Sam had calmed down, not enough to forgive his brother, but enough to take Cas out for the day he had planned for them. There were so many things he wanted to show his friend, so many human experiences he wanted to share. Sam was well aware they didn't have much time before either Dean, an angel, or a demon tracked them down, but there was enough time to take one day before things fell apart around them, as they inevitably did.
Today wouldn't be perfect, the morning's conversation had ensured that, but it would be as close as he could make it. He looked over at his friend, who was staring out the window, watching the scenery pass with a curiosity he'd never shown as an angel. He smiled. They would start where all the best days started. With ice-cream.
"Just, take your shoes off, and trust me!" Sam sighed, rolling his eyes. "You liked the ice-cream, now you'll like the sand. I promise." Sam reflected that the former angel was as bad as a toddler, every statement or request during the day had elicited the inevitable 'but why?' question.
Cas looked at the stretch of beach doubtfully, but did as he was told. As they walked along the sandy beach a reluctant smile graced his friend's face. It was a beautiful day, the sky was a deep blue, there was a gentle sea breeze, and the susurrus of the waves on the shore was a soothing counterpoint to the raucous cries of the seagulls wheeling above. The hunter thought he couldn't have asked for a more perfect day… or a more perfect person to share it with.
""What are you thinking, Cas?" Sam asked, wanting to hear his friend explain the experience to him out loud. Today had turned out to be about so much more than helping Cas come to terms with his humanity; it was helping Sam recapture some of the joy that had been so conspicuously absent in his youth. The hunter felt like he was experiencing the world anew through Cas's eyes; he was finding pleasure in so many things he usually took for granted, like the sensation of sand under his toes, or the feeling of ice-cream melting on his tongue.
"The texture is pleasing," Cas declared, wriggling his toes in the sand. "I like the way that it is soft to walk on. The air smells nice too."
Sam smiled a soft smile as Cas lifted his face to the breeze, his eyes closed in pleasure. After a minute the hunter left his friend standing there and wandered over to the ocean, rolling up his pant legs as he went. He walked out into the surf until the water just covered his ankles, and waited for a wave to roll in. When Cas didn't follow, he turned back to see the ex-angel looking at him with confusion.
"Come on, Cas," Sam called, "it's not too cold!"
"But why?" Cas asked, head tilted to the side in that oh so familiar gesture of confusion. "There's no need to put my feet in the ocean, I washed them this morning."
Sam stood ankle-deep in the water with an eyebrow raised until Cas gave in and rolled his pants up, gingerly walking over to stand with the hunter.
Sam bit back a laugh as Cas almost, but didn't quite, squeal when a wave washed up against his shins. He danced backwards and would have fallen in the water if Sam hadn't grabbed an arm to keep him upright. And if he used that opportunity to hold Cas's arm for longer than strictly necessary, well, no one was around to notice.
Cas smiled, a small smile that was as much an open declaration of enjoyment as a grin on anyone else's face would have been. He made to wade further out in the ocean, but Sam held him back.
"We don't know if you can swim yet, Cas," Sam said in answer to his friend's questioning look. Cas thought about that for a second, casting a longing look out to the deeper water.
"Let's get some fish and chips instead," Sam added, and Cas immediately turned to follow him up the beach, as Sam had known he would.
"I have seen billions upon billions of sunsets. There is nothing special about it. It is just the Earth rotating on its axis."
"Cas… just trust me will you?" Sam said with a knowing smile, grabbing an extra chip. They were sitting on a park bench on the bluffs overlooking the ocean, feeling pleasantly sandy and relaxed. Cas was clearly exhausted, the day had been overwhelming for him in a way his time on the streets hadn't seemed to be, and the hunter supposed it was because he didn't have the adrenaline to keep him going anymore.
He knew his friend would need a lot of time to process what had happened to him; Sam didn't think the loss of his divine status had really hit Cas yet. Sam had seen a couple of moments during the day when Cas had tried to flex non-existent wings, and the look of anguish on his friend's face each time, as he realized anew what he had lost, had nearly broken Sam's heart.
They sat in silence as the sun moved slowly towards the horizon; each lost in their own thoughts, eating their chips and listening to the waves breaking on the rocks below.
As the sun reached the sea the blue of the sky turned to a dusky pink shot through with golden rays, and finally faded to a deep purple, the underside of the few scattered clouds radiating a golden glow against the deepening sky. Cas made a small sound, and Sam smiled. He'd stopped watching the sun well before it reached the horizon, choosing to watch Cas's face instead. It was just as beautiful as the sunset.
