Two days before his birthday, James goes to the familiar house on Spinner's End with 'Evans' written in crooked letters at the mailbox. According to Marlene, Lily's supposed to be back home by now.

He rings the doorbell, immediately hearing Petunia's harpy-like shrieks and heavy footsteps nearing the front door.

Lily opens the door with her body half turned in the living room's direction, in the middle of some snarky retort to her sister. "If I can win an Olympic gold medal, you can get your ass off the couch and walk ten paces to open the front fucking door, Tuney!" She turns to greet the guest then, her irritated expression morphing into a look of surprise when she sees it's James standing right there in her front porch.

"Um… hi, Lils. Can we talk?" his smile is tentative, as though he's afraid she'll say no and slam the door on his face.

She still looks like a deer caught in the headlights, but she nods her head, managing to return his shy smile with one of her own. "Sure, come in," she steps away to the side so he can get through the threshold and into the foyer.

For some reason, he feels weirdly out of place inside her childhood home as he follows her up the stairs and into her room. He tries to shake the feeling off, thinking it doesn't make any sense. He knows this house like the back of his hand, had spent so many nights and afternoons there he'd lost count years ago. This used to feel as much like home as his own home, but maybe it wasn't the house. Maybe it was Lily and he never stopped to think about it.

He snaps out of his own mind as Lily closes the door and leans against it. He stands uneasily between her bed and her overcrowded bookshelf, noting the suitcase filled with clothes in a corner. "Going somewhere?" he asks, shifting his eyes back to her.

"No, I actually just came back from Paris," she walks to her bed, sitting on the edge of it as she looks up at him. He looks the same as he did when she last saw him getting into that elevator, and she doesn't know why a part of her expected him to look different.

"I know," he says, chuckling at her puzzled expression. "I'm on social media, you know. That and Sirius told me."

"Oh," she feels silly now. Of course the information would somehow get to him. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you."

"It's okay, Lils. You don't have to report your every move to your skating partner, you know," she holds back a flinch when he stresses the last part.

"No, I know," she can't read him and it's killing her inside. "But I still feel like I should have."

He just hums in response, shifting his attention to her assortment of medals hung over her writing desk. It's an overcrowded and messy space, with apparently all of their medals hung in order. Her Olympic one is missing.

He feels her behind him as he fingers a little bronze plate at the beginning of the line. "You remember this one?" he asks without turning around to look at her.

She laughs softly. "Yes, our first competition. I wasn't talking to you 'cause you decided to pull that stupid prank on me the night before. How we even managed to win anything is still a mystery to me."

"Hey, it wasn't stupid!" he looks back at her and finds her looking at him with a raised eyebrow. "Okay, maybe putting hair bleach on your shampoo the night before our first competition wasn't the best idea, but it was funny!" she still looks skeptical. "C'mon, it was!"

"James, I looked awful! I had to dye my hair red for months after that," he tries to hold his laughter in but it just explodes out of him after a couple of seconds. She tries to remain serious but the sound of his booming laughter disarms her.

God, she missed him.

They continue laughing for a little while until they eventually stop and end up staring at each other. He's leaning on her desk now, and she's standing just about two feet away from him.

She holds his gaze for a moment, still trying to read him. "I missed you," she blurts out, simply needing him to know.

He doesn't say it back, even though the feeling's mutual and of course he missed her like hell. He just frowns at her for a second, searching her eyes and finding them unreserved and almost pleading. "Then why didn't you call, Lily?" he forces himself to keep his voice even.

She breaks eye contact, dropping her eyes to the floor. "I… I don't know," her voice is low, fragile against the silence of the room.

He takes a deep breath, raking his fingers through his already messy hair and willing himself to maintain a clear head. "What do you mean you don't know, Lily?" he pauses, trying to catch her eyes again. "I called you for three days, Lily. Three days. We were fine. We won the Olympics, we won Worlds. It was our best season and we were fine until that fucking party, then something happened and now we're not fine at all and would you please just look at me?" his voice betrays him and rises an octave at the end.

Her head snaps up and she stares at him with a heated expression. "I DON'T KNOW!" she all but screams at his face, taking a step further in his direction. "I was fucking drunk, for God's sake! I kissed Sirius, do you really expect me to know what was going on through my head? So I don't know, okay? Maybe I got too deep into the whole character thing we have to do in our routines, maybe not. All I know is that it happened, it was stupid, and it will never happen again, okay?" she stares at him, just wanting this whole conversation to be over already.

He stares right back at her, desperately trying to read her eyes, to find some kind of logic in this whole situation. Her shoulders start to deflate as she disarms her whole stance, looking defeated and exhausted.

"Can we just go back to being normal?" her voice cracks a little at the end, almost as if she isn't sure if normal is even the right word. What does normal even mean for them?

He nods gently, extending his hand and inviting her to him. She takes it and he pulls her towards his body, sighing in relief at the familiar feel of her body fitting into his.

He's still not satisfied. He still wants some answers, both from her and from himself. He wants to know what was going through her head that day, if it was the same thing going through his.

She can tell he wants to prolong the conversation. Wants to get to bottom of this and really fix the whole thing. She also knows that he can feel how exhausted she is, and that he would never force her to do anything when she's not ready for it. So she holds him tighter, silently willing him to just let this go because she doesn't have the answers he wants. She repeats that to herself over and over, wishing for her brain to just delete that night from her memories.

She pulls away after a few moments and goes back to sitting on her bed, tapping the space beside her for him to sit. "Come here. Tell me all about the big party I know you planned with the boys."

He smiles and sits next to her, launching into all of the stories involving the planning to his party, from Remus vetoing Sirius' idea of an ice-themed party to them having the genius idea of buying helium balloons and sucking on all of them when they got drunk that one night.

During the whole conversation, Lily feels relief flood her insides. They're laughing together, in her childhood room surrounded by memories of them over the years. Pictures of them on podiums and practice, medals they won together – she kept each and every one of them.

This is normal. It's them. They're gonna be okay.

Somehow, the pictures of the party leak on the internet.

It wasn't exactly supposed to be a State secret or anything, but James likes his privacy. Also, since the Olympics, the fans have been wishing for a slip, a picture, a video. Anything that would give them hope of Lily and James legitimately being together.

And of course Sirius sends all of the best – worst – posts on their group chat. And of course Sirius decides to comment and share these posts, knowing full well that he's adding nothing less than gasoline to this raging fire.

James' phone beeps with another message from Sirius. He sighs and clicks on the twitter link his friend sent.

Rita Skeeter skeetergossip: Take a look at this picture of lilyflower and prongspotter and tell us they are not in love! #Jily

Below is a picture of him and Lily dancing together in the middle of the makeshift dance floor in his living room. Okay, the picture does make it look as if they're about to start making out any minute. But that's just because they were reenacting their Olympic program. Emphasis on acting.

bjorkins: OMG! THEY'RE ALMOST KISSING!

padfoothefirst: i took the picture, they totally kissed right after that

amybones: THEIR BEST FRIEND CONFIRMED IT! IT'S OFFICIAL EVERYONE!

james to stopadding fuel to the fire, sirius: will you STOP replying to these posts?

sirius: am i lying? you kissed her on the cheek after you finished, no?

remus: As much as I think this is all too hilarious, the media's really getting out of hand. Lily's bound to freak out again any second.

james: THANK YOU, moony. we just got our shit together, we're still on thin ice

siriuschanged the group name to fun time is over

Sirius Black padfoothefirst: i can't even joke a little without the internet losing their shit, huh? i'm sorry for the misunderstanding, but prongspotter and lilyflower are NOT dating

prongspotter retweeted this

Lily's skating in circles when James arrives at the rink. She looks frustrated as she runs her hand through her face, still going round and round in the middle of the ice.

He quietly changes out of his sneakers and into his skates before joining her on the ice. She looks up and realises he's there when she hears the soft scrape of his blades on the ice, giving him a strained smile and putting her hands on her hips.

"Hey, Lils," he stops a couple of feet away from her, evaluating her mood before getting any closer.

"Hey," is her only response as she lowers her eyes to the ice beneath them, sticking her toepick on it repeatedly.

He risks skating closer to her, still a little hesitant. "What's wrong? Did something happen?"

She shakes her head, jutting out her bottom lip and shrugging lightly.

"C'mon, Lily. Talk to me," his voice is still soft, but he hates it when she closes herself off. Closes him off from her. He pushes forward, putting his hands on her shoulders and bending his knees so his eyes are on the same level as hers. "Lils? Look at me, please?"

She returns the stare, softly sighing before grabbing his hand and playing with his fingers. "I feel like I can't get anything right these days. I feel like a failure, like I reached my peak at the Olympics and now I'm back to being mediocre."

He can't lie and say these sorts of thoughts never went through his head. Of course they have. Every time he misses a cue or gets out of a twizzle sequence half a second too early, he thinks he's disappointing the whole country.

Worse, he feels like he's disappointing Lily.

He closes his hand around hers, stopping her fingers' motions. "Hey. You were never mediocre, and you never will be, okay?" he holds her stare, daring her to break it. "Don't you see how everyone talks about you? Lily, they say you're mesmerizing, both on and off the ice."

