Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or any of its characters. I can't stress how much I would LOVE to, though.

Ok, so this is how Miroku would take his kids camping. How does he do it, you might ask? Read and find out!

Btw, Miroku has two kids: Haru and Hiro. Haru is the oldest child, about 14. Hiro is about 5.

Miroku

"Miroku! Haru! Hiro! Can you come here for a second?" Shouted Sango.

They all ran into the room.

"What's up mom?" Asked Haru.

"I've decided that you all need bonding time, so you're going camping."

The three men started yelling at once.

"But I don't want to!" Yelled Hiro. "What if he makes me bleed and cry and faint like Haru (read my story The Most Dreaded Of All Days for details)?"

"Yeah!" Exclaimed Haru. "And I was gonna hang out with Kaoru!"

"And I was gonna watch porn tapes that Inuyasha brought me from Kagome's Era!" Yelled Miroku.

"Look, I know you all don't- whoa, whoa, whoa! Miroku, what did you say?"

Miroku suddenly grew nervous. "N-nothing!"

Sango exploded. "YOU HAVE A WIFE AND KIDS AND YOUR WATCHING PORN TAPES?"

Before Miroku could lie and say he wasn't, Sango hit him so hard he was knocked out cold.

"I'll go pack your stuff." Said Sango. "When your father wakes up, tell him he's going on the trip."

"Ok, let's set up the tent." Said Miroku, pulling it out of the bag.

After a near death experience with a pissed off bear and some violent squirrels, they had finally found a good spot to set up camp.

"Who would've thought nuts could hurt so much." Muttered Haru, rubbing his head with one hand and gripping the tent with the other.

"On my count." Said Miroku. "One…..two….THREE!"

Luckily, Miroku and Haru didn't have demon strength like Inuyasha and Kaoru, so the tent was spread out perfectly.

"Right…..so I believe we're supposed to nail down the corners." Said Miroku, pulling nails and a hammer out of the bag.

He placed a nail on one corner of the tent and aimed the hammer at the nail.

Unfortunately, it missed the nail and hit his hand.

"Ow! OW, DAMMIT!" Yelled Miroku, holding his injured hand.

"DADDY SAID A BAD WOOOOOOORD!" Yelled Hiro, pointing at his father.

Miroku suddenly felt scared for his life. "Hiro, please, please, PLEASE don't tell your mother I said that! I enjoy living!"

Miroku could only imagine what Sango would do to him if she found out he said dammit in front of Hiro.

"If you keep your mouth shut, I'll pay you 100 yen."

"Deal!" Said Hiro, not realizing that 100 yen was only a dollar.

Haru rolled his eyes and snorted.

Then, they heard a scuffling noise behind them and they turned around.

They saw two squirrels wrestling quite ferociously.

"Observe the squirrels, boys." Said Miroku wisely. "They are demonstrating the proper way to "wrestle" with women, and this could be a learning experience for you two. Learn from the squirrels, children, learn from the squirrels."

Hiro remembered the violent squirrels from earlier and screamed, "The squirrels are scaring me!"

"Their scaring you?" Said Miroku. "Well, I can help you!"

He pulled the seal off his hand. "WIND TUNNEL!" He shouted, sucking in the squirrels.

The moment they were out of sight, he sealed the wind tunnel.

"There." Said Miroku, turning to Hiro. "Is that better?"

To his surprise, he saw tears welling up in his son's eyes.

"YOU KILLED THEM! YOU KILLED THE BABY SQUIRRELS! YOU'RE A BABY SQUIRREL MURDERER! WAHHHHHHH!"

Oh, damn! Miroku had forgotten how sensitive his son was, especially to animals.

He hadn't forgotten the time he told Hiro where bacon came from…..

Flashback!

Miroku, Haru, and Hiro were in the kitchen munching on eggs and bacon while Sango washed the dishes.

"I love bacon!" Said Hiro happily, stuffing his tenth piece of bacon in his mouth. "Where does it come from?"

"It comes from pigs that don't get to live so we can eat meat." Said Miroku bluntly.

Sango glared at her husband.

Hiro completely lost it. "BABY PIGGIES? I ATE…..BABY PIGGIES? WAHHHHHHHH!"

They hadn't been able to get him to eat bacon for months.

End of flashback.

"WHY'D YOU KILL THE SQUIRRELS DADDY?"

"They were scaring you!" Said Miroku.

"BUT YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO K-K- KILL THEM!" Shouted Hiro, crying even harder.

Miroku looked at Haru desperately. "Haru, HELP M- what are you doing?"

Haru was sitting on a rock, writing.

Haru looked up.

"Writing a farewell letter." He said, handing Miroku the letter.

Miroku started reading:

Dear Sakura (Haru's girlfriend),

I regret to tell you that I may not come back alive.

Dad made Hiro cry, so we are going to suffer death by mother.

I love you.

Love,

Haru

Miroku glared at his son.

"We aren't screwed yet!" Yelled Miroku. "We need to think!"

So they pondered the situation. Then Haru sat up straight.

"I got it!" He exclaimed, walking over to Hiro.

"W-what d-d- do you w-w-want?" Asked Hiro, sniffling.

"Hiro." Said Haru with a smile. "The squirrels aren't dead."

Hiro brightened instantly. "Really?"

"Yes. Their just,er, taking a nap in the tunnel." Lied Haru.

"Yay!" Cheered Hiro happily.

Miroku and Haru sighed in relief.

They were just lucky Hiro wasn't too intelligent yet.

Hiro's smile faded slightly.

"But I'm really hungry!" Complained Hiro.

"Mom gave me a granola bar, just in case." Said Haru, pulling the granola bar out of his pocket.

Hiro. Went. Wild.

He screamed and tackled his brother, reaching for the granola bar.

"Dad!" Yelled a struggling Haru. "Help me!"

Miroku developed a sudden interest in the trees.

Hiro grabbed the granola bar and stuffed it whole in his mouth.

Haru got off the ground, dusting himself off.

"Thanks for the help, dad." Said Haru sarcastically, glaring. "Anyway, don't you think we should go home?"

"Why do you think that?" Asked Miroku.

Haru glared. "Well, LET'S SEE! We nearly get mauled by a bear and SQUIRRELS, you nearly break your hand setting up the FREAKING TENT, you tried to explain sex to us using SQUIRRELS, and-!" Haru broke off, suddenly wide-eyed.

Miroku and Hiro turned to see what he was staring at and their eyes widened too.

Standing in the trees were squirrels, glaring and armed with nuts.

"Don't make any sudden movement." Whispered Miroku.

"HOLY SHIT, IT'S THE SQUIRRELS FROM THIS MORNING! RUN LIKE HELL!" Shouted Haru, sprinting home.

"So much for no sudden movements." Muttered Miroku as he and Hiro ran right behind Haru, avoiding the nut assault as best as they could.

Sango heard three fists banging on the door.

She opened it and saw a disgruntled, nut-covered Miroku, Haru, and Hiro.

"You guys sure came back quickly. And are you covered in….nuts?"

They all just glared.

"So I take it the trip didn't go so well?" Said Sango.

"Oh, NO!" Said Haru sarcastically. "It was GREAT! What ever made you think it totally SUCKED?"

THE END

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