Disclaimer: Characters are the property of AWM & ABC.
What If…?
Chapter 2: In Hopeful Expectation
The red tissue paper rustles like autumn leaves as Castle unwinds it from around the bottle of wine.
He looks pleased to see her, only perhaps a little too cautious, as he leads her over to the kitchen, his bare feet padding quietly across the hardwood floor, their height almost matched since she has the advantage offered by high heels this time.
Kate wants him to wants things again, to expect things from her. She needs him to. But she can see from his whole demeanor that he's being careful, reigning in his expectations in case he's misreading the signs.
She thinks maybe she'll just have to get bigger signs.
"Wow! Someone's been paying attention," he says, eyes reaching for hers the second he scans the fancy wine label, impressed by this important little detail she evidently picked up on years ago and filed away under 'Castle likes' for some future use.
"Detective, remember?" she shrugs. "Part of the job…retaining quirky details," she teases, trying to play it down a little so as not to embarrass him. Though from the delighted look on his face, embarrassed is the last thing he is.
She runs her nail along the edge of the marble countertop, holding on with her other hand to prevent her from visibly shaking. Eventually, she gives in, and sinks down onto a stool to stop her knees from buckling.
"Quirky? Huh?" He watches her for a second, before looking back down at the bottle. "This is an expensive bottle of wine, Kate."
"Then I hope you have an equally impressive gourmet popcorn to accompany it?" she replies with a slow smile, flushing with pride as he caresses the word 'contrôlé' with the tip of his finger, as if reading braille, before circling his thumb over the crossed keys of the raised papal crest that sits just below the neck of the dark green bottle.
"Think I have just the thing," he says, placing the wine down carefully on the counter.
When he stretches up to reach the top shelf of the pantry, Kate takes the opportunity to check her partner out, now that his back is to her. His robe rides up a little, exposing the pale, soft skin behind each knee, the strong curve of definition to his calf muscles now that he's on tiptoe, and the…
"Beckett? I thought staring was considered creepy behavior?"
"Depends who's doing the staring," she fires back, immediately trying to cover her tracks, trying to act as if she doesn't care that he caught her watching him.
She tilts her head to the side, still looking at him, considering, while her heart races wildly.
"You insinuating that my stare is somehow more creepy than yours?"
"Not insinuating, Castle," she smirks, crossing her arms, feeling the thud of her heart inside her chest.
"Right," he chokes, staring down at the bag of gourmet popcorn in his hands. "Sea salt and balsamic vinegar okay?" he asks, thrusting the pale blue and cream striped bag towards her, suddenly feeling incredibly exposed under her watchful gaze.
Since when did Kate Beckett get so brazen and so confident?
"Got a bowl for this? Or…we eating straight out of the bag?" she teases.
"Bowl, bowl, bowl?" he chants to himself, spinning in a panicked little circle, nerves getting the better of him, before he slides over to another cabinet and lifts down two white bowls.
Kate relaxes a little, knowing that he's just as nervous as her evidently, maybe even more so, and it helps her confidence a lot knowing that she's the one wearing more clothes right now.
"Two?" she asks, when he slides the bowls towards her across the island, looking at them as if she expected one baby and the doctor just handed her twins. "Thought maybe we could…you know…share?"
Oh god. Nothing ever seemed so erotic to Richard Castle as this moment right here, and he can't quite believe how low his expectations have plummeted. He thinks he was probably in high school the last time sharing popcorn with a woman seemed this hot.
"Share? Sure. Sure we can share. Sharing is good. Sharing is…caring…" he squeaks, in a pointless ramble of words.
"Castle," Kate says, snapping him out of his tailspin. "How about that big bowl on the top shelf?" she suggests, pointing past him, unable to disguise the silly smile on her face at his floundering panic. "The one with 'popcorn' painted on the side?" she adds helpfully.
When he stretches up again, she takes another opportunity to give him the once over, checking for the outline of any clothing underneath his robe this time. But the plush fabric is so thick and typically Castle-luxurious that she can't get a proper read on it.
"Thought x-ray vision was standard NYPD issue these days," he says, catching her out again and calling her on it. A small act of revenge for the way she's been running rings around him since she arrived.
"Only Sergeants and above, I'm afraid," Kate sighs in mock disappointment, shaking her head ruefully, as she fights to get the heat warming her cheeks under control, since he basically just caught her ogling him for the second time in the space of a minute.
"I should probably go put something on," he says, tying the belt a little tighter around him, sounding a little defeated or apologetic, though she can tell he doesn't really mean it.
What he really means is: I'm comfortable if you're comfortable, and maybe…
"Unless…" he suddenly says, with the tone of a lightbulb moment.
"Unless?" asks Kate, swallowing hard, her cheeks flushing furiously this time she's sure, as her heart starts beating so rapidly that she thinks she might pass out.
'Unless what, Castle?' her brain is screaming.
"I have a matching robe…I could, or rather you could…"
"You don't like my shirt?" she rebounds automatically, looking down at the slightly straining top button on her tight fitting, white work shirt, trying, trying, to get herself under control here, because it would be so goddamn easy to just lose it right now, and blurt out something really stupid; something she's not sure either of them are ready to hear.