"But… what about last year? What about-"

"Last year was shit for a number of reasons, and none of them have to do with you," he cuts in. "Besides, it's not like we finished last or anything. Silver's good too, you snob," that gets a small laugh out of her, and he smiles in relief.

He lets go of her and she looks up in confusion. He ignores the look and skates over to the speakers, pulling his backup iPod from the cabinet and looking at Lily as Billy Joel's voice floods the rink.

Come out, Virginia, don't let me wait…

She's giving him a radiant smile, and as always, he's reminded of the reason he does it all. He skates over to her and they fall into the familiar routine once again. This was their exhibition song when they won their first Junior World title, and Lily's loved this song ever since.

James sings the song to her the whole time, belting out the words along with Billy Joel and twirling her around the ice during the big instrumental part of the song.

They're breathless and sweaty by the time the song's over, and they throw themselves on the refreshing ice as soon as they strike their final pose.

"Is it just me or is this choreography harder to do now that we're adults?" she manages to get the sentence out through her ragged breaths.

He's clearly winded but trying to act cool as he turns his head to look at her, all red hair splayed around her head like a halo, wisps of it coming out of her messy ponytail. "Speak for yourself, I still got it. You, on the other hand, might be out of shape…" she lets out an offended yelp and pushes him away from her.

He's prevented from retaliating when they hear McGonagall's irritated voice coming from the boards. "What are you two doing lying on the ice?" she doesn't wait for an answer as she launches into another one of her lectures about not needing her top skaters to get sick in the middle of the season and how they should be warming up instead of fooling around on the ice.

James smiles at Lily before getting up and offering a hand to help her get off her back. He winks at her before he takes off, goofing off and jumping up and down on the ice just to hear McGonagall shriek and threaten to come into the rink and discipline him.

He skates over to her and uses her as a shield from their coach's verbal attacks. She starts laughing when suddenly she feels his hands on her waist pulling her back flush against his front. She really doesn't think he realises what he's doing, but she blushes all the same.

When he sees Minerva opening the little gate to go after them, he grabs her hand and twirls her once before pulling her along with him as he starts his laps around the rink. She has to run a little to catch up with him, and he turns his head to the side to tell her to hurry up. She notices how much sharper his jawline gets when he's smiling wide like this.

She smiles back at him and hopes he doesn't notice her red cheeks and neck. Maybe he'll think it's because she's winded from dancing and running around the rink. Maybe she can convince herself that that's why she feels hypersensitive when he's gripping her hand so hard and twirling her around the rink.

Lily's been actively ignoring Mary's calls since late afternoon. She doesn't have to pick up to know what her friend is going to say. You have to get out more, Lily or You're this close to becoming a hermit, you know or some variation of these two sentences is bound to be said to Lily at least once a week - most likely on weekends.

It's not like she doesn't go out or anything. She does. She has banquets and film festivals and occasionally she goes to a pub with James and the boys. Or just James, sometimes.

So it's not like she's hiding. She actually likes staying at home in the weekends, snuggled in her favourite armchair with her fluffiest blanket wrapped around her, a mug of hot cocoa nestled in her hand as she reads Pride and Prejudice for the thousandth time. It's cozy and she likes cozy.

She's just gotten to the part where Lizzy first arrives at Netherfield Park when her doorbell rings. She groans and sets down her half empty mug before getting up - blanket and all - to open the door, mouth already forming the words "no, Mary. For the last time, I don't wanna go to some club opening party today," before she abruptly stops and stares at the person standing in front of her. "You're not Mary."

James raises his eyebrows at her, a sly smirk on his face. "Hello, it's me. Not-Mary," he says, raising the two bags of Chipotle takeout in his hands. "You up for some mexican?"

She frowns at him, still a little shocked at his sudden appearance at her door. "I… thought you were on a date."

He shrugs, still holding the bags up on each side of his face. "Meh, she didn't laugh at my jokes enough," she rolls her eyes at that. "And everyone knows I'm hilarious, so she had to be daft."

She fights a smile as she looks down at her socked feet. "Okay, then. Come on in, Mr. Comedian."

He sighs in relief, finally letting his arms drop. "Thanks, Lils," he drops a kiss on her cheek as he passes her by, missing the way her eyes widen just a little bit and how she takes a few extra seconds to close the door.

She walks into her kitchen, finding him already opening cupboards and pulling out plates and cups for them. He knows she hates eating out of paper bags.

She's still trying to keep the smile off her face as she goes back to the living room to drop her blanket on the armchair. She doesn't even know what she's smiling about, anyways.

Lily starts when she hears his voice from the kitchen. "Evans! Hurry up, the food's getting cold!"

"I'm coming, Potter!" she grabs her mug with her - now cold - hot cocoa and brings it into the kitchen, placing it on the sink. "Patience, young grasshopper," she teases as she sits across from him. He rolls his eyes and grumbles something about Lily being ungrateful before taking a huge bite of his burrito.

They're almost done eating when he clears his throat. "So… why didn't you go with Mary and the girls to that club opening?"

She shrugs and swallows before answering. "Didn't feel like it, really. Figured Mr. Darcy would be a better company."

"I'm soooo much better than Darcy," he grabs a napkin, cleaning his fingers and face of guacamole.

She rolls her eyes, licking her fingertips and gathering the mess of tinfoil and napkins around the table to toss in the trash. "Keep telling yourself that, honey," she pats him on the shoulder on the way.

"Hey! I did just bring you dinner, didn't I?" he gets up as well, trailing behind her. "That has to count as something."

"Yeah, yeah. I guess being second choice is nice sometimes," she says, heading for the living room.

"Second choice?" he watches as she drops into one side of the couch and drapes her blanket over her.

"Yeah, you only came here because your date sucked, right?" she gestures for him to sit on the couch as well.

He sits down on the opposite side of the couch. "Well, not really."

She raises her eyebrows at him. "Yeah? Enlighten me."

He messes up his hair. "Well, I only went on that date because Sirius made me do it," he pauses and she motions for him to go on. "So it's not like I wanted to be there in the first place, right?" he's getting flustered for some reason. "And the whole time i just wanted to leave and come here 'cause you're prettier and smarter and funnier and you actually laugh at my stupid jokes, so… yeah."

She just stares at him for a few moments, watching him squirm under her stare. Her heart is beating fast and she feels the urge to do things she's not supposed to. Nope, she's not supposed to be even thinking about doing this sort of thing with her skating partner.

Besides, they're friends. Skating partners. What he once had was a teenage crush, they're adults now. They don't need - or want - to complicate things like this. She doesn't to complicate things.

She laughs at him, trying to dismiss the sudden tension in the room. "You're such a sap, you know that?"

His eyes snap up at hers, a small smile taking over his face. "Yeah, well. I can be cute when I want to, you know."

"Uh huh, you're cute as a skinny, long-limbed teddy bear," he makes an indignant noise but she's already talking again. "C'mon, let's choose something to watch on Netflix," she scoots over to his side of the couch, feeling his arm instinctively drape across her shoulders as she leans into his side.

He grabs the remote and starts to flip through the catalog, making comments about the shitty rom coms she loves. She slaps his chest lightly, telling him to shut up and just pick something already.

After almost half an hour, they decide on rewatching Doctor Who, and of course they imitate the little noises from the opening credits together, like they always do. When Amy Pond's face come on the screen, he tells Lily she looks just like her, like he always does. She laughs and tells him to shut up, like she always does.

She falls asleep before the episode is over, snoring softly with her head in his chest. He turns the TV off, gently taking his arm off her and adjusting his position so he could carry her to her bedroom.

She stirs in her sleep as he sets her down on the bed, looking up at him with bleary eyes. "James?" her voice is scratchy with sleep.

"Yeah, Lils?" he answers softly, covering her with the comforter.

"You're staying, right? It's late, you can sleep here if you want," she snuggles inside the comforter, burying her face on the pillow.

"Sure, I'll just change out of these clothes and I'll be right here," he says, a soft smile on his face.

"Hmm, 'kay," she says, her breathing already deepening, sleep claiming her.

He walks into her closet, making a beeline to the left side of it, where he keeps a drawer with some clothes in case he has to sleep there. Like today. And two days in a row last week. And the week before that.

It's just that they have similar schedules, that's all. It's easier to just crash at each other's apartments. And neither of them have an extra bedroom, so they have to share the bed from time to time. And maybe they end up cuddling during the night, but that's nobody's business.

He changes into some sweatpants and his team UK jumper from the last Olympics before returning to the room. He slides under the comforter, sticking to his side of the bed.

She's still sleeping, but it's as if she feels his presence, rolling over and laying her head on his chest, her arm firmly secured around his waist. He looks down at her, only managing to see the top of her head and her delicate nose. He smiles a small smile, putting his arm around her and using his free hand to turn the bedside lamp off.

Sleep comes easy to him, and within a few seconds he's slumbering beside Lily.

"JAMES POTTER!"

Everyone jumps in surprise at the shrill tone of Lily's voice. They hear her heavy steps coming closer and flinch away from James when she stops in front of him, hands on her hips.

"Yes, dear?" he says in a smooth voice, apparently unaffected by the obvious angry vibe radiating off his partner.

"We've known each other for sixteen years so don't you dare lie to me, mister," she points a finger in is direction and waits for him to nod before continuing. "Now did you or did you not eat the snacks I bought for tonight?"

