Lucas and I have dated all throughout high school, and when college came he went Texas to go to the school he dreamt of since he figured out he wanted to be a veterinarian. I stood her in New York and went to Colombia to study English.
The four years we spent apart were difficult. In the beginning, I wanted to drop everything and follow him to Texas, but Maya didn't let me. Lucas wanted to do the same and come back to New York, but I didn't let him. He needed to fulfill all his dreams and A&M was one of those, so I didn't let him give it up.
We had our fights that were due to ill communication. Or one of us believing that we were stopping the other from experiencing the full college experience; meeting new people, going to parties, having fun. But no matter what happened, we fought for each other. We never once gave up on one another. We loved each other too much to let it all go away.
When graduation day came for him, I flew down to Texas with my parents and Auggie. We all went to support him achieving yet another drink. Then he flew back to New York with us a few days later for my graduation.
On my graduation day, Lucas found me after the ceremony he approached me when a little black box. My heart was pounding out of my chest. We always talked about getting engaged when we both established a career, so when I saw him pull the box out I didn't know what to think. That was until he opened it. Instead of looking down at an engagement ring, my eyes landed on a shiny silver key.
He told me that this was always the plan to move back after college and start a life here with me. Moving in with one another was the first step into building our future together as adults.
Almost two years two year go by, and Lucas has made a name of himself as a veterinarian. Farkle helped him with a loan to start a practice instead of going to a bank. For myself, my dad helped get me an interview at the high school for an English teacher a month after my college graduation, and that's where I've been working as a junior English teacher since.
It's a Tuesday evening, and I'm in the kitchen making dinner for Lucas and I; his favorite chicken fettuccini. I have music vibrating throughout the room. When my favorite song comes on, I higher it a little more. I can't but to sing and dance along.
I must have had the music playing too loud because soon I feel arms being wrapped around me from behind. I instantly recognize the touch and lean into the hold. I feel soft warm lips touch my neck and a rush of excitement runs through my body. I turn around and my eyes meet the bright green ones that I fell madly in love with. Lucas smiles at me as I push my lips against his. We stay lost in each other embrace for a minute. We've been together for years, but every kiss with him always sends butterflies through my stomach.
I wiggle my way out of his grasp to lower the music, "You're home earlier than usual. Not that I'm complaining."
"It was a slow day today, so I closed up a little early." He takes one step and he is in front of me. I see a smile play on his lips, "You didn't have to stop your show on my account."
I laugh, "Are you hungry? I made your favorite."
"Ooo, a show and dinner," he pulls me closer, "You're the best," he softly kisses me. I try to deepen it, but a pain in my lower stomach makes me pull away clutching the area.
"Are you okay, Riley?" Lucas asks rubbing my back with concern in his voice and on his face.
I nod, "Yeah. It's just cramps. I'll take ibuprofen, and I should be fine."
"Are you sure? You've been dealing with them for a few weeks."
"If it doesn't get better, I'll go to the doctor's office. Deal?"
He smiles and it warms me, "Deal," I wrap my arms around his neck and lightly peck his lips. I hear his stomach growl and a small like exudes from my mouth.
"Someone's hungry. Let's eat."
He moves to the kitchen table, and I serve us our plates. We eat dinner and talk about our days. He tells me about his day in the clinic. I love how he gets so excited just talking about everything that happens throughout his day. He loves what he does. I tell him about my day, and how hardly anyone did the assign reading with the questions so I gave my classes an extra day to complete it.
"You are too easy on those kids, Riles."
I shrug my shoulders, "It was the weekend. Oh, god, I've became one of those teachers!" he laughs at my theatrics. "We use to complain about those teachers that assigned homework over the weekend." I hear the pain return to my lower stomach and I try my best to hide it, but Lucas notices.
"Riley-"
I stop him, "I'm fine. I'll be back I'm just going to go take ibuprofen right now."
I get up from the table and walk over to the bathroom. I take two from the bottle and pop them in my mouth and dry swallow. When I walk back to the kitchen slash dining room, I see Lucas talking on the phone. I take my seat, take a drink of my glass of water, and listen to him talk.
"Yeah." "Well what did she say?" "If you need me to go for a few days, I can." "Yeah give me a second."
He looks at me, "It's Pappy Joe, he is having some trouble with some of the horses. He needs me to go down for a few days to check on them."
"I'll go get the laptop, so I can check flights for you," I push myself up from the table.
