AN: Hmm. The response to this story is extremely good, and I appreciate everyone who bothers to even read this story, let alone follow it, favourite it and all that jazz.
On the matter of romance... Don't expect much of anything. At all. Take that as your own interpretation, by the way.
Spoilers for this chapter... Are your ready? Alright. Teams are going to get fucked up this chapter, so people who dislike that... IDK, go read Coeur's stories. They're much better quality then my own anyway.
Reasons for changing the classic line up of teams is at the bottom.
Any plotholes... Er...
Just try not to fall in them, okay?
Edited as of 13/08/16 for spelling errors.
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Team Fortress: Remnant
Chapter II
Destructive Initiations
"Emerald..." Cinder asked, cautiously. "Why is Mercury holding a flamethrower like it's a teddy bear?"
"...Seriously though, don't ask." She replied, slapping her head with her palm. "He's been like this, ever since he saw the damn thing."
"Oi! Don't talk about me like that. I'm probably going to get hurt emotionally." Mercury interrupted as he put the massive nearly two meter flamethrower on his back, the end of it going over his height by about 20 centimetres.
"You haven't gotten hurt ever since we recruited you." Emerald deadpanned, as she looked over her partner.
"Pff. You were the one to get me this thing." He retorted, before snatching off the money that she was about to offer for him to shut up.
"Hey! I needed that!"
"You were going to spend it on hair products, and at least I'm using to get something useful... Like booze." The assassin stated, before his boss put her hand on his shoulder, and said, "Get me some as well. I'll double your pay for the month...!"
"Sure... See you later!" He exclaimed before running out of the compound, his boots making him go even faster.
"Do you think that I'll have to pay for even more damage?" Cinder asked, exasperatedly. She felt that it wasn't worth the conquest of Remnant, if there were even more people like Mercury, at this point.
"Or you could get Roman to perform a bank robbery?" The illusionist replied, as she looked over her guns.
"That would cost even more money, and would get interference by another batch of stupidly strong students... Or proper Huntsman." She countered.
"Unless we get the very person who might cause all this damage, to accompany him." Emerald stated, and she noticed how her boss hmm'ed at that.
"That's an idea. He has been pleading for a mission, recently..."
In the meantime, Mercury was looking around for some alcohol and noted that all of that very specific item was incredibly expensive at the moment. He scowled, before realizing that he had nearly an entire at his disposal.
Well, at Cinder's disposal, but that was unimportant.
Thus, he strolled over to Junior's, arriving in front of two henchmen who were stationed in front of the bar. "Hey, would you be willing to let a young stallion that might/will be able to kill you, a chance to come in?"
"You're not getting past us, kid." The dumb muscle stated, bluntly.
Mercury certainly had a few pyromaniac tendencies, but he knew when to use it and when not to. And he really did not want to kill them.
He lashed out with his boot, kicking one in the jaw with his right foot, before proceeding to step on the fallen dude's neck. Lightly, of course.
The assassin smiled happily, and asked, "If you're not stupid, and if you value the life of your comrade... And your pay, thinking about it."
"Fine. Get in, you psychopath." Henchmen #2 grunted, as he motioned (read: pushed) Mercury into the bar.
He smirked and stalked over to Junior who looked vaguely ruffed up. "So, what the fuck happened to you?"
"Oh. Mercury Black. Wondered when you'd come here." The man stated, uncaring about the matter.
"Hmm. Since I've been given free reign for the day, I wondered if you could get me and my boss a lot of booze. Alcohol, if you prefer." He stated, with a completely straight face.
"Wait a second... You've threatened the life of my men, and beat the shit out of one of them... For a few fucking beers?!" Junior exclaimed; his eyes becoming incredulous.
"Rather obviously, over-wise I wouldn't have traces of man sweat on my feet." The criminal dead-panned
"Get out." He ordered, as he reached under the table, and two girls came to his sides.
"Before you get too out of your basket, I think that it's worth a mention that I have a flamethrower and I know how to use it." Mercury stated, bluntly as he pulled out the massive flamethrower.
"O-ok. I-i think that we can do business..." Junior stuttered. There was a point that Marcus Black's son was even more scary then his old man... Who was incredibly scary.
"Cool! Five hundred thousand beers in about two weeks, will be good right? I'll pay it back with my skills, of course." Mercury proposed, smirking as he sheathed his flamethrower.
"Yeah... Sure. Come back in two weeks time, Black." The dealer stated, as he waved the assassin off. When the psychopath was gone, he fell back down on his chair.
"Fucking hell," he cursed. "Well, I think that I'm going to have to get back into the hot seat..."
