Please ignore the spelling mistakes for at least two days, I'm going to read over it tomorrow but I edit it better when it's already posted. Like a "other people can see this, here's a thousand mistakes" method. Try to enjoy with mistakes, I will fix it soon

Pepper awoke with a pounding headache and sunlight pouring into her face. She growled and rolled over, reaching out to grab Natasha by the hair and make her close the damn curtains. Her fingers fell through empty space and landed on cool sheets, her face screwed up in displeasure.

"Nat?" Pepper rasped, managing to sit up and look around with bleary eyes. The smell of sausage and eggs reached her nose, making her just a tad bit nauseas but getting her stomach to growl. She hadn't eaten since...too long ago apparently if she couldn't remember off the top of her head. She pulled the sheet off the bed and managed to wrap it around herself in a sloppy toga, wincing when she nearly fell over. This wasn't how she'd wanted their first time to go but she wasn't about to turn down some awkward breakfast conversation.

/It'll be fine/ Pepper assured herself, shuffling toward the door /We'll be silent for a while, I'll apologize, she'll apologize, then we can just fix this whole mess. I was so drunk. Maybe I should start off by telling her I'm not usually that awful in bed?/

Pepper managed a chuckle but the sound hurt her head and turned into a groan. She covered her eyes against the day's glare as she got closer to the kitchen, the scent of breakfast suddenly more appealing. She passed a glass case and took a moment to look herself over, admiring the marks she remembered and pondering over the ones she didn't. She was such a lightweight when it came to harder liquor, she probably wouldn't remember the whole thing for days. Her fingers ached from trashing her living room, she was going to need band-aids for them.

Pepper lifted her heft of hair to expose her neck, smiling weakly when she saw the blood-red teeth ring just above her jugular. Heat flashed through her lower belly, hit by the memory of Natasha fisting her hair high above her head and biting down savagely. Pepper would've never guessed in a million years that she would enjoy such a thing. Having another person pin her down and make take it...it was a terrible thrill. One she hoped to repeat, only sober this time.

Pepper kept on, clutching her sheet just a little bit tighter when she heard two voices coming from the kitchen. There was a rough male laugh, she heard it again and realized it was Tony. She reached the doorway and leaned against it, squinting around the kitchen to find her boss sitting on the kitchen counter tearing through her mini-muffins. Steve was at the stove cooking, both laughing about something the soldier had said that she'd missed.

Tony caught sight of her, "Hey, Sleeping Beauty. We're here."

"Not-" Pepper's voice cracked, she cleared her throat and wished she wasn't so dehydrated "Not that I don't appreciate it, but why?"

"You texted me before you left work yesterday" Tony tossed a muffin up in the air, missing it and scowling when it fell to the floor "You said you were going to drink and we had to drag your pert ass out of bed. No matter what."

Steve gave her a blinding smile, "Breakfast will be ready in a minute."

"That's great, Steve, thanks" Pepper couldn't help return some of the man's cheer though she felt like a wrung out cloth "Have you guys seen Natasha?"

Tony paused in shooting the muffin wrapper into the open trash can, "Pep...she left after the Expo. It's been almost four weeks."

"She came back last night" Pepper could feel her chest tightening up, denial swamping her common sense "She's probably just in the shower or something."

Steve turned off the stove, "There's no one here. I came by on my morning jog to make sure you were okay, I checked on you for a moment and you were alone. The sun had just risen."

The woman tightened her grip on the sheet, using it like a shield, "No clothes? No note?"

"Nothing" Steve seemed uneasy, like it was his fault "I'm sorry, Miss. Potts. I cleaned up before Tony came over...there was no sign of her."

Tony saw it coming and hopped off the counter, "Pep? Pepper!"

He caught the woman before she collapsed, cradling her as gently as he could with her dead weight. Her eyes were glassed over, her hands falling limp into her lap. Tony held her close with one arm while the other busied itself wrapping the sheet tighter around her body, hiding the naked flesh and protecting her modesty.

"Did she put these marks on you?" Tony tried not to scowl as he lifted her chin, examining her neck "Fuck, she really did a number on you."

"I let her" Pepper intoned, hanging her head to let her hair shield the despair on her face from the soldier "Can you take me back to my bedroom? I'm a little hung-over."

Tony tried to be jovial about it, picking her up bridal style while mouthing 'pills' and 'water' at the soldier. He carried one of his dearest friends all the way back to her bed, laying her down carefully and accepting the items Steve handed to him. He gestured the blonde out, waiting until the door closed before he spoke.

"Here" Tony forced the medicine down her throat, tipping in some water "Swallow."

