Missing Mission
Chapter 2
Lieutenant Garrison had slept in a whole half an hour past his usual wake up time, a testament to his exhaustion. Once up he showered, shaved and dressed then headed for the kitchen as usual. In deference to his aches there would not be a run today just some stretching. Chief met him in the kitchen as usual looking as bad as he felt. The two men walked to the courtyard and began their stretches but both were moving slower than usual.
After a quiet breakfast the civilians went and sat outside on the back steps with the kittens. The sun was shining, the temperature was pleasant and they had nothing urgent to do. Garrison headed for his office. Halfway through writing a letter to his family the phone rang.
"Good morning Lieutenant." It was a typical Major Johns greeting, all business with a touch of nasty.
"Good morning Major." Garrison's reply was all business.
"How are you feeling this morning?"
This was not a social call. From past interactions he knew Johns had an ulterior motive so his immediate response that he was fine was squelched in favour of a closer version of the truth. "Not as dizzy as yesterday but I have been taking it easy. Doctor's orders."
There was a pause before the next question. "How about your men?"
Damn, thought Garrison. Why don't you just come right out and say what's on your mind. Instead he said, "They were thrown around; aches and bruises. Actor sprained his ankle. They should be fine in a few days."
"I'm sending someone round to get your Guardian. I need him on another mission."
"Sir," he said shocked. He had to stop himself from saying 'you can't do that'. He could. Garrison was a Lieutenant, Johns was a Major. Instead he said, "He was injured in the accident too. He was thrown out of the vehicle out onto the road. He doesn't remember the accident. That's why he was missing. He doesn't even remember leaving."
"I don't need his memory. I need his abilities."
"Sir," he said shocked and horrified for his friend, "he's injured. If he tries to do a scan he'll get lost. He needs time to rest and heal." Had he gotten through to the Major that he could not work? Then an even more horrifying thought. A Guardian that could not work was returned to G-CAT for reassessment and retraining. Had he made Chief sound in need of re assessment?
"So you're a Doctor now, are you?" Johns' voice was thick with sarcasm.
"No sir, but I know Chief."
"I'm sending someone out." The line went dead.
"Damn," swore Garrison as he replaced the receiver. He leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes. He had not felt too bad this morning after they had done their stretches, the result of a combination of a good night's sleep and the pain medication. Now that was gone but with the addition of nausea. What was he going to do? If he said nothing and just sprung it on Chief, that would guarantee that he would be here but he was supposed to trust the man. In this case he was unsure what Chief would do and he could not fault him if he did run. If Chief felt as bad as he did then he was not in any condition to 'work'. What he had gone through finding the victims in the London bombing had shown him what a toll it took on him and he had been healthy then. In the condition he was in something like that would kill him. It was not likely he would have to 'work' as much as he had that day but having someone else 'work' him would be comparable. Who knew what their attitude would be.
There was only one way to deal with this and that was to be honest with Chief and the whole team. Knowing that he was not at his sharpest because of the medication he would have to rely on help from the others. He sat up, flicked the toggle for the intercom and asked the Sargent Major to assemble the men in his office.
The British soldier's first stop was the men's quarters. When he entered he saw that Actor, Casino and Goniff were sitting on their cots playing with the kittens. He had heard that the owners did not want cats in the house but that the American Officer had over ruled this and allowed the kittens to stay. As cute as they were he disapproved of going against the owner's wishes. The American's would leave at the end of the war but he would be staying. It did not pay to have enemies in high places so he scowled at the men and told them they were wanted in the Left tenant's office. When he asked where Chief might be Casino said he would look. The three returned the kittens to the kitchen and while two headed for the office Casino went looking. He started with the obvious but the Indian was not in the courtyard. He was also not in the salon. The kitchen and dining rooms were vacant. As he passed the office he poked his head in to see if he had shown up. Actor asked if he had checked the library. Casino thought that was a stupid idea but he went anyway.
The library door was closed as usual. Casino opened it and looked inside. The room was large with floor to ceiling bookshelves on three sides. The fourth side, which faced north, was taken up by two large windows, two large comfortable overstuffed chairs and a small writing table and two upholstered chairs. It was at this table that he saw the man he was searching for. Even more surprising the man did not react to his entry. Instead he was sitting with a book and a notebook open in front of him. Casino approached.