Jaune Arc woke up with a ringing headache, that swore to make itself worse if he heard a particular white-haired girl.
"Ow. Has the apocalypse happened yet?" He asked aloud, before standing up not bothering to change. He didn't even smell, or got any major dirt on his outfit, so he kept it on.
His weapons were in locker... Shit. He had forgotten.
He quickly ran off, crashing in about twelve people in the space of barely two minutes. He shouted out a quick, "I'm not sorry," and continued on his path, before tripping and somehow managing to land on the lockers, sending them all flying.
As screams were shouted all over Beacon, Jaune praised the Sun since he noticed that his weapons were completely unharmed. He picked them up, and put them on his back.
"WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE!?" Goodwitch roared at the utter carnage that a single scout had caused.
"Well, the lockers all fell over for some reason, and in the chaos I found my weapons." The culprit explained, ignoring the people that saw him do it.
The blonde woman looked over at her soon-to-be-student, and narrowed her eyes at the straight-faced blond, before deciding that it wasn't worth the time to try and get a real answer from anyone, and merely waved her riding crop.
"Damn son..." Jaune muttered, under his breath. "That's one powerful lady."
The room had set itself back together with a single wave of that crop. Innuendoooo... Shut up. The gamer inside him demanded that he ask how the hell she did that, even if it was merely her Semblance... But he managed to resist, as a wide-eyed look took over.
Apparently she noticed, since she let out a small smirk at him, before straightening her face before anyone noticed her joy.
As she walked away, the culprit of this entire disaster quickly ran off towards where they were supposed to do their landing strategy... But managed to crash once more in Ozpin, sending the boy flying as the headmaster stayed standing.
"So... Sudden change of plans?" The scout questioned from his position on the ground.
"Yep. We've planned to throw you from the roof." The silver-haired man stated, bluntly.
"Hmm. Is cheating allowed?" Jaune asked, hopefully.
"If you can do it before Glynda notices, then yes." The man offered, as he sipped his coffee.
"Mmmmaaayyyybbbeeee not." He dead-panned He wasn't stupid - that was one overpowered teacher... Like Ozpin, in hindsight.
"So, you've finally understood not to cross her, then?" The headmaster said, with a straight face.
"Yep."
"Then you're not one of the stupid ones."
And the headmaster walked off, and the boy decided to follow him... Since he had no idea where the fuck they were supposed to go.
In about fifty minutes, he finally arrived where all the students were... All alone. There he was, that bastard!
"Now, before I was so rudely interrupted... Yes, we are going to throw you off this roof towards the forest. Try to survive, you idiotic brats." Ozpin said, with utter boredom as he deftly dodged the crop that threatened to hit his head.
As Jaune walked onto the landing pod, he asked loudly, "My final words are... FUCK YOU, OZZZZPIIIINNNN!"
"How rude. I'm going to give him full marks for the rest of term." Ozpin commented, before walking off... To plan the finances of the school. Which was all going to coffee... And payments for damage.
"Hmm... At least, I won a bet before I died!" He exclaimed, before he got an idea that only a destructive scout like him could think off.
He shot his grapple towards a tree, and as it landed, he swung backwards, landing feet first on a tree ripping the roots out. Thank Nocturne for the fact that the rule of cool is still in play!
A tear rolled from his eye as he realized that he hadn't cause as much destruction as he had planned to, which he immediately remedied his sadness by playing a song that he enjoyed trolling with...
A song called 'Bonfire' that was based on Thomas the Tank Engine was currently playing, and he found himself running around narrowly avoiding all contact with any Grimm, and somehow managing to score rather devastating body-shots on the ones that did find themselves in his way.
This song was absolutely magnificent, he mused amusedly as he threw his grapple hook towards a tree, launching himself forward. He crashed face first into a person, and then bounced crashing into a tree, causing it to fall over.
"Fucking hell... Everything that is remotely stable hates me... Ow." The scout stated, wincing. Holy shit that hurt.
"Hey? You alright?" A girl that he vaguely recognized as Blake asked, concernedly.
"I'm perfect. Aura'll regenerate what brain power I lost." He offered, before standing up and looking around. "So, we're partners or some shit?"
"Yeah... Filthy casual." Blake taunted, and he narrowed his eyes.
"Says the filthy camper." He returned, before adding, "Anyway, what the hell are we supposed to be doing?"
"Now that I think of it, Ozpin didn't say what we were supposed to do." She replied, frowning in contempt.
"He's a bastard, in all honesty." Jaune said, before marching towards the sun.
"Hey! Where are you going?" She exclaimed in surprise.
