Disclaimer: Unfortunately I don't own nor am I involved with the production of Chuck. On the plus side, I work cheap so if Zach is reading this - call me.
Synopsis: After a hard day at the Buy More Chuck has to go home and face an evening with his family and the woman of his dreams. The only problem is she's become the woman of his nightmares! Depressed and angry at Sarah for the way she's been acting toward him Chuck seeks comfort in the bottle and finds that he's not the only one with issues. Alcohol flows and true feeligns are revealed, as the Romans say "In Vino Veritas"!
A/N: Adult language and situations apply.
Chuck versus Fallout Girl - Chapter Two - In Vino Veritas
Chuck pulled the Nerd Herder into his parking spot, turned off the ignition and rested his head against the steering wheel. He had dinner with his Ellie, Devon, and Sarah in just over twenty minutes and the only thing he dreaded more than the upcoming evening was a visit from a Fulcrum retrieval unit. Actually he'd probably be more relieved to see Fulcrum at this point – physical torture didn't sound half as bad as what was waiting for him. He thought about the days events and he couldn't find one thing he did right, the big goose egg.
Casey and Sarah were pissed off at him. Casey he could almost understand. He thought they'd be OK since after the mission Casey had actually thanked him for his help, a definite first, but during General Beckman's review of their after action report he was reamed royally. He can't imagine a man like Casey, who is all about honor, getting called on the carpet for disobeying orders. That had to sting, the guy was just hurting. What really got to him was Sarah.
Normally Sarah defended him, instead she just let Casey rip him a new one and then she yelled at him to leave. Later she barges into the Buy More looking far better than any woman has a right to, making his heart leap in his mouth, flirts with him outrageously, and proceeds to rip into him again because of Morgan! Yeah, he may have said something to Morgan that the little guy misinterpreted, but that wasn't grounds for a reaming out. And what was all that about her fixing their cover? She wants him to play Romeo to her Juliet when people are watching but God forbid he express any real feelings for her or expect to get any back. Hell, he knew he didn't have a right to ask her for anything, not after Jill, but that didn't mean he was going to take her crap just because she knew how weak kneed he got around her.
Morgan, now that little man was a problem. Chuck didn't know what he was going to do with his little buddy and while he loved how protective Morgan, Jeff, Lester, and Anna were of him, he had to stop this constant interfering in his life. Chuck had enough problems with Sarah, he couldn't take Morgan screwing things up even more. He finally decided he need to do some damage control. It was going to suck being him for the next few days, and he was going to have to spread the pain around, but it was up to him to get this under control. He didn't want Sarah to accuse him of being the 'weak link' again.
Chuck checked the time, 6:40 - Damn. He groaned, got out of the Nerd Herder and made his way to the apartment he shared with Ellie and Devon. The Chinese say that the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. He wasn't sure about that but he knew that his sojourn into hell started in about a hundred feet.
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Chuck walked up to the apartment door and stared at it. He steadied himself when and tried to put a smile on his face, as he prepared to lie his way through the next four hours when he suddenly heard a familiar voice greeting him from the bushes.
"Hey Chuck! Watcha' doin'?"
"What? Oh, hey Morgan. What are you doing here?"
"What am I doing here? Buddy, it's Ellie's cheesy enchilada night, I always come over for her cheesy enchiladas."
"Yeah, about that. I'm thinking that's not a such a good idea tonight."
"What? Dude that's just crazy talk. Why wouldn't be a good idea?"
"Well let's start with you running to the Orange Orange and upsetting Sarah."
"What? That? C'mon man I was just expressing a healthy interest in my best friends love life to his special lady. How could that possibly upset anyone?"
"You told her that we were broken up. You told the whole store we were broken up and that I was depressed, and then you set Jeff and Lester on me, and Anna, what the hell was up with that? Can you see why I think dinner tonight isn't a good idea?"
"Dude, C'mon Chuck. You were all mopey and down, and you were doing Lester's invoice work. I mean, you haven't been you all week, something was wrong can you blame me for wanting to help?"
