To the Morrow, for the Past
Chapter 2 – Name Him –
Cloud wasn't quite sure where he expected to end up next but as the pain in his head receded, he opened his eyes to find a familiar wooden floor beneath him. He was hunched over far enough that the planks were not that far from his nose. A small weight in his arms told him that he was still clinging to the small child he had found, and sure enough, when he looked down he could see the small knitted hat.
"Cloud?" A tentatively cautious voice spoke quietly, seeping its way through his still ringing ears. The familiar sound comforted him somewhat. It sounded like home. Still, her tone was worried, more worried than she should have been just for a headache. Obviously she'd seen the similarities too...
Lifting his head, he locked eyes with his childhood friend, glad to see that she really was there, and wasn't just another illusion. "Tifa." Casting his gaze around, he was relieved to find he was back in the bar. A chair beside him was overturned, and his drink had spilled, still dripping onto the floor. Obviously he hadn't been gone for very long. That was good.
"Are you okay?" She knelt in front of him, her hand on his bare shoulder. "You looked- Is it back?" It was a valid question. Over the past three years, headaches like this had been a symptom of something more significant than physical illness. He tried not to think about the helpless loss of control that usually came with them.
But was it truly a different thing? Could she be back? He'd thought her defeated before only to find that they had missed a part of her. Even just a small piece of her was enough. But... It had been different. The voice in his head hadn't been the sickly sweet utterings. It had been more... more. More than one voice. It had felt like it was every voice, all at once. A choir echoing through the nothingness.
Realising that she was still waiting for an answer, Cloud shook his head. "I don't think so... It was... different."
There was a small sound from the child in his arms, and Cloud belatedly realised that he was still crouched over him in a somewhat protective manner, his arms around the baby and his body hunched over him. But what was he protecting him from? He was in a safe place now. They were in a safe place now. Swallowing, he straightened up, careful not to jostle his charge too much. He adjusted his grip so the baby was no longer pressed so close to him, mindful of the sharp accessories on his outfit.
"I think... I think it was the planet." He mused out loud. "I- It told me to 'Save him'." He looked down in a way that drew Tifa's gaze to the small infant. Her eyes widened and she reached a hand forward as if to touch him. "I think it's Sephiroth." That caused her to freeze, her dark eyes lifting to stare at Cloud in bewilderment.
Tifa was quiet for a moment, staring in turn at him then the child, and then back at Cloud again. "Cloud..." Cloud knew that tone. He'd heard it a few times before. She was afraid for his sanity. After all, how could this baby be the man that had so thoroughly tormented almost everybody in the planet, least of all him? Sephiroth would have been over 30 years old had he still lived. Not a baby.
"I was in Hojo's lab in Nibelheim." He said quietly, deciding to just tell Tifa everything. At least that way she could decide if he really was crazy or not. She would probably know better than he would. She always did. "The headache went away and I heard-" Was it in his head? It had seemed to be all around him yet nowhere at once. "I was told to 'Save him'. I killed Hojo and found..." He looked again at the child in his arms with a shrug.
Tifa once again placed her hand on his arm and gently guided him to a table. He was vaguely aware of Tifa crossing the room and locking the door, turning the sign from open to closed. At least now they wouldn't have random people walking in.
Adjusting his hold again, he reached up and removed the small hat. Tiny strands of silver hair spilled from under the hat and Cloud again looked up at Tifa as she returned to the table and sat beside him.
She was staring at the baby and was quiet for a moment, leaning on the table to get a closer look. She reached out and let a gentle finger brush the baby's head. "That's... an odd story Cloud but-" She shook her head and took a breath. Taking her eyes from the baby she looked up at Cloud and gave him a small, reassuring smile. "But I suppose we've been through weirder." She sounded unconvinced, but was willing to go with it. Cloud liked that about her. She had a lot of faith in her friends and was willing to hold off on her doubts. It wasn't always a good thing, but at least she tried.
Cloud was trying to figure out something else to say, to hopefully understand what was going on, when the baby let out a pitiful whimper.
"Uh-oh." Tifa's tone was amused, as if she knew what was coming next. A loud wail pierced the quiet of the closed bar and Cloud flinched. Tifa smirked at Cloud's bewildered look before standing up and gently taking the baby from. "Shhh." She rocked him lightly from side to side, swaying her hips as she did so. "Well. Whoever he is, he's going to need supplies." She said over the screaming, now bouncing up and down on the spot. It was somewhat similar to the stance she took when getting ready for battle, her knees bent, legs shoulder length apart for balance. It was a strange sight.