Chief was focused. This was something he wanted desperately. He wanted it for himself and he wanted it for his Hearth. He wanted his Hearth to be proud of him, well at least less ashamed of him. It was bad enough to have a Guardian around but if he could show he wasn't completely stupid then it would help. He had been told at G-CAT that Guardians were stupid but Actor seemed to think he could learn to read. He said he would teach him and he was going to do everything he could to learn. He didn't want to let Actor or his Hearth down. That was why he had tuned out almost all sounds and he focused on the paper in front of him. He was going to work at it until he could do it. He turned the page and stared at the words. Carefully he sounded out the first sentence before he began printing in his notebook. Actor had gotten it for him to practice his printing. Pick a word from each paragraph, he said, so he picked two.
He caught the motion out of the corner of his eye and swung around in fear. It was Casino and he had seen what he was doing so he covered the fear with anger as he stood with his back to the intruder, shut the book and flipped it over to cover the title then shut his notebook and stuffed it underneath.
Confused at first he suddenly realized what Chief had been doing and the conversation on the stairs came back to him. Without thinking of the consequences he blurted out, "So you ready to shove it in my face?"
Chief was embarrassed and angry that he had been caught. He knew what was coming so rather than try to figure out what Casino was talking about he growled a "Fuck Off," and grabbed his books intending to leave.
Casino stood in the way blocking his escape. "What, you think I don't know?" Quickly before Chief could swing at him he stepped back and said, "You think I'm gonna make fun of you because you're trying to better yourself?" He almost said don't be 'stupid' but caught himself in time. "Hell, when my Grandfather came to this country he couldn't speak English, neither could my Grandmother. But the old man, he got the neighbors to teach him. He even learned to read and write, maybe not real well but he could read the newspaper. My Grandmother didn't. She stuck to her friends from the old country. By the time he died most of her friends were gone and she was all alone. Now days you gotta be able to at least read." Then he added wryly. "The way our missions go you might need to read something to save my life so why would I make fun of you?"
Quickly before Chief could react he said, "You know, I've been looking for a way to help you but you've been so damn secretive. So," he inhaled and raised his hands, "now that you know that I know, how about you show me what you've learned?" and he gestured to Chief's books. Seeing the mistrust on the Indian's face he walked around to the table, patted the surface and stood waiting expectantly.
Chief wanted to escape but Casino looked sincere. Would he help? He needed all the help he could get and he hated bothering Actor all the time. He looked at his books and then at Casino.
When he reached the table he looked the safecracker in the eye and growled, "One wrong word…"
"Yeah, I know, let's see."
Watching him carefully, Chief put the book on the table, face up and waited for the reaction. Winnie the Pooh was a children's book. Other than an acknowledgement there wasn't one. Casino was waiting for his notebook. Grudgingly he put it on the table and Casino opened it.
There for all to see was the childish scrawl of a two year old. In anguish he cursed himself for letting Actor talk him in to this. Did anyone need any farther proof that he was stupid? He wanted to grab up the book and rip it to pieces. He wanted to burn the proof. Casino's voice cut through.
"…not bad." Casino's finger pointed to a letter 't'. "Nice and straight. You", he glanced up at the writer and forced himself not to react to the agonized look on his face, "even got it the right size. That's good. Good round o's, maybe not that one so much," and he indicated one farther down, "But most are good. You're doing good."
Chief was embarrassed that Casino had seen but what he was saying sounded like praise. He was not expecting that. Maybe Casino was teasing him, pretending it was good. He was going to make sure he didn't have a chance to laugh at him behind his back so he said, "You tell anyone an' I'll gut you."
Casino looked up in surprise. "You'd gut me for telling anyone that you have very neat penmanship? You should be proud of that. You should see my brother's and he's been in school all the way to Grade ten."
Chief was unsure. None of this was going the way he thought it would. Still, he had to make sure Casino understood. "I mean about me learning an'," he gestured at the notebook, "havin' to practice."
The safecracker turned to face his team mate and looked him in the eye. "I never make fun of someone who's learning or practicing to make themselves better." His face eased losing some of the seriousness and he smiled. "Now if you were trying to learn how to be a girl and took up wearing dresses and crocheting then I'd make fun of you," he turned serious again, "but not for learning to read and write. That takes guts and we're all proud of you for doing it and sticking to it."
