Chapter 2
Getting to Know Each Other.Again
"Wow, a motel with a garden." Buffy said.
"Yup. It is beautiful for a motel." Angel replied.
They were walking hand in hand through the gardens after they had eaten supper at the restaurant. The last couple of days had been the best of Buffy's life after death. She had spilled every last detail to Angel about where she had been and how she felt, even now. She was miserable, but she was coping. Her friends didn't know, only Spike. With Angel, though, things were different. She felt like she had never died and been dragged out of heaven. She felt as if she and Angel had never broken apart.
"So, this waitress, she had a thing for you?"
"Yeah, I'm pretty sure she did."
"Why'd you tell her your name?"
"I don't know, I was more concerned for you. Why?"
"I don't know really. I guess it was just weird to have a complete stranger come up to me and congratulate me on bagging you."
Angel chuckled.
"What?"
"I'd forgotten how much I'd missed talking to you."
"It had been nice. I almost wish that I didn't have to go back."
"Almost?"
"Well, I'd say 'I wish', but there are some good things at home. What they are, I have absolutely no clue, but I'll let you know when I find them."
Angel laughed this time. Buffy joined him and they stopped to just stand there and laugh. After a few seconds, Buffy looked up to find Angel staring intently at her. She looked back and then stood on tiptoe. Slowly, as if to make sure it was ok with him, she leaned in and they shared a kiss. As soon as they broke apart, they were back again. Angel started to walk and Buffy went willingly along. Soon they were headed back to the room. When they reached it, they were kissing fiercely. Angel shut the door and drew the shades while his lips were still locked with Buffy's. He knew that he shouldn't be doing this. Something could happen, but something was off. Why wasn't he stopping all this? He led her towards the bed, clothes being stripped off so fast that he could have sworn that he heard they being ripped off. They broke away long enough for Buffy to take a breath or two of air before they resumed. She sat down on the bed, all the while Angel following her. He straddled her as she sat there and then she fell gently back on the bed. He of course followed her down and kissed her stretched out stomach, leaving a trail from there up to her neck. She was in heaven, only not literally, and so was he.
Buffy woke the next morning in a small panic. She remembered what she and Angel had done the night before and knew that they shouldn't have. Buffy tried to bolt up, but Angel's arm held her there. Buffy started to struggle, but then realized that Angel was still there and she was curled up at his side, not dead and not un-dead. She looked up at his content face in shock. Suddenly, Angel shot up.
"Ahh!" Buffy cried as she went up with him.
Angel looked over at her. "I gotta get outta here! You're in danger!"
"Angel."
He started to get out of bed, but Buffy held him in place. "Buffy, please! I need to get out of here!"
"You're still here."
"That's why I need to get out!" Then the Buffy's meaning sunk in. "I'm still here."
"Uh huh."
"Why am I still here?"
"Don't ask me! I'm not a damn gypsy." She shifted the covers and covered herself up.
"I.I'm still here. With you."
"With me? You said that like it was a bad thing."
"It's not a bad thing. I just meant that we weren't supposed to do that and yet we did that and here I am."
"Maybe."
"Maybe what?"
"Maybe we've grown apart so much that I don't make you happy anymore." Buffy said sadly.
Angel wrapped her in his arms. "Buffy that would never happen. I love you more than life itself. You are the one thing on this whole planet that causes me to be perfectly happy."
"Are you sure, cause I mean. you're still here."
"I'm sure."
"We need to figure this out."
"How?"
"I'd say talk to Giles, but he would probably explode if I told him we got groiny."
"You're right about that. And Wesley probably would too."
"So. we keep it to ourselves?"
"We're going to have to."
"Speaking of friends, I have a bunch of them that are going to worry about me if I don't come home soon."
"I do too." Angel looked at Buffy and she smiled. Angel leaned in and kissed her. "It's our little secret."
"Mmm, our little secret."
"Come on and get dressed. Let's go get breakfast."
"Fine by me." Buffy hopped out of bed and went to her bag. She pulled out some underwear, a pair of jogging pants, and a spaghetti strap top. Putting those on, she turned to find Angel in something quite similar. Only he had a tee shirt on.
"Ready?" Buffy asked.
"As I'll ever be."
