Disclaimer: The following story is based on situations and characters from the Harry Potter books which are created and owned by J. K. Rowling. No use other than entertainment is intended and no financial gain is being made. No trademark or copyright infringement is intended.

Harry felt like he was forgetting something important. It felt like his brain itched. It was the 4th night of summer holidays and he was locked in his room. Two days ago, he'd overcooked a roast and he hadn't been let out since. Two days of no water, no food and no bathroom. Peeing out the window was embarrassing, but what choice did he have? He was getting a horrible headache and he was pretty sure his stomach was going to eat itself if he didn't get something soon. It was going to be a long summer. Sighing, he tried to ignore the gurgling noise of his empty stomach when he heard someone throw the locks on his door.

With a squeak, the door opened and Harry's eyes widened in surprise. There stood a haughty looking man with shoulder length black hair and oddly glowing blue eyes. He gave Harry a smirk that'd put Malfoy's to shame and Harry wrestled with the odd idea that he KNEW this guy. Palming his wand, Harry let out a fierce growl…or as fierce as an almost 14 year old kid could…and said, "Who are you?"

The guy gave him a grin before saying, "The man you are looking at is Sirius Black."

Something inside Harry's mind popped. Things went white and memories came rushing forward. "Sirius? What? How? I forgot you. How could I forget you?"

"Well, it took a little work, but I managed to alter the Fidelius Charm so it would mask someone's identity." Sirius practically preened in front of his Godson before bowing with the flourish of an imaginary hat. Harry, having no idea how much finesse it took to manage such a thing just nodded. It was clear from his Godfather's putout look, that he had been expecting a more excited response. Shrugging, Sirius rolled his eyes. "A bit of applause might have been nice, but whatever. Right now, I need you to get your stuff and come with me. This is Stage One of The Epic Plan. And, we need to hurry up before Dumble's people catch us."

Harry didn't need to be told twice—he needed to get out of this hellhole. Dropping to his knees, he pried up the floor board and grabbed the invisibility cloak as well his book of photos. He bopped past his godfather and quietly ran down the dark stairs to the cupboard. Gesturing at the locks, he whispered, "Can you get these open?"

A silent spell from Sirius and Harry was dragging his trunk toward the front door. "Let' go!"

The grin on Sirius' face was infectious and Harry couldn't help grinning back. The pair scrambled down the front walk and across the street where they disappeared with a barely audible pop.

###

"Do I need to donate a bit of blood to prove it to you?" Sirius Black asked.

The goblin gave a creepy, tooth-filled grin before nodding. "Sir, you may try on the Black Family Head of House Ring. If you're still alive at the end of the process, I will of course accept you as Lord Black."

To the goblin's surprise, the possible Lord Black nodded in agreement. "Fine with me, Toe Bang. Get the ring!"

Toe Bang frowned when Harry let out a little snicker. He didn't know what the pale, skinny human was laughing about, but he was sure it was derogatory toward his name. God, he hated humans. There were over 30,542 words in the Goblin Language that specifically described how bad humans smelled. In Toe Bang's opinion, an additional 100,000 words would still be needed before he could come close to describing how bad that smell actually was. Not to mention, this Lord Black pretender was the smelliest he'd ever encountered. Still, he had a job to do and he would be professional about it.

With a grunt, he pulled open the side drawer of his desk and got the Black Family Ring from its place in his magically expanded files. He pushed the lid open and stared at the 7 carat black diamond that had been born of a meteoritic impact in South Africa. The founder of the Most Ancient and Noble House of Black had started the tradition of naming his children after the stars because of the origins of this diamond. Shaking off thoughts of the stupid traditions of the family whose account he ran, he plopped the ring in front of the dark haired man in front of him. Without fanfare, the man put it on and began to glow silver. Toe Bang stared excitedly, hoping that he'd get to see another want-to-be Lord Black's head explode.

It didn't happen—it was just his luck that the smelliest of the possible Lord Blacks would be the actual Lord Black. With a glum continence, he growled out, "I suppose you'll want the locks changed and new keys to the Black Vaults?"

"Yes I would. In addition, I need to rent a ritual room that would allow me to blood adopt my soon-to-be son. If that's still all right with you, Harry?"

Potter bit his lip, and it looked as if the human was trying to hold in a smile. "Only if you're sure. I don't want you to…"

Lord Black cut him off. "Harry, I'm sure. It is Stage Two of The Epic Plan, remember?"

"Well, since you haven't explained it all to me yet, I don't know anything but the title."

Lord Black nodded and grinned. It was, in Toe Bang's opinion, a terrifying grin.

The Lord said, "Once we get to the ritual room, I'll sum it up."

"As you wish, Lord Black," Toe Bang interrupted. He didn't have the time or energy to listen to this drivel. "The charge for the ritual room is 300 galleons per hour. The total will be taken from your vaults before you leave tonight."