"Morgan I was doing the invoices because Lester and Jeff are two months behind and Emmett is starting to complain to Big Mike about them. It's mindless work that I can do three times as fast as they do and I can sit and think while I'm doing it. Did you ever think that maybe I just wanted some down time?"
"Hey man, you can tell me. This is about Sarah isn't it. She doesn't want me having dinner with you guys tonight, right?"
"Wrong. This isn't about Sarah, Morgan. Ok, it is and it isn't. What I'm saying is, it's not Sarah who doesn't' want you over for dinner tonight. It's me."
"What are you saying Chuck?"
"I'm saying you're my best friend and I love you like a brother Morgan, but you've got to give me some space right now."
"What like an hour or two? I mean I can still come in later right? I'll use the Morgan Door."
"No. Not tonight. No Morgan door. Just go home. Go to Anna's. Go anywhere but here tonight."
"Just tell me something Chuck," Morgan dug his hands in his pockets and rocked back on his heels. "Do you love Sarah?"
"Morgan…" Chuck knew that he had to tell Morgan the truth. "Yes, I love Sarah."
"How much?"
"What?"
"How much? More than Jill? How much do you love Sarah."
"Morgan, Jill is so over I can't tell you how over her I am. I am in love with Sarah, and even if we need time to work things out right now because we're not in the same place, it doesn't matter. I'm going to do what it takes, but what I need now is for my best friend to not be here, Ok?"
"Okay man. I get it. I'll see you tomorrow at work."
Chuck watched as Morgan walked off, downcast and dejected. He let out a heavy breath and shook his head and shoulders to try and shake out the tension. Chuck told himself he'd make it up to Morgan somehow, that he'd done what he had to do. He knew Morgan was only acting out of concern but he was screwing up their cover, and part of him blamed Morgan for why Sarah was so upset with him. What he'd said had him on edge because so much of it was true. He did love Sarah, and he was willing to do what ever it took to get her to love him back. He just needed a sign from her, if only Sarah would let him know that there was something for him to fight for. Chuck reached for the handle and stepped through the doorway. 'Abandon all hope oh ye' who enter here.'
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Sarah carefully closed the window leading from Chuck's bedroom to the courtyard. The window shut with a soft click and her hand turned the lock to secure it. She had been in this room a hundred times and if you'd asked her before today she'd have said she could tell you exactly what you'd find; movie posters, DVDs, games, and an impressive collection of sci-fi and fantasy books, exactly what you'd expect to see in a the room of a self proclaimed nerd. Somehow now it all seemed different to her.
She walked carefully around the room looking at everything as if she was seeing it for the first time. It's what she saw now that surprised her, movie ticket stubs for shows from ten years ago, signed CD jackets from bands she'd never heard of, dog eared copies of Jane Austen, a picture of Ellie and him as children, another of a man she knew to be his father, a picture of them together. These things were memories, tangible elements of his past, those little bits of flotsam that Agents were taught to deny but now as she looked at them all she saw that they were the essence of him. To the untrained eye he was a nerd, but this room told the story of a man with depth, one who valued friendships, treasured family, and was in his heart a hopeless romantic.
The words he'd spoken in the courtyard to Morgan burned into her soul: 'Morgan, Jill is so over I can't tell you how over her I am. I am in love with Sarah.' When she heard them she felt her heart race and her head began to swim. She didn't deserve someone so good, so wonderful. The woman in her resolved to make herself worthy of him, while the Agent in her knew she would never be good enough and promised instead to protect him whatever it took. Sarah reached for the doorknob and taking one last look around the room and thought how perfectly wonderful it all was.
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Chuck walked in to the apartment and immediately greeted by the sound of Ellie cooking in the kitchen and the smell of her delicious cheesy enchiladas. He nodded silently to Devon who was on the couch sucking on a Modelo, and took one as it was offered to him. Collapsing back into his favorite chair. The first sip of beer was heaven and Chuck thought that if only the rest of the night was like this, but something told him that it would all change once Sarah showed up and he had to start living the lie that was their relationship.
"Hey Bro." Devon seemed somewhat melancholy.
"Hey Devon, what's up? You sound like I feel."
"Yeah man, today was definitely not awesome."
"Why, what happened?"
"Devon missed out on a procedure today, didn't you honey?"
