Confusion and Anger

Two days.

Forty-eight hours, and a handful of seconds and minutes since Alexandra's entire world had been shattered yet again. The passage of time meant little in the grand scheme of things, especially to one who was immortal like she and her family were, but it was the passage of time that only succeeded in creating yet another dent in her heart, and made her question nearly everything about the world she once thought was so fun and innocent and enjoyable.

She didn't think like that anymore.

No longer did Alexandra harbor any grandiose illusions about the world that had taken her entire biological family from her, had turned her into a creature who she used to enjoy reading about in her books, and had now taken her father away from her, the man who had not only taken her in and adopted her as his own, but had fed her the blood which had completed her transition from human to vampire.

It had been two days since Elena had come back to the apartment they had fled to after the Traveler spell had taken affect, and informed her, with tears clogging the back of her throat, that Damon was gone. The powers that be had taken him from them, had made it impossible for him to return to his family after embarking on a dangerous (and suicidal) mission to save the ones they loved from the Other Side before it collapsed.

Unfortunately, much to her confusion, he was the one who ended up drawing the short end of the stick, and had been trapped when the spell which had been brought forth to ensure his revival, had stopped unexpectedly, with the witch who had been doing it, nowhere to be seen.

It was a turn of events that Alexandra, at ten, was struggling to comprehend. Even though she was unusually intelligent for her age, there were still certain aspects of the world that she had no idea of and death and what had happened to her (and now her father), was one of those things.

She missed Damon.

She missed the bond they had already formed.

She missed having a dad again—she missed the games and jokes they would play—and the way Damon would often sneak up on her and tickle her sides until she screamed for mercy, and she missed the loving support he and Elena both gave to her.

Sniffling back the set of tears that had been threatening to fall all afternoon long, she drew her knees up tight against her body and tried to avoid looking at the framed photograph of she and her parents. It was done only recently, one of the few and only mementos she had of the three of them.

She was interrupted in her private time of reflection and confusion, by a gentle knock on the other side of the door. In an apartment that was full of people, time alone was rare, especially for her when the adults that constantly surrounded her, wanted to make sure that she was alright.

It was a gesture she appreciated and needed.

"Hey, baby," Elena said, as she made her appearance. "I wanted to see how you were."

"I'm o-okay," Alexandra said, covering the slight tremor in her voice with a hiccup. "I couldn't sleep."

As Elena walked closer to her and sat down next to her, transferring her from her seated position on the bed to one on her lap, Alexandra could tell just how much pain her mother was in from Damon's death. The bags under her eyes would have been a dead giveaway on its own, but she could also see the paleness of her skin, signaling that she had either not fed recently, or had obtained from getting the proper nutrients she needed.

"I know the feeling," Elena said, squeezing her softly. "What were you thinking about?"

"Who says I was thinking about anything?" Alexandra asked, raising an eyebrow in question.

"Let's just call it a woman's intuition."

Alexandra couldn't argue with that logic. Instead of presenting her mother with a sassy remark like she usually would have, she instead presented her with the photograph she had been studying.

"Remember this?" Alexandra asked, speaking quietly so she would not give away the fact of how much pain she was in over Damon's passing. "We were at the lake house, and Dad decided to throw me in the water."

"I remember," Elena said, as she looked down at the picture of the three of them.

It was taken right after they had found Alexandra and she had completed her transition. Instead of making her stay in the same town in which she had met her brutal end as a human, they both had thought it smart to take her away from that setting and take her someplace light and fun like the lake house.

"And I jumped out of the water and threw that fish in his face!" Alexandra said, laughing in spite of herself at the memory that vacation presented.

"Dad didn't like to swim all that much, but he sure enjoyed throwing people in, didn't he?"

"Yeah. I miss that. I know I was only there once, but I still miss it, you know?"

"I do," Elena said, as she rested her head lightly on top of her daughter's. "I like that shampoo I got you. It smells like fruit."

"It's strawberry. My old Mommy used to get me mango-smelling stuff, but I like this better."

"So do I."

"Mom?"

"Hmm?"

"Is it okay to be...angry?" Alexandra asked, as she toyed with the silver bracelet which held the crucial component of the lapsis lazuli gemstone that kept she and her family from frying in the sunlight.

She had been struggling with her intense feelings of loss that was occasionally overpowered by her even deeper feelings of anger and confusion over why the world thought it was acceptable for her to lose someone else important.

It didn't seem fair to her.

"Angry about what?" Elena asked gently, as she used her fingers to comb through her daughter's hair.

"D-dad," Alexandra said, choking back a sob, her carefully composed composure gone in a single second as she crumbled after two days of denying herself the urge to let go and cry, figuring she would never be able to stop if she let herself go like that.

"Angry that he's gone?" Elena prompted, her own eyes shining with tears. "Yeah. Yeah it's okay to feel angry, baby, I do too."

"You do?" Alexandra asked, looking up at her.

"I feel angry that Luke stopped Liv from completing the spell. I feel angry that he's gone from us when we just found you and started our beautiful family together, and I feel angry that he's not here to tuck you in with me at night, and he's not here to tell you bedtime stories."

"He always makes the funniest voices," Alexandra recalled.

"Hey, I can do a pretty amazing Popeye impression," Elena retorted.

"Prove it," Alexandra said, leveling her gaze on Elena.

"Tonight."

"Okay," Alexandra said, as she snuggled in closer to her Mom. "Do you think we'll ever be able to get him back?"

She had overheard her family brainstorming ways they could get back Damon and Bonnie. Most of the plans involved asking the witches for help, or using alternate means, none of which seemed desirable or even achievable.

"I think so."

"How?"

"If worst comes to worst, we'll have to ask Liv and Luke if they can help us."

It was the last route Elena wanted to travel to, but she knew that if it was a choice between getting her boyfriend and best friend back and ignoring the betrayal Liv and Luke had given them, she would easily go with the former.

"What if they can't?"

"Then...we'll keep searching until there's absolutely no other avenue to go down."

In the state of mind she was currently in, Elena would absolutely not allow herself to think about what would happen if she couldn't get Damon back. It was absolutely inconceivable to her that this loss had the potential of being permanent.

"Okay."

"Don't you worry," Elena reminded her firmly. "We'll get Dad back, okay?"

"Okay."