"I shouldn't have said that." Remus confessed, breaking the silence after the door slammed shut.
"It's not really a secret that you aren't working." Sirius said bluntly. "Besides, it's not like anyone's going to immediately assume anything is going on just because we live together."
"People could be talking. It's still very suspicious for me to be here." His eyebrows creased together with worry.
"It's not like it's that big of a deal." Sirius looked at Remus slightly annoyed. "Who would even suspect something?"
"I don't know who would suspect it, but Snape knows. Dumbledore knows, but I wouldn't see him outing us for personal gain." Remus remarked.
"If Snape decides to go out and expose us in front of the Order, I'm not even sure we have to do anything. It's not like anyone would believe him."
"You think people don't listen to him?"
"I don't think people would take him seriously. Besides, what argument does he have? 'Look at this rumour I'm spreading about two people I absolutely hate' and no one would suspect otherwise? It looks like he's just making shit up to start a fight." Sirius seemed fairly cool for the discussion. Had Remus himself not been tied up with distraught, he may have told him he wasn't being serious enough (though that would more-than likely end with Remus becoming more frustrated).
"You're still angry at him. I'd think you'd hold a grudge, sure, but I thought you'd have gotten most of it out of your system by now." He pointed out.
"Of course I'm still angry, were you expecting me to take out a list of reasons?" He snapped. "Aren't you angry?"
"I think it's hypocritical."
"Hypocritical?" He demanded.
"I think he has reason to be angry at us just as we have at him, but it would be hyporcritical for us, given we acted first." Remus shot back defensively.
"What? You think that we don't deserve to be upset with that man?"
"I think anger is justified, but not if his isn't."
"What? He goes out of his way to torment and manipulate a friend of ours, be generally rude to us-"
Remus interjected. "'Torment' and 'manipulate'? That sounds familiar..."
"-assist in betraying some of the most important people in our lives all because we... what? Picked on him because we dicked around in school? It's not like we caused major harm to anyone. We tried to make ammends. It was juvenile fun and we always paid for it in the end."
"Did we?"
"Don't tell me you're sympathizing with the man that threatened to out every secret you ever had." Sirius warned.
"If it's that big of a deal to you, then maybe you ought to consider the consequences of what would happen if he decides to accidently tell everyone what he knows."
"Things are different now." He pursed his lips, realizing he had backed himself into a corner.
"Are they?"
The two were quiet. First Sirius shuffled down to the boiler in hopes of locating the rotting smell in the basement which the two seemed to have becomea accustomed to. Remus followed with crossed arms, but drew his wand once the door closed behind them, illuminating the crampedand area with a bright blue light.
"Maybe it wouldn't hurt to tell the others." Sirius suggested in a soft voice.
"And how would that benefit us?" Remus asked. Fortunately, or rather unfortunately, there was no dead Kretcher. However, it seemed that some of Molly's charms had sent a bunch of Doxies to the basement to suffocate. Kretcher hadn't bothered.
"It wouldn't, probably." He remarked, coughing and covering his nose with his shirt. Sirius waved his own wand and the decaying bodies of the pests swept away into nothing. "But it's one less thing looming over us."
"Dumbledore knew, did he not? Then that's all that matters. It's unprofessional to... to carry on the way we do. We may have been dumb kids fighting the government with no idea about the gravity of our consequences, but we're adults now. We have work and we have relationships." Remus explained.
"Which came first to you?" Sirius asked genuinely.
Remus paused. "I think it's more of which has to come first." He finally replied, darting past the other man to walk up the steps.
He tried to grab ahold of him to stop his, but Remus was too quick. He followed behind up the steps into the gloomy, but yellow kitchen. "And it's work, isn't it?"
"You know that it's more important to me that you stay alive than if you're happy."
Pause.
"We aren't the same as we used to be, are we?" Sirius posed.
"I'm not."
"Because of me."
"Because you lied to me."
"I didn't lie-" Sirius defended.
"You did too." Remus told him. "Don't deny it. You didn't then, did you?"
"Because I thought I had done it. When I saw what unfolded, I thought I had killed fourteen people. I was so angry..."
"You played the part and then wonder why everyone wants to kill you or suck your soul out." Remus argued.
"Please! Feel free to remind me while you're at it." Sirius exclaimed, quite literally throwing his hands up.
"I'm just saying-"
"You're just saying it's my fault. It's all my fault. I won't tell you that you're wrong, but you act like I don't know that. Berate me all you want, but don't you dare talk down to me like I don't know it." He ranted.
