I wish to thank everyone who reviewed the last chapt-aaaay. They really made me smile )
lunarkitty14 : Kill me in my sleep you say? I daresay you'll have plenty of oppurtunity, if I'm not eating (or writing!) I'm asleep D Thanks for reviewing!
cycathewise: Australian? I wish! I'd love to live there. But you hate milk! Is that possible! Haha.
BishiexRomance: Thank you loads, I actually based Cloud on Jack from Will and Grace! Glad you enjoyed it!
NocturnalWriter: Yay, I loved the long-ness of your review ) I'm glad you like Leon & Cloud's characters!
Anyway, here is chapter three of Vanilla! I hope you like it!
Where the fuck am I?
What's all this sand?
Palm trees?
A… giant clam?
Wait, it's opening! There's light everywhere! I wonder what's inside?
The top of a gleaming silvery head appeared as the clam's sides fell apart. Shimmering, shoulder-length hair fluttered in a gentle breeze, and was soon followed by a pair of captivating aqua eyes, pink lips, a strong chest, until the clam had totally unfurled to reveal a tall, muscular and totally naked…
"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!"
I sat bolt upright in my bed, arms flailing wildy to try and dispel the image still fresh in my mind. I was still mid-flail when Leon bust into my bedroom brandishing a spork and looking positively murderous. When he saw that no-one was in the room but myself, still feebly clawing at thin air with my hands, he lowered his weapon and tentatively sat on the end of my bed, his serial killer-esque countenance replaced by a thoroughly bemused one.
"Er… Sora? What are you doing?" he asked, clearly fearing for my sanity just as much as I was, my arms falling limply to my sides. His steely-beadies were fixed upon me with great apprehension. There was no way in ass I was going to tell him the truth though; he gets this awful pained expression on his face, not unlike the look one might get when one's underwear is severely bunching, when confronted with any kind of emotional problem.
"Well, I was asleep, and I was dreaming… as you tend to do when you're asleep," I twittered, noticing my voice sounded like someone had my nads in a nut-cracker.
"…and?"
And indeed. I had no idea where I was going with this one, it felt like someone had scooped my brain out, painted a room with it and shoved it back into my head. I opened and closed my mouth a few times, before making an involuntary barn-yard animal sound in frustration and putting my head in my hands, whilst Leon's own hand found my shoulder.
"I understand. I have bad dreams too sometimes," he said wistfully, gazing off into nothingness. He was wearing an expression on his face that suggested he had experienced tremendous heartache, which is something I would have found rather hilarious under normal circumstances but at that moment, laughing was the last thing I felt like doing.
"I doubt they're anything like the one I just had," I mumbled through my fingers, thinking that Leon's 'bad dreams' probably consisted of something unmentionable happening to his hair or all the corner shops being closed when he was having a midnight-milk-attack. Even if he wasn't shallow as a piss-puddle I doubt he'd have dreams about nude boys popping out of giant shellfish.
"Well it was just a dream wasn't it? You shouldn't get so worked up about it, it's not like it was real," he said scratching his chin, getting obviously bored with the proceedings and wishing he and his spork hadn't come up on the bounce.
"Thank you for those pearls of wisdom," I replied, shuddering at the pun I had inadvertently imparted, "have we got any alcohol in?"
"Of course."
"Well then. Let's get me nice and drunk."
"Sure thing."
Leon strode purposefully out of the room, and I rubbed my eyes wearily before following Leon to what was probably a huge mistake, but I was beyond not-bothered.
1 hour later…
"THIS IS SOME GOOOOOOOOOOOOOD SHIT AINT IT SORA!"
"Stop shouting assbag I'm… hiccup right here."
"TOLD YOU IT'D GET US DRUNK IN NOOOO TIME!"
"Uh huuuh it's… a bit good. But I think maybe you've had a weeeee bit too much."
"WHAT? WHO TURNED THE MUSIC OFF?"
"There was no music."
"WHAT? SHIT, WHERE'S THE MUSIC GONE?"
"There wasn't any dumbass, go and put some on."
…
"DANCE WITH ME SORA!"
"Mmmkay."
