SO IT BEGINS
Chapter 2 "Hopes and Nightmares"
Summary: So how did John become the great hunter that we all know and love today? And did he really want to have his sons involved?
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters from Supernatural. They belong to Kripke. This is done strictly for fun, not profit. Also, if anything seems familiar, I don't own it.
A/N: Hello. First off, I would like to thank everyone who reviewed. I'm glad that you all like it so far. And thanks to supernatfem76 for the little critique. Every little bit helps. So here's the next chapter. Hope you like.
A/N2: Okay, I know this is probably a 'duh' and feel free to slap me upside the head if you think this is too much of a 'duh' thing; but when I say Present Day in this story I mean November, 1985. Thus, a year after Mary was killed by the demon.
Spoilers: Um….not sure exactly. Not too many really. I may fudge on the timeline a little but I'll try and hold as close as possible. By the way, thank you Super-wiki website for the awesome timeline aspect. If you don't know about this site, go check it out. Lots of info about this show. www(dot)supernaturalwiki(dot)com
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
November 15, 1983
John heard the scream tear through the air and was instantly awake.
"Mary?"
He scrambled to his feet and up the stairs as fast as his sleep addled brain would allow. Oh god. What happened? Was it, Sam? Please, please, don't let it be Sam. He tore down the hall and into the nursery to find it...empty.
What the...
He walked over to Sam with his heart beating hard against his ribs and tried to get the bad feeling he had to go away.
Sam laid happily in his crib cooing and John reached out to touch him just to make sure that everything was okay. Was it a dream?
Something dripped on the bed next to Sam's pillow, and then on his hand and he jerked slightly before staring at it in confusion. What the-
He watched his son's eyes travel to the ceiling as he cooed softly and John felt his stomach drop at the sight. Something wasn't right.
He hesitantly looked to the ceiling dreading what he might find and gasped in shock as he saw his beloved Mary pinned to the ceiling her stomach slit and her contorted in pain.
"No! Mary!" He looked into her eyes and saw confusion and fear.
"Why, John? Why did you let me die?"
Then the fire exploded around her and consumed her screams.
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
"NO!"
John shot up in bed as he gasped for air. His heart thudded in his ears and gulped in big breaths of air as he tried to make sense of where he was.
Blinking, he looked around the dark room seeing the baby crib in the corner close to his bed and the other bed where Dean slept to his left. His heart started to calm slightly as things finally started to make sense and he realized that it had been just a dream. He was in the motel room they had gotten after deciding to move out of Mike's place. He hesitantly looked at the ceiling before sighing again in relief. There was no fire. No Mary. Just the dark and water-spotted ceiling
He leaned forward and put his head in his hands trying to clear the cobwebs from his mind as his heart rate came back down to normal.
It was only a dream.
Finally getting his heart and breathing back under control, he swung his legs over the edge of the bed and scrubbed at his hair for a moment before looking up to look at the other bed where Dean was sleeping.
His son was sitting up in bed looking at him as if asking if he was okay.
John smiled slightly before getting up and going over to sit down on the edge of his son's bed.
Dean's eyes followed him through the darkness until John laid a big hand on his head and scuffed his hand through Dean's long hair. "It's okay, buddy. It was just a dream. Daddy's fine"
Dean relaxed a little and let his father guide him back onto the bed before pulling the covers up to his chin. He curled up on his side facing his Dad and his knees brushed against John's knee as Dean blinked sleepily up at him.
"Go to sleep, Tiger. I'll be okay," John whispered and patted Dean on his shoulder.
Dean nodded slightly as his eyes started to drift closed and John smiled slightly at the sight.
He waited until he was sure Dean was asleep again before getting up and heading for the bathroom dragging his feet tiredly across the scraggly carpet. He checked on Sam to make sure he was still sleeping before quickly closing the door so he wouldn't disturb the boys and went to the sink.
He leaned heavily on the edge just hanging his head in exhaustion before turning on the water and splashing some cold water on his face. He ran his hand over his stubbled cheeks and chin with a weary hand and grimaced slightly at the feel.
He hadn't shaved since Mary had died and he was still trying to get used to the feel of the coarse whiskers. Before…he had shaved every day because Mary had loved the feel of his skin right after he had shaved and now. Without her…there didn't seem to be any point.
He looked at his shadowed face in the mirror and knew if the light was on he would see dark circles under sad, weary eyes. Even in the dark, he could tell his complexion was pale and he sighed as he closed his eyes and leaned his head against the mirror in exhaustion. It had been thirteen days since Mary had died, and there hadn't been a night since that he hadn't woken with some kind of nightmare. He knew he had to get some sleep soon or he wasn't going to be good for doing anything, but it seemed like every time he closed his eyes he would see her.