"Uh.." Cloud seriously had no idea what a baby needed. "I uh-" He reached in to his pocket and offered Tifa his wallet. "I don't know..." What did a baby need? Obviously he needed food, and something to sleep in. A change of clothes and a few nappies. That was about all Cloud could think of, but he was sure he was missing a lot of things. When Denzel had come home with him, he'd been surprised at just how much an eight year old needed.
"You have no idea about babies do you?" She asked, laughing at his clueless expression. She shook her head, "You're going to have to learn. If you're going to keep bringing children home, you really should figure out how to take care of them." The barb was light hearted, but Cloud had to concede that she had a point. Denzel at least, had been old enough to know how to feed himself and use the bathroom.
The bathroom. Oh. That was what the crying was about. Wrinkling his nose, Cloud looked at the child, surprised that something so small could smell so bad. "I think he-" He gestured to the child's backside and Tifa nodded, her smile becoming even more amused.
"Yeah. They do that. Go out back and find one of my new cloths." She told him. "Make sure it's one of the new ones- still wrapped. We don't want him getting sick from unclean wrappings." She continued to rock the baby and Cloud practically fled from the room to do as she asked. Anything to get away from the noise.
Even from the storeroom, he could hear the cries from the baby, and wondered why people would voluntarily be around such a disruptive noise. He'd faced down a large number of monsters that used screaming as a battle tactic. None of them had been this loud. Then again, not everyone had super enhanced hearing.
It didn't take him long enough to find the cloths that Tifa had asked for. He slowly gathered a few of them and took them back to the main area of the bar, not looking forward to being in close proximity to the under grown banshee he had apparently brought home.
"Over here." Tifa called from the bathroom. Cloud moved over and handed the cloths to her. "Thank you. Now. Watch. Learn." She ordered before stripping the baby and cleaning him up. She changed him and threw out the soiled nappy.
Trying not to breathe, Cloud watched in dismay and vague disgust. He could disembowel and skin animals and monsters with no problem, but when faced with the soiled nappy of an infant, he felt nauseous. And how could something so small produce so much? And was it supposed to be that colour? Tifa didn't seem worried, and she apparently knew more about this sort of thing than Cloud. Then again, there probably weren't a lot of people who knew less about this than him.
"Here." Tifa lifted the now redressed infant and handed him to Cloud. "All clean."
At least the baby had gone quiet. Blue met green as the baby stared up at Cloud, who couldn't seem to look away until he was startled by a laugh. His head snapped up to regard Tifa, who was almost doubled over with her giggles.
"You look so lost!" She managed between laughs. "Come on Cloud! You've saved the world twice now! Don't tell me you're going to be defeated by an infant." For some reason, she found this hilarious. It took her a few minutes to calm down, but when she did she shook her head and pushed Cloud out of the bathroom, shoulders still shaking with amusement. "That's just adorable!" She started to laugh again and he was trying his hardest not to show the embarrassment he was feeling. Of course he was lost. This was all brand new to him. The youngest child he'd ever interacted with had been Marlene, and she'd been four at the time.
"Come on." She said, "We should go shopping before the kids come home from school. I'm sure Denzel will be excited to meet his new brother!"
"Brother?" He shifted the baby in his arms again and realized his hand was absently rubbing the small boy's back. It was nice when he was quiet and Cloud wanted him to stay that way for as long as possible.
"Well." Tifa replied, still leading Cloud towards the bar's exit. "Are you really going to give him to someone else to raise?"
He hadn't really thought that far ahead. But that seemed like a good idea to him. "Why not?" He asked. He was only told to save him after all. Not raise him. And he had didn't know the first thing about babies. It wasn't like people had been lining up to ask him to babysit.
"Why not." They were out of the bar now and Tifa linked her arm with Cloud's, shaking her head and grinning. "He's enhanced." Anybody could tell that. Even if he wasn't a baby version of Sephiroth, the enhancements would be obvious. The thin glowing tendrils moving in his eyes spoke of his genetics and made his eye take on a very familiar glow.
"Yeah..." But he didn't see how that would prevent the boy from being raised by someone more qualified. And who wouldn't want a kid that was stronger, faster, smarter and all around better than the average child? Didn't parents want their kids to be the best? Wasn't that what it was all about?
