I sat alone in the theater. Thinking about today's events. Flashback: I was eager to welcome the productions new "nick" to the show, the previous one had to drop out because his wife went into labor and he wanted to be there to help her with the child. I had one of my dream roles, fanny Brice in funny girl. I knew i could do this role with my eyes closed but it depended on the nick. I needed to have instant chemistry with him. And I didn't feel it with the previous nick. "Rachel! Oh there you are come on I want you to meet our new nick" the show's director tom told me waving for me to come follow him.
"Ok, I think it's safe to say you two will get along swimmingly, it's like having a male you. Praise the lord you both ooze talent or I wouldn't be able to stand you" he smiled. "So when do I meet him, exactly?" I asked him. "Right now go on in" he told waving to the door. I smiled and went in.
"Hello I'm Rachel berry, it's a pleasure to meet, you?" I ended more on a questioning note when I realized who was in the room. "It's good to see you again" he told me. "Please tell me this is a cruel practical joke" I said. "It's not, I'm here and I am playing your opposite. It's like we've always dreamed" he smiled. "Excuse me? do you honestly think we can be rolling around on a picnic blanket one day and the next week your to California without any warning, not answering any sort of communication I tried to have with you? I would be so ashamed I would wear a paper bag over your shameful face" I hissed at him. "Rachel, you know it would be a sin to cover up this face" he smirked. "No, this is just like grease all over again, except your ruining my actual life now Jesse, do you know how hard I've worked for my role as fanny? It was on my mind 24/7. I have lived and breathed Barbra since I was in the womb. And you come in and try to ruin it? No way, Rachel berry will not be ran out of her own show. Nick Arnsteins aren't that hard to find" I spat at him before storming out of the room.
End flashback. I sighed looking up on to the empty stage. Tom un-willing agreed to try to find another nick. I needed another nick, there was no way I could go through with him as nick. I of course could make the audience think I loved him, but I wasn't so sure about behind the stage and I did not want to risk things. I got up with my bag and headed towards the exit.
"What do you think Kurt?" I asked him sitting on the couch in the living room. "Well, I think he's a horrible bastard for leaving you without any warning and never talking to you, and I especially think he's a huge bastard for walking in like nothing was wrong. Overall Jesse jesses St. Sucks" he told me string his tea. "Who sucks?" I turned around to see Blaine walking out still drying his hair off from the shower he just took. "Remember me telling you about Jesse ?" he asked him,, he nodded. "Well he was the replacement for the show and walked in like nothing was wrong" Kurt told him briefly on the situation. "He's a dumbass, every man should know you don't just walk out on somebody and come back happily. Ignore him" Blaine told me. "Thanks but we're now working on finding another nick" I sighed blowing the hair of my face. "I'll do it" I looked up at Blaine. "Yeah it'll solve your problem and give me something to do" he smiled. I jumped off the couch and attacked him with a hug. "Thank you" I smiled. "Sure anytime" he told me. "You know how to pick them Kurt" I laughed.
I brought Blaine with me the next day. "Tom!" I said as he turned his head. I saw Jesse not far behind him; I felt a sudden anger rise up in me. "I found a new nick" I smiled pushing Blaine forward. "Hi, Blaine Anderson" he smiled holding his hand out. "Can he sing?" tom asked. "Can he sing" I scoffed. I let my eyes graze over to Jesse, he didn't look happy. I smiled at the new plan evolving in my head.
The show was in perfect order now, and I managed to keep Jesse on the show as a gambler. "Hey Blaine can I talk to you?" I asked him. "oh sure what's up?" he asked. "Well, when you were talking to tom I looked over at Jesse and he seemed fuming. And I think he might think we're together. But your with Kurt and gay so would you mind flirting with me and being into me when Jesse is around?" I asked him. "Oh, well I don't think it would hurt, well us it's gonna hurt him" he laughed. "Thank you!" I smiled as I gave him a nice big bear hug.
We watched as the rest of the cast rehearsed. We sat in the theater seats debating who the best was. "I say it's a close call between Jesse and Erica" I told him. "I thought you hated him?" he asked me. "I do but I can't deny talent" I told him, he nodded. "So what went down at McKinley, Kurt didn't want to get into it he said he was horrible person and had no soul" he asked. I sighed. "Well as you know I have two gay dads, so I always wondered who my mother was, but I never asked not wanting to hurt their feelings. And I found this tape in a box of my childhood memories and Jesse forced me to listen to this one tape, and it was her singing, and I found out who she was and she was the coach of vocal adrenaline. Then Jesse performed with them at McKinley's stage and afterwards the entire team threw eggs at me and he broke one on my head and he also broke my heart" I told him staring up at Jesse who was on the stage. "What an asshole" he scoffed.
