Insomnia. This is what plagues Ino's nights.

Her eyes and throat are swollen from incessant crying as she lies curled into a ball on her bed, her chest aching with every ragged breath. Her bloodshot eyes stare blankly at the far wall. A cool breeze wafts through her cracked window behind her to caress her bare shoulders. Far off in the forest, the coyotes start to howl.

Asuma had died twenty-four days ago, but still the grief is as acute as if it has only been one. Memories were resurfaced, yanked to the front of her mind by the shock of it all: the four of them laughing together, training, battling enemies, going out to eat. Ino recalls watching Shikamaru beat Asuma in shogi and smiling to herself at the stunned expression on their teacher's face after each loss, Chōji devouring a bag of chips and spitting crumbs on Asuma while talking with his mouth full, Ino teasing Asuma about the flowers he would buy for Kurenai and giggling at his flustered blush. Asuma's sun-kissed face, tender mahogany eyes, scruffy black beard, and though his smoking habits were obnoxious and gross to his students, they had grown to recognize it simply as part of his charm.

Then his pallid face, drenched in rain, purple crescents below his glazed eyes as blood oozed sluggishly out of his mouth and down his chin, flashes into her mind and Ino shudders as she stifles another wracking sob. It never ceases to floor her when the image catches her by surprise.

Ino vividly recalls their battle with the Akatsuki duo, Kakuzu and Hidan. Kakuzu's stony gaze, his bizarre green-and-red eyes pinning her down while he choked the life out of her. Hidan's cruel leer, his maniacal cackles splitting the air as he slashed his scythe wildly at them. She's glad they're gone. Two less enemies to worry about.

According to Izumo and Kotetsu, Asuma was after Hidan for a bounty. It turned out Kakuzu was after Asuma as well. Asuma ambushed Hidan, who activated his bizarre jutsu and-

Wait.

Ino bolts upright.

Hidan was attacked first.

The revelation stupefies her. That means he killed Asuma in self-defense. How had it taken her so long to put two and two together? Ino blanches. Their revenge...was all for nothing. Hidan was fought and defeated for nothing, put underground for nothing. The entire battle was utterly pointless. She covers her mouth with her hand as she stares wide-eyed at her comforter, her mind swarming with thoughts as she processes everything.

A droplet of icy sweat trickles down her back. Hidan is buried alive, slowly dying, wasting away to nothing... She shakes her head furiously, dislodging the irritating worries. Scrambling out of bed, she kicks the tangled covers away and frantically scuttles around searching for her clothes while trying her hardest to be quiet. No, he's immortal, she reasons with herself. He can't die. So then it's not too late. He'll be fine, just angry and bored...

Suddenly she stiffens, pausing with one arm in her purple top. Why am I sympathizing with an enemy? A callous, psychotic murderer. An Akatsuki, for Kami's sake. Then she sags. ...And yet...

"...Nobody deserves to be buried alive."

Hidan gawks at Ino as if she has two heads, despite being a disembodied one himself.

"And," she continues, then hesitates, slightly unnerved by his expression. "...I understand why you killed my teacher."

"Well, yeah," Hidan suddenly exclaims, startling her. "He was trying to kill me, dumbass!"

Ino blinks, speechless.

"Did it take you this long to figure it out!?" His tone is derisive, and she flinches at the echo of her own internal self-rebuke. "It's been like three fucking months! Seriously! How thick is your skull!?" He pants after the outburst, small beads of sweat welling on his forehead.

Ino bristles. "It's not even been one month," she snaps, like it really matters, "and if you're going to act like an ungrateful jerk then I'm putting you back under; screw what I said before. Understand?" The threat is hollow. She hopes it will sway him because she means what she had said. Even psychopathic, foul-mouthed, murderous pricks deserve better. At least, so she thinks, and she wouldn't be surprised if she was the only one, either. And as she studies him: his cheeks slightly gaunt and the beginnings of a pale beard shadowing his chin and upper lip, she feels another twinge of sympathy despite his surly, ungrateful attitude.

It required massive amounts of willpower to quell her trepidation and ignore nagging thoughts such as this is wrong, you're committing a crime, if you're caught you'll be sentenced to death during her entire escapade, but then they'd abruptly cut off once her fingers had touched his filthy locks to lift him from the soil. Although her first reaction to unearthing the severed head went along the lines of WHATAMIDOINGWHATAMIDOINGWHATAMIDOING PUTHIMBACKPUTHIMBACKPUTHIMBACK, Ino had nevertheless stifled her repulsed shudder and swallowed down the bile that rose in her throat upon seeing his sunken eyes roll around to lock onto hers. Then she'd frozen like a startled deer once he'd opened his mouth to reinforce just how astonished he was to see her face instead of...well, just her face in general. Ah, and she had forgotten how extensive his vocabulary was.