"Who do you know that could keep up with a genetically enhanced SOLDIER toddler?"
Oh. Well. That made sense. Sephiroth had been known for his extreme speed, agility and strength, even more enhanced than even the best SOLDIERs. "...Vincent?" Cloud tried to imagine the ex-Turk chasing after a toddler. It would be fitting, he supposed, for Vincent to raise Sephiroth this time. He was still Lucrecia's son, after all.
One look at Tifa told him that giving the baby to Vincent probably wouldn't work. "Right." She said, a hint of sarcasm in her voice. "Give the genetically modified, prone to insanity, child of the Calamity to a man who's body hosts a literal demon."
"Vincent can control Chaos." Even as he said that, Cloud knew that it wasn't entirely true.
"Not when he's seriously stressed. And babies cause stress. Lots of stress. And worry. And anxiety. Besides, Vincent is a nomad. He barely spends a week in one place, let alone long enough to raise a kid. It's not good for a kid to be always moving around, and I'm pretty sure Vincent would go insane if made to stay still for too long." Again, she had a point.
They were quiet for a short while, Cloud still trying to comprehend the fact that he now had an infant to take care of, and Tifa was mulling over the implications that this child could actually be Sephiroth. It didn't take them long to reach the market, and Cloud allowed Tifa to lead the way. She never once let go of his arm, almost as if she was afraid he would get lost. Or leave. He followed her in a daze, mind still spinning.
Around him, the markets were brightly coloured. Hundreds of smells mingled together, from the sweet smell of something cooking, to the body odour and general smell of humanity. There was even a hint of something floral in the air. Probably somebody's perfume. Edge was still growing, still being built, but this was one of the first places to pop up. Even after an apocalypse, people still needed to buy supplies. The shops ranged from clean, tall buildings to dusty carts, and you could buy almost anything here. It wasn't as seedy as Wall Market had been, but it was still just as crowded.
They entered a small shop that Cloud hadn't even known had existed. Tucked into one of the least dusty corners, it was relatively small and clean. It seemed to cater to children of all ages, but the largest section by far was for babies. "That's... a lot of stuff." He remarked, looking blankly at the products lined on shelves. So it wasn't enough to get him food, clothes and nappies then. Most of these things, Cloud couldn't even identify.
"Babies need a lot of stuff." Tifa finally let go of him to wander through the store. Cloud didn't move, still looking around in complete bewilderment. The clothes were all so bright. Looking down at the baby he still carried in his arms, Cloud wondered if he should indulge in his usual fashion tendencies and dress Sephiroth in all black. Black was easier to clean, right? And it didn't show up any blood -this was probably why he preferred it, and why the Firsts would wear black. -But then, Sephiroth was two weeks old. He shouldn't be bleeding or causing anything to bleed. Maybe something in blue then? Wasn't there supposed to be some sort of colour code for children? One for males and one for females?
It must have been obvious how lost he felt, because it didn't take long for a staff member to find him. She smiled sweetly at the baby and made a small sound. "Oh, he's adorable." She said, making strange faces at the infant. "What's his name?"
"Uh." That was unexpected. Really, it shouldn't have been, but Cloud hadn't thought of an answer to that question yet. It was strange enough that the man who defeated Sephiorth and saved the world on multiple occasions would decide to adopt a child that bore a remarkable resemblance to the insane megalomaniac, but to give him his name too? That would raise more questions than Cloud wanted to answer. He didn't think it would be a good idea to inform the general public just how he had managed to get his hands on a baby Sephiroth. He didn't need the whole world thinking he was insane. One insane super human was plenty enough for the world.
"Oh that's okay hunny." The shop assistant said in a reassuring voice. "Sometimes it takes a while to find the perfect name." She was still making foolish faces at the baby who regarded her silently, "I'm guessing this is your first?" She asked, finally looking up at Cloud, who hesitated before nodding. First infant anyway. "Well how about I help you find all you need. What do you already have at home?"
"Nothing." Cloud told her, somewhat thankful that a professional (Her name tag said Helen) was going to assist him. As much as confidence as he had in Tifa, he knew that they would probably miss something or buy something that wasn't needed. Or concentrate on only the 'super cute' things that would be impractical or unneeded. "It was kind of...sudden."
