'Audrey,are you hearing yourself? this isn't some jigsaw puzzle,it doesn't fit some sort of perfect plan…its random,it always has been'

and unpredictable Nathan added quietly to himself,like you coming into my life as he gazed at Audrey

'still I don't feel comfortable reading it by myself, I mean, it's your father's diary'

the agitation seemed to be conatagious in the room

'oh wait Audrey,are you asking me to read it too?'

at her slight nod Nathan stood to say

'thank you Audrey but I barely knew the man when he was alive and I'd like to keep it that way,I'm not gonna learn anything in there he didn't want to tell me himself when he was alive ok?'

'Nathan your father sacrificed his life for you me and everyone in this town and I don't know about you but that's the biggest thing anyone has ever done for me.

'This may be his way of reaching out to us,you know he was never really a great speaker but maybe he made up for it with this' Audrey held the Diary like it was the Bible.

'I don't know about you but I'd like to hear what he has to say,it's the least I can do for the man that saved my life'

On picking up her coat off her chair she added 'Ill be at home if Haven needs me'

The irony is Nathan had lived with this troubled Island for many had become accustomed to and almost immune to the weirdness but when he was signing off on a report about flying frogs in the harbour,he still caught himself snorting at the surrealism of it all.

He had long ago convinced himself he would never find a cure for his condition but then again he craved that connection and unique bond with Audrey and from what he had experienced over the last two years being emotional brought more destuction than construction or closure.

It made people do extraordinary things.

His father's greatest and final act for example,the first selfless and progressive act Nathan had ever seen him do.

Maybe Audrey was right,it could be possible that the Troubles are an introduction to a more intricate scheme and if so he just had to figure out his part in it all.

An hour later,with added conscience and armed with an apology,Nathan arrived at Audrey's door.

when he knocked he didn't expect a teary eyed Audrey to answer the door especially when he rarely witnessed this side of reflex reaction was to shut down since he never was any good at facing emotion but when he thought he could feel the pain emanating from her he went to hug her around her waist so she couldn't protest and regain composure.

'Audrey if I thought it would have this much of an affect I wouldn't have let you read it'

coming out of the mould of Nathan's body Audrey swiped tears from her cheeks and said something that worried Nathan

'who knows who I am Nathan?It looks like Lucy was having a good time in my body'

Nathan answered her with a questioning frown while his stomach spoke up too.

Audrey laughed at this and it seemed to dissolve her pain for a minute or two as she dragged her feet back to the couch pointing a thumb at the microwave she added

'I made some lasagne earlier,there's some left in the microwave'

'are you sure?' he couldn't use the excuse of already eating when his stomach gave him up so he grabbed a plate and fork and made his way back to the paused after the first bite to say

'homemade cooking,I haven't had that ever since….my mum died'

'oh well thanks,cooking is about the only normal routine in my life right now?'

Nathan puts down his plate at this,he feels a serious situation coming on and prepares his question correctly in his head

'Audrey are you thinking of leaving Haven?'

'what? no what made you ask that?Nathan I am a part of this place,I am important to these people'

'you speak about Haven as if you owe your life to it,but you don't,you can have a normal life if you want to,change the pattern like you said,get in your car and never look back'

'did you ever think about driving off Nathan? no because this is your home and it was your family's home for the last couple decades and the same goes for me'

'I just feel like you're looking at this place as a responsibility and one day you'll get tired of saving people and you will end up resenting it'

'I love my work,I like these people and growing up I never felt like I belonged but now I do,I have found my place'

'so then its something in the diary that's upset you,isn't it?'

'I was wrong about the purpose of it,its not about the Troubles,its about Lucy'