Hidan finds the strength to sneer at her, and immediately her sympathy has vanished. "Whatever. Put me back then, I don't care," he blusters. "When I die I'll finally get to be with Lord Jashin anyway, so win-win, bitch."

Ino's eyes narrow. Time for plan B.

She shifts to stand and takes steady, leisurely steps toward the lip of the hole while holding him before her, feeling frost encase her veins. "Oh?" she says, her voice eerily calm. "So you'd rather slowly and painfully die of thirst and starvation to attain that goal? Did you enjoy the cold, wet dirt smothering your senses? The taste of it when it fell into your gaping mouth as you screamed for your partner, who, mind you, is dead?" Hidan's eyes fly wide at that, but before he can open his mouth she sweeps on. "The worms and centipedes slithering and crawling into your orifices? The lonely darkness as you slowly forgot what the sun's warmth and light felt like? The endless loop of boredom and insanity as you lay motionless, helpless to anything that may happen to you?"

She smiles sweetly upon seeing his deeply disturbed expression. "Shall I continue?"

Hidan gapes dumbly, and Ino smirks internally upon seeing the color drained from his face. "I have to admit, Blondie, you're pretty creepy," he says hoarsely.

"I'm not creepy, I'm beautiful," she sniffs, mildly offended, but internally she pumps her fist. It's working! "Now what do you say to the one who freed you from your dirt cell?"

He scowls. "But there's no way you little pansies killed Kakuzu."

Ino tsks, wagging a finger. "Wrong answer." She shifts her grip to his short hair and tauntingly dangles him over the pit. "Tick tock..."

"Ow, damn it! I said don't touch my hair!"

"Deep-six, Hidan," she murmurs.

"Lord Jashin will smite you for this!"

"What's a god to a nonbeliever?"

That seems to stun him into silence, if only for a few seconds. Then he sputters. "Wh- Y-yeah, well- You're a damn heathen!"

"My fingers are slipping..."

"I can take dying like a man!" Then it's back to the blustering. "Just drop me already, you bitch!"

That's all the incentive she needs. Loosening her fingers, Hidan's head slips down an inch before she tightens her grip just as quickly, jarring him as he hisses in a sharp gasp. "Oops."

"Okay, okay, wait!" he shouts hurriedly, voice shrill. "Please? There, I said please. I've never said that before, so you're special."

Ino perks up at that. One could never go wrong with complimenting her. She decides to be a bit merciful for now and moves him back toward her, much to his immense relief. "What is it?"

"Can you please-" he enunciates the word through clenched teeth with a grimace, as if it's physically painful to utter, "-put me back together? I promise I'll make your death as quick and painless as possible."

The edges of his jaw nudge against her palms as he speaks. Earlier, he'd snapped at her to not touch his hair when she'd pulled him out, so she'd obeyed pertly, dropping him back in the dirt. She'd contemplated setting his neck on her hands, but touching bloody meat and bone didn't exactly appeal to her. "It took me six days to dig you back up," she says flatly, ignoring him. "Unless you want to go back to eating dirt I'd suggest you be at least a little grateful. A simple "thank you" should suffice."

A petulant frown curls the ends of his mouth down. "Okay, fine," he begrudgingly accedes. "Thank you. Now put me back together. Please."

Glancing skyward, Ino pretends to ponder this. "Hmmm... Nope." She gives him a hard look. "I may be blonde but I'm not an idiot. You're staying here for now."

"Wha-!? You're putting me back under anyway!?" Hidan's eyes flare with terror.

"No, no, no." Ino is quick to wave away his anxiety. "I'm just hiding you. I still need to find the rest of your body too, and your ring, if I can. I just...don't know what to do with you yet." She sighs heavily. "I don't trust you, obviously, and I'm surprised the Akatsuki haven't come looking for you yet... Damn, I didn't think this through," she adds in a mutter, shaking her head.

Scrutinizing her suspiciously, Hidan says slowly, "...I don't trust you either."

"Glad we understand each other," Ino replies sarcastically with a roll of her eyes.

"And other than the fact that you look scarily similar to Deidara-chan, you talk too much, like Kakuzu always told me-" he stops, his eyebrows hiking as he remembers something. "Wait, is he really dead?"

"My name's Ino," Ino deadpans. "And yes, he's dead. Now unless you have any other questions, I'm sleepy, and I want to go back to bed."

"Actually, I'm fuckin' starving. And thirsty as hell."