The shop assistant's smile became sad and understanding. Since Meteorfall and Geostigma, it was quite common for people to suddenly become responsible for children in the family. Often times, they were the only family left, and there was rarely any time for people to prepare. It was a sad state of affairs, but nothing much could be done about it now. "Okay. Don't you worry, we'll get you all sorted."
It took a little over an hour, and a small fortune, but finally, Cloud had a mountain of products loaded into a small van. There were practical things that he hadn't even thought of (a sling to wear the baby against his chest, a buggy for pushing him around,) and some things that seemed frivolous but 'cute'. And did a baby really need fifteen outfits? Cloud didn't even own that many clothes. Helen had been more than helpful, but he was sure there were some superfluous items in there. He'd probably been overcharged for some things too. Fortunately, he had amassed a lot of money on his previous journeys and barely ever spent anything since.
As he was helping load the truck that would deliver the items, Tifa reappeared at his side, holding a few bags of her own. She smiled at him and reached out and Cloud gladly gave the child over. He didn't think he would ever be entirely comfortable holding a baby.
"I bought you a few books." She told him, absently rocking the sleeping infant. "I know a little bit about babies, but I haven't looked after one in years. There's going to be a bit of a learning curve for both of us." They climbed into the truck and left the dusty streets behind.
The children had arrived home before they had, and Cloud found himself suddenly nervous. He knew that they would meet the baby sooner rather than later, but he wasn't quite sure what to tell them. Did he tell them that the baby was Sephiroth? Or did he just say he'd found him and decided to take care of him? How would he explain the sudden appearance of an infant and all the items apparently required to take care of one? And of course, children had an odd habit of asking strange, and sometimes difficult questions. (He could still remember his stuttered explanation of the human reproductive system when Denzel had randomly asked him how babies were made).
"Cloud!" A joyful cry came from the entrance to the bar, and Cloud looked up to see Marlene rushing towards him. "Are you going to stay for a while?" It was her usual greeting, and Cloud couldn't help but feel a little guilty for that. When Geostigma had hit, he had spent all his time researching for a cure, wanting desperately to help Denzel. Then he'd become sick himself, and hid away, not wanting his friends to worry about him. Unfortunately that had had the opposite effect – something he hadn't realised until after he came back.
But now he intended on staying for a long while."Yeah." He nodded, placing a hand on her head when she happily threw her arms around him, all but vibrating with joy.
Behind him, he could hear Tifa climbing out of the cab of the van. "Marlene." She said, "Can you prop the doors open? We bought some new stuff."
An enthusiastic nod, then the young girl was rushing back inside, always happy to be helpful. Cloud could hear her enlisting Denzel's help and smiled softly to himself. Maybe things would be okay. He'd never met two more accepting people in his life. Even his adult friends were a lot more cautious about people. Denzel was still shy around strangers, but Marlene was quick to befriend everyone. If it weren't for the fact that her caretakers were well known to be strong warriors, he would be more worried about her safety.
"Hey Tifa." Denzel greeted her as he came out to help. "Why do you have a baby?" The way he asked that, sounded like Tifa coming home with a baby wasn't all that strange. A hint of curiosity but none of the shock and confusion that Cloud had somewhat expected. It almost seemed like an every day experience, and while it wasn't unheard of for Tifa to help the local orphans when she could, she'd never actually brought one home before.
"Oh," Tifa said with a smile, "He belongs to Cloud." Her tone was happy and matter of fact. The baby was Clouds.
Now it was time for the shock and confusion to flicker across Denzel's face before he settled back to curious. "I didn't know you had a girlfriend." He said. "I thought you liked boys?"
"What?" Cloud stared at the nine year old boy, barely noticing when Tifa pushed the baby back into his arms. He held on to him automatically, shifting him into a more comfortable position. "I- I found him." That wasn't exactly a lie. "I was... asked to look after him." A somewhat stretched truth, but technically a truth. He decided not to comment on the boy's second statement. That was a longer conversation for another time.
"Oh." Denzel gave a smile and a determined nod. "Then I'll help." Cloud had no doubt that he meant it. "Marlene!" Denzel grinned at Cloud and turned his head to shout back at the bar, "Cloud has a baby!"
The loud shout caused said baby to stir. He cooed a little and gave a small sniffle. Was he going to cry again? Cloud grimaced as he clumsily attempted to rock him like Tifa had. It didn't work. Either Cloud wasn't very good at it, or the baby just didn't care, he cried anyway. Parting his legs, Cloud sunk into his own battle stance, attempting a new way of rocking him. It didn't help and he could see Tifa holding back giggles from the corner of his eye as she started to unload the truck.