"Now do you understand?" Sam asked softly.
Cas pulled his jumper sleeve over his hand and wiped his eyes.
"Why is it different?" he asked softly, awe still shining in his face.
"I don't know," Sam said, rubbing hands that had suddenly gotten cold as the sun disappeared from the sky. "Beauty moves us, Cas, especially the beauty of nature. I suppose it's something that connects us. Everyone on the planet will at one point gaze upon a sunset in awe of something larger than themselves, and in gratitude that we survived another day."
Cas was silent for a minute. "You have a poet's soul, Sam. There is beauty in that also."
Sam sighed. "No, Cas. I have the soul of a killer, and there is nothing awe-inspiring or beautiful about it." He grabbed the last chip to emphasis his point, and pulled out the car keys.
"Now, come on, let's get back to the motel before we freeze to death. That would really ruin the moment."
After settling Cas on the couch in the room with popcorn and A New Hope in the DVD player, because as far as Sam was concerned you couldn't really be human without having seen Star Wars, he went to look in the mirror on the dresser. He pulled his shirt up on the left hand side, wincing as he saw the purple bruise on his ribcage. He leaned closer to the mirror, poking at the bruise absently. He'd been getting bruises in random places, without ever having done anything to warrant them being there, and it was beginning to worry him.
He pulled the shirt up further and bent a little closer to the mirror, trying to remember if he'd bumped anything. As he gazed at the inexplicable discoloration a small movement caught his eye, and Sam caught a glimpse of Cas's reflection in the mirror. The former angel was staring at him, pupils dilated, mouth slightly open, hectic color on his cheeks. The movement that had attracted Sam's attention was Cas covertly pulling a pillow over his lap.
Sam continued to poke at the bruise, frowning at himself in the mirror, but surreptitiously watching Cas, who bit his lip and looked away, only to look back, and away again.
Like what you see, Cas? Sam thought to himself, trying not to get his hopes up. Cas was new to being human and would probably be lusting after everything that moved, like a horny teenager, until he learned how to control his body's baser instincts. He watched as Cas unconsciously licked his lips, causing Sam to hang on to the side of the dresser with a white-knuckled grip to stop himself from turning around. He would not take advantage of his friend. He would absolutely…definitely…almost certainly not!
Cas was feeling as relaxed and happy as he'd ever felt. Sam had taken him out for ice-cream and to paddle in the sea and to watch the sunset, until the former angel was almost at the point of sensory overload. And now Sam was sharing popcorn and his favorite movie with him, which seemed to be a ritual humans indulged in when they cared about someone. Cas was in figurative heaven. He'd had no idea that humans found so much pleasure in such simple things, but now that he knew they did he never wanted the experience to end.
Sometime during the day Cas had come to see Sam in a different light. Always before their friendship had been one forged in the fire of shared danger and tribulation. Sharing these small human experiences with Sam was different, instead of death and danger they shared laughter and fun, instead of swapping weapons and discussing tactics they compared favorite ice-creams and simply enjoyed each others company. Sam had taken so much joy in showing Cas his favorite things, and Cas in turn had gained joy in being showered with affection and care in a way he'd never before experienced.
Throughout the day he had found himself stealing glances at Sam when he wasn't looking, taking in the features of his face, the smile lines beside his mouth, the color of his eyes, the small mannerisms that were as much a part of Sam as any physical attribute. It was fascinating in a way Cas couldn't really explain.
Happily he shoved the popcorn in his mouth. It was so good, all buttery and salty and crunchy. Cas was amazed at the way humans could take a simple thing like corn and make it into an explosion of flavors. He decided that the taste of food was becoming one of his favorite things about being human.
As the movie started he looked over at Sam to see if he was coming to watch it with him. His gaze fell on the hunter just as Sam was lifting his shirt to poke at a bruise on his ribs. Cas suddenly found his gaze riveted to the exposed flesh of Sam's abdomen, the taut stomach and the hard lines of muscle that rippled underneath it, and the jut of a hipbone above the low-slung cotton pants Sam wore to bed. As Sam leaned closer to the mirror Cas's gaze roamed lower and his breath hitched. He felt a rush of something he'd never experienced before, and felt his body stir in response.