"Towards the east, which is give or take where Beacon is." He answered, insightfully. "And if we meet any Grimm, eliminate all of the mean ones. Other people are probably going east as well, which is a bonus."
"That's... Good reasoning." The bow-wearing girl admitted, before following him rather easily.
After twenty minutes or so, a strange Grimm vaguely looking like a Labrador wandered towards them. Jaune widened his eyes, as he cooed. "Awww! That's is one cute dog!"
"Er... He's a Grimm, Jaune." Blake dead-panned
"And? He's not attacked us or even noticed us. Grimm can sense emotions from quite far away, so he should have noticed us by now." He explained, ignoring her look of 'I know that'.
"Hey, boy!" The scout called out, as he walked towards the famished dog.
It turned towards him, and with his red eyes, looked at him analytically. "What the hell are you doing out here, by yourself?"
It shrugged, and strolled towards him before sitting down and slumping. "Okay. I'm Jaune and this is my partner Blake, and I've decided to call you... Dog."
"Wait, seriously?" The girl recoiled. "What kind of name is Dog?"
"Well it's easy to remember, and it's way cooler then a name like Zwei." He reasoned, sagely.
"You might have a point there..." Blake admitted, before Jaune ordered the dog-like Grimm called Dog, to follow them.
Dog quickly ran after them, trotting in front of the two and sniffing the air. Essentially, it did regular dog things.
"At least, he isn't going to lick his arse or some shit like that." The scout reminded his partner.
"Eurgh. Don't remind me that all other dogs do that." She coiled her lips into a disgusted frown. "But, what are we going to feed him?"
"Do Grimm even eat, apart from thriving off negative energy?" He asked, curiously.
"How the hell should I know?" She replied, adding, "Let's just find that out when we get there, shall we?"
"Fine by me, partner." He said, without any thought before ordering, "Dog, try and er..."
"Find?" Blake said for him.
"Yeah, find some humans. You know the ones with a soul." He stated, and when the Grimm merely opened an eye, he sweetened the deal. "We'll... Get you some bones!"
Dog perked up and sprinted towards the sun before either Blake or Jaune could react.
"DOG! GET BACK HERE!" He bellowed, as he followed the dog before it got killed by some idiots.
"WAIT UP!" Blake yelled, as she ran after her partner.
"Ozpin?" Glynda asked, tersely.
"Yes, Glynda?" The silver-haired troll responded. "Are you concerned by the fact that Mister Arc and Miss Belladonna have managed to befriend a Grimm?"
"Yes! That Grimm might be merely trying to get them by surprise." The concerned teacher said.
"I don't think that, if only for the fact that I also used to have a pet Grimm." He answered, bluntly. "And he was my best friend for a good while."
"There is also the fact that you haven't even given them an assignment to complete," Goodwitch muttered, as she slumped onto a chair, stretching her back tiredly.
"They'll survive," he waved it off. "I personally think that this'll go either very right, or very wrong."
"We'll intervene right, if it gets too dangerous?" Glynda asked, and at seeing him nod, quickly perked up. "I'll be back in a bit."
"Don't do anything that is not for minors," Ozpin warned, with a small sip of his coffee.
"Huh?" coughed out the teacher, barely managing to get a glare in, because of her surprise.
"FUCK! ME!" Jaune yelled in fear as he hastily launched his grapple towards a tree, that caused him to crash into a tree which uprooted it. (No trees were harmed in the making of this fanfiction.)
"MOVE!" Blake screamed as she nearly kicked him in the back of the head, but in a burst of good luck, narrowly avoided the incredibly destructive teenager.
"Well," He stated, as he brushed off invisible dirt from his t-shirt, "That went well."
"Shut up," she ordered snappily. "We have to-"
"Shh. Dog seems to have found something," the scout said as he rapidly put a hand on her lips, blocking out any sound.
"Humph!"
"Sorry," he apologized, before she started breathing in and out.
"Don't do that." She warned, before removing her sword from her sheath.
"Oi, no team-killing over-wise you're getting a seven day ban!" He retorted, before quickly running after his wayward dog.
"It's only thirty minutes..." Blake muttered, before following her partner.
"DOG! GET BACK HERE, YOU BLOODY MUTT!" The gamer bellowed, once more as he quickly threw his grapple hook towards a tree, continuously pulling himself forward.
Eventually they found a clearing, with Dog cautiously backing away from a group of six with... Very painful weapons.
"Oi! That's my mutt!" The boy jumped in between the two.
"It's a Grimm." A blonde-haired girl dead-panned
"And that's racist." He returned, absently stroking the supposedly dangerous monster's chin.