…
Several line, ballroom, break and Irish dances later...
"Heyyy Leon, whatdjew fink of dat Cloud guy in college?"
"Whozat, Cloud? The one that waz told off fer dancin on a table a few day or week ago?"
"Yeeeeah, datsa one."
"Dyou mean like… would I jump im?"
"Yeeeeah."
"Wouldn't say no I don't reckon…"
"Really?"
"Zzzzzz."
"Ay lad am talkin."
"Zzzzzz…"
"Conolly, watch what yer doin' with that goddamn buzzsaw!"
RAH! Shit, I nearly cut off my pinky! What would I make my wishes with! I am not 'with it' in any sense of the expression today; I must have only gotten around three hours of sleep last night thanks to Leon and his weird-ass foreign (and most probably illegal) alcohol. He's still at home crashed out on the couch, positively comatose; I tried to revive him countless times, even wafting a glass of milk under his nose but to no avail.
"Sorry Sir," I replied, taking off the comedic safety-goggles me and Cloud would fight over every lesson. Design Technology lesson that is, quite possibly my favourite ever, as I get to meddle to my heart's content with heavy machinery and so on under the 'watchful' eye of Hillbilly Highwind.
"You gonna do anythin' useful today Queenie?" he snapped at Cloud who was at that moment sat on a table with his t-shirt rolled up, gazing rather concernedly at his bellybutton. Cloud rarely did anything anyone in their right mind would deem 'useful' in any of his lessons let alone this one, unless you count the time he stapled Tidus to his chair. He looked up at us, appearing to come out of some sort of reverie.
"Of course I'm not, what do you take me for?" he asked incredulously.
"Why did yeh take the damn lesson then if yer never gonna do anythin' worthwhile!"
"To be brutally honest with you Sir, I took this lesson because I thought Mr. Reeve would be teaching it."
"Cockwash! What's Reeve got that I haven't!" Mr. Highwind flared up. My spidey-senses are tingling. I'll most certainly have to barge into this conversation before Cloud says something inappropriate.
"It's not something he's got per say, rather somewhere I'd like to get. Namely, in his pa--"
"OH MY GOD, LOOK WHAT I CAN DO!" was the first thing that came to mind; Cloud mercifully broke off and he and Mr. Highwind turned, eyeballing me. Poo sticks, now what? I'd have to do something very grand indeed to get them to forget that they were fighting. After glancing around the room for inspirational purposes, I got down on my hands and knees, thinking I'd do a handstand. How hard could it be?
Very, I decided as I fell back to the ground with a resounding crash. Oooh, I did not sign up for this today. Cloud began to rush over to me, arms flapping in all directions whilst Mr. Highwind continued to eyeball me with increased intensity, most probably wondering what kind of drug I was on. I closed my eyes in immense exasperation.
"OH MY GOODNESS, HE'S DEAD! DON'T WORRY SORA, I'LL PERFORM CPR!" Cloud squealed as his 115 pounds of girly gay-manness fell on my chest. I didn't even have time to react until his big gob was all over my face, when I grabbed his shirt and forcibly heaved him off me.
"THE NEED!"
"Ohh Sora, you're alive! HE'S ALIVE!" he exclaimed, hugging me as I wiped the slobber off my face.
"Gerroffme."
"Right you are my darling," Cloud said as the class bell rang over our heads and the rest of the class filed out giving us stange, if not fearful glances. He helped me to my feet and the two of us set off out of the room to meet Kairi; the three of us were going to her house that night for what Cloud called a 'bitchfest'. He was rather excited about it, more so than I was, for Kai had said she was going to cook for us. Those CPR skills would probably come in handy.
"Are you okay anyway Sora? That was some fall you took," Cloud asked as we headed towards the gates.
"My ass is sore," I replied, having landed on it.
"So is mine, but that's another story!"
I didn't even see that one coming, such was the immensity of my tiredness. I may have to cancel on the bitchfest, lest I fall asleep in my undercooked food. I was just about to say something to Cloud about it when I remembered something of tremendous and utmost importance; Leon! Well, not Leon himself, for he is by no means important, but apart from the line dancing last night I recalled him saying something about Cloud; ooh, it was all falling into place like some sort of homoerotic jigsaw. I'm all for it now that I got an answer out of Leon and remained unscathed. The Puppetmaster will be proud of me indeed!