Sticking to the shadows, Buffy and Angel made their way to the restaurant. The bell chimed as they opened the door and walked in.
Buffy giggled. "Reminds me of the bell at the Magic Box."
They sat down and a waitress came up, gave them menus and took their drink orders. Naturally they didn't have a glass of O positive, so Angel stuck with a coke. Buffy got a big glass of orange juice.
"What do you want?" Angel asked as they stared at the menus.
"I don't know. I don't really eat breakfast anymore. Something cheap."
"Buffy, I'm paying. If you wanted, I'd give you everything on the menu."
"I'm not that big of a pig!"
"I know."
The waitress came back with their drinks and took their food orders. Angel, to be polite, got a plate of eggs and toast. Buffy got a plate of French toast and two strips of bacon.
"I didn't know you liked French toast." Angel said.
"Yeah, I just never have the energy to make it."
"So, what are you going to do when you get home?"
"I don't know. Giles is going to suggest I get a job, so I might start looking around for one. But, what's a slayer going to do? I don't have any useful job skills. At least not for any normal job. But there is one thing that Anya brought up that was a little tempting."
"What?"
"That I start charging people for saving them."
Angel laughed outright.
"I didn't know it was THAT funny."
"It's not."
"You laughed."
"I did because I know where she got the idea from."
"Where?"
"Cordelia. That's what Angel Investigations does. We charge people to help them out. I didn't exactly want to at first, like you, but after a while, the idea helped out financially. I mean, not that I needed it, but Cordy did."
"That's Cordelia though. Of course she would suggest that."
"She's changed a lot since the last time you saw her. She's not the old high school Cordelia."
"You mean the one that always made fun of me, dated my friend Xander, dissed our whole social group, and did I mention the making fun?"
"Yeah, that Cordy. She's not like that any more. I mean, she does have relapses, but other than that, she is completely different."
Buffy was about to comment when their food came. The waitress set the plates down and left them a check, telling them to pay at the counter. Buffy poured her syrup over the slices of French toast and set the bottle aside. Angel lightly buttered his toast while he watched her cut the bread into squares and eat a cut piece every now and then. She looked up and gave him a raised eyebrow.
"Nothing." Angel said. "I'm just thinking about last night."
"You regret it, don't you?"
"No! Never. I could never regret that Buffy. I'm just still trying to figure out what's going on. I should be Angelus right now."
"Let's just stop thinking for right now. It's still early."
"Buffy, it's like 11:30."
"It's an ungodly hour."
"Used to those late morning sleep-ins, huh?"
"You know it. I usually wake up to an empty house. Unless it's Saturday, then Xander and Dawn are usually downstairs watching cartoons."
Angel took a few bites of his eggs before he said more. "So, um, when you go back. are you going to tell anything about these past four days?"
"I'll tell them some, but not everything. If I told them everything, they would probably flip and kick me out of my own house."
"They still don't like me too much there, huh?"
"It's not that. They know what should happen when we do that and if they found out we did that, then they will totally flip and try to come kill you. Especially Xander. You know how is."
"Yeah, I know."
Buffy put her fork down. "I'm full."
"You barely ate!"
"I told you, I'm not a big breakfast person anymore."
"I know. Come on. I'll pay for the food and then we'll go talk some more in the room."
Buffy nodded and Angel went to the counter. He paid the cook there and came back to Buffy. He took her hand and led her to the room. Once they were in, Buffy went to the table and chair by the window and sat down. Angel took the other chair.
"Will you ever tell them?" Angel asked.
"About?"
"Where you really were."
"I doubt I ever will. Willow would be so hurt and Xander would blame himself for it all. I don't want to hurt them. Willow's intentions were purely of the good, but she never really even thought of the possibility that I could have been in heaven."
"I would have."
"Of course you would have Angel. You and I have a connection that not even death could break. Look at us now."
"Do you ever wish that you could go back?"
"Everyday." Buffy saw Angel's hurt look. "But these were the first four days that I've gone without wishing that."
"I'm honored."
"So am I."
"What are you honored for?"
"You went on. You fought the bad guys in my name. You didn't go to that freaky doctor guy and get your heart cut out because I was dead. Cordy was right, you were honoring me. It was exactly what I wanted you to do: go on living and fighting the good fight. And for that, I'm truly honored."
