Moments in Time – Wedding (Part 2)
Fenris wasn't sure how long he'd been sitting there with his legs bent, arms resting over his knees, and head tipped forward to allow his hair to shield his vision from everything bar what was directly beneath him. He only knew that he felt cold. It wasn't an unwelcome feeling, but he was determined to remain irritated, so he stubbornly forced himself to blame Hawke for making him wear this inhabilis shirt.
Drink or no, Fenris knew he'd done a fine job of messing with his own head tonight. Especially with such uncomfortably pleasant thoughts of his closest friend flitting through his mind, but he couldn't quite face the responsibility of it all.
As if Hawke didn't flummox me enough already. Why did she have to look so... so... He shook his head as his mind refused to voice what he felt. Anders, he thought darkly, verimas asinu! This is his fault! Bringing things to my attention I was quite happy not thinking about. Fenris flexed his fingers instinctively, working out the settling stiffness of his joints while momentarily distracted by a bug walking into his narrowed field of vision. Anders! he thought again, unceremoniously flicking the insect from beneath the crook of his leg.
"Honestly, do you really think bringing this up at Aveline's wedding is suitable?"
It was distant, but Fenris recognised Hawke's strained voice instantly. He uncurled himself enough to twist and look over the edge of the wall he was sitting on, intrigued to see who she was speaking to. A pair of figures were briefly silhouetted against the interior lights of the Keep whilst the large doors stood open. The moment they closed again the shadows drew in and only his keen eyesight left him able to watch the pair's progress as they descended the steps onto Viscount's Way. When they passed the next torch, both were illuminated in a golden glow and Fenris frowned to see Anders at Hawke's side.
"Bride or not, wedding dress or not, she'd quite merrily skewer you for making her guests uncomfortable," she continued. "I'm not even sure I'd stop her!"
Perhaps I left too early if I missed a chance at seeing a blade being taken to Anders, Fenris thought, smiling to himself.
Content to let them walk by, Fenris allowed his head to rest back against the stone behind him and closed his eyes. He didn't feel ready to butt heads with Anders again just yet, and certainly not with Hawke present. He already felt guilty and confused enough without incurring even more of her obvious displeasure.
Though he desperately wished to ignore them, it became increasingly difficult. Just as his eyes had betrayed him earlier, his ears seemed bent on listening to every word Hawke said. It was disconcerting to realise he could picture a facial expression to go with every inflection she used.
"You're not the only one feeling the pressure, you know?" Hawke was truly irritated now. The idea that her frustration was not aimed at him made Fenris smile all the more, but her next words gave him pause. "I'm trying my best to keep you safe, and you're not making that any easier by arguing with off-duty Templars, Anders. I don't care how much Fenris annoyed you beforehand!"
Fenris's mind reeled between, 'Keep you safe'! What does the abomination have her doing? and 'I was annoying him'! He swore under his breath, opening his eyes in time to see Hawke storming away from the irritating mage.
"Hawke!" Anders called, quickening his pace to keep up with her. "Marian, please. I'm sorry." He caught her arm and pulled her to a stop, making the long red shawl Fenris hadn't realised she was wearing slip down on one side. "The last thing I want is for you to be angry with me."
Hawke sighed. "I'm not angry with you," she replied quietly, turning to look up into Anders's abashed face. "I'm just tired. It's been a long day." While mollifying the mage's concern, she gently pulled her arm free of his grasp and readjusted her shawl. She wound up a few steps away from him, leaning against one of the huge stone pillars that supported the open ceiling of Viscount's Way. The clear sky offered a view of the stars; Fenris watched as Hawke tilted her head up to look at them.
"But it is a beautiful night," Anders said, mirroring her actions and looking skyward admiringly. She nodded in agreement as his gaze came back to her. "In more ways than one," he added easily.
Fenris rolled his eyes, he really didn't want to be hearing this, but frustratingly found himself wondering about how Hawke would react to such charm. He knew how Magisters in Tevinter would have behaved. As Danarius's bodyguard, he'd unfortunately witnessed more than he cared to remember of their base desires and confidence with intimacy. He'd even found himself the unwilling focus on several occasions. Fenris shook his head at the disturbing memories.