"It wasn't a procedure El, it was a transplant." Devon took a long drink of his beer. "Let me tell you Chuck, it's like the whole point of being a cardiothoracic surgeon and I was denied because of some peckerhead."
"He's not some peckerhead honey, he's your boss."
"That doesn't mean he's not a peckerhead Babe."
"You'll get another chance at one though, right?" Sarah had come out of Chuck's bedroom and was now sitting on the arm of his chair, a glass of wine in one hand and her free hand resting on Chuck's shoulder.
"Yeah, but this one was special." Devon tipped his beer back, "A young girl in need of a new heart, real sweet kid, the kind of patient you go into medicine for, ya' know? I mean there'll be others but losing this one was like losing the perfect surgery. Now I've got to go in there and see her and know that she's not mine. You know how not-awesome that is?"
"Strangely enough Devon, I totally get it." Chuck patted Sarah's knee and took a swig of his beer. Chuck couldn't see Sarah's reaction but Ellie did and thinking it was in relation to Devon's talk about surgery she quickly tried to change the subject.
"Alright, enough doctor talk. Sarah and Chuck don't want to hear about this, okay honey?" Ellie rested her hand on Devon's shoulder. "So how was your day today Sarah?"
"It was good, no major yogurt emergencies." Sarah managed a light airy laugh despite Chuck's previous comment. Whatever was wrong with him earlier was still bothering him, she could feel his shoulder muscles knotted under her touch, she gave his shoulder a reassuring squeeze, he grunted in response and drained the rest of his beer.
"Yo Chuck! Trying to catch up bro?" Devon offered him another beer and Chuck took it without question.
"You know it Dev. Cheers." Chuck took a healthy swig from the new beer.
"Ellie, do you need any help in the kitchen?"
"No thanks Sarah, we'll be ready to eat in a few minutes though so you guys get washed up."
"Chuck sweetie, you heard Ellie." Sarah gave his shoulder a hard squeeze. "let's get washed up."
*---*---*---*---*---*---*---*---*---*---*---*---*
Chuck knew he was in trouble. To the uninitiated it might have sounded like an invitation to follow Sarah to the restroom. To someone who knew her moods as Chuck did, it wasn't an invitation as much as a command, a command that was subtly reinforced by the Vulcan nerve pinch she put on his shoulder. The door had no sooner close than Sarah turned on the faucets and spun on Chuck letting her back fall against the door and blocking his exit.
"Chuck, I need to know something right now," Sarah dropped all pretense of being the happy girlfriend. "Is there a problem, something going on, something you're not telling me?"
Chuck looked at Sarah, their eyes locked gazes and the intensity of her stare was such that he normally would have withered beneath it, but not tonight. He held her gaze and could see that she was upset with him but more than that she was concerned and confused. The fire dancing behind those penetrating blue eyes taunted him. He'd had enough of lies for one day.
"What did I do now? I thought I was playing the part of the boyfriend pretty well."
"Really, is that what you think? Because you sounded a little off to me."
"That's because I'm playing the part of a boyfriend who's in a fake relationship, and the beautiful woman who's playing his fake girlfriend came to his job today and ripped into him like a monkey on a cupcake for something he didn't do. Funny thing is, she still managed to make him feel like crap about it. See, it's the subtle undercurrents that really make the performance."
"So this is about this afternoon?"
"No, this is about a lot of things, this afternoon was just the icing on the cupcake."
"Look Chuck, I'm sorry about this afternoon. Morgan came into the Orange Orange in such a panic…"
"Don't worry about Morgan, I'm dealing with that problem. In fact I'm dealing with all the little problems he stirred up because of that one."
"Okay. Chuck? I'm sorry. It's just that I thought you were overreacting to the meeting this morning and so I overreacted when Morgan came in to talk to me."
"Well you don't need to apologize then."
"But you said…"
"I did say, and I didn't lie." Chuck gave her a hard look. "Look I'm not a trained agent like you or Casey. I haven't figured out how not to have any feelings yet so I have to process mine like normal people."
"That's not fair Chuck." Sarah gave him a hurt look, "Some of us do have feelings."