Pepper chuckled bitterly, "Usually you're the pathetic one in bed."

"Well I feel fine and you look like you've been hit with a mac-truck" Tony sat down on the edge, giving her plenty of room "So you get to laze around all day."

Pepper pulled more blankets up and around her, burying herself in their warmth until only her head and the tips of her fingers were exposed. Even with the flush of her hangover and the sunlight falling in angles over her bed there was a chill, a cold that crept into her bones and wouldn't leave.

"Don't look at me like that" Pepper couldn't even manage to snap.

"Like what?" he replied, as non-chalant as ever even though he was watching his best friend's world crash down around her.

"Like you know everything" Pepper pressed her cheek to her knees, wrapping her arms around her legs beneath the blanket "You don't, so quit it."

"I'm not looking like anything" Tony dropped his eyes on the bedspread, smoothing out a wrinkle "This is my face, this is how I look. No thanks to you, slapping me around like you do."

"I know" the red head wiped her damp eyes on the blanket "I thought I was done crying over her."

"So you let her in here?" Tony's voice was light but his implication was serious, that Pepper had actually let Natasha in instead of the agent forcing her way into this bed.

"I wanted it" Pepper assured him, reaching down and blanketing his hand "I wanted it more than..."

The genius's smile was small, "She really tore you up, didn't she?"

"Tony, it's not that bad, re-"

"I meant on the inside."

Pepper shut her mouth, ripping her hand away like she'd been cut, "Don't start."

"Why not?" Tony needled, scooting closer "You helped me when I was juggling all that emotional crap with Spangles in there, what makes this so different?"

"It's not the same" Pepper hissed but didn't move away "Steve didn't fuck and dump you."

Tony ignored his surprise over the curse, "True. But he's not exactly a super cool spy, is he? Natasha's just a different challenge."

"There's no challenge, there's no game, it's over" Pepper confessed, slapping his hand away when it reached for her "This isn't the same, Tony! She came over, she apologized, we fucked, she left. Steve would never lie to you!"

Tony pulled her into a hug, uncertainty etched all over his face, "Pep..."

"That's all she's ever done to me" the red head sobbed quietly into her boss's shoulder, hiding her face in his shirt "She just keeps lying and I keep believing her. I wanted it to work, I wanted her to come back. I wanted to have it all. I was too greedy, Tony...I didn't get anything..."

Tony held on tighter, wishing he knew what to say or do to fix this. This woman was so incredible and she deserved the best but this was something he'd only failed at. They'd tried it years ago but it had been a disaster, he'd cheated on her and Pepper had never once cried over it. This was someone she loved, someone she'd really trusted, someone who'd understood her...

"I just wanted someone to love me for real" Pepper's keened, lungs seizing tight in her chest "And I wanted it to be her."

This was a completely broken heart.

xXx

Pepper carried on, surpassing both Steve and Tony's expectations.

The next day she went to the store and complete cover-up. She wore her hair down, she replaced everything she'd broke in the apartment, and she made up a story about trying to assemble her new bookshelves to explain the bruising and little cuts on her fingers. She laughed but it was too loud, she managed to be civil to be civil to Thomas but it was so insincere it came off as cold.

Pepper went home that night and stripped naked, standing in front of her mirror to examine every mark on her body. She ran her fingertips over red scratch lines and discolored patches of flesh. She repeated this ritual every night until she remembered everything. She remembered how she was pushed down on her belly, a strong thigh between her own forcing her to spread her legs. How sharp nails had raked down her back, her neck, her stomach...how Natasha had kissed the hurt out of each bite.

Those first few weeks were the worst, reliving that night over and over until it became a bittersweet movie in her head.

Nearly two months later, like every night, Pepper stripped down and found every inch of her healed. The welt on her neck, the one she touched everyday, had vanished. Every hickey, every scratch, every discoloration...gone. There wasn't a trace of Natasha left on her skin. Alone in her apartment, without the everyday pressure of getting on with her self baring down around her, she cried.

After that it all became rather dull. It was like all the color had drained out of life, leaving behind a sepia-shaded boredom. Go to work, run the company, go to meetings, set up charities, be nice, laugh on queue, get Tony to do his job, breathe, smile, breathe. The thrill, the excitement, the is-she-looking-at-me? wasn't there anymore. It felt like someone had pulled the cork out of the bottom of her heart, she was empty. She played her part and she played it well, she even managed to fool Tony a few times. But every faux-laugh was like a jab into the core of her soul.