"Just for me? You aren't going to come?"
I shake my head, "I would love to, but I can't miss work, especially with the trip we are going to take with the group."
He sighs, "Okay."
I quickly go to our bedroom and return with my laptop. Lucas is putting a fork full of food in his mouth. I slide into my chair and open my top. I start searching the internet for flights.
"Riley is looking at flights right now." "No, she isn't going to come. She has to work." "Next time." He smiles at me.
I find a list of flights, and move the screen towards Lucas. "There is a flight tonight at ten. If he really needs you there, you can leave in a few hours." He looks at me, and I know he wants to make sure it's okay. "I'll be fine here. Plus, now that we moved, my parents live a few floors above up. I'll be okay." He turns his attention back to the phone.
"Pappy Joe, I can be there late tonight." "I should land around land around one." "Okay see you later." "Love you too."
He hangs up the phone and lets out an exhausting sigh, "I need to call Eric, and tell him I'm going to be gone for a few days."
"You do that, and I'll go start packing for you. Finish eating too." He gives me a look, "I'm not that hungry. I was picking at it while I was cooking." I start to move towards the bedroom.
"Riley," I turn around, "Did I mention you're the best?"
I smile, "Only every day since we've been together," I move back to him. He looks up at me and I bend down to kiss him. "I love you."
"I love you, too."
I return in the direction of our room trying to ignore the pain in my stomach that has been present all evening.
It takes a little less than an hour to pack everything he is going to need. I hate not having him here at night when I sleep. I just hate not having him here. The apartment feels empty without him. The phone starts to ring, and it's the taxi company to let us know that the taxi is out front waiting. I walk outside with him to say goodbye.
"I'll be back Friday morning, and then that night you and I are going to out for a very romantic special dinner. So, make sure you go and buy something nice to wear," he smiles at me. "I'm going to miss you."
"I'm going to miss you too," I choke back the tears. It almost feels like we are in college again saying goodbye after such a short visit.
"It's only for a few days," he reassumes me, "I love you, Riley."
"I love you, Lucas." I capture his lips in mine. I unwillingly break the kiss. "Have a safe flight. Call me as soon as you land."
"You'll be sleeping," he laughs. "How about I text you, and then call you in the morning?" I nod and he kisses me one more time before stepping into the Taxi. I wait until I can't see the yellow car anymore before going back inside.
Once I'm inside, I start to clean up the kitchen. I need stop a few times because the cramps I feel in my stomach have become more painful. I try to ignore it.
After the kitchen is clean, I go to the bedroom to change and curl up into a ball on the bed. This is the only position that helps subside the pain a bit. Soon I fall asleep. I only wake up once during the night because of the uncomfortableness.
When I wake up, in the morning the first thing I do is check my phone. I have a few text messages from Lucas just like he said he would.
Lucas
I'm just landed in Texas. I love you.
Remember what I said. We are going to have a very romantic dinner when I get back. It'll be a night to remember.
We just got to the ranch. Call me in the morning.
A smile takes over my face. I still haven't gotten out of bed. I usually feel better in the morning, but this morning I feel worse. I try not the think about the pain. Mind over matter.
I rub the tiredness out of my eyes and call Lucas. The phone rings a few times before his voice breaks through my phone filling my ears.
Goodmorning. He sounds tired.
Oh I'm sorry. Did I wake you?
Yeah, but I needed to get up anyways.
Well I just wanted to call you before I got up and started to get ready for work. I missed you last night.
So did I. Are you feeling any better today?
Yeah. I lie. I hear mumbling coming from his end of the phone.
Pappy Joe needs me. I'll text you throughout the day and call you whenever I get the chance, so I can hear that beautiful voice.
I laugh. You are too cheesy sometimes, but I love it.
And I love you.
I love you, too.
While I was getting ready, I had to take deep breaths as I moved. I take ibuprofen before I leave my apartment to go to my parents'.
No one ever answers the door, so when I get to their front door I just use the key I still have to let myself in. I walk inside and I only see my mom in the kitchen.
"Hey mom."
She turns around, "Hey Riley. I didn't expect to see you this morning. Is Lucas on his way up?"
I shake my head, "No, he left to Texas last night. Pappy Joe needed him there on the ranch. Ow!" a pain shoots through my lower stomach and I instantly clutch it. This whole morning has been horrible. Multiple times I've had to swallow back tears that want to gush out because of how intense the pain has grown.