Chief was unsure. He sounded serious but… He had been conned before and had learned to never trust. But he trusted his Hearth, didn't he? Sure, mostly. Would he ever lose that doubt? It was just so hard to believe. He said nothing, just packed up his books.
"Oh, by the way we're wanted in the Office."
That got Chief's attention. They must have a mission. He put the book back on the shelf and headed for the door with Casino following. When he headed for the stairs Casino asked where he was going. He answered but was told to bring it with him.
"No." He did finally agree to leave the notebook in the library but he did not want Casino to know where so he told him to go ahead. In his hurry he did not notice that Casino waited by the door and saw where he tucked his book. By the time he turned Casino was away from the door. Even though he did not believe it, his secret was safe.
Once in the office the two men took their seats around the table and Garrison began.
"I got a call from Major Johns. He wants you, Chief, to go on a mission with another team." He saw the anxious looks from him to Chief and back. "I told him you were in no condition to go." Chief's expression had not changed but the others' expressions turned to approval but still concerned. They knew that if all was well then they would not be having this meeting. "He said he was sending someone out."
The anxious looks were back and Chief's eyes widened. Any visitor interested in him was bad news. His reaction was going to be based on his level of trust in his Hearth and his friends. He remained seated but they saw the tension.
"Suggestions, gentlemen."
"Does he know Chief is not drugged?" asked Actor. This knowledge would be critical to how Chief was to act.
"I don't think so."
"How do we show…" started Casino then he turned to Chief. "You have a headache?"
"No…" he answered tentatively not wanting to commit without knowing where this was going.
"Fake it. You have a headache," said the safecracker emphatically, "don't you?"
Chief looked to his Hearth unsure of what he was supposed to say.
"Sure you do, Chiefy, after that accident and a sore neck too," Goniff said to his team mate. Then turning to the others he added, "That's got to make it 'ard to do the scans."
"How would that type of injury affect you?" asked Garrison. He strongly suspected that Chief was suffering more that he was letting on. "As Goniff said, the pain has to be a distraction at least."
"What if 'e went out, he catted, while you were talking to this guy? Maybe you give a command and then you 'ave to bring 'im back cause he catted?"
"That's good. What do you think, Chief?"
"You want me to…?"
"Yes, don't actually risk getting lost, just pretend."
"Yeah, I guess," but then a thought occurred to him. "What if he decides that I hafta go back to G-CAT to see a doctor?"
That set them back. "We will have to be subtle," said Actor quietly. "It is too bad you do not have any bruising on your face."
"I could give him some," suggested Casino eagerly as he balled his fist. He made sure Chief saw his smile.
"Or I could," said Actor. That earned him a sharp look from Chief and Garrison. He had said it in a serious tone. When he saw the looks he realized what they thought so he added, "With make-up." That eased the looks.
"First, we need to know if he's with G-CAT. I assume you wouldn't recognize everyone."
"Why don't we just ask 'im when 'e gets 'ere?" suggested the Englishman with a smile.
"The direct approach might work," said Garrison as he considered the possibilities. "Chief? Do officials carry identification?"
"I'm not sure. I know some do."
"Leave it to me, Warden."
"All right Goniff. You be by the …"
"Warden," said Goniff greatly offended. "Are you telling me 'ow to do my job?"
Garrison grinned sheepishly. "You're right Goniff."
"Actor, you see to Chief's look."
"Anything for me to do?" asked Casino.
The Major said he was sending someone. If he's coming from London then we have time. The base is not much closer but we don't know. Find a window on the top floor that looks out on the drive and keep watch. Let me know the minute you see anyone."
"I take it, you don't want the guards in on this?"
"For now." They both knew the reason. Not long ago Hughes had shown up right after Garrison had left. Was it a coincidence or had someone told him? Was there a mole at HQ or was the mole one of the guards?
Casino turned and left.
Eventually Casino bellowed as he came charging down the hall. A jeep with a solitary driver had just turned into the drive. Casino hurried to the kitchen where Actor was putting the finishing touches on Chief's face. He sat back and looked. Satisfied he said, "Go." Chief thanked him and hurried to the Office just before the gatehouse guard called to inform the Lieutenant of the visitor's arrival.