"You just can't let them out to play. I get it."
"Look, maybe this was a mistake. Maybe I shouldn't have come over." Sarah reached for the door and was surprised when Chuck pushed it close again.
"No. I'm sorry. It's my problem, not yours. You have to stay," Chuck's mouth suddenly went dry and he licked his lips. "Ellie looks forward to your visits and she wants you here."
"So I should stay because Ellie wants me here?"
"Well there's our cover to think of."
"Really, that's the best you can do? Well fake girlfriends can have real headaches and I'm feeling one coming on right now."
"Sarah…I want you to stay." Chuck could feel the words turn to ash in his mouth. He was angry with her, he had a right to be, and yet she could twist him around so he'd betray himself. He hated that she had that power over him.
"Are you sure?"
"I'm sure."
With those words the tension in the room transformed almost instantly from anger to anticipation. They faced each other in a physical stalemate, bodies inches apart and neither willing to move until the door began to shake from Devon's fist. Chuck's hand went to the doorknob where it found Sarah's hand still resting. The touch of her skin was a spark that electrified his entire body, and yet instead of pulling away from her he squeezed her hand hard. Chuck pulled so forcefully that she stumbled forward. Suddenly Sarah found her body pressed against Chuck's and she could feel the heat of it through her clothes. Looking into his eyes she saw the longing and fire within. Her face was less than an inch from Chuck's, and the scent of him filled her nostrils sending her head spinning. He leaned in and she prepared herself for the feel of lips that his hot breath promised. Sarah looked bewildered when, instead of kissing her, Chuck gently pushed past her and stepped out into the hall. Unfortunately for Devon she slammed the door again and spent the next several minutes composing herself before joining the party.
"Chuck? Honey is everything okay with you and Sarah? You guys seem off tonight."
"No worries El, it's not her – its' me. I had a bad day today and I've been sort of taking it out on her."
"Oh Chuck, what happened today?"
"Nothing, it's just that Morgan…look, it's nothing."
"What about Morgan? Did Morgan do something?"
"Nah, he just misinterpreted something and next thing you know Sarah thinks I'm breaking up with her."
"Oh Honey, you need to have a talk with him. Morgan has to know…"
"No problem Sis, I talked to him outside."
"He's coming to dinner? I know he's your best friend but is that really a good idea Chuck?"
"No El, he's not coming. I told him to be scarce tonight because I needed the time to be with Sarah."
"You're growing up." Sarah gave him a hug. "You know, Sarah really is special. I'm just happy you see that too are trying to work things out."
"Trust me, I know how special she is."
"How special who is? Don't tell me I have competition." Sarah smiled as she slapped Chuck on the butt hard, appreciating the look of shock on his face.
"Oh Sarah Chuck was just saying…"
"I think it's time to eat, right Ellie?" Chuck's look implored Ellie to end the conversation.
"Right, ok everyone lets eat."
"Awesome. Everyone got their drinks. Chuck another beer?" Devon topped of the ladies wine and handed Chuck another Modelo.
The dinner was charmingly uneventful, and even though Devon failed to put the events of the day behind him as the evening wore on Chuck found himself genuinely happy in Sarah's company. Maybe the scene in the bathroom had been what they needed. All Chuck knew was that it felt less like a lie now. Sarah played the part of loving girlfriend to the hilt, even letting him feed her a forkful of his own cheesy enchilada.
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That night there were no movies or games, instead for several hours the alcohol flowed, music was played, and a bottle of Tequila joined the party. Ellie and Sarah were relaxing on the couch, both pleasantly drunk. Devon and Chuck sat on the floor in front them, Chuck had absently placed his arm on Sarah's leg like an armrest, while Devon occasionally found himself struggling to stay upright as Ellie kept trying to use his shoulders as a foot rest. To the casual observer the scene was one of two happy couples sharing a simple night of friendship.
'High-maintenance' means
You're a gluttonous queen
Narcissistic and mean.
"Awesome song, ha-ha *hic* ha" Ellie devolved to giggling inanely as she tried to sing along with Ludo's Love me Dead.
