Why hello everybody! I originally planned on making this thing a one shot but thanks to you people wanting to continue and me telling my friends and them giving me genius ideas for bets, I shall continue on with the crack till we will be too high to even think anymore! =D
Also, if you guys have any ideas for bets, I would love to hear them! =)
The Bet
"The Shortest bet in Military History"
It was over a half year after the historical nation-wide bet involving one 2nd Lieutenant Jean Havoc and everyone was antsy for the next bet to occur. Sure, there were un-interesting ones like 'How many dates can Havoc get in a week' which was unanimously agreed upon that it would be zero and everyone under Colonel Mustang's command won, except for Havoc of course.
The office was surprisingly silent the morning that would start another nation-wide revolution, with the only noise being pens being scratched across paper and the occasional turn of a piece of paper, that is, until he showed up.
BOOM
The office door burst open, barely being able to stay on the hinges and no one even flinched. They all knew who it was and exactly what would happen. Havoc lifted his eyes slowly and glanced across his desk at Breda who looked at him in return. They heard the stomping of the Fullmetal Alchemist across the floor and the hollow clanging footsteps of his younger brother behind him. Breda rolled his eyes and Havoc faked a silent groan before quietly lifting up one of his hands and began to puppet exactly what was going to happen with his hand. Breda smirked and decided to take the role of the young state alchemist while Havoc was the Flame Colonel.
"So, I guess you still haven't found the stone yet Fullmetal." Havoc's hand sighed and Breda's hand twitched in anger,
"Of course not you Bastard! Would we be here like this if we had?" Breda's hand replied. Havoc's hand leaned back in its imaginary chair and it rolled its head.
"Probably couldn't find it because it was on a high shelf or something...." Havoc's hand replied with a snort and Breda's hand jumped on top of his desk silently while it screamed,
"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SHORT THAT HE COULDN'T EVEN SEE OVER A 2 FOOT SHELF?!"
Havoc's hand leaned down a bit before replying, "You."
"THAT'S IT YOU BASTARD!" Breda's hand yelled before being held back by the other hand, its younger brother. Bother military men sighed before putting their hands down and looking over at the usual scene of Edward Elric being restrained by Alphonse in front of the Colonel's desk.
"Edward," Roy sighed with a chuckle, "You couldn't even last two weeks without blowing up over your height."
"How much do you want to bet, old man?!" Edward replied angrily. Havoc and Breda's ears perked up and they looked up at each other before looking to Falman who already had the notebook and Fuery who was strolling over to the phone lines. It was pretty certain that this could get big, and fast compared to Edward's growing speed. Everyone knew how the oldest Elric had the shortest temper in history; maybe it was even smaller than his height! Havoc got up and put his arm around Edward's shoulder.
"How much are you willing to pay boss?" He asked with a smirk holding his unlit cigarette.
"Half of my research grant for this year!" Edward declared with an evil grin.
"Brother! But you know how your temper is!" Alphonse groaned, this would be over half of the money that they used to travel Amestris with, stay in hotels if possible, and 'donate some money' to people who knew about the stone (which Alphonse disapproved of but Edward said: "It'll be fine Al! Just let me do the talking and this will be our little secret!"). This may set them back awhile!
"And what shall the Colonel wager?" Breda asked, getting up from his chair while Falman scribbled in the newest entry and wagers.
"If the shrimp" pause for fume of anger, "miraculously wins, then I will agree to do anything Fullmetal says for a month." Edward grinned but Mustang quickly added that it had to be legal and not to any of the higher ups. Something also about leaving him alone on his dates as well. Edward agreed and shook Mustang's hand.
"I hope you can last two weeks shrimp." Havoc laughed and there were tiny twitches of anger before Edward let his determination to win cool him down and he smirked at Havoc.
"At least I won't go insane like you did for your bet, smokestack." He said before walking out of the office with Alphonse trailing behind him.
"Wow." Havoc said as everyone watched Edward leave.
"I was pretty sure that he would break right away with all of the years that he has blown up over his size." Breda said and looked over at Havoc who still looked out the door. It was true about Havoc becoming insane, and it was pretty freaky to watch; although, Hughes had gotten some good pictures of Havoc munching on a mound of paperwork with a pen skewer. The Colonel decided not to send Fullmetal on any missions out of Central during the two week period unless it was to one of the other military bases.