Angel was silent.
"What?"
"You just gave me closure. I thought that I would never get to hold you ever again. I thought that I would never get the chance to tell you how much I love you. Now, to hear you say it after you've come back to this world, it is the most closure inspiring thing."
"You are a man of many words."
"I went to your grave the night after Willow told me that you were gone."
"Willow!" Cordy said as they walked in.
Angel looked at Willow and knew. "It's Buffy." Angel said.
Willow stood and he went to her. She hugged him as he started to cry. Behind him, Cordy and Wes were crying also.
"I'm so sorry Angel." Willow said.
"Oh God Buffy!" Angel cried.
He released her and fell on the settee, his face landing in his hands. Willow and Cordy hugged and then Willow and Wesley. Cordy came over to Angel and hugged him.
"We'll leave you alone for right now." Cordy said as calmly as she was able.
She got up and led everyone but Willow out of the lobby. Willow came over to Angel and sat next to him. After a time, Angel sat up a little and asked quietly, "How?"
"I know Buffy told you about Glory and Dawn. Well, we all went to fight her. We won over Glory, but a demon that had worshipped her went up on a tower made by crazy people and opened the portal with Dawn's blood. Buffy went to save her, but it was too late, the portal had already been opened. Dawn's the only one who knows what Buffy did up there on that tower. But she told us that Buffy figured out that her blood would close the portal also. She sacrificed herself for Dawn and the rest of the world. We buried her yesterday at the Sunnydale Cemetery under a beautiful willow tree. We put a picture of you and her that was taken before you ever lost your soul in her casket with her. She's wearing the ring you gave her on her left ring finger."
Angel was silent, more tears falling. Willow rubbed his back and sat there with him. Angel looked at Willow and told her thank you and he went up to his room. He curled up on his bed and cried over his lost love. Buffy was gone.
Cordy, Wesley, and Gunn tried to get him to come out for two days. He would have none of it. The night after Willow had come, Angel got the courage to get up and go to Sunnydale. He dressed in Buffy's favorite outfit of his and slipped out without anyone noticing. He drove all the way to Sunnydale in silence and straight to the graveyard. Walking silently, he found Buffy's grave. Silently, he stood there and stared at the headstone, trying to convince himself that it wasn't really there.
"Hey lover." Angel said after a time. "Willow told me that you were gone. I didn't want to believe it. Actually, I locked myself up in my room for two days. I know if you were here that you would tell me that was a stupid thing to do. I know it was, so you don't have to tell me. Anyways, I plan on going away for a while. I'm going to a monastery in Sri Lanka. I don't really want everyone patting my back and telling me it's going to be ok." Angel started to cry. "Because it's not. You're gone Buffy! You were the first person I ever loved and now you're gone! How am I supposed to go on without one of your phone calls? How am I supposed to go on fighting knowing that you're not here in Sunnydale doing the same thing?" Angel took a breath and wiped away his tears. "I want you here to tell me that it's going to be ok. I want you here so I can tell you how much I still love you. You know, I think you died without knowing just how much I love you. Well, I hope you can hear me now wherever you are because I'm trying to tell you that I love you. I will always love you. I don't want you to go on forever wherever you are and not know that. There won't be a day, or night in our case, that will go by that I won't think of you. That I won't think of your gorgeous face, your beaming smile, the way you got your body to move in a great fight, the way we fought side-by-side, and there is so much more that I can't put into words. I just hope you got the point." He sighed. "I.I hope that there wasn't any pain for you. Willow said you jumped into a portal. I know how that can be. I got back from this demon dimension not too long ago and there was some portal jumping there. We had to go in and save Cordelia. She got sucked in when we were trying to return a cousin of a friend of mine. You'd be proud of her Buffy, she's really changed. She cried too when she found out you were gone. Wesley cried too. I knew he was a sap, but I didn't think I would ever see him cry." Angel looked at the gravestone. "'Beloved sister, devoted friend. She saved the world. a lot.' You sure did. You even had to save it from me. How many apocalypses did you stop? The number was up there." He chuckled. "You know, this is probably starting to scare you. I never really talk this much all by myself. You were usually the one who could do that. I guess you've always brought things out of me that I never knew were there. If it weren't for you, I'd probably still be in that alley in New York, or worse. Now's the time when you're supposed to tell me