Disclaimer: I own nothing, not even the computer I typed this on or the inspiration I got from watching TV. :(
Life in Radiant Garden
The New Ninth Grade Math Torture…er, Teacher
Just like anyone that has to go to school, the first day of school was dreaded by most of Radiant Garden's high school students. Ventus was no exception. Seven thirty that blustery morning of September 1, he stood outside, waiting for school to open. The reason why he was there so early was due to Aqua's driving (and Terra being forever banned from dropping Ventus off at school due to the Spanish speaking incident the year before by Aerith). As he waited, a trickle of students had arrived, one of them being his friend, Lea.
"Heya, Ven," Lea said, slapping Ven on the back.
"Ow, hey Lea," Ven said painfully.
"Didja hear?" Lea asked.
"Here what?" Ven said.
"There's a new math teacher," Lea replied.
"Where did you hear that?" Ven asked.
"Facebook," Lea replied as the school bell rung.
Once at his Math class, Ven found out that there were as many as thirty students there. Taking a seat, he saw that Lea, Lea's friends Isa, Yuffie, Zack, Luneth, as well as many other students were there. He was about to wave a quick "Hello" to them, when the ground began to shake from large footsteps. Turning to the door, he saw that the door was kicked clean of the hinges.
"Hello, worthless students," the new teacher, Dilan (formerly of Ansem the Wise's guard; was fired for…unspeakable reasons) said to them.
"I'm your new instructor," he said, walking in and punching the front desk, turning it into dust.
Turning to the students, he said, "No one's ever failed my classes. They just live through it."
'This man's crazy. He needs to die or somethin',' Ven thought, eyes bulged in fear.
"I can assure you that these next twelve weeks will be the worst years of your miserable lives. Your spines will break. Your teeth will ache. Your eyes will be bloodshot," Dilan said, pacing in front of the class as if the students were prey.
"Um, uh," everyone managed to say.
"You will pass this math course in style or you will be carted out via medical stretchers. Everyone will follow the rules of the class. First rule, no talking," Dilan told them.
"Er, does that…?" Zack was about to ask when Instructor Dilan, pulling a gun from his suit jacket, shot him with a tranquiller dart.
As if nothing happened, Instructor Dilan continued with, "Second rule, there's no eating in my class."
Taking out a box of donuts, he said, "Would anyone care for a donut?"
Silence fell in the class until Lea said, "Uh, I'll eat one." Everyone gasped as Dilan smiled evilly, walked over to Lea and gave him the box.
"Pick your favorite," he said as Lea opened the box. Taking out a jelly filled donut, Lea began eating, worrying Ven and the others.
"How's it taste?" Instructor Dilan asked him.
"It's a delightful taste sensation," Lea replied, smiling. "Ooh, its strawberry!"
Quickly changing his mood, Dilan roared, "No eating in my classroom!" He proceeded to punch Lea in the face, sending the poor teen flying from his desk, through the wall and into the next five classrooms.
Once again, as if nothing happened, Dilan said to the students, "Third rule, no cell phones or electronic devices are allowed in my class." Much to Yuffie's horror, her cell phone began ringing with the tune "Sanctuary" by Utada Hikaru.
Instructor Dilan walked over to Yuffie, grabbed her purse, took out the cell phone and threw it to the ground, smashing it into several pieces. "Hey! That was my mom!" she yelled.
Pulling out his dart gun again, he shot Yuffie, saying, "No talking."
Walking back to the front of the class and leaving now sleeping Yuffie, Instructor Dilan told his students, "Last rule, no drinking of anything is allowed in my class."
Isa, however, didn't hear this and was drinking out of his water bottle. Ven quickly turned to him and motioned for him to stop drinking. "What?" he yelled and was grabbed by the collar by Instructor Dilan.
"Did you hear what I said?" he asked Isa.
"Um, not really, no. I don't really care," Isa said.
"No drinking in my classroom!" Dilan roared, throwing poor Isa out the third floor window.
Turning to the "survivors", Instructor Dilan told the class, "Now, if anyone's man enough to stay in this class, you may pass with a 'C'."
Turning to the board to teach, he didn't hear the massive amount of students that had left. Outside and down the hall, most of them could've sworn they heard, "Worthless students get back here!" By the end of the day, poor Ven was scarred for life, causing Eraqus to question Radiant Garden Schools' hiring methods.