Garrison was pleased at the subtle change in Chief. Other than the worry in his eyes, he looked tired. Actor had darkened under his eyes and made his cheeks look sunken. He really did not look well. Seeing the question on the Guardian's face he nodded.
"He did a good job. Now it's up to you to act the part." He watched as Chief took a deep breath and released it, sagging his shoulders and dropping his head and eyes. Now he looked the part.
"'Ere, I brought you these," said Goniff and put the medicine bottle on Garrison's desk.
"Thank you, Goniff."
"Places everyone." Goniff, Actor and Casino headed for the door, Chief sat in the chair. The other two younger men got into position, at the top of the stairs was Casino and part way down, Goniff. The knocker sounded and moments later the Sargent Major answered the door. Before the visitor was in the door the two cons were in motion.
"Gimme that. That's mine you, lousy Limey," yelled Casino as he began down the steps. Goniff hurried down the steps bumping into the visitor.
"Sorry, mate. You all right?" he said as he grabbed his jacket so he would not fall. Then he was gone out the door with Casino following him. The Sargent Major rolled his eyes and looked disgusted before ushering the poor man to the Office.
"Captain Lowry to see you sir."
"Thank you, Sargent Major. Come in." Garrison surveyed the man entering his office. He was about his age, maybe an inch or so shorter but with the same build. His eyes took in the room with its antiques and well-worn rug. He knew it was a far cry from the Officer's Quarters at the base closer to London. The Captain's eyes came to rest on Chief who had moved over to the window. Garrison had wanted him closer to the desk but with him being nervous he let him have his head. The window was far enough away from the desk that Chief would not feel as pressured.
"Lieutenant Garrison, Major Johns sent me to pick up your Guardian. I assume you were told that he is to accompany me on a mission. I will need you to instruct me on the protocol for handling a Guardian."
"Captain Lowry, there's a problem. We were involved in an automobile accident that caused Chief to be thrown from the vehicle. Fortunately no bones were broken but he is no shape to go anywhere."
The Captain's face hardened. "That wasn't what I was told. I have orders to pick him up here. Why wasn't I told this? I assume the accident did not just happen?"
"Major Johns was informed but I was unable to convince the Major of the extent of his injuries." Garrison was pleased he referred to the Guardian as he and not it.
"What did the Doctor say? Didn't he forward a copy of his report?"
"Regular Doctors don't treat Guardians, so there was no report, but I've worked with Chief long enough to know how he's feeling. I know him well enough to be able to say he is not up to working on a mission."
"This leaves me in a bit of a mess doesn't it? If I don't show up with a Guardian then I am disobeying an order but if I take him and he doesn't work then I'll be dragging a dead body with me. Either way I'm up shit creek."
A tap at the door and it was opened. Goniff poked his head in. "Sorry to bother you, Lieutenant but you said to let you know right away. We found the target. No problem."
"Thank you Goniff. Next time put them where they belong," he said with a touch of long suffering tolerance.
"Right you are." He withdrew and closed the door.
"One of your men, I assume?"
Garrison nodded. He now knew that the Captain was not carrying G-CAT ID. That was not a guarantee that he was not but it was a start. He knew Chief had heard it too and would act accordingly.
"Show me what to do." It was an order.
"How much do you know about Guardians?"
"Not much, I'm afraid."
"Guardians respond to certain commands, always preceded by the word, Guardian." The Captain was watching with interest. "When you want them to work you say, 'Guardian, Heel.'" Chief came over and stood behind his left shoulder. "Guardian, down." Chief knelt but made sure to grimace as he eased to the floor.
"When you want to do a scan you put your hand on his head or on his shoulder. Then you tell him what you want him to do such as, 'Guardian Listen' then you have to tell him what to listen for or to look for."
"And he'll just tell you?"
"Yes. Specify what you want and he'll tell you. Just remember that he sees and hears better than we do but he does have limits. He can hear a normal conversation from a hundred yards but if there is too much noise around then he can't. You have to have him somewhere quiet for him to hear. Same with his eyesight. He can see distance if he has a clear line of sight. He can't see through walls or doors.
"Any questions?"