His face blanches a little. "Um… no?" he's already flinching and she hasn't even laid a finger on him yet.

She grabs the nearest cushion and starts to beat him over the head with it. "You idiot! How are we supposed to watch Sirius' game without snacks?"

He waits for the right moment to grab her arms and stop her attacks on him. "Will you just- calm down, woman!" she struggles but soon

She's out of breath and red in the face and their faces are really really close and Lily knows that she shouldn't but she looks at his mouth for just a millisecond and she should really just put some distance between them.

Remus clears his throat and James releases her. She doesn't meet anyone's eyes when she sticks her hand out towards James. "Gimme your car keys, I'm gonna drop by Walmart and get some chips or something," he hands her the keys to his jeep and she storms out the door.

Five pair of eyes turn to him after the door closes. "Uh… what the hell was that?" Dorcas asks in a half perplexed voice, mirroring the expressions of those around her.

"I have no fucking clue," James says, getting up and heading for the kitchen. "Anyone want some beer?" Remus and Mary accept the offer and he returns with four beers.

"Who's the fourth beer for?" Remus asks when he comes back.

"For me," he answers before sitting down with a beer in each hand and downing half of one in a few gulps.

"It's just nerves, man," Frank reassures him, his arm around Alice.

James' head is thrown back, resting on the back of the couch as he stares blankly at the ceiling. "She's been freaking out since we decided on our Olympic programs. It's like she's a bloody harpy, screaming all over the place."

"You have to understand the pressure she must be putting on herself, James," says Alice. "You won gold on your first Olympics, and she wants to show everyone you still got it now that you're going for the second time."

"I don't see you screaming and hitting Frank," he grumbles.

"We're only bronze medalists, mate. No one's expecting us to bring home the gold, and we're only doing it for fun, really," Frank says, looking at his and Alice's brand new wedding rings. "It's our last Olympics, we don't mind losing to you."

James turns his head to look at his friend. "Shut up, you could totally beat us."

"Nah, we couldn't. But that's okay, we're happy with the way things are," Alice shrugs. "Just… try to take her mind off of it all, distract her with something other than skating. She needs this."

James looks at her and nods before grabbing the remote and turning the volume up, watching as the commentator announces the team's entrance. They hear Sirius' name and the crowd's responding roar as the country's favorite defenseman steps on the ice.

James is about to text Lily when the door opens and she steps inside the apartment, arms full of grocery bags and rushing to the kitchen. "Did I miss anything?" she shouts from inside the kitchen.

"No, they just announced the teams!" Remus shouts back.

She comes into the living room holding two bags of chips and a beer, placing them on the coffee table before dropping on the couch beside James.

He puts his mouth close to her ear. "Hey, I'm sorry I ate all the snacks."

She suppresses the shiver that threatens to run down her spine. "I'm sorry I freaked out and hit you with a cushion," she whispers back.

He puts his arm around her and she falls into the familiar position, leaning on his side with her head on his shoulder. It doesn't last long, of course. Five minutes into the game they're already leaning forward and screaming at the TV like the ref can hear them.

But in the lulls in the game when nothing much happens, they always come back to the same position, always leaning back and against each other, their bodies coming together like magnets.

The first thing Lily does when she and James get to the locker room after practice is throw herself in one of the benches and immediately take off her skates, wincing as she notices the bubbles starting to form on her feet.

James looks sideways at her from his place on the bench beside her. "New skates giving you a rough time?"

She winces again, letting a low groan of pain. "Yeah, they're taking forever to break in."

He turns towards her. "C'mon, gimme your stinky feet. I'll give you a massage," he pats his thighs, holding his hands up. She places her feet on them without hesitation and he starts to rub her soles on all the right spots.

He doesn't think she realises the little sounds she's making and he's trying not to be aware of them as well. He risks a look in her direction and immediately regrets it.

She's leaning back on her elbows, eyes closed and a blissful expression on her face. Her ponytail is coming undone and her auburn hair is sticking to to sweaty spots on her neck.

He looks back down, focusing on kneading his knuckles one last time onto her flesh before he pats her shin to signal the end of the massage session.

Her head snaps up with a half dazed expression on her face. "What? Already?" she drags out the "y" for a few seconds.

He chuckles fondly at her. "Yeah, that's it for now," he gently pushes her legs off of his own and stands up, offering her a hand. "Let's go, I'm taking you out for ice cream."

She instantly lights up, grabbing his hand and letting him pull her up. "Let's go!" she's already skipping to the exit, not even remembering to grab her gym bag on the way out.

He shakes his head with a soft smile on his face as he gathers the rest of their things and heads for the door. She's already waiting by his car, eagerly bouncing on the balls of her feet, the pain apparently forgotten.

"Come on, James! I plan to get there before I reach 80."

He unlocks the car, getting in and tossing their bags on the backseat. "Careful, or I'm gonna change my mind and take you to a clam chowder place."

She makes a disgusted face at him. "Ew, that's gross."

"Exactly," he tries to tickle her with one arm but she squirms away before he can get to her. "Now act your age, missy."

She pouts at him, crossing her arms and mumbling something that resembles "I am acting my age" under her breath.

He starts the car and looks at her one last time before putting it on drive and getting out of the parking lot. He fights to keep the smile off his face but it just refuses to leave. He must look like a madman, smiling at himself like this, but he's too happy to care right now.

Lily said she'd just go to the bathroom and then she'd be right back almost thirty minutes ago.

James is trying to concentrate on stretching and relaxing but he keeps looking at his phone, checking the time and his messages. He clicks on the home button for the eighth time before getting up and going to search for her.

He checks the restroom, the mixed area, the locker rooms and is almost resorting to aimlessly yelling her name around the arena when he starts to get near a corridor and hears voices. He frowns, following the sounds until he turns the corner.

The first thing he sees is Lily's back turned to him, her stance tense and rigid, like she's preparing to fight whoever is standing in front of her.

Then he hears the strident voice of Bellatrix Black and finds himself striding towards Lily.

"What time are you performing again, Evans? It would be such a shame if something happened to you right before your big finale," her strident voice fills the highway. "And only a few months before the Olympics, too," she takes a menacing step in Lily's direction.

James gets to them right then, placing a hand on Lily's back and feeling her relax a little as he glares at Bellatrix. "And what a shame it would be for Narcissa Malfoy's flop sister to be disqualified for being a crazy bitch," he says with a cool tone. "I think I can still hear some people laughing at your joke of a score."

Bellatrix sneers at him. "Well, If it isn't the good little knight. Did she push the panic button so you could come and save her?"

"I can take care of myself, Black," Lily shoots back.

Just then, Snape rounds the corner and stops for half a second to assess the situation before taking his place behind Bellatrix.

"Oh, I see you called your dog," James jeers at Snape.

"No one called, I just smelled filth and came to investigate."

"So you came sniffing on your own? Good dog!" he goes rigid at the sound of Lily's voice but doesn't look in her direction, continuing to glare at James.

He leans over to talk to her. "C'mon, Lily. We have to finish stretching."

She nods and turns her back to Bellatrix, taking his hand to lead him back to their place and finish preparing for their performance.

With her back turned to the black haired girl, she doesn't see the attack coming. James has the immediate reaction to get in front of her as Bellatrix's foot flies towards Lily's knee.

It all happens too quickly, and before James even as the time to process the sudden pain in his leg, Snape is already halfway across the corridor, dragging Bellatrix away as she crackles like a wicked witch.

Lily instantly kneels before James, pulling up his pant leg and gasping at the bruise that's already forming on his thigh. He's leaning against the wall, wincing as she applies some pression on the mark.

"James, we need to get you some ice. Now," she says, getting up and trying not to freak out. "Can you walk?"

He nods, breathing deep and pushing himself off the wall. She moves to support him, but he shakes his head. "No, I have to go alone. No one can see me like this, it'll only raise rumors."

She nods, a pained expression on her face as he hardens his expression and takes a step forward and tries to hold back a wince. She waits for him to take a couple more steps before joining him, trying to act normal but always on guard, ready to support him if he needs her to.

The walk back to their curtained cubicle feels like an eternity to both of them. When they get there, James throws himself down on one of the chairs, a thin layer of sweat covering his forehead.

Lily immediately rushes to the little thermal bag on the corner and grabs an ice pack before hurrying back to James and placing it on his bruised flesh.

Remus drops what he's doing and runs to Lily's side when he sees the state his friend is in. "What the hell happened?" he nearly screams at the pair.

Lily puts her finger to his lips and shakes her head. "We had a little run-in with Bellatrix and Snape," she whispers as softly and she can. "She tried to kick me when I turned my back to her, but James got in the way," her voice is trembling and she feels like she might burst into tears right now.

"Fucking hell," Remus almost never swears, but he can't help but let out a stream of curses when he sees the large bruise in James' leg. "Let me handle this, you have to start getting ready now if you want to make it in time," he takes the ice pack off her hands but she doesn't move at first, eyes locked on James' face.

"James, can you skate?" she asks softly, hand in his hand.

The pain in his expression is more subdued now, but she can see he's still in struggling. "Yes, we'll just put some ice and bandage it and I'll be good to go," he tries to shoot her a reassuring smile but she's still not convinced.