Marlene was once again, suddenly at his side, staring up at him in wide eyed wonder. "You have a baby!" She bounced with glee, grinning up at him. "You have a baby!" She seemed awfully excited, and Cloud was starting to feel overwhelmed.
"Do you want to hold him?" Was it a bad idea to hand a screaming baby over to an over enthusiastic six year old? Cloud didn't know, but when Marlene excitedly reached her arms up, he plonked the child in her arms, somewhat glad to be rid of him. "Careful." He warned her before turning to help Tifa with their new purchases, glad the truck driver seemed to be patient enough to put up with them.
Sephiroth was genetically enhanced. He healed bullet wounds in a day. Surely he would survive being handled by an over excited child? Still, Cloud kept a close eye on Marlene as she started to rock the baby while she skipped inside. Why was he feeling anxious about her taking the baby away? He'd had the baby for all of two hours, he couldn't already be attached to him, could he? Shaking his head, Cloud gathered the last of the supplies and followed the bundle of energy inside.
"Someone's hungry." Tifa came into the bar proper from the kitchen, already holding a prepared bottle. "Be careful Marlene." She said gently, moving over to the girl "Sit down and don't drop him."
"I'm not going to drop him, Tifa." Never the less, Marlene did as she was instructed, carefully climbing up onto a chair with the baby. "Can I feed him?" She asked.
Tifa shook her head. "Maybe next time." She said gently. "But I think this time it should be Cloud. He needs to learn how." Without waiting for a reply from either of them, Tifa took the baby and once again, pressed him into Cloud's arms. She showed him how to give the baby a bottle and it seemed simple enough. Don't over tip the bottle, but make sure there was milk going in. Don't hold it too close to the baby, but not too far. It didn't take him long to get the hang of it. Without taking his eyes off the feeding infant, he found a chair and sat down. That was a lot more comfortable on his arms, and he found himself relaxing slightly.
"What's his name?" There was that question again. This time asked by Denzel who was watching intently.
"He... doesn't have one." Really. He needed to figure out a real answer to that question. Should he rename the child? Was that the right thing to do? Sephiroth wasn't exactly a common name, and he would never be free of comparisons to the other version of himself if he went through life being called that. Especially with the resemblance.
"That's silly." Marlene pursed her lips, hands on her hips and gave Cloud a tiny glare. "Everybody needs a name. He can't live life without one."
"Marlene is right." Tifa said, nodding at the child. "You should give him a name."
"Me?"
"Who else? You're going to be taking care of him. You need to be able to call him something." When Cloud didn't respond quickly, Tifa sighed and sat down, looking across the table at him. "If he was yours," She started, making vague gestures at him, "If you had a girlfriend and you had a baby boy, what would you call him?"
"Zack." The name was out of his mouth before he could even question it. But once he'd said it, he knew that it was true. He couldn't think of a more perfect name for his child. But this child wasn't his. Technically, this child was born a decade or so years before he was. Not to mention the fact that it was Sephiroth. Could he really give Sephiroth Zack's name?
"Zack then." Tifa said with a definitive nod.
"I- I can't. Ti- It's-" At his protest, a look of understanding crossed Tifa's face. She smiled at him, hand once again on his shoulder.
"It's perfect, Cloud." She said quietly, "If you're going to look after him, take care of him and raise him, you need to learn how to love him." He could see where she was coming from. If he kept thinking of the child as Sephiroth, then he would probably never fully get past the things that the man had done. But this baby... This baby hadn't done any of that. He hadn't had the chance to. And he never would. Cloud was determined to make sure of that.
But still, he hesitated. Looking down, he saw that the baby had finished his bottle and put it aside. Green eyes peered up at him. They were the same eyes, but somehow not. They were the same colour and shape, but had none of the hatred burning within them. They were... innocent. He was innocent.
"I like it!" Marlene declared. "Zack Strife!" That caught Cloud's attention. Of course, the baby would need both a first and last name, but it hadn't even occurred to Cloud that people would expect him to use his last name.
Looking around the room, he noticed Tifa and Denzel also nodding.
Zack.
Maybe he could get used to it? Maybe one day it would fit. Cloud looked back down at his charge and wondered. Maybe one day, he would be able to live up to it. "Zack." He said finally, testing the name on his lips. "Zack Strife."