"It's not-"
"What?"
Remus sighed. "We both know you made some stupid, vengeful decisions and that you paid greatly for it. There's just nothing else for me to tell you."
They both stopped.
"He could have testified as a witness." Sirius butted in. "Snape."
"When...?"
"Two years ago." He rested his hands on his hips.
"He wouldn't have. You know how upset he was when he saw you. And he never would have gotten away with the threats he made to you, the dementor's kiss and all that." Remus told him.
"He didn't, but he could have. Would you say his anger's justified then?"
"He didn't... He may have been bitterly angry, but he was trying to do what was right in the moment." He shook bis head. "He was no less in the dark about Peter than me."
"That's a lie." Sirius cut him off. "He may have portrayed me as a killer, but he knew I wasn't the one who hurt Lily and James. To him, I may have been a murderer, but not a traitor."
"And how would he have known that?" Remus asked, almost in a rhetoric tone.
"Because he was a-" Sirius cut himself short in realization. "He... he would have had his hands tied. He couldn't testify. Right."
"You have every right to be pissed off at the whole world, but you also have to responsible enough to consider others and their feelings and lives." Remus chided his friend.
"I know, I know..."
"And to answer your initial question, no, we're not telling the others. I don't want to unless we can't help it."
"Why?" He shrugged his shoulders, still frustrated at their argument. "Are you embarrassed of us?"
"I'm not embarrased, no."
"Yes you are." Sirius corrected.
"No, I'm not. It's just that..." Remus stopped to think. "I don't want people to see us differently. I don't want to be viewed as... dirty or... I don't have many people left that are close to me and I'm not sure I want everyone seeing me like... that. I'd prefer my dignity."
"You don't want to be a sissy." A smirk twisted Sirius's lips.
"More or less." Remus looked away embarassed, busying himself with the task of sorting through some of the dishes that had been left around, either by them, Molly, or the previous occupants.
"I don't think people would believe that." Sirius shook his head. "Especially the kids. They always brag about you. Said you're the best teacher they've had."
"That doesn't mean anything. I don't want to ruin the image for them, even if it is the truth."
"You won't ruin anything." Sirius said with half a laugh. "Maybe... maybe Harry'll even be glad to hear that you... I dunno. Maybe he'd actually like the thought of having..." He stopped with uncertainty.
"...Parents?"
"A family." Sirius cut him off. "We're not his parents and we never will be. We... shouldn't be."
"You do have a point." Remus replied, thinking for a moment. "You know, I'm honestly not sure what I think about your cousin. Nymphadora. She seems to young to be involved in all of this."
"She's older than we were." The other man pointed out. "Besides, I'm not complaining. Company and food. Better than sitting around and starving."
"I suppose." He shrugged. "I'd have thought they'd be working the aurors a bit more diligently. Maybe it's good she isn't out fighting."
"Maybe it isn't." Sirius said worriedly.
Not long after, the devil herself returned.
"I'm back!" Tonks shouted upon returning with two separate bags, slamming the door behind her. They went through the motions of the umbrella stand and yelling portrait again until they all collectively ended up in the kitchen again. Her hair was wet from the rain, but she seemed unfazed by it hanging in front of her eyes. Something that smelled like pancakes filled the air of the kitchen, briefly overlapping the stale dust smell.
"That didn't take long." Sirius remarked.
"It's not much, but I think you two can probably sustain off of noodles for a little while, can't you?" She said, gesturing to a bag with only packages of dry noodles. Remus almost laughed, remembering the times when he, James, Peter, and Sirius had been so poor straight out of school they had nothing else to eat until Lily mentioned it. When she did, it seemed like James had made a complete life change. "Not like there's too many other people to feed around here nowadays, with all the kids off at school."
Remus shook his head. "You didn't have to do this. Really, Molly's coming tonight for the meeting and we-"
"Hey, it's fine. It's not like I blew all my money on you two." Tonks chuckled, patting Remus's arm, her hand lingering on his shoulder. "Besides, it's my job to keep him from starving to death. Actually come the think of it, I'm fairly certain that's the exact opposite of my job description? Anyways, don't sit on it for too long or you'll realize that I'm probably not doing you that big of a favour; you're going to get tired of noodles real quick. Trust me on that one."
"You're a miracle worker." Sirius assured her, already sifting through her purchases. "Honest, I don't think I've ever rationed food like that before and I'll die before I do it again."
"We'll pay you back." Remus said quietly.
Tonks shook her head, smiling. "Come on now, we're friends, aren't we?"