"Lily, go. Now!" Remus says firmly, using his free hand to force her to stand up.

She grabs her bag with her costume, makeup and skates and heads out, stopping in front of the curtain before turning and looking at James one last time. He gives her a sure smile, nodding his head as if he's saying "go on, I'll be alright."

She smiles back and slips through the curtain, walking to the bathroom and praying that by the time she returns, Remus will have fixed the whole situation.

Two hours later, they're standing on the right side of the podium, holding their silver medals and smiling as the camera flashes blind them. Lily doesn't let go of James' hand the whole time, and their smiles are genuine when they congratulate Alice and Frank for their gold medals.

Still, it's a relief when they get into the car to head back to the hotel. Lily sighs and James looks at her with an apologetic expression on his face. "I'm sorry, Lils," he whispers into the quiet.

Her head snaps up, wide green eyes staring at him. "James, why are you apologizing? None of that was your fault," she instinctively grabs his hand to reassure him.

"I- I feel like this is my fault," he grips her hand back.

"No, never," she hold his gaze determinately. "You know that one way or another they would have found a way to mess with us."

He nods and they fall silent for a few long moments.

"James," she calls him and waits for his responding hum before continuing. "It's okay, that wasn't it. We still have the final, alright?"

He nods again before sliding down the seat and resting his head on her shoulder. He sighs contently as she threads her fingers through his hair, feeling some of the anger fade away.

He never lets go of her hand, and neither does she.

Lily hates dinner galas. She hates how she has to dress up and triple check if she looks pretty enough or thin enough to be seen in public. She hates how the other skaters whisper when she passes by. She hates talking to the retired skaters and having to smile when they give her backhanded compliments.

But most of all, she hates it when James disappears and leaves her all alone to deal with all of this at once.

She manages one last fake smile to yet another old lady who thinks it's okay to comment on her weight before excusing herself to look for James.

She then realises that she doesn't really know where to look, so she settles for wandering around the hall and trying to avoid the Black sisters and anyone related to them.

Just when she's about to give up and go back to her table, she passes by a curtained set of french doors leading to a balcony. The doors are a little ajar and she can hear James' voice coming through the crack.

She slips past the door and faces her partner's back, noticing that he's talking to someone on the phone. She opens her mouth to announce her presence but pauses when she hears what he says next.

"No, dad, you don't get it," he counters. "She's counting on me and disappointing her is just not a possibility, okay? I- I can't even think about it, I just can't," his voice is close to breaking and her heart is already breaking as well.

She takes a few silent steps towards him, thanking god that she chose to wear shoes without heels that night.

She can hear Fleamont's faint voice through the phone speaker, not really managing to make out the words as she places a hand on James' back. She feels his muscles go rigid until she takes a step to the side and gets into his line of vision.

Fleamont stops talking and she nods at James to finish talking, trying to put as much patience and understanding in her eyes as she can.

"I know, dad," he reassures his father. "Listen, I gotta go, okay? I'll call you later. Love you too," Lily smiles a little, like she always does whenever she witnesses these moments with James and his family. He doesn't look at her as he pockets his phone and leans forward on the balcony.

"James-" he cuts her off immediately, his voice firm but not harsh.

"When did you- how much did you hear?" his tone is not harsh, just closed off.

"About ten seconds before you saw me," he nods, still not exactly looking at her. She leans on the balcony beside him and waits a few seconds before speaking. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"It's not important," the reply comes fast, ready in his lips.

She huffs and fully turns on her side to face him. "What do you mean it's not important? Those are your feelings, James. I want you to trust me enough to share them with me," she puts her hand on his arm, silently urging him to look at her.

He closes his eyes for a short second before turning to face Lily, mirroring her position. "You think I don't trust you?"

"James, trust isn't just running around the ice with me with blades on our feet," he shifts his eyes to the floor for a second. "You can't just be there for me when I need you and then shut me off when it's you who needs someone. This is a two way street, you know."

He sighs, trying to escape her stare but finding himself trapped there. "I didn't want to trouble you, Lils."

Lily widens her eyes, looking exasperated. "Then what am I here for? I thought we were in this together, not just skating together."

"Lily, of course we are," he's fast to reassure her.

"So talk to me!" she really didn't mean to raise her voice like that. James turns to check if someone inside heard them.

She stares at him expectantly until he huffs and decides to speak.

"You're already nervous enough as you are, so I didn't want to trouble you," her expression hardens but she lets him finish. "After we lost the Grand Prix because of me, I started getting anxious. The possibility of letting you down on our last season is too scary for me."

"James, we didn't lose because of you, we've been through this before," she grabs his hands, forcing him to look at her. "If they hadn't hurt you, it would've been me. We couldn't have prevented it either way."

He nods, and she uses her grip on his hands to pull him to her. He automatically wraps his arms around her middle, breathing in her familiar scent.

"Lily, I don't wanna let you down," his voice is hoarse and she grips the back of his neck, giving it some light strokes to try and calm him down.

She makes a point of backing away enough so she can look deep into his hazel eyes. "James Fleamont Potter, you listen to me. You won't let me down, okay?" he keeps staring at her, frowning a bit. " In fact, I don't even believe you ever could let me down. Never, okay?"

He tries to distance himself from her. "Lily, you-"

She pulls him even closer this time, noses touching as her determined gaze traps him in. "Never," she says firmly. He stops for a second and gives her a little nod.

Lily doesn't release him immediately, maintaining her firm but gentle grip on his neck until she's satisfied with what she sees.

She takes a step back and gently takes one of his hands in hers. "You good?"

"Yeah," he brings her hand up and softly brushes his lips against her knuckles. "Thanks, Lils."

Her breath gets stuck on her throat and she hopes he doesn't notice. "Anytime, Potter. Are you ready to go back?"

"Sure, let's go back to the borefest."

She takes the lead and pulls him behind her to the half open door. As soon as the noise of the party hits her, their little bubble bursts.

She drops his hand when a couple of single skaters pass by, missing the look of mild confusion that passes by James' face.

The rumours are bad enough without the entire figure skating world seeing the two of them leave a dark balcony hand in hand.

They haven't been on canadian ground for more than 20 minutes and they already have a thousand cameras and microphones pointed at them.

"Lily, how do you feel after winning your second Grand Prix Final?" eagerly asks one of the reporters.

She plasters her media smile on her face, just like she practiced. "Well, we're still reeling from that one," she risks a look at James, and he's already looking at her. "We got a little worried after that silver in Japan, but we pulled it off in the end. We're very focused on the Olympics right now," the reporter seems satisfied with the answer, so the others jump in to try and get chosen next.

"Is this really your last year competing?"

James looks at Lily, signaling her to answer. She knows how he feels about this, after all. "Well, we think so," she really doesn't want to answer that. "We've had quite a long run, and we think it's time to focus on our families and what to do next."

The reporter shifts the microphone in James' direction. "We've been talking about this for a while now," they hadn't. "And we both feel like we should think about what to do outside of skating," he doesn't.

They only talked about this a couple of months ago, and James is not happy about it. Lily wants to spend some time with her parents and get a college degree, and he understands that. But he also wants to keep going. He wants keep skating with her forever, but it's okay if she doesn't. Really, he understands it.

He snaps back into focus when he hears another journalist's voice.

"How do you feel about your programs this season? How did you choose them?" pipes in a short woman at the front.

He takes the lead in this one. "Well, they're both really emotional programs and the hardest part is making sure we're in the right place mentally and emotionally before we skate," he says earnestly, often shifting his eyes in her direction while he spoke.

"And was it easy to connect with the programs?" Lily's getting whiplash from all the questions and flashes.

"Yeah, it was really easy and fun for me," he looks at her in question. "Lils?"

She turns to look at him and this time her smile is genuine. "Not hard at all. Our free dance song especially. I stumbled upon it on spotify and I just knew it was our song."

"It's a very romantic song, don't you think? Does it mean you two are finally together?" both of them go a little rigid at the sound of Rita Skeeter's sly voice. It's not like they don't get this sort of question all the time, but they know how Skeeter can manipulate anyone to say what she wants them to.

They laugh uneasily. "Nah, me and Lils are still just partners and best friends, sorry," he puts his arm around her shoulders, squishing her to his side.

Lily gives the signal and Remus rushes in, closing off the interviews and opening the way so they can greet the fans and take some pictures. It's an exhaustive task, but they make it through without any big problems.

Then they're at the Olympic Village and it feels like coming home.

They stop before the rings and Lily reaches for James' hand. He graps it like his life depends on it and looks at her at the same time she turns her stare to him.

She takes the little silver pendant from the inside of her shirt and he does the same, stepping closer to her so they can join the two skating blades in the space between them.

"We're doing this again," she says like she can't believe it.

He looks from their joined pendants to her eyes. "We are. You and me."

"You and me," she echoes and steps forward to hug him. "I love you, alright?"

He holds her tight against him. "I love you too, Lils. No matter what."

James loves the Olympics.

Not just because he's competing for his country and fighting for gold. God, how he loves competition. The heartbeat before the first notes of their song starts playing. The silence before the crowd erupts in cheers when they strike the final pose. The way he feels like his heart will beat out of his chest while they wait for the results. He just loves it all.

Dammit, he's gonna miss it.