"I thought there was something about a collar and a leash?"
"He can't wear one when we're on a mission. That would be like painting a target on him. I just never put it back on."
"You don't need it?"
"No. He does what I ask." He turned to Chief who had remained kneeling and said, "Guardian, Stand", but nothing happened.
"Chief?" Garrison squatted down beside him. "Shit, he catted." Garrison grasped his upper arms and began slowly rubbing them.
"What do you mean, catted?" asked the concerned Captain as the Lieutenant began talking to the lost Guardian, calling him back.
Finally with a sudden intake of air Chief returned. Garrison waited until he knew he was fully back before he urged him to stand as he gave the command then told him to sit on the chair.
The Captain watched as the officer helped the Guardian up and over to the chair. He was unsteady.
"Does this happen often?" the Captain asked, wondering how this other team had managed to survive this long.
"No," said Garrison as he stood. "Doing scans takes concentration especially when he pulls back. Because he's injured he was probably distracted by the pain and unable to get back. I had to help him."
"Can't you give him anything for the pain?"
Was he still trying to find a way to take him, wondered Garrison. "No. I tried that the first time he was hurt. Whatever is in the Compliance drug doesn't go with pain medication. It almost killed him."
The Captain frowned. "Obviously, I don't want to take the chance of that happening if we're in a bind." He shook his head. "I'll tell the Major that he's unfit." He took a step back and added, "Thank you Lieutenant."
"You're welcome. Sorry we couldn't help." Garrison walked him to the door and waited until he got into the jeep and drove away.
When he turned around he saw his men watching him. They were grinning, at least Goniff and Casino were. Actor looked pleased and Chief looked relieved.
"This calls for a drink," said Casino.
As they headed back to the office Garrison said, "You were very convincing, Chief." The look of concern on his face told him that Chief had not been acting. He had truly gotten lost. This was as they had feared. Chief was hurting and they had done the best thing for him by making sure he remained here where they could protect him.
Two days later the four men were sitting around the table in their room playing cards while the kittens slept together on Goniff's cot. They had brought them up after feeding them and had played with them until they had fallen asleep. In deference to their sleeping kitties they were playing quietly. It came around to Chief's turn and he was studying his cards. This was understandable for a moment but it went on.
"Chief?" prompted Actor.
Chief started, a look of concern on his face. A quick look around the table and he folded his cards. "I'm out," was all he said as he stood and left the table. The others were annoyed that he would just drop out like that but instead of going to the window or his cot he left the room at a pace that said he had something on his mind. The others looked at each other, folded their cards too and followed.
Chief paused at Garrison's office door knocked briefly then strode in. The officer was sitting back in his chair a look of deep thought on his face.
"What's wrong?" demanded the Guardian, head held high.
Garrison had been deep in thought until he realized that someone had knocked and that it was Chief who had walked in. The Guardian was more one to knock and wait to be given permission. He never took the initiative. Not only had this surprised him but also the tone he used. He was not asking, he was demanding. The worst of it was, he could not tell him.
"It's nothing, Chief."
"You're lying." It was not an accusation but a statement of fact. "Somethin's bothering you. What is it?"
"It's nothing, Chief," he repeated with a slight shake of his head as he tried to smile.
The Guardian's face twisted. "It must be somethin' bad that you can't tell the stupid Guardian. What? You afraid it'll upset me? That I fall on my knees and beg you to beat me? Even though you said you wouldn't. Go ahead. Either say it or hit me."
The Officer was stunned, unable to understand or react. Actor stepped up behind the Guardian's shoulder and called his name hoping to intervene. A sharp gesture with his hand stopped the con man.
Chief was angry. Something had upset his Hearth and it was up to him to help him or protect him. Instead he was being denied, shut out, refused.
Garrison was unsure how to proceed. He had never seen Chief this angry, so determined. He had to do something so he started with what he had said.
"Chief, I got some news but it has nothing to do with you."
"Liar! I can hear your heartbeat." His eyes narrowed. "I can hear your lie."
Garrison knew he was caught. How was he going to deal with this?
