A Damaged Perfection

Chapter Two

October 2007

Cooper Barret wondered when the pain would end. Just how long could he go on feeling like this? Each day he woke up, red eyed and stiff, and thought of her. Each night he fell asleep cursing her name and, in even greater measure, longing to have Maxie Jones curled up next to him once again.

(When you're dreaming with a broken heart
the waking up is the hardest part.


You roll outta bed and down on your knees
and for the moment you can hardly breathe.


Wondering was she really here?
Is she standing in my room?


No she's not, cause she's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone... ) ( John Mayer)

He sat in the back seat of the squad car now and did his best to listen to Lucky Spencer and Cruz Rodriguez as they tried to school him in how to handle life as a beat cop. He wasn't really taking in a word of what they said though. Maybe his training from Iraq would kick in and carry him through whatever situation came up on the streets or maybe it wouldn't. Maybe he'd be so distracted he got shot the first day they let him patrol on his own. He wasn't sure he even cared anymore.

She was gone from his life, his bed, his everyday routine...unless you counted walking past her in Kelly's diner, which he didn't. That wasn't even near enough for him.

But he wasn't sure how to get her back, or if it made him a fool to still want her after she slept with Logan Hayes, his supposed war buddy from Iraq but, in truth, they were more than that...he didn't have any brothers, but he had Logan. Too bad he couldn't even look at him now without wanting to break his neck.

"Barret," Cruz snapped "Did you hear what I just said?"

"Sure."

Lucky ordered, "So answer him then."

Cooper shrugged.

Cruz shook his head at him in a way that said Dumb ass rookie, you are so gonna get your ass killed by the first skel you run into.

That might just be what Cooper was hoping for though, it would at least be an ending, an answer, it would be a way to make the pain stop.

He remembered back to walking in on them together, on Logan's couch, and how her eyes jerked over to meet Cooper's. The guilt, the regret, the challenge was clear: love me anyway. He pulled Logan off her and tossed him across the room, then hissed at Maxie "Lets go."

He might have been pissed as hell but there was no way he was leaving her there with him. Logan threw out some excuses "Man you got to understand..." but Cooper could hardly hear him, his focus had stayed on Maxie, on how her lips started to quiver- the only tell that she was shaking, because her posture was otherwise defiant. A tough bitch to the bitter end, or at least she wanted him to think so.

Later, after hours of fighting and screaming and crying, she yelled at him "Forgive me! Just say you can do that."

"Why should I? So you can do this to me again in another month. If you want Logan more than me, just say it. If you don't want my love..."

"Love?" The word was a shocked whisper. For a second neither of them even took a breath as they squared off in his room above the diner.

Cooper shook his head, looking down and feeling more exposed than ever before in his life, "I should have told you before now...maybe it would have changed things...but, yeah, ..." he looked and met her eyes. Hers searched his, desperate for answers and reassurances. "I fell in love with you. Maxie. For what that is worth now...to you."

"If you love me," her voice broke "then say you forgive me and that you'll forgive me if I screw up again and again and again. If I do this or something worse, say that you will not give up on me. Say there is nothing I could ever do, no mistake I could ever make, that would make me lose you."

A long moment passed and then he said, in a tone filled with regret for he knew his words would send her away, "You are asking for the impossible."

"Fine!" She pushed at his chest. "Fine. Then forget you. I..." for a second she stopped. Her chin jutted out, her heartbreak was evident in her eyes. "I don't need you, Cooper."

A shudder passed through him as their eyes met and then she spit out a curse word and rushed out of the room, leaving him to sink to his knees in despair.

(When you're dreaming with a broken heart
the giving up is the hardest part .


She takes you in with your crying eyes
Then all at once you have to say goodbye.


Wondering could you stay, my love?
Will you wake up by my side?


No she can't, cause she's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone...)

"Barret, are you here or not?" Lucky snapped his fingers in front of Cooper.

The police radio in the car beeped and then the dispatcher told them there was a car accident on Front Street. The next words she said made Cooper finally jerk back to attention.

The dispatcher said, "Looks like the vic is the chief's oldest daughter...and she's in bad shape."

XXXXXXXXXXX

As soon as squad car pulled up to the accident scene, Cooper bounded out of the backseat and ran toward Maxie's smashed car. Paramedics were peeling away the roof and working to extract her.

Soon she was laid on the stretcher.

"Give us some room, officer."

"Barret, get over here," Cruz said with exasperation in his tone. "Damn newbie. Let them do their jobs."

"He was dating her," Lucky told Cruz softly, his tone filled with compassion.

Cruz immediately changed his tune and nodded in sympathy. He made his way closer to Cooper and clamped a hand on his shoulder. "You need to step back. Come on, man."

Cooper ignored him and instead reached for Maxie's hand as the paramedics took her vitals. Leaning down, Cooper whispered into her ear. "I'm here...it's me, it's Coop,...hey, baby, you need to fight. Fight. Its what you are best at...please, do this for me...remember what I told you...I lo-"

The paramedics started to roll the stretcher toward the ambulance. One of them said "You got to let us take her now."

Watching them load her into the vehicle, Cooper's eyes filled with unshed tears, and he mouthed "I love you." Though she couldn't see him, he needed to say the words anyway because they were true and no amount of anger or pain could change that.

He watched the ambulance sped away, with lights and sirens blazing, and felt all the strength in his body start to drain away. He stumbled backwards until he could lean upon her destroyed car.

Lucky told him, "Maxie is a strong girl."

"She'll pull through," Cruz assured him.

Cooper's eyes closed. He ran his hands through his hair and, under his breath, admitted "She doesn't even believe I love her..."

(Now, do I have to fall asleep with roses in my hand?
Do I have to fall asleep with roses in my hand?
Do I have to fall asleep with roses in my hand?
Do I have to fall asleep with roses in my hand?


Baby won't you get them if I did?
No you won't,

cause you're gone, gone, gone, gone, gone...

When you're dreaming with a broken heart
the waking up is the hardest part)