But no, it's because he loves the cultural aspect of the whole thing.

He loves meeting new people. Loves the struggle of talking to someone who speaks a different language. Loves to meet new competitors, their young faces lighting up when he gives them advice. Loves to escape the village and walk around the city, pretend he's just a normal guy visiting another country.

After the opening ceremony, Sirius says some athletes from team Canada offered to show them around the city, and he accepts without hesitation. Lily says she's too jet-lagged to even think about it, so she decides to stay at the village.

So that's how he finds himself on a karaoke bar trying not to piss himself with laughter as Sirius belts out the words to 'I Want It That Way' on the little stage.

"Is he drunk the day before an Olympic game?" comes a voice from beside him.

He turns his head and finds himself staring into deep brown eyes. He lets an easy smirk slide into his face. "Nah, that's just Sirius. Doesn't need a drop of alcohol to be this confident."

The girl beside him lets out a low whistle. "If he's like that," she points at Sirius as he dramatically drops to his knees during the chorus, "when he's sober, do I ever want to see him get drunk?"

He laughs easily. "Yeah… probably not."

She laughs a little before sticking out her hand for him to shake. "Emmeline Vance."

He takes her hand. "Vance. You're that snowboarder, right? The youngest record holder in history, huh?" she nods with a smile. "I'm James-"

"Potter, I know," she bursts laughs a little at his raised eyebrows. "Chill, I'm not a stalker. You and your partner are all over the internet right now."

He smiles sheepishly, running a hand through his hair. "Oh, yeah… the internet thing."

"I lost count of how many articles about your 'sexual tension' and 'longing looks' and 'oh my god, they're soulmates!' I've seen in the last few weeks," his neck is getting all red now. He really hates all of this attention on his relationship with Lily. "So, what's the deal with you two?" she asks, trying to act nonchalant and only half succeeding.

"We've known each other practically all our lives. She used to hate me when we were kids- I was an asshole, to be honest," she raises her eyebrows. "But eventually we both grew up, and we became best friends," he's repeated that story so many times, it's like he's a parrot.

"Just friends?"

"Trust me, I tried to go there once and almost ruined our careers," he hates remembering that time. "It's complicated," he concludes.

She nods slowly before offering him her hand. "Well, in that case… James Potter, will you dance with me to your friend's terrible singing?"

He chuckles, taking her hand and realising that Sirius was now serenading Marlene with 'Baby One More Time'. It gets even more hilarious when she climbs on the stage and takes the mic from him, reversing the roles. She goes to the computer and cuts the song off, the techno beats of 'Womanizer' flooding the bar.

Emmeline pulls him closer to the stage and he tries not to think about how weird it is to dance with a girl who isn't Lily.

The next day, James drops by Lily's room to pick her up to Sirius' game. On the way there, he tells her all about the night before. Well, he tells her everything but the Emmeline part.

It's not a big deal, it's just that him and Lily never really talk about their love lives. They both know that they have each had some flings along the years, but nothing too serious. And anyways, he doesn't even know if anything's going to happen with Emmeline, so why bother?

"She did what?" Lily asks, perplexed. "You can't be serious."

"Lily, what the hell? I'm not Sirius, I'm James!" she slaps his arm and rolls her eyes. "No, but seriously," she shoots him a look and he fights to keep the laughter in, "I solemnly swear that Marlene jumped onstage and performed - and I mean choreography and all - Womanizer to Sirius."

Lily chuckles and shakes her head. "Well, it's not like he doesn't deserve it."

They get into the arena and she pulls him by the hand towards their seats, stopping every once in a while to take a picture with a fan or greet an athlete they know.

When they get to their seats, most of the gang is there, save for Peter and Mary, who was on another rink having extra training sessions.

"Hey, where's Pete?" asks James once they've greeted everyone.

"I dunno," says Remus. "He's been acting weird, it's like we never see him anymore."

James nods in agreement and drops on the chair between Lily and Frank. The latter turns to him and nudges him with his shoulder. "Had fun last night, huh?"

"Yeah, Sirius really let loose yesterday. It was hilarious," he responds, ready to launch into the stories from the night before again.

Frank just hums as he scrolls through his phone before finding what he was looking for and turning the device in James' direction. "Yeah, we can see that."

It's a video from the karaoke bar last night. The person began filming the environment in general but soon the camera zooms in on him and Emmeline dancing together in front of the stage. He's twirling her and they're both laughing when she loses her footing and he grabs her by the waist, instinctively pulling her close.

The person filming screams and the video cuts off shortly after that.

"Wait… who's that?" he didn't realise Lily was watching the video over his shoulder.

He turns to her, running his hand through his hair. "That's… Emmeline Vance."

She still looks lost. "Okay, but who is she? How did you meet?"

Their friends exchange looks, amused by Lily's sudden interest in the situation.

"She's a snowboarder from team Canada, she was there with the other athletes yesterday," James explains like it's no big deal. Because it's not, of course. Why would it be?

"Oh… okay," and just like that she's back to looking intently out at the arena.

As if on cue, the girl of the hour herself comes up the stairs and shouts James' name.

Lily's head snaps to the right along with James', and for some reason feels her stomach drop when she sees the beautiful brunette greet James with a dazzling smile. Her eyes shift to her partner's face and sees his own responding smile. It's a big one, bigger than usual. She doesn't have time to think about what it means or how she feels about it, because the girl is already talking again.

"I see you made it out alive, after all," she teases him from the corridor, and James has turned his entire body in her direction, consequently turning his back to Lily.

She can only hear his voice when he scoffs and charmingly runs his hands through his hair, messing it up to make it look like he just stepped out of the ice. "Barely. I think I've gone partially deaf."

Emmeline's responding laugh grates through Lily's insides like sour lemon juice. "Yeah, that Bohemian Rhapsody duet with me and Benjy killed all of us in the end."

The conversation goes on for a couple more minutes and everyone but the James and Emmeline is silent, sometime Alice glances at Lily, who hasn't made a sound since the other girl arrived.

Eventually, James seems to remember about her existence. Emmeline is about to leave when he turns to Lily and his eyes widen a little. "Hey, Em!" oh, they're on nickname basis now? Lily thinks bitterly. "I didn't introduce you to Lily! Lily, Emmeline. Emmeline, Lily."

They're too far away to even attempt a handshake so they settle for giving each other a nod and a weak wave. Emmeline immediately turns to James with yet another brilliant smile before saying goodbye and continuing her way upstairs to meet her teammates.

James straightens himself in his seat and looks around at his friends. "She's alright, yeah?" he only gets a few mumbles as response, seemingly the only one not noticing Lily's quiet mood.

The conversation gets - thankfully - cut short when the teams begin entering the ice, and they all turn their attention fully to the game that's about to start.

After that, she's everywhere.

She's there after practice, popping up at the rink so she can show James around town some more.

She's there at every single game they go to.

She's there when they leave the village to grab something to eat.

She's there when they go to the gym.

Every-fucking-where.

"I'm seriously scared she's gonna come out of my closet anytime now, Mar," Lily is laying on Marlene's bed scrolling through her phone.

"I'm sure you're exaggerating, Lils," Marlene says from the floor, where she's doing pushups.

Lily scoffs before leaning over and showing her phone screen to her friend. "Trust me, I'm not."

Marlene leans on an elbow before taking the phone from Lily's outstretched arm and scrolling through the article. "Bloody- that's a lot of pictures."

"See?" Lily says once Marlene has handed back her phone. "I'm not crazy."

"Not crazy crazy, just crazy jealous," she replies matter-of-factly.

Lily makes an indignant noise and turns her head to look at Marlene. "I am not jealous. Why would I be?"

"C'mon, Lily," she looks at the redhead with a 'quit the bullshit' expression. "You know why, I'm not gonna spell it out for you."

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Uh huh. You can lie to me all you want, just don't lie to yourself. You've been doing this for long enough," she looks at Lily with a raised eyebrow, "haven't you?"

Lily sets her phone down and looks up at the ceiling, letting out a sigh. This is not the right time. But when exactly is it gonna be the right time, then?

There's two days left before the final.

They're panting in the middle of the rink as McGonagall makes them repeat and repeat and repeat their routine until there is absolutely no room for mistakes.

"Don't forget about your facial expressions!" their coach yells for the fifth time in the last fifteen minutes.

Lily leans forward with her hands on her knees, clearly exhausted.

"Hey Minnie, can we take five?" James asks and only gets a curt nod as a response before McGonagall turns to look at Remus' annotations. He skates closer to Lily, rubbing her back lightly. "Want me to get you some water?"

She shakes her head, her breath slowly evening out. "No, I just need a minute," she straightens her back and he moves his hands to her shoulders, trying to get rid of some of the tension in her muscles. "Oh, this is good. Keep going."

He chuckles a little. "As you wish, m'am."

"Hey, what are you doing after this? We should hang out, watch a movie in my room or something," she says, turning her head to the right so she could see him.

He takes a while to answer, finishing his ministrations on her shoulders and circling around so he could be in front of her. "Umm, Emmeline invited me to a sort-of-party on team Canada's headquarters," her face falls a little at that. She doesn't know why she's still surprised. "But I can ditch that and we can totally stay in and watch something," he offers when he sees the look on her face.