My mom drops the spoon that was in her hand and rushes to my side. I walk drag my feet to the couch and sit down. "I thought you said it was getting better." She takes the seat next to me. "Does it hurt when you apply a slight pressure?" I shrug my shoulders. She moves her hands to my left side where I feel the most discomfort and slightly presses down. My mom jumps when I scream out in pain and my dad and Auggie come running into the living room. Tears are running down my face.
"I'm taking you to the hospital right now," my mom say sternly.
"But I have work," I argue through my tears.
"No you don't," she looks at my dad, "Cory take care of it. She really needs to go in." My mom helps me up from the couch, and it hurts to stand.
When we finally get the hospital, I go sit down while my mom goes and checks me in. We wait about twenty minutes before I'm finally called back. I take a seat in a chair as a nurse takes my blood pressure and ask me questions. I step on a scale to take my weight and return to my seat. I tell her the reason I'm there, and she goes to examine my stomach.
She presses down on my lower stomach and I grip tightens on the chair handles. She applies more pressure, and I bite down to prevent my sobs.
"Are you pregnant?" the nurse asks. I shake my head because I don't trust my voice right now. "Just to make sure. We are going to run a test." She hands me a cup and I go to the restroom.
It takes them just a few minutes to run a pregnancy test. "The test came back negative, but I do feel something there. I need you to seat up here," she pats to the patient bed, "and lay back. We are going to do an ultra sound to see if we see anything."
The nurse walks out and the room, and I look at my mom and she has worry written all over her face.
"Do you want me to call Lucas?" she asks in a quiet voice.
I shake my head slowly, "No, I don't want to worry him. We don't even know what is it yet, let's not worry."
The same nurse walks in wheeling in an ultra sound machine. I can feel my heart pounding in my chest I'm almost certain that my mom and the nurse can too. I lift my blouse and she puts the gel on my lower abdomen.
Instead of watching the screen, I watch the nurse's face. If anything is seriously wrong, I'd be able to tell by her face not by looking at a screen that I wouldn't know what to look for. Her facial expression never changes. After a few more minutes, she excuses herself from the room.
"I'm going to call your father," my mom says as soon as the nurse leaves.
"Can you tell him not to tell anyone where I'm at please."
"I'll call hi-" she gets distracted by her phone ringing. She looks down at it and then at me, "It's Maya. She probably noticed you weren't at work. You are forgetting she's always a teacher too." She gives me a look.
"Go ahead and answer it."
"Yeah. We are waiting for a doctor." "We don't know yet." "I don't know if Riley wants anyone here." She looks at me and I hold out my hand for the phone.
Peaches?
Riley! What's going on are you okay?! She says frantically.
I don't know what's going on. A nurse was just in here, but then she left. I'm assuming we are waiting for a doctor.
I'm on my way.
No, Maya you don't need to be here.
Too late honey.
Before I can say anything else, the line goes dead and blue eyed blonde walks through the door.
Maya hugs my mom and then turns her attention to me, "You never showed up for your morning coffee in the teachers' lounge, and I knew something was wrong," she says now hugging me. "I tracked down your dad and he told me you came to the hospital. I had to wait for a sub to come in, but as soon as he got there I left."
"Peaches you didn't need to come. I'm fine."
"No you're not!" My mom and Maya say in unisons.
Before I can argue back, the same nurse walks in with a doctor behind her.
"I'm Dr. Spellman. Can you lay back down," she looks at my chart, "Ms. Matthews."
I laugh, "You can call me Riley. I get called Ms. Matthews all day by my students."
"Okay Riley. Let's see what we have here," she places the wand on my stomach and starts to move it around. It doesn't take her long to find whatever it is she was looking for. She puts the wand down and hand me a napkin to wipe myself.
She whispers something into the nurse's ear, and I watch the nurse leave the room. I look between my mom and Maya and they look scared. I feel scared.
"So, Riley. We found a cyst on one of your ovaries. You are going to need to have surgery right now."
"Sur-surgery?" Maya stammers and Dr. Spellman nods.
"It's just the one ovary, right? Not both?" my mom asks. I fill like I should be the one to be asking the questions, but it's almost like I've forgotten how to speak.
Dr. Spellman takes a deep breath, "We won't fully know until we are physically looking at it. We are going to get you prepped for surgery." She looks at me, "It's going to be okay." She slowly stands and walks out of the room.
