"Who's going to read?" Eddie asked.

"I will!" Adrian and Christian both exclaimed.

"No!" Rose said. She turned to me, "Sydney, please read it. You're the only one I trust to."

"You don't trust me?" Queen Vasilisa, or Lissa, said, pouting.

"It's not that, Liss," Rose said, "I just don't think you'd be able to read some of the stuff in there…it's pretty rough."

Lissa's expression turned worried.

I cleared my throat, "May I start?"

"You may," Adrian said with a smile.

I flipped open to the first page. The second I read the first sentence, my stomach flipped-but not in the good way it did whenever I was around Adrian.

"Sage?" He asked, expression now as worried as Lissa's.

"Maybe I should skip this one…" I said, flipping to the next page. However, it just had the same thing on it. As did the next page and the next page.

"What does it say?" Asked nearly everyone. Rose, however, just looked away, knowing what she'd written.

Taking a deep breath, I began at the beginning, "Dimitri is Strigoi. My whole world is ruined, shattered around me. It should've been me. He didn't deserve it. HE DIDN'T DESERVE IT! People keep telling me to write down how I feel, 'it'll help,' they all say. Well, this isn't helping. AT ALL. I keep remembering the way the light left his eyes. The way those beautiful eyes met mine for the last time. I bet he'd give me one of his Zen lessons if he was here right now. Something along the lines of, 'Don't mourn for the lost, for they are gone forever.'"

Dimitri attempted a laugh, but all that came out was a dry choking noise.

"Yeah, that's what he'd say, but…that's not what I'd want to hear. I'd want to hear three words. That's it. Only three. I love you. That's all I want. Now I'll never get that. Sure, we had that time in the cabin, but what's to say that that meant anything? Maybe it meant nothing at all. Just a one night stand. Guess I'll never know. Because he's dead. I'll never hear his voice again but in my dreams. He-"

"Roza, that night…it meant everything to me," Dimitri said to Rose, looking at her seriously, "You couldn't have possibly thought that it was just…a one night stand?"

"What did I know, Dimitri?" She said, not looking at him, "After all that time you spent pushing me away…I couldn't have possibly thought that it was…real."

"Roza…" Dimitri's voice was layered with hurt.

"What night in the cabin?" Lissa asked, her eyes full of tears already.

"Oh, um…" Rose cleared her throat, "Long story. Complicated."

"Rose…" Lissa's tone was nearly a direct match of Dimitri's.

"And this is just the first page…" Mumbled Adrian.

"Syd, could you move on?" Rose asked.

I nodded, "Sure thing…"

I found one that I didn't think I should read out loud, but I thought Lissa should hear. I'm so sorry, Rose, I thought before reading:

"I know this decision is going to break Lissa's heart. I know it will…but I have to do it. I have to go after him. I made a promise that I'm going to keep. All my life, it's been they come first. All my life, it's been Princess Vasilisa comes first. Her thoughts, feelings, health, everything, everything, come before mine. I want to be first for once. I want someone to care about me. But that's never going to happen. The closest thing I can get to that is caring for myself. And that's what I'm going to do. I am so, so, very sorry, Lissa. I hope you'll forgive me one day."

That did it; Lissa burst into tears. "Rose, I'm so, so sorry! I shouldn't have been mad at you! I hadn't understood why you were leaving me and choosing him…I hadn't known you loved him so much. You should be the one forgiving me, not the other way around! I should've put you before me, cared about you more! I'm sorry…" Tears broke her voice.

My own eyes were filled with tears, but I kept them in.

Rose had a few tears trailing down her cheeks, and her voice was weak when she spoke, "Lissa, of course I forgive you. You're my best friend and I was blinded by rage and sadness when I wrote that. I was never mad at you."

"If there wasn't a screen here, I'd hug you," Lissa said, and they both laughed.

"You could hug me instead," Christian said with a hopeful smile.

"I've got a better idea," She said, and kissed him on the cheek.

Rose rolled her eyes, "And I thought Sydney and Adrian were bad."