that I'm babbling. You're supposed to stop me by kissing me like I used to do you. But will never happen again, will it? Speaking of kisses, there's something that I wanted to tell you. I've been holding onto this memory for two years almost. You won't remember it though. Anyway, do you remember back in 2000 when you came to the old office to tell me how mad you were that I was in Sunnydale and didn't come by to see you? Well, there was more to that demon I killed in the office. You see, I really didn't kill it. Before that, he escaped. We went to look for it and I found it. I fought it and got some of its blood mixed in with mine and it made me human. I went back to the office and ate pretty much everything I could find. Doyle, he's the Irish guy you met that day, and I went to see the Oracles to see if I was really human. They said I was. Then I went out to find you. You were on the Santa Monica Pier. I walked right up to you and swept you into one of the most amazing kisses ever. We went back to my apartment under the office and talked. We were trying to be adults about everything and not fall into our passions and desires. That was stupid because all it took was one touch and we lost it. We made love on the kitchen table a couple of times before we moved to the bedroom and went at it a few times there. We ate and had fun. You told me that you felt like a normal girl. Then we fell asleep. I woke up before you and went to fight that demon who had recharged itself. I was beat bad and you came in and saved me. I realized that it wasn't going to work out, me being human that is, not us. You went back to the apartment and I went to see the Oracles again. They gave us back the day so you wouldn't die because of that demon who said that an army was going to come and destroy you. I came back and I told you and you got mad. I tried to calm you down, but when you found out we only had about a minute left, you cried and told me that you had felt my heart beat. I cried too. You kept telling me that you would never forget. Then there was a flash and we were back to what you remember. I know this sounds weird, but it's all true. That was the best day of my life." Angel sighed. "I'll stay here as long as you want me. I told you that once after your mom had died. You told me 'Forever. Does forever work for you?' I wanted to say yes. I truly did, but you didn't give me the chance. We shared a kiss that night too. If I had known that it was going to be our last ever, I would have made it more special. So, I'm going to sit here for a little while just to make sure that you know that forever works for me. Ok?" Angel sat down next to her gravestone and started to cry silently.
"You told me all that?" Buffy asked.
"I did. I didn't want to leave you all alone Buffy. I know how scary it is to be in a grave."
"It's the scariest thing in the world. Especially the part where you have to claw your way out."
"I remember."
"You once told me that it was a little disorienting when you first wake up. Do remember telling me that?"
"Yes, I do remember that."
"And I said that it was weird to know you went through that."
"Now I can tell you the same thing. Only I want to change weird to it makes me mad."
"Why?"
"Because, they left you there in your grave. It was bad enough to be brought back from where you were, but to wake up in your coffin and have to claw your way out is traumatizing. And to think, you're best friends think that your behavior is because you were in hell."
"It's not their fault. They had every right to think that." Buffy looked at the clock. It was already 4:30 in the afternoon. They had talked all day. "Angel, I should really get going. Dawn."
"I understand. I have things to get back to also. I'll go check us out."
Angel got up and left and Buffy started to pack what little things she had brought. When she was done, Angel still hadn't come back, so she packed his things up too. Turning the lights off, she left the room with the two bags and waited by their cars that were now in the shadows. Angel came around the corner and walked up to her. She looked up at him.
"I don't really want to go." Buffy said.
"Neither do I."
"But we have lives to get back to."
"Yeah."
"Will you call?"
"Of course I will."
Buffy nodded and started to get into her car.
"Buffy?"
"Yeah?"
"What are we going to do about.?"
"I don't know. We'll talk?"
"We'll talk."
Buffy got into her car and started the engine. Angel came over to her window. She rolled it down and Angel leaned into the car and kissed her.
They broke apart and Angel looked at her. "I love you."
"I love you."
"Tell Dawn I said hi."
"I will. Tell Cordy and Wes the same?"
"Planned on it."
Buffy gave a little wave and pulled away from the parking lot. Angel watched her go until he couldn't see her anymore before he climbed into his car and drove back to LA. Both thought about what had happened the night before, trying to figure out why it had ended this way instead of the bad way. Trying to figure out if this meant they should get back together since they both obviously wanted to.
