Suspended

I remember it like it was yesterday. I can still feel the bile in my throat, the ache in my chest, and the sting of tears in my eyes. That was the day my world fell apart. My husband had just left for a twelve hour shift, I was not expecting him home anytime soon. I was sitting on our bed folding laundry and putting what we needed into suit cases for our vacation to San Diego. We were leaving in the morning with the kids for a weeklong trip to celebrate our seventh anniversary. I looked up and saw my husband standing in the bedroom doorway looking at the floor.

"What are you doing home? Did you forget something?" I said in confusion.

He looked up and by the look on his face I could tell that something was wrong and he was afraid to tell me. "I'm suspended Bella." He whispered.

"Why, would you be suspended Jake?"

"I can't tell you. Chief said I can't tell anyone."

"Well you better tell me right now or the kids and I are leaving."

He just looked at me the look on his face was one of pure guilt. "I have been accused of having sex in my police car while on duty." He blurted out.

I couldn't speak bile filled my throat. When the words came to me I said, "Is it true?"

His response was one I had come to expect and I knew he was lying before it even came out. "No it's not true."

"Oh, really then why are you being accused of it? Jacob, you had better tell me the truth right now."

He stood there and looked at me for a while wanting to deny it but, knowing he couldn't. Then he said, "I did not have sex with her. She gave me a few blow jobs while I was on duty and that is it. I never slept with her she is just mad because I broke things off so, she went to the chief. She has been texting me over and over and I have been ignoring her. I don't want her Bella."

I didn't know what to say. I felt physically ill. Seven years of marriage and this is what I get. He does not love me. How could he do this to us, to our kids and while on duty how stupid can you be to have an affair while on duty.

"Who is she?" I whimpered.

"Do you remember that dispatcher's daughter that went on a few ride alongs with me?"

"Oh, you mean the one that I said you better watch out for because, she likes you?"

"Yes. Well, one night when were on a ride along she offered to give me a blow job and I mean she was really pretty and it was so hard I couldn't say no. So I said yes."

"How many times?"

"What?"

"How many times have you been with her?"

"We met a lot after that, when I was on duty. It has been over for more than a year she just keeps calling me and texting me. I can't get rid of her now"

Oh god my marriage is over. How could he do this? "You have been lying to me for over a year? I asked you about her remember? I asked you multiple times if something was going on with her. You denied it every time. You actually told me that I was being crazy and acting jealous and you yelled at me. Do you remember that? What the Hell Jacob." I was screaming by the time I finished. He just stared at me.