But it was her own fault. Everyone offered to help and she shoved them away, she slapped words like 'fine' and 'over it' all over her and hoped her friends fell for it. They didn't believe it for a moment. It was a macabre play of normalcy, far from delicate but grating nonetheless.

xXx

Pepper broke only once, she called Coulson.

"Pepper, it's good to hear your voice. What can I-?"

"I know about Natasha."

Coulson faltered at that, "She told me you two had grown close. I'm sorry you found out this way."

She scowled, "Well that's wonderful, everyone knows."

Coulson's frown was in his voice, "Pepper-"

"Save it" her voice wavered "Just tell me...is she safe? Wherever she is...is she okay?"

Coulson sighed, obviously wanting to say more, "She's fine."

Pepper hung up, a relieved sob bursting from her lips.

So Natasha was alive and safe, she just didn't want to be alive and safe here with her.

xXx

Pepper was in Tony's living room when she cracked her heel.

She growled in frustration and tossed her tablet on the table, plopping down on the couch to examine her shoes. The left heel was cracked up along the arch, just barely disconnected. Pepper bared her teeth and yanked it off, prodding it for a moment before slamming it down on the edge of the glass table. She struck it again and again, getting only a little satisfaction when it snapped.

Pepper was taking off the other shoe when Tony came up from the lab, a glass of Jack to his lips. Grease stained his sleeveless shirt, oil slicked the bottom of his bare feet. He left a dark trail in his wake, staining whatever he touched.

"I think I bought you those" Tony slurred.

"And now" Pepper grunted, the end of the shoe breaking off "They're a matching set again."

Tony scoffed before taking another drink, ice clinking loudly. She cut him a glare, tossing her broken shoe at it's mate with a satisfying clunk.

"I thought you gave up drinking" Pepper observed, a sharp bite to her tone "You're going to piss off Captain Straightedge and I'm going to hear about it."

"You get pissier the longer you're single" Tony brandished a letter smudged in grease and scrunched up in his fist "And I doubt Spangles will have time to worry about a glass of JD while he's out getting himself killed in S.H.I.E.L.D.S. honor."

Pepper was about to give a hot retort when she realized just what she'd heard, "Where's Steve?"

"S.H.I.E.L.D. recruited him and sent him off to some fuckin' jungle in South America" Tony collapsed on the couch, wincing when the next drink burned his throat "Cyclops must've got to him while I was in the lab."

That struck a nerve with her, "He just left?"

Tony unfurled his fingers to reveal the smeared note, "He tried to wake me up this morning. I told him it could wait, I was just so fuckin' tired. I found this on my desk."

Pepper sank into the sofa, kicking her heels up onto the table, "How long?"

Tony blinked down into his glass, swirling the amber liquid.

"Tony!"

He looked up like he was surprised she was still there.

Pepper smiled encouragingly, "How long will he be gone?"

"He says he could be gone for months" Tony drained his glass and let it fall from his fingers, letting it roll across the floor "Can you believe it? Fucking months, Pep. That ungrateful bastard left on some farfetched mission for who knows how long for what? Fury? Fury's not the one who gave him a roof and food and his...his God damn identity back!"

"He wants to do good" the woman pointed out "Just let him."

Tony scrubbed a hand over his face, "Fury rejected 'Tony Stark' for this secret super hero program he's doing."

Pepper thought it over, "I'm honestly not surprised."

"Fuck you" Tony spat viciously, she froze at the cold tone "He didn't reject Iron Man, he just said no to my narcissistic/impulsive/doesn't-play-well-with-others alter ego. He said I wasn't their kind of hero. I told them they couldn't have Captain America without Tony Stark...and that one-eyed fucker snuck in here and put a bug in Rogers' ear."

"You made an ass of yourself in front of the director of S.H.I.E.L.D" Pepper reiterated "Why would you say that? You know Steve would go to them sooner or later, with or without you."

"I thought it was true" dark eyes fell to the floor, a rare confusion furrowing his brow "I was so sure he wouldn't go. I told him Fury didn't want me to be an agent. The bastard showed sympathy, for Christ's sake."

"You cuss a lot more when he's not around" Pepper mused, idly watching her stocking graze the edge of the table "And when you drink."

Tony looked disappointed, "The old Pepper would've been helpful."

"The old Pepper didn't feel like a bruise" she replied without thinking, wincing at her choice of words "I'm sorry...I'm just tired."

"Me too, Pep" Tony cracked a smile, it looked like it hurt "Want to come hide in the lab with me. I've got the Mark VII opened up."

Pepper nodded silently, managing to smile back, "Yeah, I'd like that."

xXx

It happened on a Friday.

