Red Sand – Chapter 2
In despite need to keep the situation under control Tali contacts Dr. Chakwas on a secure line. She informed her of their predicament or rather the Commanding Officer's and Dr. Chakwas told her she would be standing by with her med kit as soon as they reached the ship.
A short time later, as the three women entered the decontamination area of the Normandy, Shepard belted out, "Aw Doctor Chakwas! You look so pretty today!" The severity of the situation hit the doctor full force. She had no idea it was this bad. The commander was completely unable to stand on her own and had lost all self-control. Tali, who was slightly more composed than her blue counterpart, told the good doctor everything that had happened.
Relaying the afternoon's events Tali proclaimed, "I guess the Blue Suns weren't counting on Liara visiting that Prothean store. They must have planned on her being exposed to the red sand too." "To their surprise, a sober asari is much harder to kill then a high one." Liara added, "Much harder."
As they begin to drag Shepard through the Normandy she intoxicatingly greets Joker, "Hey Joker, wanna say something about my form fitting armor now, wise guy?" With Maggie still in her hand, she waves it menacingly in his direction. "Whoa! Whoa!" he cries. "Get her out of here!" Without wanting to draw any more unnecessary attention to the commander's condition, the three women quickly 'escort' Shepard to the Comm Room.
With heavy breathes the three women brace the Commander against the wall, who promptly slides down to the floor. Before the doctor begins to speak, Liara quickly suggest, "The first thing we need to do is get her Maggie, out of her hands." "Agreed," the doctor said. Tali worriedly looked at the two other women, "And how do we do that? She has a death grip on her." Then with a sigh of exasperation proclaimed, "I mean it!" The women chuckle when they realize Liara also referred to Maggie as a 'her'. Dr. Chakwas saunters over to Shepard and tries to talk her into releasing the weapon. "No! No! Leave my Maggie alone!" Shepard barks.
Scratching their foreheads in thought, they try to think of a way to get the commander to relinquish her Maggie. With large dilated green eyes Shepard interrupts their deliberations, "I never knew how tall you guys were."
"That's because you are on the floor!" Liara quips. Mystified, Shepard ponders Liara's words for a moment then replies in wonderment, "Oh. That makes sense."
Sitting against the bulkhead Shepard begins fidgeting with the shoulder strap on Maggie. Calling out to get the doctor's attention, Shepard asks, "Hey doc? You know how I used to hate going to Chora's Den 'cause all the strippers and stuff?" Mischievously laughing as a wicked smile crosses her face, "Well now, I don't mind it so much. I just imagine they are all Liara." Then Shepard, completely deadpan, drolly pronounces as if she had never even spoken her previous statement, "Oh hey, Professor T'Soni." Liara absolutely stunned by the inebriated officer frantically pleads, "Please hurry!"
Dr. Chakwas paced the room slowly with one arm folded and the other hand stroking her chin. Suddenly, a thought came to her and she excitedly announced, "I have an idea. Here lift her up." The three women struggle to lift the heavily armored soldier to her feet. As Tali strains to lift the commander she protests from the exertion, "What does this woman eat? She doesn't look this dense." "I think it's her armor. She's not normally this…heavy." Liara's face blushes at her sudden admittance. Looking to Liara, Dr. Chakwas informs her, "Now when I say so, pretend to fall to the ground". Utterly confused Liara asks, "What?" Dr. Chakwas gently demands, "Just do as I say dear. Trust me. Ok?"
Dr. Chakwas then turned toward the commander and started smacking her cheeks, adding to the redness already there from being flushed by the high. "Shepard! Shepard!" Regaining a little focus the commander blinked a couple of times and answered the doctor, "Yeah, yeah, I'm here. Whoa! The light is so bright; are you God or something?" Shrugging the comment off, the doctor nodded to Liara, who performed the worst fraudulent pratfall ever.
Surprisingly, it was enough to convince the intoxicated commander that Dr. T'Soni was in need of help. Shepard instantly let go of Maggie, reaching out to save the young Prothean expert, while Dr. Chakwas discretely retrieved the fallen weapon before the commander had a chance to resume her grasp.
"Are you ok?" Shepard asked Liara. Unbelieving that the little trick actually worked, the young asari gasps. Shuffling her slow moving feet, the Spectre stumbles forward for a moment and loses her balance. Tali rushes to catch her as Liara stands and quickly helps the quarian support the Spectre's weight, who's now awkwardly hovering a few centimeters from the ground. Shepard looks up at Liara releasing a sexy whistle and proudly declares, "Liara T'Soni, you have the most amazing legs! You should show them off more often." Shocked by the embarrassing comment, Liara instantly drops the Commander to the floor with a resounding thud.
Ensuring the rifle was safely out of Shepard's view Dr. Chakwas announces, "We need to get her into the med bay." Struggling to her feet, Shepard comes face to face with Tali and playfully knocks on her face mask. "Hello? Hello? Is anyone in there?" Turning to the doctor she says, "I think she makes faces at me some times cuz she knows I can't see her face." Leaning heavier against Tali she continues, "I bet you anything, she sticks her tongue out at me sometimes. Dr. C, you're a doctor can you use one of your x-rayie machine-a-bobs and scan Tali, to see if she is sticking her tongue out at me?"
Appalled by the assumption, Tali lets go of the Commander, who once again becomes acquainted with the floor as Dr. Chakwas tries to explain to the bewildered engineer, "She's stoned." "What's stoned? Liara said she was high." replied a confused Tali by yet another human slang word.
The doctor educated her. "Yes. It means her olfactory epithelium has been stimulated into opening a nucleotide ion channel producing an influx of anions that are used in the immediate bilateral processing of stimuli inhibition."
"In other words: she's high." Liara stated as her frustration grew.
The young engineer pondered the idea for a moment staring at the helpless soldier clearly enjoying herself on the ground. "Then why didn't you just say that?" Tali asked looking at Dr. Chakwas. "Why are there so many words for this "vulnerable" state? Why can't humans just have one word it? Or simply say what they mean?"
"I did." Seeing the quarian still confused the doctor sighed, "Look, all I'm trying to tell you is that she's high and she doesn't know what she's saying."
Dr. Chakwas was quick to explain, "Humans can be complicated creatures." All eyes watching Shepard who began to laugh obnoxiously as her head swings back and forth adds, "Yeah, I don't know what I'm saying. It is so pretty down here." Looking back at Dr. Chakwas, Shepard quizzed, "Is she sticking her tongue out at me again?"