Hey! Thanks so much for the reviews! ;) I tried as hard as I could to finish this chapter right, so I could come back to it with full force. Anyway, I hope you enjoy! Happy Holidays!
It was incredibly bright as I walked into the office that morning. Everything seemed to blur and everyone's voice faded. I tried not to be the office glum of the day, but as the night before keeps a rerun in my head, my eyes and shoulders sat heavily; with a frown on my face that was sure to catch Michael's eyes. I look around and glance at Phyllis and Stanley who were the only ones with me in the office and I briefly remember their looks of sympathy as they passed. I wanted to walk away and pretend that I didn't work here. I wanted to run as far as the sun would let me. This internal pain just wouldn't let up and on top of that had a huge life alternating decision to make. My mouth seems dryer than usual well I bend down to grab some chap stick out of my purse. I hear the door click open. My body seems to not want to move up. I just want to lay down here under the desk forever. Unwillingly, I slowly sit up. Jim's face was the first face I saw. He smiles at me, in a way that's different from everyone else's. Like he really cares, not at all just a sympathy gesture.
"Hey" he says leaning against my desk. The smell of him calms me instantly. "Hey" I reply a small smile leaking over my lips. He looks nervous and restless, almost like he doesn't know what to say. I can see him putting a speech together in his head about to say how sorry he is about Penny but I beat him to it. "Thank you for the flowers, they were beautiful "I realize that I don't have to try to sound sincere. His smile charmingly seeps its way to his lips as a small blush reaches his cheeks. "That was nothing really" he assures me. "Well it meant a lot" feeling like a whole new smile appears near my cheek bones. "Hey so I was thinking" he starts looking down at me with deep eyes. I look back ignoring the flutter in the pit of my stomach. "Yeah?" I reply, giving him motive to keep talking. Before he could finish his thought, the main door opens and Roy pushes his way through. My smile instantly fades as he comes up looking between us like we are passing secrets with our eyes.
"Hey babe" he says, looking over at Jim, who instinctively gives me a half smile and walks back to his desk. I sigh and look up at Roy. "Hi" I reply suddenly very interested in my computer. "So uh" he stutters slightly. He never was much for feelings. "How are you?" I hear him force through his chapped lips. "Fine" I reply, short and determined, as I get up and walk towards the kitchen. I feel his eyes on me, and it's almost like he can feel me hiding something. I went through my head all last night on how he would react when I told him about Penny's son. I wanted to tell him last night, but he was on such a verge to tell me how sorry he was, and suddenly I got very angry and kicked him out again. I didn't understand at all what was going through me, but I know it wasn't good. The rage and anger and pain of losing Penny and having to be responsible for her son were hitting me all at once. The stress was too much to take and to have to deal with Roy too? It seemed unfair really. I never thought of Roy as a person to deal with but the reaction to Penny's death sent me over the edge. What is wrong with him? Can't he see that I am in pain? I don't understand anything anymore, it's like someone had shook me until I passed out, then I awoke as someone I didn't know. My feet push through the woman's restroom letting him know just where I stand. I walk into the biggest stall and just stand against the wall, letting my body slide down to my knees, tears draining my face. It wasn't fair, why did Penny have to die? My own sister? It didn't seem real, I'm still hoping I wake up from this nightmare and wake up to a call from Penny telling me how she was doing. I don't know how I'm going to raise a kid like this. Benjamin Allan Beesly. Ben always was her favorite name. I can still remember the first time she ever thought of it.
It was dark outside when we were up in our room, hiding from the storm underneath our manmade fort where flashlights stood up straight reflecting on our covers.
"Truth or dare?" I asked her, her blonde hair was falling into her face as she tilts down thinking. "Truth" she looks up smiling knowing she was safe for now. Now it was my turn to think as I look at her going through all the questions in my head. Random took place when I finally picked at question. "I got one!" I declared, letting my sketchbook rest on my thigh. "If you had a baby right now, what would you name it and what would it be?" She scoffs. "What a stupid question" she half smiles. "Hey shut up and just answer the question" I smile back. "Okay, I would have a boy, and his name would be Benjamin" Her voice full of meaning. "Why Benjamin?" I ask in wonderment. "Ah it's not your turn!" she nearly shouts. "Ah fine!" I groan back. The mystery of the name still hung above me, but I never asked the question. Lightening struck outside making the glow light up our fort like fireworks.
I feel the tears taking charge as that memory breaks through my thoughts. I can still hear her voice when it said his name. "Benjamin" My heart aches with pain, when I realize that I might be going home early today.
I'm sorry this is so short but I wanted to give you guys something before I couldn't for a couple of days. I didn't want to rush through but at the same time I didn't want to come back into the middle of this chapter, when all of my original thoughts were gone, so I hope you enjoyed and please feel free to….
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-jamfan2000-