Pepper went through her regular routine, setting up her Vice persona with each brush of her hair and the slide of clothing. Happy drove her to the Tower, she took an early meeting, and lived. It was normal, too normal, she should've known something was off. The meeting had gone by too fast, her coffee was too good, and there was a quiet disposition about around the office.

No threat to the city, the news channels were painfully dull, and the front wheel of her chair had stopped squeaking. Nothing spectacular, nothing worth noticing.

Pepper left for a second meeting and came back to find her office smelling of saffron and stuffed to the brim with an overwhelming pressure.

There was a woman standing in there, a short leather jacket stretched tight across the breadth of her shoulders. Shades were perched on top of short crimson curls, the tresses stopping just at the peek of pale neck above her coat.

Pepper paused at the door, eyes glued to the mysterious woman, "Madden...did you miss one of my appointments?"

The man was too busy dabbing his lip with a handkerchief, the cloth stained with blood.

Pepper quickly shut the door and locked it, expression hardening when she realized just what situation she was in. Her gun, her mace...it was all in her purse, shoved deep within her desk. She raised her chin and pushed back her shoulders, trying to steel herself for whatever was about to happen. She prayed JARVIS had already sent a warning to Tony about the intruder, all she had to do was buy some time.

"If you've come to kill me, don't let these heels fool you" Pepper approached cautiously "I'm faster and stronger than I look."

The woman turned her head, revealing a smooth profile and piercing cat-green eyes, "You don't have to convince me, Miss. Potts."

Pepper's knees nearly gave out, "Nat?"

She sounded pathetic even to her own ears. Pepper set her jaw and crossed the room in strides, hyper aware of the other woman's gaze sticking to her. It was an appreciative stare, she could feel it burning down every inch of her. The older woman stood in front of her desk, thumbing through the files stacked there to find the one from the first meeting. She flicked it open and ran her eyes over it, trying not to seem nervous in front of the agent.

Her heart was like a trapped kitten in her chest, clawing and squirming as if to break free.

"You know he's in love with you" Natasha didn't bother to hide her resentment.

"Thomas?" Pepper inquired off-handedly "Yes, he was first choice after my last assistant abandoned me so suddenly. Unprofessional choices all around, I'm afraid."

Natasha bristled, "You haven't slept with him, have you?"

"That's ridiculous" the older woman looked over her shoulder for only a moment, afraid if she caught that fearsome gaze head-on she'd crumble "I don't sleep with my subordinates."

The agent chuckled darkly, "We both know that's not true."

"You weren't a subordinate, you were a spy!" Pepper snapped, tossing the file down "You were a S.H.I.E.L.D. feeler, not an employee. Never confuse the two. I had no more control over you than Tony did."

Natasha scoffed beneath her breath, "You have more control than you realize."

Pepper finally turned to face the other woman, praying her face didn't betray her heartbreak, "What do you want? Why did you come back?"

"I came back for a warmer welcome than this" Natasha frowned "What happened to you? I was only gone a couple of months and it seems like everything's changed. Tony won't come out of his lab, not even for a chance to gloat. Steve's been shipped off, no one will tell me where Clint's gone, and now I can't even get a smile from you. I thought you would've missed me."

"Four."

The agent faltered, "I'm sorry?"

"You were gone for four months, not a few" Pepper corrected her "And after what happened, I don't know why you expect to come back to any warmth here."

"Enlighten me, I'm lost" Natasha's voice was deceptively calm, mimicking the older woman's tone.

"Don't play innocent" the Vice scrunched up her nose, it was pure bitterness now "That doesn't work anymore."

"Pepper..."

"You left with no note, no call" Pepper crossed her arms over her chest defensively "I haven't seen a glimpse of you. The only message I got was loud and clear."

Natasha raised a dark brow, "And what message was that?"

"That whatever we had was over" the older woman gestured between them, eyes glassing up as she finally said it out loud "I understood loud and clear. You're not my first one night stand and I promise you won't be my last."

Natasha examined her closely, searching for signs of falsity or grandeur. She was surprised to find nothing but pain written all over her lover's face, the Vice looked paler and much more tired than last time they'd seen each other. The agent dropped her hands to her side, brow drawn as she tried to figure out just how wrong things had gone.

"No one told you where I was, did they?" Natasha clenched her hands into fists "Or did you even ask?"

Pepper gaped, the younger woman might as well have smacked her, "I know I can't hurt you, Agent Romanova, but if you insist on mocking me I promise to try my damnedest."

The agent's gaze didn't waver.

