Demoman woke up feeling groggy and light-headed. He rubbed his aching forehead, and opened his eye, looking around. He was alone in a dark forest. Cracks of sunlight shone through the treetops like fingers of an almighty being, groping for signs of life. Demo sat up, brushing twigs from his clothes. He froze. Instead of his RED team garb, he wore chainmail armor. He had a targe strapped to his back, along with a sword similar to the eyelander. He struggled to stand under the weight of his newfound armor, looking around wildly. Where was he? What in hell was he wearing? Where was the rest of the team? He walked deeper into the forest, calling out names.
Sniper found himself sprawled in the upmost branches of a huge tree. He found himself in boiled, hard leather armor. He had a longbow tied around his back, and his head was bare. He saw some figures walking below him on the forest floor, but he was too high up to make them out clearly. Looking around, managing to stay quiet, he spotted his Larrikin Robin over on the end of a fairly thin branch. He edged his way over, determined to get the hat that matched his clothes. He grabbed the hat, but the branch snapped as he crawled back to safety. He gritted his teeth, bracing for the long fall. He hit the ground hard, the wind knocked out of him. He heard Demo's voice call out for him as the two green, raggedly clad, long-eared man-beasts closed in around him with swords as he blacked out, unable to catch his breath.
Soldier awoke with a straw hat pulled over his eyes, just widely woven enough to see through. He sat against a tree with a strange fruit hanging from it. He was outside a forest by a babbling brook. It was a sunny, warm summer day and he was glad to notice he wore little more than rags. A large, rusty axe and a backpack lay beside him. The thought crossed his mind to wonder where he was and how he had gotten there, but he mentally shrugged it off and enjoyed the gentle breeze blowing by. That is, until he heard Demo call out the names of teammates faintly from in the forest. He kept it up for a while, too. Soldier hoisted the pack onto his back with ease, grabbed the axe with both hands, and charged after the sound of the voice, unable to prevent himself from a battle cry.
Demo walked further into the forest, seeing strange new animals and berries in the underbrush. He chanced upon a man who looked like Sniper being stood over by two small, pointy-eared, sharp-toothed creatures with glowing yellow eyes. They wore rags. They were examining a small bag of gold coins and a longbow. They hadn't noticed Demo yet.
" Oy, Grob! Hand over that bow! Lemme see! Ya don't know how to work that thing!"
"Oh yeah, and you do? S'mine! You got the coins!" They had high-pitched snarly voices. They began to quarrel, when a man in similar rags and a red straw hat pulled over his eyes flew out into the clearing, roaring madly in a voice just like Soldier's. He swung an axe, the creatures dropping their loot and scattering, drawing swords. Demo took the similarity of these men to his teammates to be more than coincidence, and he charged out of the forest, hitting one of the green-skinned maniacs with his shield, knocking him down. The Soldier-like man continued his cry, swinging his axe, cleaving the sword arm off of the other creature. It roared shrilly in pain.
"Good to see some familiar faces, eh, Demo?" Asked the man, clearly Soldier.
"Aye!" He replied, grinning, as the disarmed creature toppled backwards. Demo cleaved its head off to finish the job, and the other one dropped its sword and fled.
"Drat! Grob! Grottius'll hear of dis, youse! Mark my words! You ain't seen the last of me!" It ran off into the shadows of the trees. Demo and Soldier high-fived each other, then knelt over sniper, gathering up the coins and bow.
"How's Sniper? and what were those?" Asked Demo, looking at the disemboweled creature. Soldier opened his mouth to reply, but a female voice cut him off like a knife.
"Those were simple goblins." It said, coyly. Demo and Soldier looked around wildly for the source of the voice. A green-armored, pointy-eared, thin woman wearing many leafy charms jumped from a high branch, landing on her feet. She had a sturdy longbow and long, blond hair. Her face was stern yet beautiful. Soldier leapt up, followed by Demo.
"Goblin? Wassat, a type of chocolate pudding?" Soldier grumbled. She replied:
"I know not what you speak of. The goblins roam the forests near here, looting hapless adventurers such as yourselves." She knelt over Sniper.
"What happened to your friend here? Fell from a tree?"
"We don't know, we uh… Got separated." Demo said sheepishly. The woman with the pointy ears ignored him, pulling a small herb from a pouch on her belt.
"Give this to him when he wakes. It will ease the swelling. It's a curative of the forest." She hesitated, then extended her hand to Demo.
"I am Nila, Elf lordess of the Gimdro Forest." Demo shook her hand. He tried to come up with a medieval sounding name to match hers, with limited success.
"Damian Degroot. And these are… Sal Deer and, er, Shay Monday." He said, gesturing to himself, Soldier, and then Sniper. Soldier raised a mocking eyebrow, but Demo (Damian, to Nila) didn't catch it due to the hat.
"Come, Degroot, Deer. Deer, you are a strong barbarian. Take Monday on your shoulder."
"Barbarian, eh? And 'Sal Deer?' Really?" Whispered Soldier as he hoisted Sniper's body over his shoulder, grinning. Demo shrugged in response. They came to a huge clearing after an hour or two. Soldier tirelessly carried Sniper's light weight with a newfound strength. Soldier and Demo conversed in whispers about the oddity of their situation, trying to figure out where 'Gimdro Forest' was. They stopped when Nila overheard and started asking awkward questions on purpose, like where they were from. Sniper stirred as they stepped into the clearing.
Demo took him aside and quickly explained what had happened. Sniper explained he had no idea where they were, either.
"This is my home palace. It is the centerpiece of the elves in Gimdro Forest. We-"
"Elves?" Asked Soldier. "Like Santa Claus? So, what, are you the only tall one? Is that why you're in charge?" In truth, she was shorter than the average woman. She waved a hand at soldier, and he gasped silently.
"It's just a silencing spell, it'll wear off in half an hour. As I was saying,-"
This time, it was sniper who dared to cut her off.
"Spell? You do magic, you're telling me?"
"Of course. It is a common elvish practice. Now if I may continue…" She glared, continuing to explain the rich heritage of her people as they approached the palace. Sniper and Demo exchanged a "fine mess we've gotten ourselves into" look as Soldier continued to scream silently.