She fights to put a convincing smile on. "No! You should totally go," he doesn't look the slightest bit convinced, so she reinforces it. "I mean it! I'll just ask Mary or Dorcas instead, it's okay."

"Okay, if you're sure…"

"I am, I really am," it hurts to smile.

The conversation is cut short when McGonagall announces the end of the five-minute break, calling them back into action.

It's another hour before Minerva considers the routine satisfying, and the only thing Lily wants is to take a steaming hot shower and bury herself into her bed.

They take off their skating blades and grab their gym bags before heading for the exit, walking side by side. Emmeline is already waiting for James when they open the doors, and it hurts Lily to see him walk off with her.

Maybe Marlene was right.

She ends up spending the night alone in her bedroom, not really feeling like calling her friends after all.

The sadness she felt when she saw James walking away with Emmeline morphs into anger. It's not even about Emmeline, really.

It's just that this is supposed to be their last Olympics, their last year in competition. They were supposed to go through this together, like they always have. Before they got here, he took any and every opportunity to argue against stopping, begging her to reconsider.

Well, he doesn't seem to care much about that - or her, for that matter - now. They were supposed to go through this together, but instead the only time she'll see him is when they're practicing. They hardly ever spend time together outside of the rink.

So when she arrives at the rink the next day, she treats him like most ice dancers treat their partners. With professionalism.

She doesn't chat with him before they begin practice. In fact, by the time he arrives, she's already begun warming up, doing laps around the ice. He joins her with his usual "hey, Lils" and she speeds up with nothing but a curt "good morning" thrown his way.

He frowns and catches up with her. "Lils?" her only response is a hum of acknowledgement. "Is something wrong?" his hands fidget at his side, as though he has to physically hold back from holding her.

She barely glances at him when she answers. "No, I'm just focused, you know," she sees McGonagall and Remus arrive at the boards and heads in their direction without another word, leaving James even more confused.

After they've gone through the critical routine points, the skaters take centre ice and wait for the music to start. Lily's determined to get everything right, letting the character take over while they dance.

It's harder than she expected, her being in the mood she's in. She realises she wasn't lying when she told that reporter that the song was easy to relate for her- for them.

McGonagall only has to correct a few minor position mistakes and she feels confident that they're just about ready to go, but of course she'll make them do it a couple more times just to be sure.

They're going through the routine one last time, readying themselves for one of their spins when the door suddenly opens loudly and they lose their grip on each other, luckily sliding out of reach of each other before any accidents could happen.

Four heads turn in the door's direction and Emmeline stands there with an apologetic expression on her face. "Sorry, the door was stuck and…" she trails off, blushing under the four stares.

Lily rolls her eyes. "Deal with it," she says to James before skating to the boards. "Are we done? I need to rest for tomorrow and we've already done this a thousand times," McGonagall nods and dismisses her to the locker room.

Meanwhile, James is already at the opposite side of the boards. "What the hell, Emmeline?" he struggles to keep his voice low. "We've got blades under our feet, you can't scare us like that!"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I called you and you weren't picking up so I figured you were at practice and I wanted to see you skate and-"

"Emmeline," he interrupts, taking a deep breath and grabbing a handful of his hair. "This is our final practice before our performance tomorrow. A gold medal performance. Do you understand that?" she nods, he eyes wide. "What if I'd surprised you in the middle of one of your jumps and you'd broken a bone? What then?"

"Okay, that's enough. I understand," she says in a quiet voice. "I'm gonna leave now."

James knows she hadn't meant to scare them, and he knows she's waiting for him to stop her from leaving. But he doesn't. Lily could've been seriously hurt and he could never live with himself if that happened because of him.

He heads for the locker room to check on her.

As soon as Lily puts on her blade guards, she stomps over to the locker room and sits on one of the benches. She starts to furiously pull at her shoelaces and rips off her skates from her feet.

She knows she has no real right to be angry at James. At least the rational part of her knows this, but she's not feeling very rational at the moment. She fights angry tears as she takes off her sweaty shirt and blindly pulls a sweatshirt over her head.

It's only when she goes to the sink to splash some water on her face that she realises what she chose to wear. It's one of James' Puddlemore United jumpers. She remembers she stole it from him when they were eighteen, when they'd lost a competition and went out for pizza in the middle of the night.

They discovered then that Moscow was a cold city, and of course it started snowing and they almost got hypothermia because they were dumb and didn't think it would be that cold in fucking Russia in the middle of winter. But James has always been James and he turned the situation around, making snow angels in the middle of a park while she almost died of laughter when he only managed to get his clothes all dirty with mud.

It clashes horribly with her red hair, and it lost his scent years ago, but it brings back memories of a simpler time. Before the Olympics, before they became so messy. She wishes she could go back. Back then, she'd already thought they'd gone through a lot. That was six years ago.

She shakes her head and opens the tap, feeling the freezing water hit her skin when she splashes it on her face. It doesn't make her feel better at all. She finishes stuffing her things on her gym bag and hoists it over her shoulder when the door opens and James makes a beeline to her.

She speaks before he has the chance to. "Where's your girlfriend?" she looks him straight in the eye and he frowns, genuinely confused.

"She's not my girlfriend," he says matter-of-factly. "I've only known her for like a week, Lily."

"Really? 'Cause it feels like a lifetime," she snaps back sharply.

His frown deepens and he takes a step back. "What is it with you today?"

She lets out a dry laugh. "Me? How about we talk about you, huh?"

"What about me?"

"Oh, just how we only see each other when we're in practice? Or when you blow me off constantly to spend your time with that Vance girl?" he opens his mouth but she lifts a finger to cut him off. "Whatever happened to 'we're doing this together'?"

"We- we are, Lily," he doesn't understand what's happening. Why she chose to do this now, a day before their free skate.

"Really? 'Cause I've been feeling pretty abandoned this whole week," she can't cry, not right now. "A week ago you were begging me to reconsider retirement, and now it looks like you can barely wait to get rid of me."

His eyes search her face, as they always do when they're not understanding each other. Her eyes, he just needs her eyes. But even though she's right there, it doesn't feel like she is. "Why didn't you say something sooner, then? Why wait until today?"

"Oh, I didn't want to interrupt the lovebirds," she's still using her sarcastic voice and he hates it so much.

"Cut the crap, Lily," he hardens his voice a little, tired of being beaten up. "Just say what you want to say already."

"Yeah? Alright, then," she squares her shoulders, lifting her chin up. "Do you remember the last time you mixed feelings with a skating season? A skating final?" it's a low blow, and she knows it. The minute she sees the flicker of pain in his eyes, she wants to take it back.

"Really? You're going there?" he wants to hate her, oh how he does.

She doesn't back down. "I just think you should consider other people's feelings every once in a while."

He throws his hands up exasperatedly. "What the hell does that mean, Lily?" he all but screams.

"Me, James! Me!" she matches his tone. "Did you think about me? At all?" she hates it that her voice cracks and she can't cry, she can't.

He just stares at her for a while, still searching her face, looking for her eyes. She's almost there, the wall she put up almost completely down. "Lily, what-"

She blinks and just like that the wall is back up. "Stop. Forget about it."

"No, Lily. Please, just talk to me," he steps in front of her when she tries to sidestep him.

She looks up at him. "Just please forget I said anything. I'll see you tomorrow before the final."

He stays silent as she finally manages to sidestep him and leave through the door. James stares at the place she was standing in for a few moments, trying to put his feelings, his thoughts in order. Just when he thinks he's got them all figured out, she goes and pulls the whole fucking world from under his feet.

He doesn't want to leave this conversation for tomorrow, the chance for disaster is too big. He sits on the bench and practically tears his skates off his feet, leaving them on the floor and sprinting for the exit in his socks. Maybe she hasn't left yet, he thinks. Her name is already halfway up his throat when he throws the doors open and looks around for her.

The last thing he sees is her red hair disappearing inside a car.

Lily saw him, of course she did. When doesn't she?

She wants to yell at the cab driver to stop the car. She wants to open the door and run to him and apologize for being horrible. She wants to tell him every damn thought running through her head, even though she knows she would sound crazy.

She doesn't do any of those things, she just sits there looking at the rearview mirror and hates herself. She hates herself because she knows she's a coward, and selfish, and a hypocrite.

She has no right to demand anything from him. To demand that he's supposed to wait around for her to change her mind and fall in love with him. Christ, she has no right at all to demand love from him.

She knows he loves her, she's not stupid. It's the in part that scares her. She waited nearly ten years to realise she's in love with him, and that's her own fault.

The first thing she does when she gets to her room is get her scrapbook from the bottom of her big suitcase. Because of course she's been doing this scrapbook for the last eight years, gathering all sorts of photos and little memories of them over the years.

The tears start coming as soon as she opens the cover and sees the first page. It's their first photo together, and she laughs through the tears as she remembers the day their parents made their partnership official. She looks so angry and he looks so smug, it's almost comic.

She flips through the pages and watches the years pass by, seeing James and her grow up right in front of her own eyes. She fingers the white ribbon she wore on her hair when they won their first Junior Worlds, the frayed fabric pinned beside a picture of them mid-performance.