"No. No. Your shirt is… I think your shirt is awesome," he ends up says, stupidly, staring at the tiny straining button as if he might be able to make it pop with the power of his mind alone.
"Awesome?" repeats Kate slowly, with a lift of her eyebrows, trying to suppress a laugh, because she's also pretty sure that laughing at him won't do any good at this moment either. Not for his poor, fragile ego and damaged self-confidence.
"I wouldn't have gone that far…but my shirt thanks you for the compliment," she says graciously, biting her lip to hold in her laughter, even though he can see it dancing in her eyes.
"So, that's a no to the robe then? Just to clarify."
"Castle, I just got here and you're trying to get me naked already?"
He chokes while she smirks.
"Let's take things one step at a time, shall we? Save the matching clothes for…later," she suggests, enjoying the pink flush this possibility sends spreading up his neck and along his jaw.
"Sorry, I didn't mean…"
"I know what you meant. Relax. I'm just teasing," she reassures him, leaning across the island to pat his hand.
"About which part?" he asks, looking down at his own hand, which is now covered by hers.
Kate doesn't have an answer for his question, because words aren't making any sense to her, especially since he just flipped his hand over and is now cradling hers, palm-to-palm, his warm thumb stroking the small hollow between the joints at the top of her pinky and ring fingers.
Kate is vaguely aware of breathing in and out, and she is definitely aware of her heart pumping blood around her body, because she can hear it pounding in her ears. The air is thick with tension, the loft seems unbearably warm all of a sudden, and when she lifts her eyes from staring down at their joined hands to look at Castle's face, she finds him doing the exact same thing.
And it's as if a tipping point has been reached, a fork in the road, the domino effect…or maybe it's chaos theory in action. She's not sure which exactly.
"I…I'm sorry, you were saying?" she says, her mouth suddenly dry.
"Uh…I was?" asks Castle, finally letting go of her hand and withdrawing back to his side of the island.
Because this is so unusual for them, Kate realizes: to be alone together in his home without a case or some crisis to give their time together structure and urgency, and without the myriad other people usually hovering around them, depending on them, listening in to their conversation so that anything personal is edited out before it even has time to form. And so they're actually a little out of their depth for once.
"So, this is a little strange," admits Kate, feeling the need to just put it out there. Clear the air. Throw her partner a lifebelt if he needs it.
"Strange?"
Castle still seems limited in his vocabulary and word count, either by nerves or the fact that he just held her hand for more than a couple of seconds and she didn't pull away.
"Yeah. You and me. Here. No case to worry about. No Martha or Alexis. No Javi or Kevin to...interrupt," she smiles knowingly.
"Just you and me."
"Yes."
"Does…does that bother you?" Castle asks, frowning and hesitant.
"No," says Kate, shaking her head emphatically, so that he understands that she has zero doubts about being here alone with him. "No. Does it bother you?"
"I might be…a little nervous," he admits, smiling shyly, and then looking off to the side, because he's too afraid of what he might read in her eyes right this second, if he's wrong about all of this, about how it seems.
Kate can't help smiling back, and taking this rare chance to tease him.
"Is that your way of admitting that I might make you nervous, Mr. Castle?"
"You always made me nervous, Kate Beckett," he blurts, and then looks at her with widening eyes, caught out by his stupid, runaway mouth.
"Didn't mean to say that, did you?" she laughs, shaking her head at him, her genuine smile showing no hint of taunting or cruelty.
"No," he laughs too, embarrassed by his own unfiltered thoughts. "You didn't inject me with some truth serum when I wasn't paying attention?"
"You spend a lot of time with me not paying attention, Castle. Think I'd have tried out the truth serum on you before now."
He nods, smiling, and then he drags the bottle of wine towards him.
"How about we down a couple of glasses of this, and maybe my nerves will go away?"
"And what might I expect when your nerves are gone?" she challenges, leaning closer to him, her chin resting on her hand.
Castle just stares straight at her, pinning her with his true blue eyes.
"Are…are we doing what I think we're…" he starts to say, breathlessly, trying to gauge her expression. "Because Kate, I do not want to make a mistake here, and…"
His eyes are wild, panicked looking, so desperately hopeful that they might actually be getting somewhere for once. But so goddamn terrified he's going to mess it up.
"Castle, just pour the wine," she says gently, dropping her teasing tone.
She covers his hand briefly with her own and squeezes lightly, before withdrawing to busy herself with opening the large bag of popcorn and tumbling it into the giant sharing bowl with a whispered, papery rush, while Castle watches her, unable to move or look away.
A/N: Oh wow! Wow! The response to this was the best I've ever had. I'm beyond amazed.
When I read this chapter back, the tension in this scene seemed to hold up best if I stopped it right here. This might end up being more than three chapters, in fact, I'm fairly certain it will. There's so much ground to cover, so much mileage in working them gently through this awkward phase. As someone's review said, it's so different to see Kate take steps forward in life that aren't driven by some life-or-death situation. So, if you'll indulge me (again), I'm going to take this steady. Also, everyone is busy these days, so I'm sure finding time to read a shorter chapter is easier. Thank you for all the messages of encouragement. What a great way to start the year! Liv