Once again Hawke surprised him, though he was starting to question why. She was unlike any woman he'd ever known, mage or not. She ventured nothing in response to Anders compliment, though her expression subtly revealed her uncertainty and embarrassment. There was certainly no shift between them, no attempt to move closer together. The two mages simply remained still, staring at one another. Fenris found himself captivated, watching Hawke closely and idly wondering how it would feel to hold her attention in such a pleasant way, for her eyes to burn with something other than annoyance when she looked at him intently.
Ei sum fatuus! Fenris inwardly declared, tearing his eyes away from her. Why am I allowing myself to continue with these thoughts?
With a blink, the noticeable chemistry of their moment was gone, and Fenris, drawn to the sudden movement, looked down to see Anders taking a step back and folding his arms defensively. His whole stance radiated aggravation as he spoke again. "It's worth any irritations just to spend some time with you. I haven't seen you much recently."
Fool, Fenris thought. At that moment, he was unsure about who the insult was aimed at, Anders or himself for caring about how the abomination was coming across to his mage friend. He seemed to be incapable of pulling his thoughts into something suitably coherent.
"I know, Anders, I'm sorry," Hawke apologized wearily. "There have been other things going on, and I haven't been able to get down to the clinic as much as I would've liked."
"Other things?" Anders asked curiously, instantly stepping closer to her again. Reaching forward, he gently cupped Hawke's cheek. Something in Fenris's gut tightened at the sight, his mind reliving the same squirming jealousy of earlier even more intensely as he watched Hawke close her eyes, obviously enjoying the contact of the abomination's fingers on her skin.
Their ease of being around one another, touching so freely, why is it getting under my skin?
It might have been easier to stomach if Anders simply pressed her up against the pillar like he evidently wished to. At least that would have been typical, instead of this unusual subtlety Fenris found he envied beyond reason. He forced himself to pull his eyes away again.
No. That would not be easier.
His jaw clenched uncomfortably and he wished he'd brought his Agreggio outside with him, if only to have something to blame these disturbing introspections on. Or perhaps just to throw at the abomination.
"It's nothing of note," Hawke breathed contentedly. Anders let his hand fall away.
"I thought maybe Fenris..." the mage began dejectedly.
Fenris found his interest unwittingly piqued again as he waited for her response to Anders's suggestion, thinking on how rapidly he'd shot down Varric's assertion that they were more than 'just friends' earlier.
"What? No," she cut in a little too quickly. "Other things like life, Anders."
"I'm sorry, Marian," Anders apologized, his shoulders relaxing in light of her swift refute. "I know you have good sense."
Fenris scoffed, infuriated, and noticed the mage turn slightly as if he'd heard the sound. However, after a moment Anders simply shook his head and looked back at Hawke. "It's just - I can't understand your friendship with him, not that it's my place to criticize. He seems less a man to me than a wild dog!"
Fenris began uncontrollably grinding his teeth. 'Wild dog,' am I?
"Anders, don't call him that!" Hawke demanded, helping to alleviate some of Fenris's sudden desire to leap down and let the abomination know he had no idea what 'wild dog' was yet.
Undaunted by her sudden annoyance, Anders continued, "Surely you of all people would prefer someone more open-minded, even for a friend?"
"Me of all people? You mean as a mage?" she questioned irritably.
Anders nodded, his expression grim. "I can't imagine it's something that goes down well between you."
Hawke became thoughtful, almost wistful, for a moment. "At first, perhaps," she began, before continuing pointedly, "Look, his experiences are not mine to elaborate on, Anders, but he has more reason than anyone I've ever known to hate and mistrust mages."
"He's let one bad experience colour his whole world."
Hawke was speechless for a few seconds before her eyes narrowed in anger. "One bad experience!" Hawke repeated with clear disbelief, glaring up at the mage in front of her. "It was his life. Would you like your life within the Circle summed up similarly?"
"One evil Magister does not make all mages bad, Marian," Anders retorted, his irritation at her defence of Fenris apparent.
"I know that," Hawke replied, rubbing her temples and shaking her head, "but it only ever takes one bastard to undo a lifetime of good choices by others." For a long moment there was only silence as they both refused to back down. In the end, Hawke looked skyward and Fenris imagined her taking a calming breath to settle her thoughts as she often did. She was always so careful. "Magic is a powerful, dangerous thing. People have every right to be fearful of it," she added at length, her voice solemn.
"Is that something the elf said?" Anders asked moodily.
