Sorry it's been forever but there simply has been no time! But it'll be better soon I promise

Disclaimer: SM pwns Harry Potter, J.K. pwns nothing :D

RPOV

This woman is obviously deranged, I thought, as we walked through the halls of the outdated castle. Edward nodded in agreement to my thoughts. I mean this woman was pointing a stick on us like a gun! She thought that her stick thingy could actually protect her against five super sexy vampires, and one Emmett.

Suddenly the woman stopped in front of a weird statue of a bird looking thingy, and yelled "Strawberry Fizzing Chocolate Lemon Drops!" Then the bird leaped aside and revealed a staircase. Emmett was so surprised, he karate-chopped the bird in half, leaving just a pile of rubble. "Sorry," he murmured, as Madame Hooch had just fainted in surprise. We let the strange woman be, and went up the stairs, unsure of what we would find.

"Ew, this décor, is so last season!" whined Alice, as she saw the contents of the room.

"Was this ever in season?" I exclaimed.

"Good point," she agreed.

Suddenly a strange man appeared from behind the bookshelf. "Hello," he said in a raspy voice, "My name is Albus Dumbledore, and may I ask…why I am honored by this odd visit?"

We all began stuttering, not sure what to say, I mean we couldn't just come out and say, oh yeah, were vampires, and we want to rape and pillage your land. Well we really didn't want to do the first part, but the second part was true.

Finally Mr. Edward, I have no secrets, Cullen, said "Well sir we are vampires, and we were hunting in the forest and then, SHAZAM! We see this monstrosity, and so here we are."

"Hmm, how peculiar. Let me go get my stake so I can kill you all, if you'd just stay right there…" and he began to walk away.

"Um, sir, I don't think a stake can kill us, as the normal vampire myths do not apply to use," squeaked Alice.

"Shit! Really? Then what the hell am I supposed to do?" he cried.

"We don't eat people if that helps, although we do have our doubts about Jazzy over there," said Emmett.

"Oh thank goodness. Well then what do you eat if you don't eat people?" he inquired.

"You know, the usual mountain lion and irritable grizzly," said Edward. Dumbledore nodded, as he seemed to understand everything, apparently the frail old man had lost a few marbles, but was intelligent.

"Well can I ask you to join us this year in our quest to defeat the powerful dark wizard Lord Voldemort?"

"Who's Lord Moldywarts?" asked Edward?

"Why, Cedric, you of all people should know as he killed you at the end of last term!"

"Who's this Cedric everyone keeps talking about, and why does everyone keep thinking I'm him?" Edward said frustrated.

"You're not Cedric? But...but you look just like him!" muttered Albus.

Edward began to sulk in the corner as he usually does, and then in order for this chapter to stay shortish, Dumbledork explained everything that needed to be explained to the sexy vampires in like 5 minutes, and then everyone was up to speed and knew errything that needed to be explained.

"So we have to help this Hairy Pothead kid defeat the crazy deranged Lord Voldy? Are for serious? I wanted to get a tan this weekend!" I exclaimed.

"Rose, you can't get a tan, as you're forever going to be part albino," said Emmett.

"Fo realz? Man this just keeps get worse and worse, I mean who in the hale wants to help a hairy teenager defeat a lunatic? Can't we just go all Buffy Summers on his ass?"

Dumbledore looked at me for a very long moment, and nodded "That's so crazy it just might work! Rose, you're a genius!"

"I know" I said.