Cas blushed furiously as his body made its arousal known in an almost painful way. He quickly grabbed a pillow and slung it across his lap, knowing that he should stop watching Sam but unable to tear his eyes away. He chastised himself; this was no way for an angel, even a former angel, to behave. Angels were supposed to be above the pleasures of the flesh; although he knew a few angels who wouldn't agree with that statement, Balthazar and Gabriel being numbers one and two on that list.
Cas had never really understood why humans spent so much of their lives in search of partners to copulate with; it seemed to take a lot of time and energy that could be better spent on other endeavors. But, just like hunger, the former angel now understood that this was an urge that was hard to ignore.
He wanted… what did he want? Cas wasn't sure, except that involved Sam not pulling his shirt down. Maybe taking his shirt off? And then coming over to take Cas's shirt off? He thought back to the way Sam had gently touched his shoulder while re-dressing his wound earlier in the evening. The thought of Sam's hands touching him again was suddenly more exciting than comforting.
Cas was shocked by that thought. Is that what he wanted from his friend? For him to come over and touch his body? He imagined it in his head, and the jolt of excitement that shot through him was intense. Yes, that was what he wanted. Was it what Sam wanted? He didn't think so, Cas knew that humans had strange ideas and rituals surrounding the act of intercourse, and Sam hadn't shown any indication of trying to court him.
Cas sighed. Maybe if he just asked him? No, that would be too embarrassing. He bit his lip and looked away, willing his body to cease and desist. He lamented losing the control he had had over his vessel when he had just been a visitor in this body. Despite his best efforts his eyes were drawn helplessly back. This time when he looked up he saw Sam watching him in the mirror, a dark look in his eyes, something almost predatory that caused Cas's heart to beat erratically in his chest. He flushed red and looked back up at the movie, hoping that Sam had taken his discomfort for something else.
"Everything ok, Cas?" Sam asked, sounding concerned. Cas made an incoherent noise of assent, unable to do anything else. Sam chuckled, a low, knowing sound that went through Cas like a bolt of lightning. He looked back over and saw Sam slowly drawing his shirt back down, his fingers sliding along the sides of his body in a teasing fashion. Cas's eyes helplessly followed the trail of those fingers. When Sam's torso was fully covered again Cas almost whined. He looked up at Sam's eyes, needing to see if there was anything approaching what Cas was feeling in them. But instead of seeing an answering arousal on the hunter's face, he saw alarm. He followed Sam's gaze to the window, where the headlights of a car shone into the room.
Sam moved quickly, and the part of Cas that would always be a warrior admired the efficiency and fluid grace with which the hunter grabbed his gun and moved silently across the room towards the door.
Sam sighed when he saw the Impala sitting in the parking lot. He was disappointed, but not surprised, that Dean had tracked them down so quickly. As the door opened he saw his brother, and then he saw Crowley, shackled with the demon manacles, looking unbearably smug.
"What is he doing here?" he hissed, stepping protectively between the demon and Cas. Crowley grinned.
"I'm not here for precious Castiel, Moose," the demon took in Cas's wide-eyed state with a raised eyebrow. "There's no challenge in taking a Grace-less angel apart. We'll save that for another time, Thursday," he winked over at the angel and Sam and Dean both bristled instinctively. Cas stared at the demon impassively, unmoved by the threat.
Crowley grinned even wider. "Squirrel asked me to track you down, in exchange for taking me for a little walk. It was getting very stuffy in your sex dungeon."
The attention in the room shifted to Dean, who shrugged. "I did what I had to, since you'd disappeared off the face of the planet."
Sam put the gun down carefully on a side table and turned to face his brother fully.
"We wouldn't have had to disappear if you hadn't kicked our friend out of the only safe place for him, to freeze and starve!" Sam growled, fists clenching and unclenching. "He could have died, Dean. Cas could have died!"
Crowley's eyebrows rose into his hairline at this, and he turned to regard Dean with surprised amusement.
"You kicked the tree topper out of your little club house?" he asked with a sly smile. "You little protégé you."
"Shut up, Crowley!" both Winchesters snapped. The King of Hell took a step back, holding his hands up in mock surrender.
"There are things you don't understand!" Dean shouted, fists clenched at his sides. "Do you think I did it for fun? Look at him, Sam!" he gestured at a surprised Cas. "Don't you think I want to take him back to the bunker and feed him burgers and teach him how to tie his shoelaces? But if we did, every fallen angel in creation would be at our doorstep, knocking down the doors to get at us. And then who would be around to take care of that son of a bitch Metatron?"