"Jaune? There's a freaking massive black bird behind you." Blake offered to her partner, as she brandished her weapons.
"I know," he automatically answered, before waking up and launching his hook towards the bird as it dodged.
He forcefully pulled on the string, and it suddenly switched trajectory, landing on the bird's wing.
"Alright. I got a fucking Talonflame!" He proclaimed, before pulling backwards on the thing, quickly grabbing Blake and throwing himself and the girl onto the Grimm.
"What was your idea with this?" She asked, as she hastily grabbed the Grimm's bony appendages.
"Forcing it onto the ground, so that we can kill it with the help of those six." He admitted, as he started firing his shotgun towards the bird's wings. It did little to no damage, but it was slowly forcing itself through the rough feathers.
"Blake, just keep on stabbing or firing in the same spot. That'll eventually get through it's feathers," the scout continued.
"Alright." She stated, as she continuously stabbed into the thing's armour, but before doing so, hastily looped her arms through her partner's hook.
"O-! Calm down Pidgeot!" He snapped, as he pulled on his grappling hook turning it's wings, as it attempted to fire piercing feathers onto their allies. He managed to swerve in such a way that it went above them, instead right in their faces.
"Did you get through?" Jaune asked calmly, as he continued twisting and turning the bird.
"No... Do you have any armour piercing bullets?" She questioned, before raising an eyebrow at the pistol that he handed her.
"They're 5.7×28mm Dust bullets... They don't pack much punch, but they do their job." He elaborated, before she nodded.
Blake carefully positioned the pistol, and suddenly held the trigger. The gun fired continuously, and Jaune suddenly grabbed her hands, steadying it.
"Don't waste any ammo, all right? You filthy sprayer." The scout counselled, a small smirk on his face.
"Shut up, you COD: Infinite Warfare lover." The girl retorted, without much thought.
"Oi, I resent that! That game is only gonna get bought because of the Modern Warfare remaster!" The Arc exclaimed, as he hastily hooked back in his hook into the feathers of the beast.
"Jaune... I think that we've already got a hole." She said, as she pointed towards his grappling hook.
"Wow. Okay, I'll take your sword, and you take my pistol and we'll both puncture the hole, alright?" He said, as he removed his hook and quickly placed it in a small crevice in the beast's armour.
"Okay... Three, two, one, go!" Blake said, as she fired off shots and he stabbed in her sword, right after. The beast squawked, and Jaune capitalized that and forcefully with all of his strength and two hands, pierced through the wing, effectively disabling it's flying ability as it forcefully crashed into the ground.
"PIDGEOT USE BRAVE BIRD!" He yelled, as he pushed the massive bird towards the ground head first.
"Move out of the way!" She added, loudly at the people below.
The Grimm crashed into the ground, which immediately formed a small crater and Jaune immediately jumped out of it, landing head first onto the ground.
"It seems like that was birdiful!" The blonde girl joked, and the scout immediately booed.
"Boo! Worst pun of the year! Like Infinite Warfare!" He quipped.
"How about we get the presentations out of the way?" A red-haired girl with a tiara, asked.
Jaune squinted at her, for a second before shaking his head. "Well, this is Blake, and I'm Jaune. What about you guys?"
"I can introduce myself, you know..." The bow-wearing ninja muttered to herself.
"Alright... I'm Pyrrha, and this is Weiss, Ruby, Ren, Nora and Yang." Pyrrha continued, calmly.
"Hmm... I definitely recognize you from somewhere..." The scout said, and before anyone could say anything, he snapped his fingers. "Oh yeah! My sister said a joke about how there was a Pyrrha that was voted most sexy young Huntress in the public eye!"
"Wait what?" Weiss blinked at that reasoning, before snapping, "No you dolt! She's won the Mistral Tournament three times!"
"Sorry... Was too busy 1v5'ing some scrubs that were about ten years old." He replied, looking at his nails pointedly.
"She's on the Pumpkin Pete cereal box!" She said, waving her hands in the air.
"Sorry... My dad was too busy going, 'damn son, where d'you find this?'." He dead-panned, sarcastically. "I personally don't give a shit that she's a fucking celebrity."
"Let's move on, shall we?" A black-haired boy interrupted.
"Yeah!" shouted an orange-haired girl.
"Let's go," Jaune ordered, marching off towards the cliffs. "OI, GET BACK HERE, YOU STUPID DOG!"
"Mercury... What the fuck happened?" Cinder inquired, as she gazed at her silver-haired subordinate that had caused this mess.
"YOLO." The assassin automatically answered. "That's my only reason."