"ok Blaine come up here I want to go over a few things with you, everyone can have a hour break be back here promptly at six" tom told everyone, I watched Blaine get up and walk to the stage and up to tom. And I also watched another body fill his seat next to me. "You seem pretty cozy with blunt is it?" he asked me. "It's Blaine" I corrected him. "So you and Blaine?" he asked me I turned to face him, his forehead was ridden with sweat, and even though I hate him he did look hot. "Why would I tell you? It's none of your business" I told him sternly. "Just trying to make small talk, you refuse to talk to me what the hell am I supposed to do with that?" he asked me, I could hear the anger rising in his voice. "Nothing, absolutely nothing, I haven't been your business since you abandoned me" I told him getting up and walking away from him.
"Rachel, Rachel, Rachel Barbra berry stop" I ignored him calling me, I don't care. I sighed in defeat as he caught up with me. "I'm sorry, ok? I'm sorry I had to leave without noticing you" he told me I laughed dryly. "You know I thought your phone was just broken or something until I tried every single device I could use to communicate with you, then I called your uncle and he knew you were back in California. And I knew we were over. You didn't even try to communicate with me; I would have done a long distance relationship. But no you just leave me. So now I'm trying to return the favor" I told him trying to push past him, but he grabbed my arm. "I know ok, I know I didn't try to communicate with you. I just-"he looked away for a second. "You just what Jesse?" I asked him getting angry. "I was scared" he told me turning his head back to face me.
"Scared of what exactly?" I asked him curious now. "Scared that I could actually love someone as much or if not more than I love myself. In vocal adrenaline I learned pretty fast that you are on your own. No one matters to you except yourself. And I loved myself more than anything, then I met you and I was confused, but I didn't question it until run joey run. I was horrified at what you did to me. And I thought I had to get you back. So I agreed to the egging and partially because v.a was testing my loyalty. And when we met up those six months ago I was ecstatic thinking I could fix us, and then you started that effect on me again. I just thought I should only love myself but you made me love you. And the feeling of pure adoration towards you only grew and it scared me half to death so I ran, thought if I escaped you I escaped the feeling. But I didn't another feeling took over, yearning. I yearned for you, I wanted your touch, your laugh, your smile, your critics, your adorable outfits, your cute little Barbra nose, everything. And I found out apart this and I heard it was you and I jumped on the chance hoping I could get you back if another man hadn't already realized you were perfect"
I sighed, keeping a poker face. "Excuse me I need to be on my way, but your story was, touching" I told him walking off, once I was safely away from him I let my poker face fall.
"Where have you been- oh you look like hell" I looked up to see Kurt. He looked me over. "Blaine came home hours ago and he said he couldn't find you anywhere, I called your phone five hundred times. What happened?" he asked me. I shook my head. "Go take a hot shower, we'll take after over tea" he told me as he pushed me towards the bathroom.
I stepped into the shower, trying to wash the guilt off me. I let the hot water warm up my frozen bones.
I sat down across from Kurt. "Ok what happened" he said. "Well I'm sure Blaine told you the first part" I said, he nodded. "Tried to make him jealous with Blaine" he told me. "well I was sitting there and Jesse came down next to me and he asked about Blaine and I told him it was none of his business since he abandoned me and I walked off and he caught up to me and told me that he learned in vocal adrenaline he learned to only keep care of himself and only to love himself and he met me and was confused about what he was feeling, so he ran and loyalty whatever and then those six months ago he thought he could fix it then he was overwhelmed by that feeling again so he ran again because he was scared and he thought if he cut me off he could make that feeling stop then he said he started yearning for me and heard about this and knew he had to see me so he went for it and got it" I sobbed into Kurt's lap.
"shh, it's ok. Hush little berry don't you cry Kurt Hummel's gonna Kill that guy" he sang softly to me. "I just feel so guilty now, I feel like such a horrible person for trying to make him jealous now" I sniffed. "You're not a horrible person, Just a little mis-understood. We'll sort this out, ok? When you go to work tomorrow if you want you can stop trying to make him jealous or keep on with it until he bursts. Or you can stop with trying to make jealous and make his life easier. Now I think I would take the first option no one can run from Rachel berry, And if they do she'll make their life a living hell" he smiled as I felt his starting to braid my hair.
I woke up the next morning; I got up and dragged myself to the mirror. I looked fine except for the braids in my hair, which I was guessing were from Kurt last night. I quickly UN did them and brushed through my hair. Blaine was already gone to the theater and I was clearly late. I picked out a tank top with goldfish on it and some orange yoga pants and ran out the door.