But that wasn't the worst part.
The worst was that Dean was also having nightmares.
His poor boy would wake up screaming scared to death and would cling to his father shaking and wide eyed but never once uttering a word about what the dreams were about. When it was time for bed, John would sit with Dean for hours trying to get him to go to sleep. His eldest would cling to him long after Sam had finally went to sleep and fight for all he was worth to stay awake even though they both knew he was exhausted. He would refuse to lay down shaking his head emphatically when John would try to move him to his bed never once letting go of his father's shirt as if it were a lifeline and that if he just tried a little harder then maybe the dreams wouldn't get him this time. John would hold him and rock him as Dean squirmed and tapped his foot or worried his lip as he stared out at nothing trying not to go to sleep until exhaustion would finally win and he would pass out.
That had been one reason, John had finally decided to move out of Mike's was because between him and Dean having nightmares about that night, neither of them were getting much sleep. And Mike definitely didn't need to be woken up at least once every night by a screaming child.
This had to stop if for no other reason than for his boys.
As John reached for the towel to dry his face, he frowned at the thought of his oldest son. He still wasn't talking and that frightened John. His son used to be so full of life and energy and would talk non-stop. He and Mary had jokingly wished they could bottle up some of that energy and save it for when they needed a boost. Especially after Sam had been born, but now…he seemed completely shut down. He clung to his father whenever anybody was around and hardly ever let Sam out of his sight as if he was afraid that his little brother might disappear if he didn't watch him every second and that wasn't normal.
Maybe he should take Dean to see a therapist like everyone kept saying. But John wasn't sure if that would help, and on some deeper level it terrified him to think what his son might have seen that night. What if he had seen how Mary died?
He knew what everyone thought about him. That he couldn't accept how Mary had died, so instead he made up this wild story about her being pinned to the ceiling where the fire started. He knew how it sounded, but he also knew what he had seen. When everything had quieted down after that night, he had looked down at his hand and noticed that he still had the smeared blood drop on his hand from where Mary's blood had dripped. He had scrubbed his hand almost raw trying to get rid of it after that.
But even though he knew what he had seen, he didn't know exactly what had happened. And he was afraid that if Dean started saying something along the same lines that people might think that John wasn't fit to be a father and take his boys away from him. And he couldn't live if that happened. They were the only thing he had left.
John sighed tiredly as he threw the towel down on the sink and then walked back into the main room his eyes immediately scanning the room out of habit and landing on first Dean's bed and then….
He felt a chill slide up his spine, and his stomach felt like it filled with lead.
Where was Dean?
He quickly hurried over to Dean's bed again making sure that he wasn't bundled up in the covers to where he couldn't see him and realized that he wasn't seeing things. Dean wasn't there. The pale white sheets shone brightly in the moonlight that slipped in between the closed curtains and John started to feel panic grip his insides.
His heart skipped a beat and then trip hammered against his ribs as he frantically searched around the room. Where was he? His eyes scanned the room trying to see if maybe he had gotten up for a drink of water or something, but he didn't see his son anywhere.
He was about to call out when he heard his youngest giggle and gurgle softly in his crib and his eyes were drawn to the crib for a moment. He went to the crib's edge as his eyes continued their frantic search around the room as his mind worked overtime trying to figure out where his son might have gone. Sam cooed again and John finally looked down at his youngest to see what might have woken Sam when he noticed something else in the crib.
With a puzzled look on his face he looked again1 and then smiled in relief.
There was Dean, curled up next to his brother with one arm draped protectively over Sammy's chest fast asleep.
John briefly wondered how Dean had managed to crawl in there without tipping over the crib but then tears came to his eyes as he continued to stare at his two sons. His heart ached for his oldest boy and at how much he had lost in such a short life.
In ways he was grateful Sammy was so young. He wouldn't remember Mary when he grew up unless he and Dean told him about her.
But for Dean…he knew that he had lost his Mommy. He had known what it was like to have a mother. To know her sweet voice, hear her lull-a-bys, to have had time to love her as only a child could. And in a blink of an eye, that was gone.
He reached into the crib to stroke Dean's hair feeling the soft curls in his hand and felt a lump build in his throat when Dean turned his face slightly towards his hand and wrapped his arm a little tighter around Sam.
He decided right there that he wouldn't move Dean back to his bed tonight. If he felt safer with Sammy, then so be it.
"Sweet dreams, Tiger," he whispered smoothing Dean's hair away from his face.
He then reached over and rubbed Sam's belly slightly as his youngest started to drift off to sleep again safe in his big brother's arms and then he also went to lie down to go to sleep.
As he lay down and pulled the covers up over his chest, he stared at the crib where his two sons slept and made a vow to figure out what had really happened to their mother and if possible to somehow make things right. With that he drifted off to sleep.