Chief took a step closer. "What was it you said to me, to trust you?" He had lowered his voice but the determination was still there. "Trust has to go both ways. You want me to trust you but you don't trust … me" He paused and Garrison saw the realization on Chief's face. He had thrown that statement out and now realized that it was true. The determination faded and he sagged. "I'm sorry I shouldn't a…"
"No, Chief. You're right. I should trust you and I do. It's just…"
"You don't gotta explain, not to me. I was…"
"No." He looked to all his men standing there. "I am in command. When a decision needs to be made, I make it and whatever comes of that decision, falls on me. That's the way it is."
"And what decision is that?" asked Actor. The other two men stood watching too.
Did he trust them? Up to a certain point, he did. What about with this? They had all been involved in this decision or had they? He made the decision and they helped carry out the plan. He had decided. It fell on him.
"Chief's right, you know," said Casino stepping closer. "If it involves him then he has a right to know." Nothing happened for a beat so he charged in. "So they need him for another mission." He swung around to face the Guardian. "You wanna go? Yes or no. We'll stand by your decision. What'll it be?"
"It's not another mission," Garrison said emphatically.
"Then what is it?"
"It's about the last one," offered Actor. "They still want him."
Chief shook his head and Casino saw his answer. "Let's go kid. We'll find you someplace to hide."
"No," demanded Garrison as he came around from behind his desk. His men were standing waiting. One wrong word and they were taking matters into their own hands. How much could he tell them? How little? Decision made he headed for the dining room where they could all sit around the table. The projector was still sitting on the table from the last time it had been used. It was not in the way so he ignored it. Once they were all seated he started.
"Major Johns called." There was a small groan from the Englishman's direction. "The team, led by Captain Lowry, has been lost. They have had no contact since they arrived. Word has it that they were ambushed and killed or taken prisoner." He was not going to tell them exactly what the Major had said or what he had insinuated as the words echoed in his mind.
"I don't know how you convinced Captain Lowry not to take the Guardian but I hope you're happy."
The Lieutenant said nothing. He had not convinced him of anything that was not true.
"We've lost contact with the Captain and his six men. They have not shown up at their destination. Word has it that they were ambushed and either killed or taken prisoner." That had not been enough so he had added, "Having a Guardian with them could have saved their lives."
Garrison felt guilty and a little responsible for their fate if that was in fact what had happened to them. Chief might have been able to warn them in time to save them. But… He could also be missing and presumed…
There were long faces around the table but no accusations. They all regretted the loss of fellow teams but it was out of their hands. This was the fate they faced every time they went on a mission. It could have been them.
"You cannot base your decisions on what is best for everybody else," said Actor quietly.
"As an Officer, I am to base my decisions on what is best for the Allies, for the victory."
"As a human being, as a man and as a friend, you base your decisions on what is best for those involved. Chief was in no condition to go. He would have catted." Actor was voicing Garrison's fears, saying out loud what he could not.
If Actor had not been concentrating on convincing the officer he might have seen the defeat on the Guardian's face. Actor thought he was a failure. He said he would have failed. Is that how he thought of him? That he wasn't good enough to save them? Every time he catted he was failing them, putting them at risk.
Now he was confused. Back when the Captain had come to take him his Hearth had told him to pretend. He was to pretend to cat. He had tried to make it look real; he had been so nervous that he had obeyed the commands and had really catted. Then after, his Hearth wasn't mad about it. Or was he? A cold chill went down his spine. Had he just not noticed that he was mad? Or was he disappointed? He hadn't been paying attention. Stupid! You are supposed to pay attention to your Handler for the commands.
He listened in to his Hearth's heart. Yes, he was still upset. Dare he look to his face? That was a better way to judge but dangerous too. He moved his eyes to where he could see him out of the corner of his eye. He was upset but not angry but he was looking at Actor, not him. He could get down on his knees and beg but the Warden didn't like that either, so he remained where he was.
"Are they sending us in to find them?" asked Casino.
"No."
"Then why tell you?"
"To make him feel guilty," answered Actor. His eyes had not left his leader's face. He was right and they all saw it.
"Worked too didn't it?" said Casino with disgust. The room went silent.
"Lieutenant, you based your decision to protect Chief on your knowledge of Chief." Actor looked to the man he was referring to and was concerned by the look of dejection about his person. He would have to figure that out after he had convinced Garrison. "You know him better than anyone. The fact that he catted while the Captain was here is proof that he was not fit to accompany them."