"Seriously Chuck, you don't know what it's like to lose the prefect surgery because of some peckerhead. It's like, it's like, *burp* it's like imagine if Sarah was there but just out of reach? I mean you could see her but not touch her, she could never be yours. I mean how much would that suck?"
"Totally not awesome, Dev."
She moves through moonbeams slowly
She knows just how to hold me
And when her edges soften
"Exactly Bro!" Devon put an arm around Chuck's shoulders and smiled. "Dude it's so awesome having you for a brother, you know? I mean, you totally get me and, and that means…"
"SHOTS!" Devon and Chuck shouted simultaneously as Devon poured four shots of tequila. Everyone but Ellie managed to slam theirs down. When it became clear Ellie wouldn't make it Chuck and Devon watched as Sarah took it away from her and threw it down as well. "Now that's what I'm talking about man! Sarah can hold her booze Chuck, she's a keeper dude."
Her body is my coffin
I know she drains me slowly
She wears me down to bones in bed
"Thanks Dev. I want to keep her." Chuck smiled at Devon as he unconsciously rubbed her leg. His gaze shifted to Sarah who smiled and began tussling his hair with her free hand. "What do you say Sarah, hang around and be mine?"
"Your drunk Chuck." Sarah's hand fell from his head and she flicked his nose with her fingertip, smiling a hazy smile. "I hate this song."
"Is that a yes or a no?" Chuck was drunk, he had to admit, but that wasn't an answer. He leaned forward to hit shuffle and change songs, then looked at Sarah expectantly.
"You had me at ballerina." Sarah smiles at Chuck who realizes that she is far more inebriated than she appears.
"I don *hic* don *hic* don't get it?" Ellie giggled relentlessly.
"The first time I met Chuck there was this man with his little girl, and she was a ballerina." Sarah's hand slid down Chuck's forearm. "He forgot to put the tape in his video camera and Chuck arranged for her to do her entire recital right there in the store." Sarah beamed a smile at Chuck and then turned to Ellie "He told her real ballerina's are tall."
"That's s-so sweet," Ellie smiled at Sarah, "Why are real ballerina's tall?"
"She was tall and her teacher made her stand at the back of the class so she wouldn't block the other girls." Chuck said, gazing wonderingly at Sarah. "So I told her that real ballerina's are tall."
"It was the sweetest thing I'd ever seen." Sarah patted his arm. "So I thought I've got to find out if he's for real."
"Is he?"
"Yeah, am I?"
"More real that I ever thought possible." Sarah leaned in and kissed Chuck then. It was a simple kiss but their lips lingered and a flush crept up her neck and began to color her cheeks.
"Ok Babe, I think it's time we give Sarah and Chuck here their privacy." Devon helped Ellie up from the couch.
"But I want to st-*hic* st-*hic* stay!"
"Nightie-night Sis."
"Night Ellie, Night Awesome"
"You guys be good, or at least be careful."
Devon helped Ellie down the hall toward their bedroom leaving Chuck and Sarah alone as the music played. He'd turned sideways so he was more or less facing her, his left hand resting on her right thigh and his back against her leg. Sarah was leaning back in the couch, one hand found Chuck's arm and was lazily stroking it while the other held a glass of wine. Chuck felt like he could stay this way forever, when the CD shuffled and the song Topeka song came on.
You've been known to obsess over the future
Do you think you'll get away from the past?
"Sarah, I think it's time for bed."
"I bet you do." She smiled a drunken, wanton smile at Chuck, "Poor Chuck. I am such a bitch to you sometimes. Why do you put up with me?"
Consider what you might have found.
You think you've got a good thing now.
"You're not that bad Sarah," he rubbed her leg and smiled back. "In fact I'd put up with almost anything just to keep you around."
"You're too good for me" Her smile faded as she spoke.
"No, I'm not."
"Yes! You are!" Sarah pushed him back hard and stood up from the couch taking a few unsteady steps toward the front door. She swayed losing her balance, nearly falling until Chuck grabbed her arms to steady her. "My savior."
Chuck turned her around and looked at Sarah and was shocked at the transformation. Gone was the happy, wantonly sexy goddess of the couch who mocked him. Now she was frightened and vulnerable girl with eyes swollen by tears that had yet to fall.
