The boys carried on as normal and as much as she tried Sandra couldn't. She sat on the chair staring into space, only speaking when spoken to and even then giving as shorter answers as was possible.
When she looked at the clock she couldn't be gladder to see that it was 5. The only thing was she didn't want to be alone; she had no idea what she was capable of doing to herself, especially when feeling like this. But then she did want to be alone, just so she didn't have to cope with seeing anyone, so she could go home and wrap herself up and just try forget about reality.
"Sandra, are you okay?" Gerry asked as he hung back while Jack and Brian made their way down to the pub.
"Yeah, I'm just not feeling to good."
"So you coming to the pub?" Gerry asked her.
"Na, going for an early night."
He said goodnight and then he too left, he was just another one who couldn't see how broken she was or in her opinion didn't care enough to see.
She drove home as quickly as she could the thought of loosing herself in a bottle or two of wine the only thing keeping her going. She had no energy anymore, no drive. She wasn't herself anymore, she wasn't the strong, fair and however much she tried to cover it up, kind hearted person she always had been. Now she was a broken woman with no energy for anything who said very little for fear tears would fall if she spoke.
She wasn't what she considered normal anymore.
She sat wrapped up in her duvet, trying to bring some warmth back to herself, the lights were all of and it was pitch black outside. The thoughts going round her head made her brain hurt, the stress, the anger and sadness were all getting far too much. She sat wandering what she could do so that there'd be a rational explanation for all the hurt she was feeling. She looked down at her arm and in temporary moments of madness just scratched and scratched until there was blood spilling out of the newly made cuts, all over her clean duvet.
For a moment it made everything feel a bit better, finally there was a reason for the hurt. It didn't take long for that feeling to subside, leaving with a feeling of regret. The tears poured as she realised what she'd done and how alone she was. How down she was to even considering doing that to herself, let alone actually going ahead with it.
She finally accepted she needed someone, someone that would never let her down. As much as she wanted someone who would never hurt, she knew such person didn't exist. Giving the mood she was in even the smallest thing would send her into an angry rage, the smallest joke at her expense, or a tiny error. It didn't matter what, it drove her crazy.
"Sandra? What's up?" Gerry asked worriedly, she never rang him unless it was about work, and even Sandra tended not to work at half 10.
"I need you."
Again, this is quite personal. Hope it was okay and thanks Sdbubbles for asking me to update it, I don't think I would of if you hadn't asked. Maybe more soon, haven't yet decided.