myself and …"

Serena put her hand on Dan's mouth to shut him up and said, "I want to walk away too, but I cant and I wont. You're not a habit to me Dan, you're not even like an addiction to me. You're literally like the oxygen to me, that I don't know how to function without you. I don't know how normal things will get from here, because till now at least I didn't have it confirmed, and now I do and not only I the entire world knows too. Maybe it will take time, maybe it will be painful and terrible, but right now the only thing I know is I want to stay married to you."

Dan looked at Serena in confusion, amazement, relief and sorrow all mixed at once. How much had he damaged her, so broken that she couldn't even leave. Yet Dan was glad that she wasn't ending their marriage, he was a selfish asshole he knew but the truth was he did love Serena and didn't know how to live without her either.

Dan didn't say anything then and just engulfed Serena in his arms and they both stayed like that, silently crying, hurting, breaking and mending for the entire night.

Dan came back to his apartment the next morning from Lily's. The apartment he was supposed to have shared with his wife now. Dan knew he was very far from sorting anything out with Serena just yet, but at least there was hope. Maybe slowly and steadily with time, Dan and Serena could get okay. He prayed hard that they would.

Dan was tired, exhausted mentally, physically, emotionally with all that happened yesterday. He was sick of self-loathing and his mind just wanted to find some peace, to find a few hours of sleep, where he didn't want to kill himself for the all the terrible things he had done. However, just then there was a knock at his door and Dan rushed to it, that maybe Serena was back, maybe things could get better sooner than he expected. However, his face lost all color on opening the door, as there stood Blair Waldorf in a scarf and huge dark shades.

Blair came in before Dan could even start to react at her presence there and before he could even say anything or throw her out, Blair in a pleading tone said, "Dan, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I don't know what I did."

Dan cut her off with his hand and said, "I don't want to listen to anything. Just get the hell out of here. You ruined everything already, there's nothing more left to be ruined anymore."

Dan grabbed her arm and started dragging her to the door, Blair just screamed, "Don't do this to me Dan. I said I'm sorry. I'll fix everything for you. I will. I promise. I'll talk to Serena; I'll tell her it was my entire fault. Just don't do this to me. Please." She began crying profusely while saying this.

Dan was exhausted and just gave up and went and sat on his sofa and said, "What do you want from me Blair? You took everything away already"

Blair wiped her tears and sat on the floor in front of Dan on her knees and said, "I want you Dan. I want you. I love you. I knew I loved you when I chose Chuck over you, but I didn't want to. Over all these years, I've fought so hard, trying not to love you, despite knowing all along that I did. I love you Dan, madly, irrevocably and incurably."

Dan just walked away from her to the other end of the room and said, "Blair, stop it. I don't want to hear it now. It's a little too late. Getting involved with you was the worst decision in my life. I just fucking hate you and everything to do with you"

Blair suddenly became very angry and went over to where Dan was standing, facing a wall, she pulled on his arm forcefully and made him turn around to face her and then she said, "Yet it didn't stop you from fucking me every time you could. You came at every opportunity. You created new ones. If you really hated me all that much, why didn't you stop over all these years. Why didn't you? Why did you kiss me every time, like it was your last kiss in life. Why did you touch me and make love to me the way you did. You know why you never stopped. Because you never stopped loving me either."

Then Blair calmed down a little bit and cupped Dan's face in her hands and said, "I know you love me too and you want me."

Dan suddenly realized how close he was to Blair and he broke away from her and said, "I don't love you Blair. I don't. I don't know why I couldn't stop. I wish I did, but I don't love you. I couldn't love you. I love Serena, and I could only ever love her."

Blair came forward towards Dan and said, "Dan, don't say this to me, please. Don't. Just tell me that you love me too. I need to hear it please. Please Dan. Tell me."

Dan just said, "Blair please don't do this. I can't handle it. Not now. Not never. Just leave and go away from my life. Please."

Blair pleaded, "Dan, don't send me away from you. They are sending me to a psychiatric clinic in France. I don't want to go. You can stop them. Please don't let them take me away like this. I don't want to leave you. I really don't."

Dan was shocked to hear about this, but what else could her family do after the stunt she had pulled last night. He didn't want Blair to go either and he just wanted to protect her and hold her back and keep her safe, but he couldn't. Not after all this. He wasn't going to break Serena all over again. He couldn't. If Blair went away, he and Serena could rebuild their relationship faster. It was the best solution. Blair had to go, as far away as possible.

Dan stayed quiet, and Blair grew nervous and she said, "Tell me you don't want me to away. I don't need psychiatric help Dan. I'm fine. I'm not delusional Dan, I know you do love me."

Dan looked at Blair and she was crying once again and his own eyes were turning red with the tears that he was trying very hard to control.

He said softly, "I can't love you Blair. I chose not to. I can't hurt Serena and everybody else anymore and neither should you. And maybe getting the help might help you save your marriage to Chuck and your family."

Blair couldn't believe, what Dan just had said and she stepped back and said, " You are just like everybody else. In fact you are worse, coz you pretend to be better." With that she started to storm outside.

Dan wanted to stop her, so much. Just hold her and tell her that he didn't mean it, and that what he felt for her was indescribable. He couldn't even put a word on what he felt about her and what she meant to him. Yet he stayed fixed and didn't move.

At the door Blair turned once more and said, "By the way there's no more marriage to save with Chuck. There hasn't been one for very long and for once it wasn't Chuck's fault. It was mine as I fell in love with the wrong guy again." with those words Blair Waldorf disappeared from Dan's vision.