"No, no one told me" Pepper admitted "They just said you left."

"Well, you said you loved me, right?" Natasha waited for the woman to nod before continuing "I assumed being in love meant spending our lives together. And this is what a life with me is like. Me, running off in the middle of the night to go on a mission where I spend every day wanting to talk to you, missing you desperately. And you..." her voice shattered, heart laid bare in front of her lover "Staying here...and hopefully missing me half as much."

Pepper's eyes were as round as dinner plates, she clutched desperately at the nearest couch as she collapsed on it. Her head felt light and her heart raced, a blush staining her high cheekbones.

"You were on a mission?" Pepper asked weakly.

"Of course I was" Natasha's voice was warmer now "What else besides my job would pull me out of your bed?"

Pepper laughed breathlessly, putting her palm to her forehead, "Oh God, the things I thought...I didn't know...I thought you just changed your mind...God, I was so drunk."

"You were really drunk" the agent teased, walking over to kneel in front of the woman "I wanted to leave something behind for you but this case required a delicate touch. I couldn't risk it. I couldn't involving you with all that."

Wet blue eyes peered at her, "We really don't know each other, do we?"

"Like jumping blindfolded" the younger woman's lips quirked "I haven't given you much of a reason to trust me, have I? I took advantage of you while you were drunk, I kept Tony's sickness from you, I pranced around as 'Natalie' for months...not a good foundation for a relationship."

"You know, I was pretty fond of Natalie" Pepper smiled, really smiled, for the first time in weeks "I think getting to know Natasha will fix those cracks."

Natasha reached up and slid her hand across the woman's cheek, letting her fingers touch the tight bun of her hair, "You look so tired, edesem."

Pepper leaned into the touch, "You cut your hair."

Natasha unhooked the pins, letting the cinnamon tresses tumble down over the older woman's shoulder.

"I like it."

Pepper's shy smile melted her heart, "I'm glad."

"Nat" Pepper sighed, letting her eyes flutter shut as the other stroked her fingers through her hair "This is the second time I've planned our life together only to have you disappear."

"I think last time you mentioned something about romantic evening I spoiled" the agent replied, trying not to let her heart-flutter crack her voice "We could try that again. I don't have another mission for almost two months."

The older woman tittered, "Spies get vacation time?"

"Couslon swung it for me" Natasha cocked her head "I think you had something to do with it."

"I may have made a call" Pepper replied flippantly, gasping softly when the other wrapped her hair in her fist. She found her head yanked back, the length of her throat bared to the agent. Natasha moved swiftly into her space, teeth seeking the arch of her jugular.

"I remember a pretty mark just here" Natasha mused, grazing her teeth against the spot briefly "Did it last? Did you see it and think of me?"

"Every night" Pepper confessed breathlessly, long fingers seeking the edge of the red head's jacket and clutching it tightly.

"You didn't let that worm Madden touch you" it was almost a question.

"Never" Pepper got a line of warm kisses for that, she preened under the silent praise "How am I supposed to think of anyone else after you? Nothing's been the same since you left, everything's been so dull and God I've missed you."

"Not nearly as much as I've missed you" Natasha pulled back, easing her grip on her lover's hair "We still need to establish some things before we jump back into bed."

Pepper cleared her throat, scrambling for some composure, "Establish away."

"I sleep with my some of my targets" the spy stated, searching the woman's eyes for signs of disgust "It happens. I'm always safe and half the time I kill them before we get to the main event."

"I have a stupid obsession with protecting people" Pepper replied "I slept with a man who's been in love with Captain America since he was five."

"My work is my life" Natasha continued.

"Mine too" Pepper grinned "It comes first."

"Always."

"I'm scared" Pepper blurted out, flushing from embarrassment at the sudden outburst "I'm scared you'll go off on a mission and forget all about me."

Natasha just smiled, "I remember every mistake I've ever made. You're by far my favorite one."

The Vice glared, "You're about as good at sweet talk as Tony."

Natasha's smile curled into a wicked grin, the older woman shivered beneath her.

"How about we go back to your condo and make you forget all about Tony?"

Pepper nodded tightly, "Deal."

*LINE

So there's that. Man, I'm really tired. I've started the first prologue for the Avengers re-write, don't know when that will be up. I think I'll post both prologues at the same time. I need to do an outline for it but I'm super busy.

When I get the Avenger fic up I'll post another chapter on this fic, Ever Fallen in Love With Someone?, the 'verse tumblr, my tumblr, and my profile page. That way everyone who wants will have a way to check it all out. Be on the look out.

Love it? I hope so, I tried.

I love you all!