"I'm sure it's come up," Hawke answered, and Fenris was surprised to see another smile play across her features. What is this confounding need she has to baffle me, even now, by simply being who she is? he asked himself. It made him wonder what Hawke really thought when she was forced to consider their past heated discussions. "Would that make it any less truthful?" she asked, watching as Anders's expression became more discerning. "Mages are dangerous. We are dangerous!" she said, gesturing to both of them. "There's no escaping that. All it ever takes is one moment of weakness, one slip," her voice trailed off, a note of anxiety entering it as she looked away and said, "...and so many do."
A good example of that is standing right in front of you, Hawke, Fenris thought grimly, wondering yet again why she chose to see Anders so differently. He halted that line of thought abruptly. He didn't want to over think her reasons. I want to sleep tonight.
"We can only hope, you and I," Hawke added finally, resting her hand on Anders's feathered pauldron and looking searchingly into his down-turned face, "that we are able to show how good mages can be trusted."
One of you, perhaps, Fenris added mentally.
"Is that what you've been trying to accomplish with Fenris?" Anders asked gloomily.
"Accomplish?" Hawke laughed. "You make it sound like he's nothing more than a pet project to me."
"I can hope," the mage muttered.
"Anders..." Hawke sighed. "Fenris is my friend. I'm afraid you just don't know him."
Anders looked up, his expression dispassionate. "I know as much as I'd ever like to."
"That's right, mage," Fenris growled under his breath. Again, Anders turned his head as if he'd heard, but he still made no deliberate attempt to locate the source of the comment.
"But enough," Anders began suddenly as Hawke turned away, lifting her hands in exasperation. He reached for one of them and pulled it toward him, forcing her to face him again. "My fears for you are pacified. I am appeased," he continued in response to her disbelieving expression. "This is me," he said, gesturing animatedly with his hands, "putting my aggravations with Fenris in a box." He placed an evidently squirmy thing into an imaginary box and closed the lid rather forcefully. "I can shake it viciously later," he added with a wry smile. Hawke just rolled her eyes, but wasn't quite able to keep a straight face as she shook her head.
"Perhaps I should try putting both of you in a box. It might be easier to knock your heads together!" Hawke suggested, surprisingly testy.
Fenris snorted, thinking in disgust, You'd have to be fast, Hawke!
"Hmm," was all the response she got from Anders as he retreated back a step.
It was quiet for a long time after that, and Fenris let his head rest on the stone behind him again, allowing his mind to drift. Annoyingly, it kept wandering to the woman standing only a few feet below him.
How lovely she looked.
How he could still picture her vividly, even with his eyes closed.
How he might struggle being alone with her now after he'd unexpectedly had such desirable musings about her that were not entirely unwelcome.
Fenris smacked the heel of his hand against his head to straighten his meandering thoughts. It didn't work. Growling to himself, he sat up again to see that both Hawke and Anders were still standing where they had been a moment ago. They were no longer looking at one another, instead gazing thoughtfully in different directions.
Why can't they just go away and leave me in peace?
"Marian?" Anders asked at length.
"Yes?" she answered softly.
"I have been trying to be a good example."
"Oh, Anders, I know." Her response was full of concern as she stepped toward him, ready and almost eager to offer the comfort Anders obviously sought from her simple touches. "You do such a wonderful job with your clinic. You help so many people."
"But how can I trust myself? How can I trust in my ability to heal - after -" His voice trembled slightly, the question dying on his lips as he pinched the bridge of his nose and pushed his finger and thumb against his eyes forcefully.
"Anders," Hawke began consolingly.
"I've begun to see that this was a terrible mistake, Justice and me."
Only now? Fenris shook his head in disbelief.
"I only wanted to help my friend, you know?" Anders explained, eager for her acceptance. To Fenris's dismay, she was happy to offer it.
"I know," Hawke answered gently, staring into the abomination's face, concerned and thoughtful. "Is there nothing that can be done? Can't it be reversed in some way?" she asked, an unmistakable note of discomfort in her voice.
"Justice and I are one now," replied Anders, absentmindedly pinching a strand of Hawke's fringe between his fingers before brushing it aside. "It's hard to know where I end and he begins. Even if it were possible, I'm not certain we would both survive the process."