Getting to Know Each Other.Again
"Wow, a motel with a garden." Buffy said.
"Yup. It is beautiful for a motel." Angel replied.
They were walking hand in hand through the gardens after they had eaten supper at the restaurant. The last couple of days had been the best of Buffy's life after death. She had spilled every last detail to Angel about where she had been and how she felt, even now. She was miserable, but she was coping. Her friends didn't know, only Spike. With Angel, though, things were different. She felt like she had never died and been dragged out of heaven. She felt as if she and Angel had never broken apart.
"So, this waitress, she had a thing for you?"
"Yeah, I'm pretty sure she did."
"Why'd you tell her your name?"
"I don't know, I was more concerned for you. Why?"
"I don't know really. I guess it was just weird to have a complete stranger come up to me and congratulate me on bagging you."
Angel chuckled.
"What?"
"I'd forgotten how much I'd missed talking to you."
"It had been nice. I almost wish that I didn't have to go back."
"Almost?"
"Well, I'd say 'I wish', but there are some good things at home. What they are, I have absolutely no clue, but I'll let you know when I find them."
Angel laughed this time. Buffy joined him and they stopped to just stand there and laugh. After a few seconds, Buffy looked up to find Angel staring intently at her. She looked back and then stood on tiptoe. Slowly, as if to make sure it was ok with him, she leaned in and they shared a kiss. As soon as they broke apart, they were back again. Angel started to walk and Buffy went willingly along. Soon they were headed back to the room. When they reached it, they were kissing fiercely. Angel shut the door and drew the shades while his lips were still locked with Buffy's. He knew that he shouldn't be doing this. Something could happen, but something was off. Why wasn't he stopping all this? He led her towards the bed, clothes being stripped off so fast that he could have sworn that he heard they being ripped off. They broke away long enough for Buffy to take a breath or two of air before they resumed. She sat down on the bed, all the while Angel following her. He straddled her as she sat there and then she fell gently back on the bed. He of course followed her down and kissed her stretched out stomach, leaving a trail from there up to her neck. She was in heaven, only not literally, and so was he.
Buffy woke the next morning in a small panic. She remembered what she and Angel had done the night before and knew that they shouldn't have. Buffy tried to bolt up, but Angel's arm held her there. Buffy started to struggle, but then realized that Angel was still there and she was curled up at his side, not dead and not un-dead. She looked up at his content face in shock. Suddenly, Angel shot up.
"Ahh!" Buffy cried as she went up with him.
Angel looked over at her. "I gotta get outta here! You're in danger!"
"Angel."
He started to get out of bed, but Buffy held him in place. "Buffy, please! I need to get out of here!"
"You're still here."
"That's why I need to get out!" Then the Buffy's meaning sunk in. "I'm still here."
"Uh huh."
"Why am I still here?"
"Don't ask me! I'm not a damn gypsy." She shifted the covers and covered herself up.
"I.I'm still here. With you."
"With me? You said that like it was a bad thing."
"It's not a bad thing. I just meant that we weren't supposed to do that and yet we did that and here I am."
"Maybe."
"Maybe what?"
"Maybe we've grown apart so much that I don't make you happy anymore." Buffy said sadly.
Angel wrapped her in his arms. "Buffy that would never happen. I love you more than life itself. You are the one thing on this whole planet that causes me to be perfectly happy."
"Are you sure, cause I mean. you're still here."
"I'm sure."
"We need to figure this out."
"How?"
"I'd say talk to Giles, but he would probably explode if I told him we got groiny."
"You're right about that. And Wesley probably would too."
"So. we keep it to ourselves?"
"We're going to have to."
"Speaking of friends, I have a bunch of them that are going to worry about me if I don't come home soon."
"I do too." Angel looked at Buffy and she smiled. Angel leaned in and kissed her. "It's our little secret."
"Mmm, our little secret."
"Come on and get dressed. Let's go get breakfast."
"Fine by me." Buffy hopped out of bed and went to her bag. She pulled out some underwear, a pair of jogging pants, and a spaghetti strap top. Putting those on, she turned to find Angel in something quite similar. Only he had a tee shirt on.
"Ready?" Buffy asked.
"As I'll ever be."