Toe Bang gestured for the pair to follow him and walked out the door of his office. With quick steps, they caught up to him as he led them through Gringotts' curving hallways to a double stone door. With a snap of his fingers, the door opened on its own.

"Your time begins now. When you are finished, call my name."

With that, the goblin turned and disappeared down the hall.

###

"Youth before beauty," Sirius said brushing his curling hair back from his face and gesturing for Harry to proceed him.

Harry tried not to roll his eyes too hard, he didn't want to sprain something after all. Sirius pulled the door shut behind him and nodded toward the concentric circles in the middle of the room. "First, I'm going cast the Fidelius Charm on your identity, all right?"

"What!?"

"Well, it occurred to me that, although it is Voldemort and Dumbledore having a pissing contest, you and I are the ones getting royally pissed on. Not to mention we're both getting fucked by the Wizarding World. Your parents were intelligent people who covered their bases. They made sure that Alice Long bottom, your godmother, and I had copies of their will. To keep me safe, it included the information that Pettigrew was the secret keeper and Dumbledore was the one who put up the Fidelius Charm on your parent's home." At this Sirius stopped talking for a moment. Face red, he fisted his hands as he tried to get control of his temper.

"Dumbledore knew?" Harry hissed. He bit his lip, trying to blink back tears. Why would the headmaster do that to Sirius?

Sirius nodded. "Dumbles has always known Pettigrew was the Secret Keeper. In addition, the will specified that you were to never be allowed to be alone with the Dursley's, let alone live with them. Dumbledore holds the three highest positions in magical Britain, and he used those positions to put you in an abusive situation. He now refuses to use his positions to help me get a trial and custody of you. Hiding our identities with the Fidelius is the only way I see around Dumbledore. First, I'll cast the Fidelius on your identity, allowing the whole concept of 'Harry Potter' to disappear from people's minds. Because you're only hiding your identity, when Gringotts tests your blood, you'll still show up as the rightful Potter Heir but NOT Harry Potter. When I blood adopt you, I'll emancipate you and that will allow you to access The Potter vaults as James and Lily wanted. If no one remembers us, no one can come after us. Think about it!"

Harry had froze at Sirius' ramble. A little shiver went through him as he considered his godfather's Epic Plan. It was horribly difficult to follow, and a bit crazy, but it just might work. Anger and desperation worked through him as he shoved his hand through is hair. Dumbledore had left him with muggles…muggles that didn't feed him and used and abused him. And how was it every time he went to Hogwarts, he ended up solving some horrible problem for Dumbledore only to be left for the summer with said abusive muggles? Terrified of what the next school year could bring, Harry shook his head and asked the first question that came to mind. "Are you sure the Fidelius will work?"

"Positive, I tried it on Lucius Malfoy first. Poor Sod got a cutting curse to the back from his own wife. Narcissa cleaved him in half and still doesn't know she killed her husband. Thinks he was an intruder trying to rob the manor."

"Who is Lucius Malfoy…"

"Oh, yeah. Lucius Malfoy is Lucius Malfoy."

Harry had another burst of white across his vision and suddenly, it all made sense. "Holy buggering hell. Sirius!"

Sirius nodded and gave his Godson a vicious grin. There was a gleam in his eyes that would have been off-putting if he'd been talking about anyone other than a vicious Death Eater.

"I know! Merlin's got nothing on me," he said buffing his nails on the satiny trim of his cloak. "Harry Potter will cease to exist and tada! No more Voldemort or Dumbledore trying to control your life…or end it as the case may be. Of course, no one but the two of us will ever know who you really are. Or were. What do you think, Pup? Ready to leave your problems behind and embrace a whole slew of shiny, new problems?"

Harry's forehead crinkled in concentration. It made sense in a convoluted way. No more Harry James Potter. No more people staring and asking to see his scar. No more insane expectations that he live up to some impossible legend. Looking up at his crazy godfather, a warm feeling burst through him. Sirius wanted to adopt him. He wanted to help him solve his problems. A feeling of hope pounded through Harry and suddenly he was grinning.

He wasn't alone anymore.

"So, what star do I get to be named after?"

"I was thinking Pax."

"What constellation is that from?"

"Well, it's from Star Wars. So, it isn't a real star."

"I'm not being named after a made-up star."

"Fine. How about Puppis Sirius Black?"

"No."

"Virgo?"

"Too close to Virgin."

"I call 'em how I see 'em."

The debate went on for quite awhile before they came down to Aries with the middle name of Sirius out of, of course, respect for his soon to be 'Pappy'."

"I'm not calling you Pappy."

"You know, I can make it an official decree as your Head of House and you'll be compelled to call me Pappy."

"You wouldn't do that to me."

Sirius gave an evil grin and Harry began to reconsider the whole Epic Plan when his godfather pointed his wand at him and began to chant.

Apparently, it was too late to reconsider.