Could be worth looking into then, Fenris thought darkly, his chest feeling ridiculously tight as he tried to rein in the sudden envy at witnessing their closeness once more. He inwardly cursed himself for sitting where he was. Why didn't I just leave like I originally intended?
"I will look into it, though," Anders promised finally.
Good, thought Fenris.
"You must tell me if there's anything I can do to help," Hawke said.
"I will," Anders replied, a smug smile spreading over his features at her obvious eagerness to aid him. "Hmm, I suddenly feel quite exhausted. I think... I need to take my leave, Marian."
"Do you want me to go with you?" she asked, worried at his suddenly weakened state.
The mage shook his head. "I wouldn't have you walk all the way to Darktown looking the way you do and then have you walk back up here alone. Go back and enjoy the rest of the night. You're too beautiful to be wasted in the shadows out here."
"At least use my cellar entrance to Darktown, it'll be quicker and quieter, and you should take Juno."
"Stop fussing," Anders bid lightly. "I'll be fine... though I may take you up on the cellar route offer."
"You can use it any time, you know that."
"I know." Anders murmured, taking Hawke's hand in his again and appearing to briefly consider her slender fingers held loosely in his palm. He was thoughtfully running his thumb over her skin with his head turned slightly in Fenris's direction. Fenris would never see how his eyes hardened, flashing infinitesimally with Justice's presence before his expression changed, becoming playful as he looked back to Hawke, smiling his most charming smile and leaning in to place an unexpected soft kiss to the corner of her lips. "Thank you, Marian. Goodnight," Anders whispered.
"Goodnight," she responded, sounding a little stunned.
Fenris didn't realise how wide his eyes were till they screamed with dryness and forced him to blink. He observed Hawke taking a deep breath before following her line of sight, watching Anders retreating down the steps at the far end of Viscount's Way and out of sight.
Finally! he thought with a snarl, but suddenly became uncomfortable with the idea that he was now alone with Hawke. Though she doesn't know I'm here, he comforted himself.
"How long have you been there?" she asked suddenly; Fenris instantly sat forward to search the area, wondering who she could be speaking to, but then she turned to look directly up at him and he realised she was talking to him.
Completely taken by surprise, it took Fenris a moment to form a response, but then the lingering irritations of everything he'd just observed and everything he'd suffered through prior to leaving the wedding settled in, giving his growing anger focus. "Long enough," he finally growled in answer, nimbly leaping down from on top of the wall.
Hawke watched his progress neutrally. She remained completely unfazed by his surly response, she'd had long enough to get used to it over the years. His obvious bad mood didn't stop him from casually walking up to where she still stood leaning against the stone pillar. "A mage and a hypocrite. What company you keep," he stated dryly, lifting his chin in the direction Anders had gone.
Hawke closed her eyes and took another deep breath. "I'm sorry, Fenris." He grimly waved off her apology, she owed him nothing - the abomination, however... "You two seem to have an uncanny knack for winding each other up," she observed tiredly.
"I wonder why?" Fenris asked sarcastically. That mage is a colossal asinu. Hawke didn't respond, but turned to look skyward again as if praying to the Maker to give her strength. "How long did you know I was there?" he asked, doing nothing to disguise his irritation at the prospect that he'd been deliberately goaded.
"Long enough," Hawke responded without looking at him, parroting his previous answer and surliness. "You chunter quite loudly, you know," she added.
"Chunter?" he asked.
She giggled lightly at his confused tone. "Yes, chunter... it's a word!" she explained, seeing his dubious expression. "Perhaps 'growl through your teeth' would make more sense? Either way, your displeasure was obvious enough and I'm sure I wasn't the only one who noticed."
"You mean all that was for my benefit?" Fenris asked, making a frustrated gesture.
"Well, part of me hopes that it was partially for my benefit," Hawke began, "but after earlier I'm sure Anders was relishing the idea of making you uncomfortable. I'm sorry for that, I guess he had some silly idea that it'd irritate you to see him close to me - make you jealous or something, though I don't know what would give him that idea."
"Jealous?" Fenris repeated, like it was the most ridiculous suggestion he'd ever heard, wondering whether Hawke's reaction to Anders's advances was so controlled simply because she knew they weren't alone. Would she have been more welcoming if Fenris hadn't been there? Did she care that much for him? He swallowed uncomfortably. "Fool!"