Sticking to the shadows, Buffy and Angel made their way to the restaurant. The bell chimed as they opened the door and walked in.
Buffy giggled. "Reminds me of the bell at the Magic Box."
They sat down and a waitress came up, gave them menus and took their drink orders. Naturally they didn't have a glass of O positive, so Angel stuck with a coke. Buffy got a big glass of orange juice.
"What do you want?" Angel asked as they stared at the menus.
"I don't know. I don't really eat breakfast anymore. Something cheap."
"Buffy, I'm paying. If you wanted, I'd give you everything on the menu."
"I'm not that big of a pig!"
"I know."
The waitress came back with their drinks and took their food orders. Angel, to be polite, got a plate of eggs and toast. Buffy got a plate of French toast and two strips of bacon.
"I didn't know you liked French toast." Angel said.
"Yeah, I just never have the energy to make it."
"So, what are you going to do when you get home?"
"I don't know. Giles is going to suggest I get a job, so I might start looking around for one. But, what's a slayer going to do? I don't have any useful job skills. At least not for any normal job. But there is one thing that Anya brought up that was a little tempting."
"What?"
"That I start charging people for saving them."
Angel laughed outright.
"I didn't know it was THAT funny."
"It's not."
"You laughed."
"I did because I know where she got the idea from."
"Where?"
"Cordelia. That's what Angel Investigations does. We charge people to help them out. I didn't exactly want to at first, like you, but after a while, the idea helped out financially. I mean, not that I needed it, but Cordy did."
"That's Cordelia though. Of course she would suggest that."
"She's changed a lot since the last time you saw her. She's not the old high school Cordelia."
"You mean the one that always made fun of me, dated my friend Xander, dissed our whole social group, and did I mention the making fun?"
"Yeah, that Cordy. She's not like that any more. I mean, she does have relapses, but other than that, she is completely different."
Buffy was about to comment when their food came. The waitress set the plates down and left them a check, telling them to pay at the counter. Buffy poured her syrup over the slices of French toast and set the bottle aside. Angel lightly buttered his toast while he watched her cut the bread into squares and eat a cut piece every now and then. She looked up and gave him a raised eyebrow.
"Nothing." Angel said. "I'm just thinking about last night."
"You regret it, don't you?"
"No! Never. I could never regret that Buffy. I'm just still trying to figure out what's going on. I should be Angelus right now."
"Let's just stop thinking for right now. It's still early."
"Buffy, it's like 11:30."
"It's an ungodly hour."
"Used to those late morning sleep-ins, huh?"
"You know it. I usually wake up to an empty house. Unless it's Saturday, then Xander and Dawn are usually downstairs watching cartoons."
Angel took a few bites of his eggs before he said more. "So, um, when you go back. are you going to tell anything about these past four days?"
"I'll tell them some, but not everything. If I told them everything, they would probably flip and kick me out of my own house."
"They still don't like me too much there, huh?"
"It's not that. They know what should happen when we do that and if they found out we did that, then they will totally flip and try to come kill you. Especially Xander. You know how is."
"Yeah, I know."
Buffy put her fork down. "I'm full."
"You barely ate!"
"I told you, I'm not a big breakfast person anymore."
"I know. Come on. I'll pay for the food and then we'll go talk some more in the room."
Buffy nodded and Angel went to the counter. He paid the cook there and came back to Buffy. He took her hand and led her to the room. Once they were in, Buffy went to the table and chair by the window and sat down. Angel took the other chair.
"Will you ever tell them?" Angel asked.
"About?"
"Where you really were."
"I doubt I ever will. Willow would be so hurt and Xander would blame himself for it all. I don't want to hurt them. Willow's intentions were purely of the good, but she never really even thought of the possibility that I could have been in heaven."
"I would have."
"Of course you would have Angel. You and I have a connection that not even death could break. Look at us now."
"Do you ever wish that you could go back?"
"Everyday." Buffy saw Angel's hurt look. "But these were the first four days that I've gone without wishing that."
"I'm honored."
"So am I."
"What are you honored for?"
"You went on. You fought the bad guys in my name. You didn't go to that freaky doctor guy and get your heart cut out because I was dead. Cordy was right, you were honoring me. It was exactly what I wanted you to do: go on living and fighting the good fight. And for that, I'm truly honored."
