AN
Title of the story taken from The National's Terrible Love.
Thank you to everyone who read the first chapter. I hope you enjoy this one. I apologise if this story seems like a slow burner, I'm just trying not to rush the angsty bits. Don't forget to review!
Summary
A story of how Blair loses everything, and how Dan helps her put herself back together.
Set after 5x10, following Blair and Chuck's car accident. Includes various excerpts from Dan Humphrey's Inside.
Clair Carlyle knew she was born to be queen.
She had known since she was 6 years old when she was able to turn the whole grade against Jessica Freedman for accidentally spilling some of her cordial on Clair's left shoe. She had known since her mother bought her her first headband, which she wore as a crown.
She walked around the courtyard connecting Florence School for Girls and St Joes School for Boys like it was her castle and ruled over the students like they were her minions.
But to Dylan Hunter, lowly peasant, she was more of a tyrant.
'I'd like to thank everyone who voted me president of Florence's sophomore year,' Clair announces as Dylan sits quietly at the back of the assembly hall. She is the picture of perfection. Her uniform is hemmed and trimmed flawlessly, not a crease in sight. Her chestnut curls bounce freely on her shoulders in a way that could only be achieved through hours of labour. He wonders how early she must wake up to become so picture perfect, and how she still manages to look like she had a full night's rest at the same time.
'I will do anything in my power to make Florence a better school, and a better community,' she adds as the school applauds. She walks to her seat on stage, which Dylan regards as her newly appointed throne.
Everyone knew that the only reason Clair was able to win the election was due to the fact that she threatened and frightened all chances of an opponent away. She ruled through fear, and as much as Dylan would hate to admit it; fear worked.
Clair Carlyle represented everything he resented about the Upper East Side. And so when she passes him in the hallway, her posse of complementary imitators trailing behind her, he is sure to stand out of her way. He won't kiss her feet, but he's smart enough to know what happens to those that offend the queen.
It's strange to see Blair in a tiny white bed that still manages to engulf her. She's sitting in her hospital gown, now in her own room, as the sounds of Chuck's machines in the room next to her beep in a constant rhythm.
Dan pulls a seat next to her bed, careful not to touch any wires coming out of her arms or going through computers or respirators or things he doesn't quite understand, and is not sure he wants to understand either. She hasn't looked at him the whole time he took to walk from the door to the chair, which he swears was the longest moment in his life.
'I called your mother in Paris,' he tells her, 'she said that she, your father, Cyrus and Roman are coming on the first flight back. Serena and Nate should be here any second,' he pauses as she doesn't respond. 'How are you fee—'
'Humphrey...' she cuts him off in a broken voice. He reaches for her hand but she pulls away from him instantly, 'I just want to be alone.'
'Oh,' he tries to hide the hurt in his voice as he responds, 'Okay. Let me know if you need anything.' He slowly leaves her bedside then, hoping that she might ask him to stay, but knowing that she won't. He doesn't leave the hospital though; just continues to sit outside her room. Although he is hurt that she doesn't want him there, he knows that this isn't about him.
So he sits outside her room, ready to be there for her when she needs him; if she needs him. He falls asleep to the sound of two sets of heartbeats coming out of her and Chuck's rooms. A few hours ago, there were three.
He doesn't realise that no one has called her fiancé; the father of the baby just lost.
The lights of the hospital blind her and the sounds of the machines make her restless. So she carefully gets up and leaves the room behind, hoping that she can also leave behind the haunting cries of a baby that doesn't exist.
She walks past Chuck's room and heads down the hall, failing to notice another dark haired boy silently sleeping on a chair out of her view. She ends up at the hospital chapel.
Blair has never been religious. She never liked the idea of sticking to a code of rules that would hinder her from doing the things she loved; scheming and cheating and sinning. In fact, if you look up the seven deadly sins, it would be fairly obvious that Blair Waldorf had never been a follower of God.
She wouldn't be surprised if lightning struck as soon as she walked into the chapel room. But she enters anyway, finding peace in the darkness of her surroundings.
She finds herself kneeling at a pew, entwining her fingers and bringing them close to her chin.
'Please God,' she starts, 'you have my baby. You can't take Chuck too.'
'If you exist... let him live. I prom—,' she stops then, staring at a flickering candle at the front of the silent room. It dies out as she watches, causing the room to fall into a deeper darkness.
She had lost her child not long ago, and might just lose Chuck as well. Blair stands up then, straightening the robe that hangs off her strained shoulders. This is her punishment, she thinks. There's no scheming or making pacts to get out of this.
No, Blair Waldorf has never been religious. She has lied and manipulated her way through life. And now she must face the consequences.
She wakes up to find Serena by her bedside reading a copy of Inside. Serena looks up when Blair shuffles slightly in the uncomfortable hospital bed.
'B, you're awake. I'm so sorry,' Serena says as she takes Blair into a hug.
It's strange. This feeling of indifference when you've lost something that was supposed to be part of you for the rest of your life. One day, you're supposed to be a mother, and the next you're back to being who you were before you cared about something that was growing inside you.
'How's Chuck?' Blair asks, ignoring Serena's sympathy.
'Blair, I know you must be devastated at the moment. Don't swallow your emotions,' Serena tries to reason with her.
'How can I be devastated at something that really didn't exist, Serena?' She knows Serena is only trying to help. But Blair can't be weak. She had never wanted a child in the first place; not with Louis or with Chuck. She had been forced to accept her pregnancy, even pretended to be excited about it with Louis. So she wasn't going to wallow over something she never wanted.
'How's Chuck?' She repeats, trying to forget that her unborn child ever existed.
Serena gives out a small sigh, knowing that she won't be able to get through to Blair when she's in denial-mode, 'He hasn't woken up yet. The doctors say he's stable for the moment; they just have to wait until he wakes up to know the full extent of his injuries.'
Blair nods to her best friend then, 'Stable is good,' she tries to convince herself. Serena gives her a small smile and squeezes Blair's hand tightly.
'Yeah,' Serena replies in a small voice, trying her best to smile for Blair despite the circumstances, 'Stable is good.'