I feel both set of eyes on me, "I'm going to call Lucas. He needs to be here," my mom insists.
I shake my head, "No, he would just be worried sick and beating himself up for being in Texas." I look at Maya who is confused, "He went to help Pappy Joe with some of the horses." I look at the both, "You two have to promise me that you won't tell him. Let me do it once I'm out." I return my gaze to Maya, "and no telling Zay, he'll tell Lucas. And no Farkle either."
Dr. Spellman returns ready to take me into surgery. I try to play brave. Both Maya and my mom are freaking out on the outside. I'm panicking too, but on the inside.
As I'm getting rolled into the OR, Dr. Spellman is telling me that everything is going to be okay. She continues to talk to me trying to calm me, but I can do that myself by just the thoughts of Lucas. The future we are going to have. I wish he was here. The last thing I remember is one of the nurses asking me to count down from ten, and everything else is gone.
I wake up back in my room, and I hear the voice of Maya and my mom.
"She's going to be mad," I hear Maya say
I flutter my eyes open, "Why am I going to be mad?" I say groggy.
"Riley! You're up," my mom rushes to my side and kisses my forehead. "I'll go get the doctor." She moves towards the door.
Maya moves closer to me and grabs my hand, "I'm happy you're awake."
"Peaches, why am I going to be mad?"
I hear the gulp that she makes, "Your mom she, uh, she called Lucas," my eyes go wide, "she said something was wrong with you and he needed to be here. Which I agree. He's going to be here late tonight." I can feel my insides boiling.
My mom walks back in, "Dr. Spellman is going to be here soon, and your dad and Auggie are going to be here as soon as school is out."
I roll my eyes, "You called Lucas! I told you not to!"
"Riley, you'd want to know if something were happening to him."
I open my mouth to say something, but quickly close it when I hear the door crack open. I see the petite brown hair blue eyed doctor walk in.
"How are you feeling, Riley?"
"Sore and tired."
She lets out a little laugh, "That is to be expected."
My mom clears her throat, "How did the surgery go? Everything went fine, right?"
Dr. Spellman looks at my mother and then focuses in on me, "The cyst consumed one whole ovary, and it started to spread to the other. We had to remove your left ovary and half of your right one. We'd like to keep you here overnight since you did lose quite a bit of blood during surgery."
"She's okay though, right?" My mom asks.
"Yes she's fine. Everything went fine besides the blood loss."
"So she's only left with half an ovary?" Maya asks.
"Yes." There is silence that fills the air. I want to ask a question, but it seems like my brain forgot how to form words.
"Will she be able to have children?" my mom asks the question I wanted an answer to the most.
The doctor lets out a defeating sigh and looks at me with sympathy, "The chances of you conceiving are highly unlikely. Only half of the half ovary is functioning."
I can feel the tears welling in my eyes and heaviness in my chest, "I won't be able to have babies." I whisper.
"I'm sorry. There are always other options. We have someone you can discuss that with." I shake my head. I'm afraid to open my mouth. Dr. Spellman gives me one last look before leaving the room.
No one says anything for the next ten minutes. I just want to be alone right now, but I know they won't let that happen.
"It'll be okay, sweetie," my mom steps closer to me and grabs my hand, "Lucas will be here tonight."
Lucas. How can I have a future with him? In every future, I've ever dreamt of or pictured, we had little versions of ourselves running around. They would all have his perfect green eyes with my thick brown locks. How can I that happen now, when I can't conceive?
I can't hold in my sobs anymore; tears start unleashing from my eyes. My heart is breaking. This morning that was all a possibility, but now it isn't a high possibility for my future.
My mom holds one hand, while Maya holds the other.
I look at Maya, "Can you give me my phone I need to call Lucas." She studies my face and starts to shake her head. "Please, Maya," I beg.
She looks at my mom, and she slowly starts to rise from the chair. She heads for the door, "Mom," she turns around, "it's almost three and I really don't want to see anyone right now. Tell dad and Auggie I need some time alone. The three of you can come back in a few hours, okay?" She nods.
"I love you."
"I love you, too, mom."
Maya waits for the door to close behind my mom before she starts to speak. Once again she studies my face, she stares into my eyes. It almost feels like she is staring right through me.
"I know what you are thinking."
I tilt my head slightly to the left, "What are you talking about?"
"You lost it as soon as your mom mentioned Lucas. I know what you are thinking right now, and I need you to stop. You aren't thinking clearly."