"Oh ok I thought you were dying or something" tom laughed as I walked through the back stage door. "Sorry, rough night" I told him. "You ok?" he asked me. "Perfect, did I miss anything major?" I asked him setting my bag down. "No I tried not to rehearse anything that needed you" he told me I nodded. "Hey is Blaine around?" I asked him, he nodded. "Fooling around on the stage." He told me as I walked to the stage. "Hey you woke up" Blaine smiled. "Yeah" I smiled. "Nice outfit, I love goldfish" he laughed. "Me too, their just so happy in their bowl" I grinned. "What are you trying to do?" I asked him as he started dancing. "Dancing am I good?" he asked. "Could use some better balance, but sure" I told him. "Let me see you dance, oh let's play a game, I'll give you an adjective and you dance it" he told me. "Ok go" I told him.
"Excited!" he yelled out. I started going. "Angry!" I changed it up. I started trying to do that crumping thing I say in bring it on, when Brittany forced the entire glee club to watch it. "Under the sea" he yelled out smiling, I did the classic plugging the noise move. "Sexy" he grinned. I had no idea how to do this one, I never really considered myself sexy. I considered myself talented, star potential, pretty, a lot of other things but never sexy. "Keep it going!" he yelled to me laughing obviously enjoying seeing me do this. I saw a small group start to form around the stage. "Shake it berry!" I laughed at someone's remark. I stopped because I was laughing so hard. "Have fun?" Blaine asked me, looking over. "Yeah" I laughed as he offered a hand to help me up. "I think that might have been the first time you did something like that" he told me. "Was I that bad?" I asked him. He shook his head. "No, you were kinda good, but someone was staring pretty intensely" he nudged my arm. "Let me guess, Jesse?" I asked him he laughed.
I found Jesse messing around with a stern on the stage. "Enjoy the show?" I smiled. "Never knew you could move like that" he told me. "Only some people get to know that" I told him as I walked away.
"Oh that is pure gold" Kurt laughed. "I know! Rachel didn't get to watch his face the entire time though" they roared with laughter. "Make his face again" Kurt told him, I watched as Blaine dropped his jaw and make absurd faces while Kurt kept laughing. "Like he would" I told Blaine throwing a pillow at him asi got up. "He was!" he defended himself.
I changed out of my goldfish tank top and shorts and into my star pajamas. "Hey Kurt can we watch a chorus line?" I asked him knowing he had it and that was part of the reason I didn't buy it myself. "Sure I'll go get it, oh sit down I want to try to bridal braid your hair" he told me getting up, he returned a few moments later. He plopped the dvd in and sat down behind me. "So, how close do you think he is to breaking?" Kurt asked me. "I'd give him a few days. Any suggestions?" I asked Kurt smiling. "Well you could to the bend and snap, but I think it'd be funnier with just the bend" he told me. "Flaunt my – you know? Isn't that a little trampy?" I asked him. "Just do it once, for me because I'm letting you borrow my boyfriend" he told me. "Fine, but so help me if Blaine starts impersonating Jesse's facial expressions again.
"Ice cream cones today?" Blaine asked me. I nodded. "Needed a change" I joked. "So want to play another game?" he asked smiling. "No" I told him. I picked up a stack of papers off the piano. This is for Kurt. I spotted Jesse fiddling with a microphone; I got into a foot distance from him and dropped the papers. "Oh gee" I mumbled getting down and picking up the papers on my hands and knees. I gathered the papers slowly. "Hey Jesse Is there a treasure map on Rachel's ass your trying to memorize?" someone shouted. I turned around to see his face turning red. "How professional, hope you got a good look because you won't be doing it again" I told him walking off. I watched Blaine struggling not to laugh. "I swear Blaine if you even start impersonating faces to Kurt I will, you don't want to know" I told him. He put his hand up as a white flag.
"Ok and Rachel, you think this is the last time you're going to see him, pour you're emotions." Tom told me. I nodded. "And Blaine ditto for you, but I want you to really enforce the feeling" he told him. Blaine nodded. I looked him square in the eye. "Nick" I whispered before he brought me to his lips. I tightly wrapped my arms around his shoulders. I felt Blaine's hand wander down my back. I knew exactly what he was doing, thinking it would be kind of funny to see Jesse's reaction to this. His hand was now on my backside. I didn't care that much actually. "Ok, get some air" tom told us as we broke apart. I smiled. "Now that's what I want" he told us. In the corner of my eye I saw someone storm off.
I went after them knowing exactly who it was. I follow him down the back workings of the theater. He finally stopped, only to slide down the wall and sat on the floor. I stood behind the wall watching him. If I didn't believe I wouldn't have believed it, he was crying. Now the guilt really piled up on me. I took a deep sigh. "Jesse?" I asked as I crept down the hallway to him. He didn't answer but I knew he was here. "Jesse" I stated. I crept closer to him. I sighed and sat down next to him. "You can't just ignore me" I told him. I got no reply. "Stubborn boy" I mumbled. I still got no reply. I grabbed his hand, it felt cold. But that's weird it's practically winter here in New York, this building is burning with heat, he couldn't be cold if he tried. "Jesse" I said again slightly shaking him. That's when his body slumped over on the ground, and I screamed.