Right. Ino sighs again. Duh. "Of course you are."

ooo000ooo

"Sho tell me how old tightwad got hish ash kicked," Hidan prompts through a mouthful of sukiyaki. He wouldn't shut up about spareribs, yapping about how much he craved them and pestering Ino to run to the store and get some for him, but no store she knew of remained open in the wee hours of the morning, so – despite being incredibly exhausted – she'd snuck back home and taken the first thing she saw out of her fridge. One would think someone suffering from starvation wouldn't be picky with food, and yet Hidn was a special case. He'd grumbled about not getting exactly what he wanted for a bit until she stuffed the first piece in his flapping pie hole.

Yes, she's literally feeding him. She sits cross-legged before him, tearing pieces off and poking them in his gaping, expectant mouth – not unlike a mother bird and her nestling – watching with pursed lips as he chomps loudly and spews crumbs everywhere while he talks about this and that. The experience really makes her want to rethink his request to be reassembled. And where does the food even go? No way in hell is she about to inquire.

Caught off guard by his nonchalance, Ino fumbles for a response. "Uh... You're not...sad?"

Hidan raises a delicate eyebrow. "You kidding me? We hated each other's guts," he states matter-of-factly. "Kakuzu would try to beat me up on a daily basis and he always threatened to kill me. Like, yeah, I'd love to see you try, you old stringy-assed miser." He opens his mouth, and Ino obediently pops another chunk of meat in, noting the fact that he also seems much cheerier now. Chewing, he says snidely, "But now he's dead. Y'know, we actually bet on who would die first, but I can't remember how much, although I know it wasn't a lot because he's a stingy fuck. So if you can show me where he's buried, I can, like, take his wallet. Not like he needs it anymore anyway."

He must have been terribly lonely stuck in the cold darkness, yards underground, for so long to be talking so much to his enemy of all people, Ino thinks, pity swelling in her throat, but she swiftly shoves the feeling away with a flash of irritation. He's fine now, get over it. "Honestly, I don't know what they did with his body, but I doubt they held a burial," she admits, refusing to meet his eyes while she picks at the sukiyaki. "Knowing our Hokage, she likely had him sent in for study."

"As in...?"

Ino hesitates. "...Dissection."

Hidan scrunches his nose. "Gross," he remarks simply. "I need a drink."

Tipping the bottle of water into his mouth, Ino continues. "So, back to how he died – Uzumaki Naruto struck him with a Rasengan, then Hatake Kakashi finished him off. That's all I know."

Water splatters on her shirt as Hidan spits it out in surprise. "That Uchiha wannabe?" he says incredulously. "I knew I should've killed 'im when I had the chance! Him and that shadow-brat both." His voice lowers into a venomous snarl, acrimony souring his tone. "Fucker. Once I get some of his blood I'm gonna stab every-"

"Excuse you," Ino snaps, furiously wiping spitty water off of herself. "And no, you are not. Not as a severed head, anyway." She huffs irritably as she stands. "Ugh. Now I have to change and shower even more."

"W-wait!" Hidan cries. "You just gonna leave me here? Fuckin' animals are gonna try to eat me!"

Resisting the urge to roll her eyes again, Ino bends to scoop him up and hefts him beneath her arm, starting toward the hollow tree. "Relax. There's nothing but deer here, so you're safe. Besides, I'm gonna hide you in a tree and disguise it with foliage then barricade it with rocks so they can't get to you in case they get too curious." She snorts, adding under her breath, "I think your loud mouth will be enough to scare anything off, anyway."

"Well, what if someone finds me?" he persists, borderline panicky, not having heard her jab.

"This spot is clandestine," she reassures him. "Like I said, no one or thing will be able to. All you have to do-" Ino places him inside the gap, settling him on some moss she'd gathered, and looks him in the eye, "-is stay quiet. Okay? I'll be back in the morning." Ignoring his further protesting, she meticulously places branches and rocks around the hole until his yapping is no more than a muffled, curse-filled hum. "Remember what I said," she reminds loudly, rapping on the side of the tree to get his attention, then, satisfied when he falls silent with a final humph, turns on her heel and starts her trek back home.

While she walks, she feels as if there is a heavy ball of ice in her heart. I did a good thing. I saved his life, she firmly reminds herself.

...So why do I feel like a criminal?

AUTHOR'S NOTE

Sorry for the lateness, dudes. Since I'm notorious for incessantly editing my fics after they've been posted because I find error after error and whatnot, I needed to make absolutely sure this one was exactly how I wanted it to be. Well, let's hope it is, anyway.
Also, yeah I know coyotes don't exist in Japan but let's pretend they do because they're symbolic in this fic. Okie dokie?
Last thing- I've got another idea for a fic I'll be posting soon, so heads up. It's another strange crack pairing! :P