"Hmm," Hawke murmured, unaware of Fenris's discomfort as she gazed off in the direction Anders had gone. "I've given up trying to fathom what goes on in his head and yours, for that matter," she said, rounding on Fenris suddenly with narrowed eyes. "I haven't forgotten I'm cross with you too, you know."
Fenris instantly tensed in the heat of her glare. "I'm not apologizing," he stated flatly, slicing his hand through the air between them with finality.
"I wasn't expecting you to," she sighed, and resumed staring after Anders. Immediately Fenris regretted his stubbornness. He shook his head, as much infuriated with himself as with her ability to make him feel guilty. The wind shifted then, blowing very chill and Hawke shivered. "How long have you been out here? You must be freezing," she said, looking over at Fenris in concern as she readjusted her long shawl.
Since you all but set me on fire with your glare earlier, thought Fenris sullenly, but found himself momentarily distracted by watching her slender hands deftly work the material of her shawl about her head to form an elegant hood. Then he realised that Hawke was looking at him expectantly, waiting for a response. "A bit, perhaps." Though not as much all of a sudden. "Someone told me to wear this thin linen shirt," he added, pulling nonchalantly at the buttons down the front as he spoke. "Apparently armour isn't acceptable attire to wear to a Captain of the Guard's wedding."
Hawke smiled at his dry humour and instantly some of Fenris's anger vanished.
"That same someone didn't tell you not to wear a coat or to sit outside." He could feel the heat rise to his cheeks as she openly appraised him, glad that the dull lighting along Viscount's Way would make his blush hard to see. "It looks good on you, though," she complimented him, leaning back against the pillar. "At least someone has good taste, hmm? But I'm sure you've had others tell you that already tonight."
"Only Varric," Fenris answered truthfully.
Hawke chuckled. "I don't believe that for an instant."
"Do," Fenris responded, "not everyone is as accepting as you - and the dwarf - are, apparently. I'm very conspicuous here," he finished, repeating his earlier comment to Varric. She did not joke about it as he had, however; instead an expression of understanding flashed over her face.
"For all my insistence about the shirt," she began, "I feel a bit out of my depth with this myself." She gestured to her finery and Fenris allowed his eyes to wander over her undeniable beauty again. How could he refuse such an open invitation?
"I thought so," he replied as his eyes came back to hers knowingly.
"You did?" she asked, smiling again. "Was I not hiding my discomfort well enough?"
Fenris shook his head. But only from me, Hawke, he thought.
She mumbled something under her breath, evidently discouraged by his answer. He considered how to make her feel at ease again and remembered his earlier remark to Varric. 'If I had a compliment to give, I'd give it directly.' He smiled at the thought that Varric wouldn't have a chance to wheedle it out of him by some roguish means.
"It suits you, Hawke," he remarked, motioning to her attire. Looking at her clothes again reminded him how disconcerting it had felt to realise that she looked like a mage; without thinking he added, "If you look past the robe."
Hawke's eyes widened as she looked down at herself then back up at Fenris's oblivious expression. "There wouldn't be much left!" she exclaimed, clasping a hand to her chest dramatically to feign shock and outrage at the idea that Fenris was undressing her with his eyes.
When Fenris realised how she had pretended to take his comment, even in jest, he looked mortified.
"Festis bei umo canavarum!" he cursed, before desperately trying to explain. "I didn't mean, I meant..."
Though Hawke was smiling, she finished his explanation for him to end his struggling. "You meant if you look past the fact that I look like a mage?"
Fenris didn't respond, realising his attempt at being complimentary had quite a different meaning when Hawke put it like that. His silence only confirmed her suspicions.
"I think I preferred the unintentional flirt," she said sadly, "but I guess my original response still applies either way - there really wouldn't be much left." Her serious tone made him feel terrible, and the guilt that had momentarily disappeared resurfaced with a vengeance. "I was born this way, Fenris. Take the mage away and what's left?"
He could only look at her, inwardly kicking himself as her eyes glistened with moisture. This wasn't what he'd had in mind when he'd wanted to see something other than burning annoyance in her gaze. What had Anders said before about him spitting every kindness Hawke offered him back in her face? He hated that the abomination was right at that moment.