Angel was silent.
"What?"
"You just gave me closure. I thought that I would never get to hold you ever again. I thought that I would never get the chance to tell you how much I love you. Now, to hear you say it after you've come back to this world, it is the most closure inspiring thing."
"You are a man of many words."
"I went to your grave the night after Willow told me that you were gone."
"Willow!" Cordy said as they walked in.
Angel looked at Willow and knew. "It's Buffy." Angel said.
Willow stood and he went to her. She hugged him as he started to cry. Behind him, Cordy and Wes were crying also.
"I'm so sorry Angel." Willow said.
"Oh God Buffy!" Angel cried.
He released her and fell on the settee, his face landing in his hands. Willow and Cordy hugged and then Willow and Wesley. Cordy came over to Angel and hugged him.
"We'll leave you alone for right now." Cordy said as calmly as she was able.
She got up and led everyone but Willow out of the lobby. Willow came over to Angel and sat next to him. After a time, Angel sat up a little and asked quietly, "How?"
"I know Buffy told you about Glory and Dawn. Well, we all went to fight her. We won over Glory, but a demon that had worshipped her went up on a tower made by crazy people and opened the portal with Dawn's blood. Buffy went to save her, but it was too late, the portal had already been opened. Dawn's the only one who knows what Buffy did up there on that tower. But she told us that Buffy figured out that her blood would close the portal also. She sacrificed herself for Dawn and the rest of the world. We buried her yesterday at the Sunnydale Cemetery under a beautiful willow tree. We put a picture of you and her that was taken before you ever lost your soul in her casket with her. She's wearing the ring you gave her on her left ring finger."
Angel was silent, more tears falling. Willow rubbed his back and sat there with him. Angel looked at Willow and told her thank you and he went up to his room. He curled up on his bed and cried over his lost love. Buffy was gone.
Cordy, Wesley, and Gunn tried to get him to come out for two days. He would have none of it. The night after Willow had come, Angel got the courage to get up and go to Sunnydale. He dressed in Buffy's favorite outfit of his and slipped out without anyone noticing. He drove all the way to Sunnydale in silence and straight to the graveyard. Walking silently, he found Buffy's grave. Silently, he stood there and stared at the headstone, trying to convince himself that it wasn't really there.
"Hey lover." Angel said after a time. "Willow told me that you were gone. I didn't want to believe it. Actually, I locked myself up in my room for two days. I know if you were here that you would tell me that was a stupid thing to do. I know it was, so you don't have to tell me. Anyways, I plan on going away for a while. I'm going to a monastery in Sri Lanka. I don't really want everyone patting my back and telling me it's going to be ok." Angel started to cry. "Because it's not. You're gone Buffy! You were the first person I ever loved and now you're gone! How am I supposed to go on without one of your phone calls? How am I supposed to go on fighting knowing that you're not here in Sunnydale doing the same thing?" Angel took a breath and wiped away his tears. "I want you here to tell me that it's going to be ok. I want you here so I can tell you how much I still love you. You know, I think you died without knowing just how much I love you. Well, I hope you can hear me now wherever you are because I'm trying to tell you that I love you. I will always love you. I don't want you to go on forever wherever you are and not know that. There won't be a day, or night in our case, that will go by that I won't think of you. That I won't think of your gorgeous face, your beaming smile, the way you got your body to move in a great fight, the way we fought side-by-side, and there is so much more that I can't put into words. I just hope you got the point." He sighed. "I.I hope that there wasn't any pain for you. Willow said you jumped into a portal. I know how that can be. I got back from this demon dimension not too long ago and there was some portal jumping there. We had to go in and save Cordelia. She got sucked in when we were trying to return a cousin of a friend of mine. You'd be proud of her Buffy, she's really changed. She cried too when she found out you were gone. Wesley cried too. I knew he was a sap, but I didn't think I would ever see him cry." Angel looked at the gravestone. "'Beloved sister, devoted friend. She saved the world. a lot.' You sure did. You even had to save it from me. How many apocalypses did you stop? The number was up there." He chuckled. "You know, this is probably starting to scare you. I never really talk this much all by myself. You were usually the one who could do that. I guess you've always brought things out of me that I never knew were there. If it weren't for you, I'd probably still be in that alley in New York, or worse. Now's the time when you're supposed to tell me