Disclaimers: I don't own Vampire Diaries.

Thanks to Banimondala for your review!

So, you kidnapped Bonnie Bennett, there is at least thirty witnesses, and a hunter is after you.

… Congratulations.

But don't panic, you still can get away with this.

The barman just grabbed his crossbow, and you're already outside. Luckily, you have a car. Finally, that could be easy. You just have to get into it.

With the keys. Which are next to the jacket of Bonnie.

On the table where she was dancing, inside the nightclub.

You had just left your last chance of survival inside the place you're running away from. But at least, you still have Bonnie's shoe ! Congratulations, you have a great sense of priorities.

Don't worry, you have other options. Do you see this empty and abandoned bar on the other side of the road ? Go there. Well, not too fast. Because if you go really quickly, like me, you'll hear a thud behind you. After dropping Bonnie.

She's almost dead, and just before fainting, you have the pleasure to hear her call you « assh*le». Nice. Anyway, just take her, put her back on your shoulder, and run inside this bar.

The hunter is only several feet away from you, it's too late for you to hide. Throw -in a gentle way- your ''ostage'' behind the counter. If she remember this night, which is very likely, she'll kill you. But it doesn't matter, because you're already dead, with this hunter after you. Also, he might be just behind you right now.

I turned, and saw him aiming his crossbow toward me. And because he's kinda stupid, he started talking, telling me how I was hard to find, and how happy he was to finally be able to stab me with a stake. And because I am who I am, I smiled, and answered in a sarcastic tone that the pleasure was shared. It was a bad idea, but it was worth it. And what did he said ? Well, nothing. Because an old bottle of vodka hit his head before he had a chance to open his mouth.

Bonnie had just risen from behind the counter, and threw a bottle at him.

I don't know if I find this funny or scaring.

Drunk, she managed to aim his head... No, it's scaring.

Rule number six : Never underestimate Bonnie Bennett drunk.

At this moment, I just stared at her, astonished. She climbed the counter, and jumped from it, but fell on the ground. Because apparently, bypassing was too difficult. And when the hunter got up, yelling that he was here to help her, she stood by my side, and told him that she wouldn't let him hurt me.

I don't really remember how I react. I just smiled.

It's at this moment that you must run away. She made you smile, it shouldn't happen. So just go, let her alone with this hunter, and get back to Elena. Follow my advice, because I didn't, and I should have. I didn't even laid eyes on the exit. I didn't take the opportunity to escape from this awful night. Kill me.

Rule number seven : Never waste an opportunity to run away.

Well, anyway, now it's too late. Bonnie, apparently really clever when she's drunk, just threw the hunter against a wall with her powers. He seems shocked, and you can easily guess that Bonnie is now on his list of people to kill. Good job Bon-Bon.

Then, she grabs your wrist, because you're too busy being annoyed to run away from this place, and leads you outside. In the street, she sighs, removes her remaining shoe (don't try to understand this action, there is no explaination), and asks where she could find alcohol.

When there is a nightclub just in front of her.

Whatever, don't listen to her, and just think about how you're going to get back home. You could carry her on your back, and use your vampire speed, but it's a bad idea, it would make her sick. Waiting for the bus is just as impossible, because everytime you look away, even just for two seconds, she disappears.

There's only one solution : find your keys. So, even though you're tired of searching things, remain calm, inhale, exhale, and go back into the nightclub.

Rule number eight : Never get into a nightclub with a drunk Bonnie.

The atmosphere of the party has changed, the place is darker, a white smoke has filled the room, and everybody is covered with fluorescent paint. You move toward the back of the bar, where's the table on which you left your car keys, while trying to avoid the many tipsy girls and drunk teenagers.

You reach the table, and grab your keys. And you think this nightmare is finally over.

You're so naive.

Turn around. Surprise. She's not there anymore. You haven't even felt her hand leaving your wrist, but face it : she disappeared, again. The only thing left is her shirt on the ground.

Shit.

After the drunk Bonnie, the Bonnie who make out with jerk, and the creepy Bonnie, here's the shirtless Bonnie. Usually, it wouldn't bother you. I mean, come on. Did you see her ? The second S in her triple S -strong, sexy and sarcastic- isn't there for nothing. But right now, she's just driving you crazy.

And when the thought of murdering her cross your mind, you hear her shouting from the other side of the nightclub.

« Who want to paint my body ? »

Respect the rule number seven. Leave her shirt on the ground, and go away. At least, do it for your sanity.

Rule number nine : No more clothes easy to remove for Bonnie. Buy her a straitjacket.

Because you're just as clever as Bonnie, you clench your fists, trying to stay calm, and then go looking for her. Which is really easy, because you just have to follow her scent.

It sounds really creepy.

Anyway, you find her glued to a guy in a teddy jacket. Seriously ? He's still there ? Go home jerk, it's past your bedtime. He has a paintbrush in his hand, and is drawing something on her stomach with pink fluorescent paint. How to get rid of him ? Just hit his head with a bottle. You could do the same with Bonnie, it would make things easier, but don't. Because you care about her.

There's still two problems. Firstly, dress Bonnie. If you bring her to her friends like that, you're going to be in troubles. Even if the view isn't unpleasant. Secondly, get out of here.

Take off your shirt, and give it to her. Alright, one problem resolved. She grumbles, and begins to pout, but put in on. She can be really cute and annoying at the same time. But you don't have time to think about that, because you just saw the hunter entering the bar.

« Damn it... Bonnie, we need to hide. »

You look down, and notice that she's staring at you intensely. You frown, and you're about to ask her what's wrong, when suddenly, she gets closer, and kiss you. Without any reason. Maybe she wanted to hide from the hunter, or maybe she just wanted to do this.

Without any reason too, you don't repel her. You wrap your arms around her waist, bringing her even closer, feeling her warm body against yours. And at this moment, you don't care about Elena, you don't care about the hunter, he can shoot you as much as he wants. You're surrounded by a white cloud, shirtless against her chest, you feel her heart beat, her lips inflame you, and you're happy to have broken these nine rules. I'd be willing to relive this descent into hell for this moment.

Forget what I said before.

Rule number ten : Never try to survive Bonnie Bennett.