EDWARD POV
I've been miserable, completely and utterly miserable without her in my life. I've been to many a therapist with in the last six years and nothing has helped. I pay them to have me lay on a couch and listen to my sob stories about my horrible life as I left her standing in the woods. I've male and female therapist and none have yet to help me. My roommate, Mike Newton, is a horn dog and he goes to therapy once a week, probably to fuck his therapist. Mike is always trying to find me some girl, any girl, to get my mind off a Bella. Mike's never seen a picture of Bella or else I'm sure he'd try to bring a look alike.
I've been trying to date this girl named Tayna but I don't call her unless its to cancel a date. But Tayna seems to stick around. She hangs out here at the apartment all the time. The first time I meet Tayna I fucked her. I was in a horrible mood and would of done anything to get my mind off what was on it, Bella. Now I use Tayna for sex when I need to get Bella off my head.
I was sitting at the table when Mike came up to be and told me he had set me up an appointment with his therapist. It was for this Wednesday the 18. My head did a 180. this Wednesday, the 18th. He had scheduled it for the same day I had ripped her heart out in those woods. The same day, exactly 8 years have gone by on that day. That has got to be the worst day of my life. I don't go out side on that date.
"Dude, I can't go. Rescedual it. A different day. I can't go on that day." I was literally freaking out a bit. Every year it was that same. I staid inside my apartment and wallowed in my own misery.
"Sorry man. It was the only available date for her until next month. Man this woman works wonders. You wont be thinking about what's-her-name after your session with her." After that my phone went off. It was Alice. She was calling to ask me about my appointment with my new therapist. After I hung up I thought it was a bit odd that Alice knew I had an appointment with a new therapist. I was in the middle of calling her back when I shook my head and ending the call.
My day was ok until Mike brought up Bella. My misery was back and I hated myself all over again. I grabbed an apple and ate it on my way to my room. After all these years I have never gotten her out of my head. Whenever I ask my family about her or even bring her up they all get quiet. Too quiet. Like there is some huge secret I'm not supposed to know. My mind races everything that happens. Is she dead? Did I kill her? If she is dead it is my fault. My own fault, I left her in the woods, I should of staid behind and watched her, made sure she got home. But I knew that if I staid I would of staid with her. I never meant to take her virginity from her and then leave her the next day. I never intended to leave her. I planned on marrying her and having children together. Living in whatever state Bella wanted to and have a wonderful life.
All my therapist ask me the same question. If I loved her so much, why did I leave her. And honestly, I don't have an answer for that. I was stupid at that age and thought she would be better off without me. What kinda of person takes someone virginity from them at such a young age. Yes I had lost mine that night as well but I wanted it to be special with Bella. I had promised myself we would wait till marriage. It would be perfect, everything would be perfect. When that night happened afterwards I felt like a monster. I thought Bella was going to hate me. The night in the woods I could see she didn't. But I couldn't bring myself to stay with her. I was only thinking about myself.
I ran my fingers threw my messy hair as I tossed the core of the apple into the trash can I had by my bedroom door. I shut my door softly and locked it. I made my way over to my bed and climbed on top of it laying down. . I never allowed anyone in here. Not even Tayna. I had pictures of Bella up everywhere from when we were together. I was upset that I never got to go to prom with her, never got to graduate with her or go to the same college. I went to a college out in Alaska and worked on my doctors degree. My father got me into it. Carlisle was a doctor and when I was little I wanted to be just like him. I work at the local hospital here, I work as much as I can. I'm saving up for a house, incase I find Bella again and convince her that I love her and want her in my life. If she does take me back I want to buy us a house. Any house she wants. I don't care if it takes all my savings. If it will make her happy I will gladly buy it for her.
I needed to see Bella again. I wanted to see her again. But no one would tell me anything about her. I've done everything, literally, I even went as far as calling Charlie. But all he did was hang up on me. But I guessed I deserved it for what I put her threw and possibly Charlie through if Bella was now dead. But I couldn't let that thought go threw my head. I couldn't believe she was dead. Something in my heart told me she was still out there, possibly waiting for me to find her.
After a while of thinking about Bella and how much I miss her I glanced over at my alarm clock telling me it was after eleven at night. I got up, removed my jeans and tee and then got back into bed under the covers. I knew I was going to dream of her tonight, I dream of her every night. I shut my eyes and was soon surrounded by dreams of Bella.