He also had Fuery pass on the message to other bases: "If the Fullmetal throws a temper tantrum when being told he is small, tiny, a shrimp, pipsqueak, a runt, an eight year old, or anything else that could be associated with his small stature please inform Colonel Mustang at Central Headquarters. If you catch him, you'll get a reward. However, do not over-prod him. As you can guess, this is a flame bet and all procedures in military handbooks about Flame bets apply. If you want to insert a bet, please call Colonel Mustang's office to set up your wager." Now, once again the phone lines were busy again with wagers and Hawkeye just sighed and left the room. There was no way to stop it now. It was like when she had to go for her mandatory vacation: they were let loose to cause money loss and gain throughout the country. However, this could be for the best. The economy has been slow lately and whenever there's a Flame bet, it sends it back up again. It's probably why the Furer allows them in the first place.
-3 days later-
"He still hasn't cracked?!" Havoc exclaimed and Breda nodded sadly. How long was this kid going to last?!
"It's pretty amazing that he's able to put up with this for so long." Mustang muttered and rested his head on his desk. With the new bet, they had thousands of pages of people who had entered the bet. Officers, generals, civilians, Fullmetal's teacher and her family and friends, the Rockbells, and the Furer had entered and now there was a pile of paper that was as tall as his waist from the floor up.
"If you didn't procrastinate with those stupid bets, you wouldn't had this much paperwork." Hawkeye said coolly from her desk, quietly signing papers.
"What?!" Mustang exclaimed.
"That pile of people and the amount of money that they're betting has to be sorted by military and civilians, ranks, cities, amount of money, and who they are betting for. Along with the paperwork for your actual job, I'd say that you're going to be a very busy Colonel." She replied with a small smirk before returning back down to her paperwork. Mustang merely sighed and began picking up the piles of paper and yelling for Havoc, Breda, and Falman for a little assignment.
-6 days later-
"Well hello Fullmetal." Mustang said as Edward walked into the office. There were five more days left and the twerp hadn't yelled about his height since before he shook Mustang's hand.
"Hello bastard!" Edward said happily while smirking. He was ready for the expected onslaught of 's' related words and other synonyms relating to his stature. He already had it in his grip, safely in his coat pocket.
"Sorry, but we're a little-"
"Mustang fell back out of his chair, with his ears still ringing.
"What the hell was that?!" He yelled angrily while getting up off the ground only to see Edward's smirking face.
"A censor." The blond replied curtly. Mustang glared at him,
"How?" Edward pulled out a metal canister.
"Air horn." He replied simply before he released an evil smirk. "You can't beat me Mustang. I'm going to win this bet." He picked up the file with his latest mission in it from Mustang's desk and walked out.
-5 days later-
"It will be exactly two weeks in a minute in a half." Havoc said as he looked at his watch. Mustang was sitting at his desk while a smirking Edward Elric sat in front of him.
"So, do you doubt me now bastard?" Edward asked smugly while Mustang mentally groaned. He would probably end up in a mental ward, hospital, or maybe even the circus after Edward had been done with his reward of bossing around him.
"I'll have to say that this is the longest time in Edward's life that he hasn't blown up." Alphonse said while standing behind the couch Edward was sitting upon.
"I just thought of something..." Breda whispered to Havoc as the smoker watched the clock.
"What?" He replied in the same volume.
"Edward tends to be......... vengeful...... doesn't he?"
"Yea?"
"And he hasn't been able to blow up for two weeks."
"Yes?" Havoc replied. One minute left.
"So, a lot of people in the country tried to get him to blow up." a pause.
"So.........." 35 seconds left.
"He's allowed to blow up in half a minute."
"............" 20 seconds.
"How many times did we call him the 's' word?" Breda asked.
"Over a hundred." Havoc replied. "But where are you going with this?" 15 seconds.
"Loose cannon Fullmetal Alchemist with built up anger at people like us." 10 seconds.
"..........oh shit."
"YOU FUCKING BASTARDS WILL NEVER CALL ME TINY, SHRIMP, MINISCULE, AMEOBA, A SPECK OF DUST, TINIER THAN AN ANT, A 5 YEAR OLD, OR ANY OF THAT OTHER CRAP IF YOU EVER WISH TO COME OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AFTER THIS TIME YOU GOT THAT PEOPLE?! I WILL RIP ALL OF YOUR HEADS OFF FOR EVEN TRYING TO MAKE ME GIVE UP THIS BET BECAUSE I MADE A LIST OF EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU WHO TRIED TO INSULT MY HEIGHT. I BASICALLY HAVE FREE RANGE NOW ALONG WITH THE FACT THAT I HAVE MUSTANG'S GLOVES! THAT'S RIGHT PEOPLE, I'M COMING AFTER YOU!"
That was the last transmission over the military phone system.
The hospitals had an overflowing amount of patients for the next few weeks, including a certain colonel who was now used as a human punching bag. The newspapers only classified it as 'The Elric Disease'. The 's' word wasn't used for months after the last flame bet and Havoc and Breda haven't been seen since. Only thing anyone heard is that 'Xing is nice this time of year'.
Hope you guys like it! =D