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
LAWRENCE, KS PRESENT DAY
Bobby watched as John talked on the phone from the distance of the car and couldn't help but wonder what he was saying. He knew that he was talking to Jim about his boys and after watching John for a few more minutes, he saw John look up at him and then turn away again as if protecting the phone from Bobby's prying eyes. Suddenly, Bobby felt like even from this distance he was intruding and quickly turned away.
As his gaze roamed the surrounding area trying to give John some privacy, he focused on the people going in and out of the gas station marveling at how…normal they seemed to be. To them it was just another day of the week where they got gas, went to work, and then went home to their wife and 2.5 kids. Thankfully, they were blissfully unaware that the things their kids imagined went bump in the night really did go bump, and usually tried to take a bite out of you in the process of said bump.
Bobby sighed slightly and shook his head. Ah, to be normal.
As he leaned against the trunk of the Impala, he tried to remember what it had been like to have such a normal life and found it kind of hard. It seemed like it had been lifetimes since he had traded having a family for having fellow hunters, and traded reading fiction for reading ancient texts that could maybe help save his butt some day on a hunt. Now, his life was all about the hunt. But if he could forget how he had gotten into this business and go back to just being 'normal,' he would do it in a heartbeat.
Suddenly, Bobby became aware that John was walking towards him and he turned his eyes back to powerhouse of a man and frowned slightly in concern.
John was heading towards him with a slightly dazed look on his face nearly walking in front of a car pulling away from the pumps and Bobby stood to meet him with a sudden weight in his stomach.
"John? What is it? Are the boys okay?" he asked worriedly watching as his friend came closer.
John finally stopped in front of Bobby and he just nodded slightly.
Bobby sighed slightly in relief and then a puzzled frown came over his face. "Then what is it?"
John was silent for a moment just staring off into space and Bobby wasn't sure if he was going to answer. "Dean spoke."
He said it so quietly that it took Bobby a moment to realize what he had said and when he did his eyebrows shot to his hairline. "Dean…spoke?" he said hesitantly not sure if he had heard him right.
John just nodded and finally looked at Bobby and Bobby could now see the spark of light in John's eyes and the excitement that danced in his eyes as a small smile crossed his lips. "He finally spoke, Bobby."
Both men were silent for a moment and then Bobby grinned and clapped a hand on John's shoulder not sure what else to do.
John gave a small laugh and then so did Bobby, and before they knew what they were doing, both of them were laughing at the good news and hugging while the other people in the gas station just stared at them in confusion.
After a few moments they broke away still smiling broadly with only a few hints of laughter before Bobby finally sighed in relief. "Well, good." He then gave his friend a playful smile. "It's about time that boy got to jabbering," Bobby said giving John's shoulder a light shove before heading towards the driver's side of the car.
John just laughed again and shook his head at his friend's turn of words as he walked to the passenger side and got in. "Oh don't worry," John said as Bobby turned the ignition and the Impala purred to life. "It used to be you couldn't shut him up for anything. I swear," John stopped for a second lost in the memory and shook his head. "Sometimes, Mary and I used to actually sigh in relief when he went to bed because it was finally quiet."
Bobby just chuckled and was happy that Dean had picked this day of all days to start talking again. To see John this happy…well, he had never see John this happy. It just seemed to make the day a little more bearable.
As they pulled out onto the street and headed towards the highway, they both sat in a happy silence just glad that even though this was a day of sadness in John's life, at least there was this one good thing that came out of it.
When Bobby reached the open road, he pressed down on the accelerator a little harder and hoped that maybe if he sped just a little, he could cut the time that John and his boys was apart by hopefully an hour or so. And any police officer who dared to stop them could just shove it.
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
COLD SPRING, MN
Even though he didn't know how to read the calendar or know that his mother had died on this day a year ago, Dean just somehow knew that this was an important day.
A sad day.
The last time his Daddy had been home, he had seemed sad. Well…sadder than he usually was and he had noticed when he hugged Dean goodbye before leaving for his latest trip that his grip was just a little bit tighter than usual.
Dean had tried to ask what was wrong as he watched his Dad pull away, but he just couldn't seem to get his words to come out.
It had been so long since he had spoken. Not since that night. The night where his whole world had been turned upside down and for the first time in his life he had truly felt fear. Fear that he might actually lose his family. And since then he just couldn't seem to get words past the lump of fear and sadness that he seemed to have in his throat constantly.
But today, when he had heard Pastor Jim talking to his Daddy on the phone…he just couldn't keep them in any longer. He wanted his Dad. He needed him. Here. Now.