"Kairiiiiiiiiiiiii!" Cloud shouted as we approached. She jumped and turned around before waving rather erratically and smiling at us. Cloud bounced up and hugged her before launching into the Sora's Attempted Handstand story, which I could feel would become a cult-classic. Kai was laughing so much she snorted.
"It was funny, wasn't it Sora!" Cloud shouted over his shoulder to me. Pah!
"It was NOT funny, it was the kind of thing people go to therapy for," I snapped back, which caused them to laugh harder. It was going to be a long night.
"Where did you dump yours?" I asked Cloud as soon as we were out of earshot of Kairi, who was washing the dishes and humming pleasantly to herself.
"The dog bowl, you?"
"Out the window," I replied solemnly. Kairi had made us spaghetti bolognaise with cheese on top, and it had tasted so uncannily like feet that even Cloud had dispose of his on the sly when she wasn't looking. We of course told her it was delicious and handed our empty plates to her as she beamed at us, before making haste to the bathroom to wash our mouths out with whatever we could get our hands on.
After rinsing the last of the soap suds from my mouth we went back downstairs to where Kairi was sitting and peering at us expectantly.
"BITCHFEST!" yelled Cloud as he jumped over the back of the couch, grabbing a cushion and squeezing it in his rather terrifying excitement. And so it began. Kairi and Cloud chattered on for a whole hour about what I considered absolute crap, stopping only when I dozed off and fell off the couch.
"Bored my darling?" asked Cloud as I got up to my feet and sank back into the chair. Some people have no appreciation for the chronically tired.
"Well, if I'm going to – HOLD THE PHONE! IMPORTANT!" I yelled suddenly, remembering the previous night, "big huge news!"
The two of them were vibrating with such excitement I feared they would spontaneously combust.
"What? WHAT IS IT!" Kairi burst, her eyes bulging.
"Right, I got drunk last night with Leon," I began, Cloud's mouth involuntarily falling open, "and he said… get this… he said he would, in his own words, 'wouldn't say no' to Cloud!"
It was all too much for Cloud. He pulled his t-shirt over his head like a big fruity footballer and began to run around the room in celebration, knocking over a lamp and crashing most unceremoniously into Kai's budgie cage, the poor little birdie almost having a cardiac arrest. Kai had to rugby tackle him to the ground when he ran past her to get him to stop, causing his pants to fall down to his ankles and revealing his Batman underwear. He's all man, is Cloud.
After a bout of uncontrolled giggling, he managed, "Are… you sure?"
"Positive."
"Well well well…" he said, gazing off into the distance, a positively devillish look coming across his face. It were times like this I wish Cloud wasn't totally transparent.
"What's with the look?" Kairi asked.
"I, my friends, have a plan. But I cannot tell you about it, as it will jinx it. I hope you understand."
Phew, I'm glad he's decided to be discreet for once. I'd rather not think about what the plan was, no doubt it would involve a lot of squirty cream and a pair of fluffy handcuffs. Kai looked bummed out.
"Can you give us a clue!" she burst.
"Nah, you'll have to wait till the dance this Friday!" he said, clapping his hands together and grinning. I don't like this Cloud, it's too cunning. I prefer the embarrassing, hyperactive boob Cloud.
"I think it's time I headed off you guys," I said, yawning. I was absolutely shat-knacked. Cloud agreed, and Kairi showed us to the door where Cloud said his flamboyant goodbyes before waltzing off down the street. We watched him go, before I said my normal goodbyes to Kai.
"Meet me tomorrow same time as usual, 'kay!"
"Sure thing," I replied, smiling.
UH! UH! UHHH!
WAS IT GOOD FOR YOU?
Haha, sorry.
That chap was a bit shorter than the others. I would have updated sooner but I have to be in 'the mood' for this story, i.e. hyped up to the max!
Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed it, and you leave me loads of love and reviews! xD
Lots of love, Starlyte x