Every saint has a past, every sinner has a future
So you know it keeps me hanging around.
No, you can't keep a good man down.
"What did you say?"
"My savior. You saved me." Sarah choked on the words as her voice started to break, she couldn't look at him anymore. "You keep trying to save me, and I can't be saved. I'm not worth saving."
"Don't say that." Chuck shook her, forcing her to look at him. "Listen to me Sarah Walker, your past is just that. None of that matters to me. You matter to me. I know everything I need to know about you to want to be with you."
Every saint has a past, every sinner has a future,
Every saint has a past, every sinner has a future,
Every saint has a past, every sinner has a future...
She fell into his arms, the tears on her face staining his shoulder. He held her in his arms and as her gentle crying became body wracking sobs his grip on her tightened. Through the alcoholic haze Chuck became acutely aware of every part of Sarah's body, her head against his cheek, her arms around his chest, her hands grasping his shoulders, her face buried in his neck, her tears on his skin. They stood like statues, the only sounds were of her sobs mingling with the music, until suddenly Sarah stopped and pushed back from Chuck. He knew before she said anything what was wrong, the green caste on her face was a dead giveaway.
"I'm going to be sick.
He rushed her down the hallway to the bathroom, and caught her as she fell before the toilet. Holding her hair back he rubbed her back gently as she emptied her stomach again and again into the toilet bowl.
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When Chuck was sure there was simply nothing left for Sarah to throw up he helped her up, turned on the water and began to clean her up. Chuck looked at her in the mirror, still beautiful despite how sick she was, he thought Sarah acted more like a docile child than a trained CIA assassin. She letting him wipe her face clean and help her brush her teeth. She quietly accepted the aspirin he offered and drank the water down. There was no protest as he steered her toward the bedroom and fetched a clean T-shirt and a pair of boxers for her to sleep in out of his dresser. Only when he started to leave the bedroom did she react.
"Chuck, don't leave me. I need you" Sarah looked at him with such fear and longing his heart almost broke.
"Sarah, I'll be right back. I'm just getting something from the kitchen, okay?" She smiled wanly and he left as quickly as he could.
Minutes later when Chuck returned with his supplies and he noticed that Sarah hadn't moved at all, in fact she hadn't changed. The clothes he left for her were still on the bed. Without a word he set the trashcan next to her side of the bed. He put a fresh glass of water on the night stand and a few more aspirin next to it, a bowl of ice with a single bottle of ginger ale in it rested there as well with a damp washcloth. He went to her and knelt down so he could look into her eyes.
"Sarah?" Chuck smiled as he could see her eyes come into focus. "Sarah can you get changed? It's time for bed now."
She said nothing but with Chuck's help stood up and began to strip right there. Chuck turned away from her as she changed only to catch the sight of her creamy white skin in his mirror. After several agonizing minutes she was ready for sleep and Chuck helped her into bed. He brushed away the hair from her face and placed the damp cloth on her forehead before turning out the lights. In the darkness he lay next to her, staring at the ceiling.
"Chuck" Sarah's voice was quiet, almost fearful.
"Yes Sarah?"
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be, you had too much to drink. It happens."
"No. I'm sorry I can't be who you need me to be."
"Sarah, you don't have to…"
"I want to be." Sarah's voice was choked with emotion. "I just can't."
"Sarah, please."
"You deserve someone who can tell you what you mean to them." He could tell she was starting to cry again. "I want to be her, I just don't know how."
"Shhh. It's okay, I know it's hard." Chuck placed his hand on her shoulder to comfort her. She grabbed it and pulled until his arm lay across her stomach. "Sarah?"
"Please? Hold me?"
The voice that escaped her lips was pleading, and Chuck felt a shudder run through her body. He realized that she was hurting and scared, he needed to comfort her. Chuck moved closer until his chest rested against her back, she snuggled into him until one arm supported her head and the other was wrapped securely around her waist. In just moments Chuck became aware of the rhythm of Sarah's regular breathing, he smiled at the thought of her asleep in his arms, and he too drifted off peacefully.
A/N: This is my first fanfic and of course feedback is always welcome, the more specific the better. Thanks!