that I'm babbling. You're supposed to stop me by kissing me like I used to do you. But will never happen again, will it? Speaking of kisses, there's something that I wanted to tell you. I've been holding onto this memory for two years almost. You won't remember it though. Anyway, do you remember back in 2000 when you came to the old office to tell me how mad you were that I was in Sunnydale and didn't come by to see you? Well, there was more to that demon I killed in the office. You see, I really didn't kill it. Before that, he escaped. We went to look for it and I found it. I fought it and got some of its blood mixed in with mine and it made me human. I went back to the office and ate pretty much everything I could find. Doyle, he's the Irish guy you met that day, and I went to see the Oracles to see if I was really human. They said I was. Then I went out to find you. You were on the Santa Monica Pier. I walked right up to you and swept you into one of the most amazing kisses ever. We went back to my apartment under the office and talked. We were trying to be adults about everything and not fall into our passions and desires. That was stupid because all it took was one touch and we lost it. We made love on the kitchen table a couple of times before we moved to the bedroom and went at it a few times there. We ate and had fun. You told me that you felt like a normal girl. Then we fell asleep. I woke up before you and went to fight that demon who had recharged itself. I was beat bad and you came in and saved me. I realized that it wasn't going to work out, me being human that is, not us. You went back to the apartment and I went to see the Oracles again. They gave us back the day so you wouldn't die because of that demon who said that an army was going to come and destroy you. I came back and I told you and you got mad. I tried to calm you down, but when you found out we only had about a minute left, you cried and told me that you had felt my heart beat. I cried too. You kept telling me that you would never forget. Then there was a flash and we were back to what you remember. I know this sounds weird, but it's all true. That was the best day of my life." Angel sighed. "I'll stay here as long as you want me. I told you that once after your mom had died. You told me 'Forever. Does forever work for you?' I wanted to say yes. I truly did, but you didn't give me the chance. We shared a kiss that night too. If I had known that it was going to be our last ever, I would have made it more special. So, I'm going to sit here for a little while just to make sure that you know that forever works for me. Ok?" Angel sat down next to her gravestone and started to cry silently.
"You told me all that?" Buffy asked.
"I did. I didn't want to leave you all alone Buffy. I know how scary it is to be in a grave."
"It's the scariest thing in the world. Especially the part where you have to claw your way out."
"I remember."
"You once told me that it was a little disorienting when you first wake up. Do remember telling me that?"
"Yes, I do remember that."
"And I said that it was weird to know you went through that."
"Now I can tell you the same thing. Only I want to change weird to it makes me mad."
"Why?"
"Because, they left you there in your grave. It was bad enough to be brought back from where you were, but to wake up in your coffin and have to claw your way out is traumatizing. And to think, you're best friends think that your behavior is because you were in hell."
"It's not their fault. They had every right to think that." Buffy looked at the clock. It was already 4:30 in the afternoon. They had talked all day. "Angel, I should really get going. Dawn."
"I understand. I have things to get back to also. I'll go check us out."
Angel got up and left and Buffy started to pack what little things she had brought. When she was done, Angel still hadn't come back, so she packed his things up too. Turning the lights off, she left the room with the two bags and waited by their cars that were now in the shadows. Angel came around the corner and walked up to her. She looked up at him.
"I don't really want to go." Buffy said.
"Neither do I."
"But we have lives to get back to."
"Yeah."
"Will you call?"
"Of course I will."
Buffy nodded and started to get into her car.
"Buffy?"
"Yeah?"
"What are we going to do about.?"
"I don't know. We'll talk?"
"We'll talk."
Buffy got into her car and started the engine. Angel came over to her window. She rolled it down and Angel leaned into the car and kissed her.
They broke apart and Angel looked at her. "I love you."
"I love you."
"Tell Dawn I said hi."
"I will. Tell Cordy and Wes the same?"
"Planned on it."
Buffy gave a little wave and pulled away from the parking lot. Angel watched her go until he couldn't see her anymore before he climbed into his car and drove back to LA. Both thought about what had happened the night before, trying to figure out why it had ended this way instead of the bad way. Trying to figure out if this meant they should get back together since they both obviously wanted to.