"Wait, seriously? You caused us to get put behind bars, for the YOLO?" Emerald dead-panned, restraining her urge to strangle her partner.
"It's a perfectly valid excuse," He replied. "Anyway, I've got a plan..."
"What's your plan?" Their boss inquired, who was currently in other clothing from her norm... Including her underwear. For the perfectly valid reason, of the fact that she had loaded her clothes with fire Dust, so that she didn't constantly exhaust herself from using her powers.
"I still have my boots." Mercury revealed, as he pulled up his trouser leg.
"Wait, they managed to detect Dust from my entire wardrobe, but not your bionic legs?" The half-Maiden questioned.
"Don't question the legs." He stated, completely seriously as he strolled towards the prison door, and kicked it. The poor door flew out, and hit a guard right in the side.
"Hello, miss." Mercury asked, before turning the poor woman towards Cinder and Emerald. "Where are our files, and weapons?"
"Are you'll do what?" She asked, challengingly.
"Or I'm going to headshot noscope you across the map. With a shotgun." He threatened, MLG sun glasses suddenly appearing on his face.
"Okay, okay! I'm going to!" She exclaimed in fear of the MLG... And the stale montages.
"Go on. Or I will call upon the Teletubbies and Snoop Dog." He continued as the guard quickly ran towards their records in absolute fear. He whispered towards Cinder, "I know that this is not my place, but could you destroy all of the cameras?"
She smirked at him. "That's my kind of thinking, Mercury."
"Thought so." He replied, as he quickly ran after the guard.
"Has the world gone insane?" Emerald muttered to herself, irritably as she flung her hands into the air. This was not normal!
A few meters in front... (i dunno why i'm doing this, please send help)
"Hey, you got my flamethrower?" Mercury asked the guard, his MLG sun glasses still on.
"Yes I do, lord MLG." The guard grovelled at his feet, in utter respect for the MLG.
"Good. What's your name?" He asked, honestly curious.
"Aqua Keel." She stated.
"Well, Aqua it seems that you are my first subordinate... In the conquering of the world." Mercury said, as he sheathed his flamethrower on his back.
"Yes, my lord. I will delete all of the documents that they have on you and my fellow subordinates." Aqua acquiesed as she rapidly typed onto a computer.
"Good good." The pyromaniac waved, as Cinder strolled over.
"Are we nearly done here?" She asked.
"Yep. Aqua's just deleting some information on us." He replied.
"Wait? You managed to get this guard as our subordinate?" The illusionist questioned, tiredly as she questioned why she was working with a bunch of insane power mongers.
"No, I am Lord Mercury's subordinate." Aqua stated, as the assassin quickly handed Cinder and Emerald their stuff. "Aren't you?"
"Now, now Aqua. Let's just concentrate on getting out of here." He amended the situation. "Hey Cinder, just destroy this computer just in case?"
She quickly threw a fire ball, and glared at Mercury. He of course, pointedly ignored it. Or didn't notice, nobody knows.
"HAHAHA! I'M A CHARIZARD USING FLAMETHROWER!" The gamer exclaimed, as he quickly broke out... In front of the news.
"Let's go!" He said, as he quickly added, "I am CHARIZARD! THE BIGGEST BADASS ON PLANET REMNANT! FEAR ME!"
"Jaune? Why are you watching the news?" Blake asked, curiously.
"Just listen to this... I fucking knew that the MLG would strike again!" Jaune cursed, as he upped the volume.
"Now on 11! The newest criminal on the block called Charizard! He has managed to kidnap three young women as slaves, and now we ask Bill on his opinion on the subject." Lisa Lavender reported.
"I think that this Charizard is an even bigger threat to Remnant then the Grimm are! I hope that we find those women soon!" Bill ranted.
"So is Charizard as big of threat as Bill says? Nobody knows..."
And Jaune suddenly turned it off, ranting about why choose the name Charizard and why Pyros followed him, everywhere.
AN: Oo
Er... Don't ask my reasoning on the whole Mercury thing... But I'll happily explain why I fucked up the teams!
Quick spoilers, the teams are rather close to the original. In a way.
Firstly, there is team JBNR, and team RYPW.
And, firstly the leaders are Jaune and Ruby, obviously. Ruby has Yang as a partner, and Weiss got Pyrrha. The rest are rather obvious.
Reasoning. Firstly, is that Jaune has only interacted with Blake and Ruby before the initiation, unlike cannon. Meanwhile, Ruby has only interacted with Jaune, Yang and Weiss... Similarly to cannon.
So, the results is an extremely convoluted team organization... I'm going to elaborate next chapter, but you get my gist right?