"It doesn't matter anyway," she continued quietly, looking away from Fenris's troubled expression. "I should take it as a compliment that apparently I suit a dress, good to know. I haven't worn one since I was about five, so..." Still Fenris couldn't think of a way to recover from his verbal blunder. "Are you going back in?" she enquired.
The direct question helped him form an answer. At least he didn't have to think about it. "No. Are you?" he asked in return, uncertain what he hoped her response would be.
Hawke shook her head.
"I think I've had enough, too," Fenris admitted, knowing full well he'd probably have another drink when he got back to the mansion.
"Ah," Hawke said with a knowing smile. "Agreggio?" she asked, meeting his eyes.
"'Dragon piss,' apparently," Fenris offered dryly, thinking of how Varric had referred to it earlier.
Hawke laughed. "Varric?" she enquired, wondering at the colourful analogy. Fenris merely nodded, but a half smile was playing at the corner of his lips at hearing her laughter. "Don't expect even a surface dwarf to appreciate the subtle flavours of red wine, Fenris."
"Like you do, you mean?" he asked with a throaty chuckle. He could still vividly remember the expression on her face when she'd first tried some - she'd looked like she'd swallowed a wasp. Fenris had since learned that Hawke rarely drank alcohol, preferring warm beverages like herbal tea over the sting of wine. He must have been truly intimidating on their first meeting for her to hide her aversion at the time. I had been lobbing the stuff at the walls, not to mention other things, he remembered. No wonder she was nervous.
Hawke folded her arms across her chest, distracting him again. She was scowling at his sarcasm till her face screwed up at the memory of tasting Agreggio for the first time.
"Perhaps Varric's assessment isn't far off," she acquiesced, smacking her lips before grimacing. "If I had to imagine what dragon piss would taste like, that is!" Fenris shook his head, still smiling. "What?" she asked, desperately trying to sound disgruntled.
He waved off her question. "It's an acquired taste."
"I'd imagine so..." Hawke responded, letting the reply hang for a moment, then laughing when Fenris rolled his eyes.
"Agreggio, Hawke. Not dragon piss!" Fenris pointed out, unable to keep himself from laughing as well. Her obvious mirth was infectious; he allowed himself to be drawn into the sudden levity, the unease of moments ago forgotten.
I'm a glutton for punishment tonight, he thought, but this was how it had always been.
The sincerity of her calming influence had always been compelling to him, even during the earliest times when he'd fought so viciously against it, finding the whole notion repellent and not wanting to believe a mage could be so utterly differentfrom everything he'd expected without an ulterior motive. She'd enticed him like a moth to a flame, constantly making him feel safe and vulnerable in equal measure.
Fenris had never had reason to think anything but ill of mages before he'd met Hawke. He'd never met anyone so mindful of him, even when he lashed out in anger, unable to hide the discomfort confusing ideas of 'good mages' inevitably wrought him. She would simply step back, giving him space, never pressuring him to see things her way, no matter how heatedly they argued beforehand. Time and time again she would do this and it left him forever floundering.
He'd thought that he was finally keeping pace with her, knowing so much more about her now, but after tonight it felt like she'd shot a million miles ahead again. It was his own fault, he knew she had no idea what she was doing to him just by being her.
They fell into step with one another in companionable silence, gradually making their way back down to Hightown. For all Fenris's worries about being alone with her, he found it surprisingly comfortable. For the first time he was able to appreciate what a beautiful night it really was.
Certainly I have very lovely company, he thought, sneaking a sidelong look at what he could see of Hawke's profile under her hood.
When they finally spoke it was about nothing in particular. They were quick to joke and laugh, and Fenris even got to hear the story about Hawke and Donnic that Varric had been telling people at the wedding. Matchmaking had never been quite such hard work, it seemed. It was certainly difficult to imagine someone as confident and forthright as Aveline struggling to show her feelings, yet she'd courted Donnic with a fear typically reserved for dragons. He looked at Hawke again, taken with her anew as she met his eyes and smiled, confusion gripping him firmly. Perhaps not so difficult to imagine, he mused. She'd been surprised that he hadn't heard the tale already, but surprise gave way swiftly to concern when she remembered that Fenris had been absent at the time because it had taken place shortly after Hadriana's appearance.
"It doesn't matter, Hawke," Fenris said, waving off her needless worry. As unwanted as the reminder of his old master's favourite apprentice was, the bitch was dead and he was that much safer as a result. The only thing that truly troubled him still was how he'd acted toward Hawke at the time. That was one of the worst occasions he'd taken his anger out on her, undeservedly so.