"You think I care?" Sam yelled back, outraged. "You think I give a shit about the world outside of you and Cas? The world can burn for all I care!"
Cas met Crowley's eyes and they exchanged the resigned look of two supernatural beings who had been dealing with the Winchesters for a long time. They both knew it was only a matter of time before one of the brothers said something they were really going to regret. Crowley seemed vaguely amused by the prospect, Cas was tense. And on cue, Dean opened his mouth one time too many.
"Just because you're in love with Cas doesn't give you the right…" Dean stopped as Sam stumbled backwards, his mouth open in shock, fists clenched by his sides.
After a moment of shocked silence the King of Hell was the first to speak.
"Squirrel…" Crowley said with a smirk, "I couldn't have timed that better myself, and I pride myself on being the King of masterful timing."
The three other men in the room stood stock still, shock still etched on their faces. Crowley didn't say anything further, clearly content to just sit back and enjoy the fallout.
Sam closed his eyes, determinedly not looking at Cas.
"Sam…" Dean said tentatively, a hand outstretched in entreaty.
Sam was caught. He wanted nothing more than to flee the scene, but he knew that would cement his guilt firmly in the minds of everyone in the room. But he also knew his involuntary reaction to Dean's words had condemned him as surely as any other action he could take now. He opened his eyes and looked up to Heaven.
"We've been chased from one side of the country to the other by angels," he said, trying for, and failing to achieve, a casual tone, "but when you really need one of them to appear and try to smite you the bastards are nowhere to be found."
"Sam…" Cas said, finally. But Cas trying to placate him was the last straw for Sam.
"Cas, if you spout some empty platitude or, hell, say the word 'brother' in a sentence to do with you and me, so help me, I will call the angels here myself and get the smiting started."
Cas closed his mouth with a snap and Sam nodded grimly to himself. All thought of pretending not to be humiliated beyond endurance fled and he made for the doorway, pushing past his brother and the demon.
"Where are you going, Sam?" Dean called after him. "It's not safe."
"No," Sam ground out, "here, it isn't safe. Out there it's just life-threatening." With that parting shot he did leave, slamming the door vigorously on his way out.
"Well, fuck," Dean said with a groan, running a hand through his hair. He turned to see the former angel staring at him accusingly. He sighed, and sat heavily on the end of the bed.
"You really didn't know, Cas?" he asked, his head in his hands.
"No," Cas gritted out. "I didn't. Before a few weeks ago I didn't even know what hunger felt like, or thirst. Human emotions are much harder to work out than bodily functions."
"Ugh," Crowley rolled his eyes, "humans. Always with the feelings. Castiel, pet, you really are a complete ignoramus. The sasquatch has been undressing you with his eyes since the day he met you. It's sickening really."
The look that Cas and Dean leveled at the demon could only be described as venomous. Crowley shrugged, then jangled his chains.
"I could help you, but I'm all tied up right now."
Dean turned to Cas, pointedly ignoring the demon. "You need to stay here and watch Crowley; I'm going to go after him."
"I'm coming too," Cas practically growled. "I don't know why you don't want me near Sam, and frankly, I don't care. He might be your brother, but he's my friend. He saved my life!"
Crowley perked up, interested. "Who said Winchester One doesn't want you near his brother? Isn't it the club house and its cargo of Prophet that you're banned from?"
Cas looked at Crowley, who winked at him. The former angel wished he wouldn't do that, it implied complicity and he'd had enough of collaborating with the demon to last him an eternity.
Dean looked uncomfortable. "I'm protecting Sam and saving the world. I'm good at multi-tasking."
"Right you are," Crowley said with a bland smile. "My mistake."
Cas wasn't sure what had just happened, but he had the feeling he was missing something important.
Crowley smirked when Dean finally left to find his brother, leaving him alone with the deliciously fragile ex-angel. It was painfully obvious that the elder Winchester was hiding something, something to do with his gigantor brother. It was just as clear that Cas had no idea what that something was; but that wouldn't stop Crowley from planting the seeds of doubt in that pretty little head, looking for any crack between the ex-angel and the brothers that he could exploit. The King of Hell was more than prepared to play the long game, after all, until he found a way out of the Winchester's wretched demon manacles he had nothing better to do with his time.
He'd said he wouldn't harm Castiel physically, but he hadn't said anything about toying with his mind.