"I know that," said the Officer in his defence.
"Then," interrupted Goniff, "why are you all upset about someone else when you should feel good that you protected your own? Should we be worried that you're not going to be protecting us?"
"Speak for yourself," said Casino. "We can look after ourselves. It's Chief who needs his protection."
Another nail driven deep, thought the Guardian. Actor said he wasn't good enough to go with the other team and now Casino thinks he can't take care of himself. He had to fight this. He couldn't have them think he wasn't good enough so without thinking it through he blurted out, "I kin look after myself. I don't need none a you." Then he swung around to his Handler and added, "Or you. I could k…" He almost said that he could kill all of them all but the looks on their faces stopped him cold and he stood with his mouth open as he flashed back to his nightmare where he stood, knife in hand surrounded by bloodied bodies.
'No, no, no,' screamed in his head. He couldn't breathe. What had he just done? He had just threatened the only friends he had. He might have fallen to his knees but he was paralyzed, horrified.
Actor knew something bad had just happened and he stood but Garrison beat him to it. He approached him with hands out at his sides. "Guardian, please forgive us. We meant no disrespect."
Chief was not listening to anything but the screaming in his head. He did see his Handler approach and thought to kneel before he was knocked down but what happened next stopped him.
Garrison went down on one knee and bowed his head as he had seen Chief do. "I am sorry."
Chief was stunned. He looked around confused, uncomprehending. This wasn't real. He wanted it to not be real. Handlers did not… The others around the table had stood and were watching. They looked as startled as he did.
What was happening? He took a step back still trying to make sense of what he thought he saw. Garrison looked up at him and said, "Please…"
Chief wanted to run. He wanted to fall on his knees. He wanted the floor to open up and swallow him. He wanted to be anywhere but here. Even dead would be better.
Actor was unsure what was going through the Indian's mind. He thought he knew what he had almost said, having heard the nightmares. He had to be castigating himself for his words so he was going to have to reassure him that they did not blame him or hate him. Katherine's absence meant he would have to do it.
"Were we wrong to convince the Captain that you should not go with him?" he asked quietly. There was no verbal response but he was sure Chief was listening to him.
Garrison saw what Actor was doing and he stood and said, "Should we have just let you go with him even though we were worried about you?" Chief's eyes tracked him but there was no eye contact.
"We care about you, Chiefy," said Goniff. Chief's head turned in his direction.
"We worry about you, not because you're weak but because we don't want to lose you," added Casino. "Hell, we protect the Warden, don't we? We all know he isn't weak."
"I would never hurt you guys," Chief managed to force out the words from a throat that wanted to stay closed.
"We know that." Goniff said it first but they were all thinking it.
The tension was easing but still no one moved until a motion in the hall caught Actor's eye. It would have been inconsequential under other circumstances but right now they needed a distraction.
"Goniff, were all the kittens on the bed? The mother cat just carried one past the door."
"What?" asked Goniff as all eyes looked out into the hall. She was gone now but Goniff, who was closest, went to look.
"You better go get the rest," said Garrison. There was a general motion toward the door but Garrison put his hand on Chief's arm to stop him. Chief wanted to go but remained. Once the room was clear Garrison said, "It was not a matter of trust, Chief. I do trust you, I trust you with my life. But I knew that if I told you that you would feel bad, just as I do. By not telling you, I wanted to save you from that."
There was a pause as Chief thought that over before he said, "Didn't you tell me that sometimes tellin' someone what's bothering you, makes it easier. Somethin' about sharing?"
Garrison smiled a tired smile. "Yes, you're right. Sharing helps but in this case I wanted to spare you."
"Don't. I can handle it. I feel bad that those guys… But I know. I catted right here at home, with you right there. If I'd gone with them…"
"The pain still bothering you?" he asked quietly then tipped his head accusingly before adding, "And remember what I said about telling me when you're in pain?"
Chief's eyes involuntarily flicked to his face and he smiled in embarrassment. "Yeah, a bit."
"Good." The shocked look on Chief's face was worth it. "Why should we be the only ones who hurt?"
There was a momentary pause and then Chief smiled again. The two men walked out. Without thought his Hearth put his hand on his shoulder and without thought the Guardian accepted it.