Fever:GOOD GOING, MY FELLOW SUE-HATERS! WE'VE HAD OVER 2 SUES DEAD IN THE LAST 2 DAYS!

Remember, I still own Fullmetal Alchemist.

Wait, no I don't. (Crap.)

Last time, Sarah Light Pink Blossom Glitter what-not has kidnapped Ed to who-knows-where to do who-knows-what. If I described it in any form of detail this fic would not be rated T. Anyways, Al has gone to seek ye holy advice from King Arthur...

....sorry. Wrong script.

Al picked up a kitten, Sarah's demented, Ed's panicking and I'm writing this fic. If you're name's Sarah, I apologise. If you're demented...no comment.

After Sarah flew many miles with her golden wings she and Ed arrived at a giant hot pink castle (Which sparkled so brightly and so beautifully Ed had to shield his eyes from the monstrosity) which still had beams of light coming down from the sky on it. Nearby, it was raining so heavily (Left over from the last chapter) you could see the immediate difference.

"So, what d you think?" asked Sarah with choirs of angels 'Hallelujah'-ing in the background. "Isn't it pretty?"

"Mmmpphhh!!!" Said Ed, who was a little 'tied up' at the moment.

"This is Happy-Happy-Fluffy Meadow Castle." Continued Sarah while ignoring the muffled screams of the older Elric. "Isn't it just delightful? Let's go inside!"

Edward made a mental note to kill himself so he can ask Truth what the hell was going on here on Earth, but for the sake of Alphonse, Winry, Granny and for this fic to have a plotline he decided not to. After all, there's still the Womaniser Pyro, who he hoped would save him.

How ironic. The brave and noble main character is going to end up being rescued by one of the minor cast.

The inside was even more pink that the outside. Pink bedrooms, pink kitchens, pink bathrooms, pink lounge, red dungeon...

Wait. RED dungeon???

Ed looked around. It was red. Blood red. He REALLY hoped it wasn't REALLY what he thought it was. The pink was bad enough.

Fortunatly, Sarah decided to move onwards from the red dungeon and went up an gold and amethyst staircase. She stopped and removed the gag from Edward's mouth gently.

"This will be your room. "Said Sarah happily (A tad too much so.) "Don't worry, nobody knows about this place except me, my friends and my ex-boyfriends."

Ed hoped it would be known by at least somebody else besides the people mentioned above.

"How many boyfriends did you have?" Asked Ed, who will very soon regret asking.

"Oh, just a couple hundred." Replied Sarah (while Ed stared in disbelief.) "Goodnight, darling!" Then she skipped merrily away while pink sparkly roses sprouted out of the gold carpet behind her to manicure her perfectly manicured nails.

Ed stared at the door. It was the only wooden door in the entire castle/mansion/torture chamber. In the lock was a brass key, and fortunatly it wasn't furnished with excessive amounts of ruby. Having nothing better to do, he turned the key VERY slowly, bracing himself for the fangirly room on the other side of the door.

He turned the doorknob.

He squeezed his eyes tightly shut and pushed it open just a little.

When his eyes were still able to function properly he shoved the poor innocent door open into the brick wall. The door shattered into smithereens and regenerated itself afterwards.

The room wasn't as bad as Ed thought. It was quite simply furnished with a bed covered with linen sheets and cotton duvets, a table with a lamp, a small sofa, wardrope and a bookshelf with lots of bishonen pictures shoved in them.

Edward, once again having nothing better to do, pulled out some of the pictures from the middle shelf. (Obviously, he wanted to try the top shelf but couldn't quite reach)

The pictures were of his family while his mother was still alive. Al losing a tooth when he bit into an apple and then holding it up with pride like all children do. Then another of Ed realising his mother puts milk into his favorite stew for the first time. Ed filed them back into bookshelf and drew out a sheet of paper, starting to tear up a little from the memories the photos gave back to him.

This paper wasn't a photo. It looked something like a letter...adressed to him. It said...

...Dear Edward Elric.

OMG YOU'RE SO HOT...In perfectly written joint-up, illegibly small script a couple thousand times.

Ed scrunched it up and tossed it away in disgust to a corner of the room before he got halfway down the letter.

Back to Al.

"Colonel!!" Panted Al after damaging the door to the office.

"Calm down, Alphonse." Said Riza, carrying a small stack of papers. "Tell us what's wrong." She gestured to Squad Mustang.

"..." A pause for breath later, "...andIdon'tknowwhereheis!!!" Al was starting to panic a little.

"So, let me get this straight." Said a very amused Mustang. "Fullmetal was carried off by a philosopher stone/unicorn hybrid sparkly girl."

Al nodded. "Something like that."

"Alphonse," Began Roy. "I am a perfectly normal, sane..."

Havoc snorted.

"...mature grown-up. If you expect me to believe such immaturely-made utter nonsense..."

Al sighed. "Sorry to bother you, Colonel." He slumped towards the door.

"...then you're right. I do believe you. So, when and where was the last time you saw them two?" Roy shifted from 'Shortie-insulting-Roy' Mode to 'Serious-Businesslike-Heroic-Roy' mode. Rather too quickly, I would like to mention.

"In a Central Park tree shrub, sir!" Al's heart was feeling a lot lighter. Finally, Truth was starting to favor them Just a little.

"What were they doing in a tree shrub?!" Havoc yelled, before receiving a haircut from Hawkeye's bullets. "Or should I not ask?"

Reviews are welcome! The Sues deserve to die horribly, after all!