She laughs again when she reads the little note attached by a picture from one of their many photoshoots. 'hey, evans. you don't look half bad today ;)' is scribbled in his messy handwriting, and he's such a ridiculous idiot for using emojis in handwritten notes.

She continues to flip through the pages until she reaches the last one. The whole page is already decorated, the only part missing is the square in the middle of it. It's reserved for their podium picture in their last Olympics, and she puts her hand over the empty space, wondering if they'll even get one.

She closes the scrapbook, tossing it aside and flopping down on the bed. A few pictures get loose from inside the book and scatter on the carpeted floor. She looks at the memories strewn around her and a few sobs make their way up her throat.

Her phone starts buzzing on the bedside table and James' goofy face appears on the screen. She lets it ring until it goes to voicemail, and a few moments later the screen lights up again to indicate that a new voice message has arrived.

Before she loses the little courage she has, she leans over to snatch the phone and clicks on the notification before the screen goes dark again. She puts the phone on her ear and James' voice reaches her.

"Lily, please pick up," he sounds slightly winded. "You know we can't skate like this, it'll be shitshow. Please, Lils. Please just talk to me," his voice cracks a little and she feels even guiltier.

The line goes dead and she wants to call him back, she really does. But she can't talk to him in this state, because nothing makes sense and she's too scared to say anything.

She needs a distraction. She needs to think about something else and she needs to stop crying.

She needs to figure out what the fuck she's doing.

James, unsurprisingly, can't sleep at all that night. Which sucks, 'cause he has an Olympic final right after noon.

After tossing and turning all night, he looks at the clock and groans at the time. He gives up on sleeping altogether and gets up, putting on his team UK sweats and heading to the dining hall to get some late breakfast.

He's just sat down on an empty table to eat his banana yogurt when Sirius slides up in the booth in front of him and just stares at him with an amused expression.

James frowns and looks down at himself, checking if he didn't have his shirt inside out or something like that. "Uh… why are you looking at me like that?" he asks when he comes to the conclusion that everything looks normal.

"Nothing, just waiting for you to tell me what happened between you and Lily."

"How do you know anything happened at all?" James raises an eyebrow.

His best friend rolls his eyes. "Either something happens or someone hacked into Lily's twitter account."

James' confused expression doesn't fade as he fishes his phone out of his pocket and opens the app and searches for Lily's profile.

"Her last post was before we got here, what are you talking about?" he says after a few seconds.

Sirius leans forward, grabbing the phone and tapping it a couple of times, ignoring James' attempts at getting his phone back.

"Wait a second," he lifts one finger without looking up. "Wait… yep, there it is," he turns the phone in James' direction, showing a tweet with pictures of him and Lily and him and Emmeline.

James cocks his head to the side to look at Sirius. "So? What does that prove?"

Sirius lets out an exasperated breath and shoves the phone into James' hand. "Read it, and then scroll down some more."

James sighs and looks down at the phone in his hand. It's nothing he hasn't seen before, just some fans giving their opinions on his and Lily's relationships.

jilyfan: look at the way he looks at emm*line and the way he looks at lily! no comparison #jilyforever #emmeLAMES

Below the tweet are two photos, side by side. The first one is a picture of him talking to Emmeline at Marlene's game, and she's talking excitedly about something while he listens patiently, but barely looks at her. The second one is a random shot of him and Lily during an interview, and they're both looking at each other and smiling softly, like they have a secret no one else knows about.

He continues scrolling, quickly reading the tweets and replies from the fans.

evansandpotter: GOD, lily must be feeling devastated seeing james with that girl

lilypotter13: james potter wyd with that girl man? lily's right there

That last one is followed by a slightly blurry shot of James talking to Emmeline with his back turned towards Lily at Sirius' game.

He hands the phone back to Sirius. "Again: what does that prove?" he asks, starting to get annoyed at all the suspense his friend is making. "This is just internet stuff, the fans do it all the time."

"You were going through Lily's likes on twitter, actually," Sirius says smugly, leaving James at a loss of words. "Yeah, shit just hit the fan. Your fans are freaking out about this."

James taps the notification bar and feels his jaw start to drop. "My mentions are all over the place," he looks up to Sirius before looking back down at his phone. "Shit, I gotta go talk to Lily."

"Before or after your appointment with the physiotherapist? Isn't that in, like, 10 minutes?" Sirius says looking at an imaginary watch on his wrist.

James checks the time on his phone and curses, turning on his heel and speeding back to his room before Madam Pomfrey, his physiotherapist, gets there and gives him a lecture on punctuality.

He silently curses McGonagall for making separate appointments for him and Lily.

James spends the entire session reaching for his phone and barely paying attention to the exercises. Madam Pomfrey is on the verge of killing James when she finally dismisses him.

As soon as she gathers her equipments and leaves the room, he rushes to his phone and dials Lily's number again, feeling his heart sink with every second she doesn't pick up.

Meanwhile, Marlene stares at Lily expectantly from her place on the bed beside her friend. "You're not gonna get that?"

Lily is decidedly not looking at her buzzing phone on the bed, and waits until the buzzing stops before answering. "No, he knows where to find me," she says with a sigh. "I have to focus on our performance today."

Marlene raises her eyebrows at Lily. "You do remember the last time you skated like this, right?" Lily only throws her a sideways glance, a warning in her eyes. "I know it was like eight years ago, but I thought you wouldn't want to risk it again," Marlene goes on in spite of Lily's expression.

Lily stays silent for a few seconds before sighing and turning to look at her friend. "It's better this way," she does her best to sound sure of it, and Marlene does her best not to look incredulous.

Marlene throws her hands up and prepares to get up from the bed. "Okay, it's your call," Lily looks at Marlene with a questioning stare and the latter pauses on the way out. "You need to think and I need to go to the gym so I can make it back in time to watch you two doofuses skate."

Lily only nods in goodbye and waits until the door closes behind Marlene to shift her eyes down to her phone. She stares at it for so long she actually loses focus and starts to let her mind drift off. Just as she begins to let herself think about the possibility of calling James back, her phone starts vibrating again and startles her.

She jerks back into reality and grabs her phone, answering it without checking for the caller. "Potter, for fuck's sake," she starts with a low voice, "if you want to talk to me, just come to my room and do it. We can't do this over the phone," she waits for the sound of his voice to come but the other end of the line remains silent. Just as she's about to start talking again, a smooth voice floats into her ear.

"Jesus, Lily. What did I ever do to you?"

Lily frowns and takes the phone out of her ear to look at the screen, finding Marlene's bright smile and blue eyes staring back at her. "Marls? What the hell?"

"I was just calling to ask if I forgot my charger in your room, no need to attack me like that, you know," Lily rolls her eyes at Marlene's tone as she turns her head from one side to the other to look for the charger.

"No, Mar. I don't see it here," Lily says when she's finally done a full visual swipe of the room.

"Okay, then," Marlene says but doesn't hang up.

"What, Mckinnon?" Lily asks in an impatient voice.

"Well… nothing. Just wondering whether you're actually gonna tell James that or what."

Lily sighs and closes her eyes. "Like I said, he knows where to find me and I'm not doing this over the phone. I've got to concentrate."

Marlene hums and sighs dramatically. "Okay, then. You call the shots, right? Alright, I'm gonna go now," she says. "Think about it, and try not to panic, okay? Love you, bye."

Lily mumbles a reply before hanging up and sighs before getting up and grabbing her little notepad on the bedside table. She starts going through her checklist, checking her bag for all of her competition essentials. She does it four times before finally admitting to herself that she's procrastinating.

She just has to keep her mind occupied until they get on the ice, no big deal. Focus on the routine and win gold. Easy enough.

James gives up on calling Lily after about six tries.

He knows she tends to run away from feelings, and it's better if he doesn't pressure her about it. Especially right before their olympic final.

So he focuses on their performance, and does his best to act normal around Lily when they go to the arena. He can see how nervous she is, like she expects him to corner her right then and there to demand she talk to him.

The whole process of getting ready seems to take twice as long to go by, but suddenly it's like he blinked and they're being ushered to the mixed area, standing by the boards side by side.

James can feel the nervousness and agitation radiating off of her the whole time, and it's only making him anxious too. He takes her hand and gingerly turns her body towards his, ignoring the slight jerk in her arm at the contact.

She hesitates to meet his eyes at first, but his voice visibly relaxes her. "Lily, look at me," she looks up at him, meeting his unreserved hazel eyes.

His gaze disarms her, and before she can think, she's already opening her mouth. "James, I'm so sorry-" is all she manages to get out before he interrupts her.

"Lily, no," her mouth is still half open when she frowns up at him. "I want you to forget about the last 24 hours, okay?" he squeezes her hand just a little bit, and she squeezes his right back. "We can deal with that later, but right now it's just us. You and me," his eyes are fixated in hers, and he wills himself to put every feeling he has right there for her to see.

"You and me," she echoes, feeling like, for the first time in what feels like years, they're really together. Suddenly she can breathe again.

"Alright?" he asks, needing her to confirm that she's okay. She nods and manages to smile a little at him. "Now close your eyes and listen to the crowd," he pulls her arm, making her face the boards again.

She closes her eyes and just breathes in the energy of the crowd, feeling every single shout seep into her soul and light her up from the inside. She squeezes James' hand, asking him if he feels it too. He doesn't hesitate to squeeze right back, silently telling her that yes, Lils. I feel it too.