He gripped the phone tightly listening to his father's happy voice and felt a slight smile slide across his face at the sound. He had done that. He had made his Daddy happy. "When are you coming home?" he asked quietly. His voice was raspy, almost a whisper, and his throat hurt slightly from not having used his voice for so long. But he knew that he needed to ask that question.
"Soon, kiddo. I should be home before you go to bed."
Dean just nodded and cradled the heavy receiver in his hand as he swayed back and forth slightly feeling the sadness that was a constant anymore start to creep back up from where he had pushed it away. "I miss you," he said softly and then he was suddenly aware that there was movement beside him and he looked up to see Pastor Jim was still standing there looking at him with a slightly stunned look on his face. He held the older man's stare for a moment before dropping his eyes again to the floor and waited for his Dad's answer.
"I know," John said with a slight catch in his voice. "I miss you too, Tiger. But I'll be home soon. You just take care of Sammy until I get there and then I'll make sure that we can stay together for a while, okay?"
Dean just nodded slightly and sniffled slightly as he tried to fight the tears that were welling at the back of his eyes. He couldn't start crying. Not now. It seemed like he had been crying for what seemed like forever and he couldn't do that now. Not today. That would make his Daddy sad.
"Okay, kiddo, can you give the phone back to Pastor Jim and I will see you tonight okay?"
Dean nodded again. "Okay," he barely whispered and then handed the receiver back to Pastor Jim silently before turning and heading into the other room.
ooooooooooooooooooo
Pastor Jim stood there dumbly holding the receiver as Dean walked away before finally bringing the phone to his ear. "John?"
He listened to his friend in kind of an awed silence as he watched Dean walk up to where Sammy was playing and sit himself down next to his brother like it was just any other day and that he hadn't just spoke his first words in a year.
"Okay. So you'll be home this evening?"
He listened a little bit more as he watched Dean play with Sam and his wife, Melinda, and couldn't help the grin that spread across his face.
"Okay. I'll let the boys stay up until you get here. Just…drive safe okay?"
He got John's reply and then hung up the phone.
For a moment he just stood there watching as Dean rolled the ball between his brother and Melinda and watched as Sammy laughed and clapped his hands together when the ball went spinning away from his brother's hands and bounced off the wall before shooting away towards the other end of the room.
Dean just looked at his brother for a moment in silence before getting up to go get the ball much to little Sammy's delight.
Jim took a breath and then headed into the room.
Melinda looked up at him with a questioning look, and Jim just smiled back letting her know that everything was okay.
Dean returned a moment later holding the ball and Jim clapped his hands together before rubbing them back and forth slightly. "You know what? Why don't we go out for lunch today?" he said making both Melinda and Dean pause and look at him with kind of a funny look on their faces. "I think we deserve it. And maybe, afterwards….we can get some ice cream."
Dean's eyes lit up at that and he gave a slight smile.
"How about it, Dean? Do you want to do that?" Jim asked hoping that the boy would say something, but he also knew that if Dean wasn't ready to talk he wasn't going to pressure him into it either.
Dean just looked at Pastor Jim for a moment and knew that he was hoping that he would speak, but could also see the understanding in his eyes if didn't and Dean was thankful for that. He just smiled more looking down at Melinda and Sammy before looking back up and nodding enthusiastically.
Pastor Jim gave a small smile and nodded himself. "Good. Then it's settled."
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Around noon, Delilah watched as the Pastor and his wife left the house with the two children.
She watched as the older boy, Dean, jumped down the stairs with enthusiastic energy before running towards the car sitting in the driveway. The woman carried the younger one, Sam, in her arms as the Pastor hurried to catch up with blonde headed boy.
As the man buckled Dean into the back seat of the four-door sedan, his wife helped settle the toddler in the car seat next to his brother. She could hear Sam's giggles from where she was parked before the doors were closed and they pulled out of the driveway and started down the street.
She gripped the steering wheel tightly before finally turning the ignition and pulling away to follow making sure that she wouldn't be spotted.
She gritted her teeth in frustration as she carefully followed not wanting her prey to know that she was following and then sighed in frustration. She was getting tired of waiting. It seemed like she had been waiting for ever but in fact it had only been a week since she had been told where she could find the hunter called Winchester.
She had watched as John and Bobby left for the hunt and then observed the others as they went about their everyday lives trying to get down their habits and schedules. If her plan was going to work, she had to know what her prey was going to do before they knew what they would do.
As she watched the Pastor pull into the parking lot of a local restaurant she gave a pained smile and felt a flutter of excitement wash through her.
Soon, she would be done waiting. Soon, it would be time to act.
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
A/N: Okay, so new chapter. Hope you liked it. Tell me by sending me a review. Yup, that's it. Just…hit that little button there. I promise nothing will go boom. Anyway, thanks for reading and I'll catch you soon.
1