They were at her door now; Hawke tipped the shawl off her head as she stepped under the sheltered entrance to her estate. A long stretch of the material uncoiled clumsily and hit the ground. She reached for it, mumbling under her breath about shawls being more trouble than they were worth, but Fenris beat her to it, helpfully gathering it up and passing it back to her.
She nodded her thanks as she reached for the bundle of cloth, but when she looked at his face she noticed his eyes seemed distant as he smiled to himself.
"What is it?" she asked curiously.
Fenris shook his head and didn't answer, though he couldn't quite control his smug expression. Hawke didn't press the matter further and with a casual shrug threw the errant piece of shawl over her shoulder again. She'd never need to know that she had just unintentionally answered his earlier 'wondering' at what her touch would feel like, her fingers having slid gently over his own on retrieving her shawl.
"Well," she began, turning toward her door.
"Will I see you tomorrow?" Fenris asked, collecting himself quickly. He knew she was scheduled to show up at some point, but feared that perhaps the evening's events would prevent her from coming. Even as these concerns crossed his mind, her eyes appeared to wander. Anders, he thought, reading her face, and instantly his mood darkened. However, when Hawke met his eyes again she was smiling.
"So you've noticed?" she asked. Fenris lifted an eyebrow quizzically. "We seem to have fallen into a pattern, Fenris. It's been a long time since you've required my tutelage, after all."
"I didn't realise that was the continued reason for your visits," Fenris replied, taken aback.
"It's not!" Hawke answered hurriedly, realising how her remark had sounded. "I enjoy your company very much," she added honestly, trying to appease Fenris further. "I just didn't want to overstep my bounds, I know you value your privacy, that's all."
Fenris rolled his eyes. "So, I will see you tomorrow?" he questioned, hoping for a simple 'yes' this time.
"If you like," Hawke answered, trying to read his expression.
Fenris took the opportunity to see if he could settle another errant thought he'd had. Whilst nodding slightly in response, he allowed his eyes to linger on hers far longer than he would have normally. To his great satisfaction, she blushed under the intensity of his gaze, shifting her weight shyly but not looking away. He noted a definite twinkle in her eyes as he smiled.
"Goodnight, Hawke," he said smoothly.
"Goodnight, Fenris," she replied, her voice sounding slightly distant as she remained briefly transfixed on his face. She shook her head suddenly and repeated herself more clearly. "Goodnight, Fenris." She abruptly turned away from him then and began fumbling with the door handle. Fenris nearly chuckled, thinking, Hawke never fumbles anything. She gave him another cursory glance over her shoulder and with an embarrassed smile finally pushed the door open.
Fenris waited till the door had clicked shut and he was alone before allowing himself to chuckle out loud. Yes, that was definitely a much nicer experience, he confirmed, though he wasn't certain he'd ever have the confidence to do it again. He intended to avoid drinking alcohol around Hawke from now on.
As he turned to walk away, Fenris heard a faint thud against the door that sounded like someone leaning back against it. He briefly considered the possibility that it might be Hawke, having been so affected by him that she'd had to take a moment to collect herself. As much as the idea intrigued him, Fenris smiled and shook his head, abandoning the notion before finally heading off toward the mansion, grumbling about mages under his breath.
A/N - Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to read this short story, I hope it's been enjoyed. Might not quite be the 'satisfied' Fenris people were hoping for, but... there's more to come! ;-)
This is part of an ongoing series, 'Moments in Time' each set at different points throughout the game and posted seperately to this. They're not in any kind of order as the muse to write flits back and forth depending on the availabilty of free time to write. :-S
On the whole I try not to dwell particularly on moments that we've all experienced in our own playthroughs (Though some fics to come plus Realisations [Already Posted] and Inevitable Conculsions [Already Posted] are based around more major points, just further embellished), but consider the gaps inbetween times, moments that might be hinted at etc.
I am out to improve my writing abilities, they have been sorely neglected over the past few years and I do wince on reading back some of my attempts, so any advice, pointers and constructive criticisms are greatfully received. All fics posted are currently undergoing a complete overhaul.
Thank you so much to those who have reviewed, favourited and alerted already... It was a real boost to know you wanted to read more!