After a while she opens her eyes again to find him looking straight at her. Her heart starts beating fast and she embraces the feeling, smiling at him and squeezing his hand one more time. She doesn't know how she ever thought that feeling of abundance she got before stepping on the ice came from anywhere but the boy standing next to her.

"Thanks, James," she pulls him closer, wrapping her arms around him and burying her face on his chest.

He puts his chin on the top of her head, thanking every god in existence for putting this girl into his life. "Anytime, Lils."

They stay like that for a couple of minutes, just enjoying the familiar feeling of being in each other's arms and voiding their minds of the tension that settled between them the day before.

James feels a hand on his shoulder and opens his eyes, turning his head to face Remus' light brown eyes. His friend gives him a little nod and signals in the rink's direction, indicating that it's time to begin.

Lily can feel James move during the silent exchange, but she doesn't give any indication of moving herself, choosing to act oblivious in order to remain comfortably buried in James' chest. She's forced out of her position when he moves his hands to her shoulder and lightly pushes her off him.

She can feel his breath on her face when he drops his head to place a kiss on her forehead before grabbing her hand and squeezing it. "Ready, Evans?"

She squeezes his hand right back, giving him one last look before facing the ice. "Ready," she says determinedly.

Without unclasping their hands, the pair takes off their blade guards and, as one, step on the ice for their final olympic program.

The roar of the crowd slowly backs down in volume as they finish their laps and head for their positions in centre ice.

Lily roots herself to the ice, feeling the familiar cold caress her skin as she fixes her arms and legs into the starting position. She lifts her head, green eyes meeting hazel ones and the intensity of it nearly knocks the breath out of her lungs.

Their hearts beat exactly three times before the soft notes of the piano echo through the arena.

This moment seems to take an eternity to pass, as if the universe is giving them one last chance to memorize the sounds, smells, colours and exact intensity of the electrifying chill that comes before you make a dream come true.

At the same time, it's as if it was yesterday that that insufferable boy with mischief in his eyes offered her his hand to hold, his shoulder to cry on, his heart to have and all the trust a human being could possibly have in another. It's the most powerful feeling in the world, truly knowing someone.

With her, James shared pains, took both of their insecurities as his most important enemy and always knew how to make every sad situation just a little less sad.

Lily stares at her partner and best friend one last time, in the most eternal millisecond before the music starts to guide her thoughts, soft piano notes filling the rink, the stands and their hearts. Most of all, she felt grateful for absolutely everything.

Even if her heart breaks in the end, it has been an honour to have all of her firsts - the important ones, at least - with the man who was there for all of the seconds and thirds and everything that came after. And now he's here for one last dance.

But leaving this situation with a broken heart seems like such a scary option. When she was a kid, Lily witnessed a conversation between her parents and one of her many aunts. The woman had said something like "She was his first love, and first loves are always destined to end, that's why it's called a first love." Later that day she asked her mother if one could ever have a single last love, without having the first, as that one was doomed to end. Mrs. Evans laughed and said:

"You know how you and James sometimes practice on a frozen lake and some parts the ice is thinner and begins to break?"

"Yes."

"When that happens, you can either stay together with your hands clasped and try to find a safer spot or let go of each other because you're lighter apart and have a smaller chance of falling, right? Love is like that lake and there are some people that let go of each other when they cross it, just as there are some that stick together and never let go."

"James would never let go of me, he's too stubborn," she'd said, still stuck on the literal part of the explanation. Her mother smiled again.

"Then you have nothing to worry about. Your first love might very well be your last."

She considered what she heard and suddenly got horrified.

"It's not gonna me him, right? James?"

"I don't know, honey."

"Ew, if it is I won't kiss him until i find someone better, who doesn't put toads in my locker."

It just happened that there's no such thing as someone better than James. And the thin ice had never seemed so scary.

Oblivious to these thoughts, James winks at her mid-step, and the corners of his mouth lift just a little bit, a secretive smirk meant just for her. As always, he's taking the sad part off competing for the last time.

So much of their routines is making everything seem effortless and fluid when everything is so intricate and delicate. And wasn't that a metaphor for their whole relationship?

Of course this didn't mean that their relationship was fake or forced. Every moment between them was genuine. But during their seventeen years together, there just seemed to always be some unspoken thing between them. And every time they got close to it, they took several steps backwards.

And Lily is tired of stepping back.

The transition is soft and almost imperceptible, but Lily's trained ears pick up the slight shift in the melody, preparing for the lyrical part of the song.

Close your eyes, in shallow light

And lately I want to dream

Will you stay with me

Or turn and leave?

James' fingers tighten around her, silently begging Lily to stay with him and never leave his side. It's such a familiar feeling, being in his arms. She wonders how she ever thought she could live without him.

What if love is a feeling to believe in?

What if love is a feeling

That brings us all down to our knees?

Is that so wrong?

The lyrics seep into Lily's soul, truly making sense to her now. She's looking at James and it's like she's seeing him for the first time. This wonderful, wonderful boy. What's wrong with loving him?

If I had to fight and stand alone

And keep you right

I would keep your heart and hold it tight

With all my mind

She thinks about how he was always there for her, even when she gave him every reason to abandon her. Still, he just kept supporting her, protecting her, lifting her up in every sense of the word.

What if love is a feeling to believe in?
What if love is a feeling
That brings us all down to our knees?
Is that so wrong?

Lily admits her defeat, at last dropping to her knees and surrendering herself to her feelings. James follows her movements, never taking his eyes off her as he grips her waist and glues their bodies together, his free hand finding its way into her hair and bringing their foreheads together.

They're breathless, and ecstatic, and the crowd is loud and she can't stop smiling and all she can think about is James James James.

It's impulsive and sudden, but Lily's tired of her damn impulse control stopping her from doing what she wants. Their lips meet and it's a familiar and foreign feeling at the same time.

Seventeen years. Seventeen years learning every curve, edge and crook in his body. Seventeen years doing nothing but build intimacy and knowing each other in such a deep level that no one else could ever begin to understand.

But this. This part of him was uncharted territory and she wanted to send the universe to hell, drag him to a dark corner and explore this part of him until she died of happiness.

The kiss is sudden and quick and it leaves James' in such a state that by the time he finally begins to tighten his arms around Lily, she's already pulling away and once again fixing her stare in his eyes.

She's right in front of him and his eyes search her face a thousand times for some sort of answer. His brain frantically taking in every single small thing about this moment, cataloguing it all in a special folder so he'll remember everything about this.

From the sweat in her skin to the matted hair glued to her neck to the look of sheer happiness on her face. He wants to remember it all until the day he dies.

She starts to get up, never losing her grip on him. He follows her, still bewildered and wide-eyed. "Tell me this wasn't just some way to give the audience a grand finale."

"I mean, I could say that, but then I would be lying," he still looks dumbstruck, and she traces her fingers from his wild hair to his clean shaven cheek. "James, I don't want to lie anymore," his eyes are begging her to tell him the truth.

So she does.

"I love you, James Potter," she says after a deep breath. "I'm in love with you and I'm terrified that it's too late and I've already lost you. I can't-"

He finally snaps himself out of his state of shock, and he does the only possible thing he could do at that moment: he grabs Lily's face and kisses her.

Lily can't help but laugh into the kiss, grabbing the back of his neck and burying her hands in his impossible hair, bringing him as close as he could possibly be to her body.

Reality seems to finally dawn on them, and they remember where they are and the sounds come crashing down on the little bubble they share.

The Olympics.

Right.

Their final performance.

Of course.

James winks at Lily, trying to act cool but the effect is lost on the huge smile taking up his entire face and being. He grabs her hand and twirls her, the pair taking the final bows of their career.

He pulls her to him for a final kiss before leaving the ice, but she stops him when he starts to skate forward.

"Hey, aren't you gonna say something?" she feels stupid for feeling insecure. He just kissed her - twice - in front of the whole world and she still needs some sort of verbal confirmation.

His smile gets impossibly wider, and he knows damn well that they're taking too much time and the other skaters must hate them, but all he cares about is this wonderful girl in front of him.

So he stops and takes his time, lifting her head so he can look straight into her eyes. "Lils, I don't know how to say this, but… I've been in love with you for more years than I can count in my two hands. I've been loving you for so long that the thought of loving someone else is completely insane to me," there are tears gathering in her eyes, and he lightly brushes his thumb in her cheek when one of them escapes. "It's you, Lily. It's you and me and nothing else matters."

He can't contain the tears gathering in his eyes, and soon they're both crying and hugging and kissing and they can hear the crowd and- is that Sirius' voice screaming at them?

And it's perfect.

You and me, they'd promised. And it's simple as breathing. You just have to not think about the mechanics of being James and Lily.

phew, i can't believe it's over

i started writing this fic back in march, and it's the first one i ever wrote in my life. i had a big ass writer's block that lasted for MONTHS and i want to thank each and every one of you who read this, left kudos, commented and i want to give a special thanks to whoever nominated this for the jily fandom awards. really, thank you SO MUCH.

you guys don't know how happy i am rn dhsghjkfhd

anyways, i hope you enjoyed it and i hope the ending is a good one for this rollercoaster fic.

please tell me what you think!