"Maya, stop you-"
She cuts me off, "Riles, I have known you for more than half my life. You are thinking of what you can't give Lucas and I'm here to tell you to stop. You guys can still have a family."
Tears run down my cheeks, "If he is with me, he won't be able to put more of him out in the world. There needs to be more of him out there, but I can't do it." I take a deep breath, "He deserves more," I sob out.
"Riles, please don-"
"Just stop!" I say louder than I intended. "Right now, I just really want to be alone." I say through my tears. She doesn't stand up. "Maya go." My voice is more stern.
She slowly gets up and hesitantly moves to the door. "Maya," she looks at me, "Call Lucas and tell him not to come," I can barely see her through my blurred vision. She doesn't say anything or do anything. I don't know what she is going to do.
I spend hours alone in my own thoughts. I feel less of a woman now. It's one thing my body is designed for, and now I can't do it. My eyes feel heavy from the crying that I've been doing. One minute I feel okay that I can get through this if I have Lucas, but the next I lose it thinking he deserves more than I can give him. What if we do get married, and then years later he decides this isn't what he wants.
Around six a knock on the door pulls me out of my though, I quickly wipe the tears that have fallen. "Come in," I say as louder as I can make my voice go at the moment.
I watch as my parents and Auggie move through the room. They take the seats around the side of my hospital bed. My dad tries to start a conversation, but it's just small talk. His tip toeing around his words. Auggie is looking at me like I'm a broken puppy, and my mom is staying quiet because if I'm being honest I'm mad that she called Lucas.
This awkward tension filled encounter goes on for hours. We small talk, watch TV, and all stare at each other. I know it sounds awful, but I'm counting the seconds until they leave, so I can be alone. When nine o'clock comes around they call hug and kiss me goodbye. I have to push my mom to leave because she didn't think I needed to be alone.
I wait for them to walk out before I let the tears fall that I've been holding in. The door slowly opens and I hide my face.
"Mom, I told you I'm fine," my voice cracks.
"No you aren't," I turn my head in the direction of the voice that sends chills down my spine. "I'm sorry it took so long for me to get here. I had to make a quick stop at home."
I shake my head with tears running down my already tear stained cheeks, "I told Maya to tell you not to come."
"Did you really think I was going to stay away when the love of my life is in the hospital?" he says placing a kiss on my forehead and lingering a little longer. "What happened? Why did you need surgery? My heart fell to my stomach when I heard. I should have been here," he takes a seat and scoots it as close as he can to me. He sits down and takes my hand between the two of his and hold it to his lips. I press the button, so I'm elevated.
I shake my head, "Your Pappy Joe needed you," I say quietly.
"What happened? I asked Maya and your mom, but both said I needed to hear it from you."
I go on to explain what the Dr. Spellman had said to me. Telling him made everything real, and I cried so much that I had a hard time breathing.
"We'll get through this."
I look at him, "No this isn't something we can just get through. It isn't going to be fixed, Lucas. It's permeant. I can't have kids. I can't have your kids!" I shout through my tears. "Lucas, I can't-"
"No!" he voice startles me. "We've been through too much for this ruin us. You and I belong together Riley. I'm not going to let you throw what we have away." I see his glossy eyes
My bottom lip quivers, "You deserve to have children of your own. There needs to be more Lucas in the world and you need someone that can give that to."
He vigorously shakes his head, "No Riley, STOP!" he wipes the couples tears that have fallen. "You listen to me. There are other options. We can always adopt and raise them to be respectable, kind, caring, loving, all the good things. There can be little Rileys and little Lucas' as long as we raise them right. They may not look like us or genetically be ours, but we will love them no different." He caresses my cheek, "You will not give up on us you can't." He lets go of my hands and reaches into his pocket, "Maya told me that you were going to try and push me away. I didn't know why, but she told me I'd better come in with all I have." He slowly gets out the chair and pushes it out of the way.
"I was actually waiting for Friday with something different planned, definitely not you in a hospital gown on a hospital bed, but this is all I have." She slowly gets down on one knee and holds out the beautiful princess cut diamond with a silver band ring out for me to see. I can feel the tears building in my eyes and I can see the same in his. "I can't picture a future where you're not in it. Riley, you've slowly became the center of my world. We've over come so much together, and I continue want to take on the world with you. I love you, Riley Matthews. Will you marry me?"
Happy tears fall and I move to swipe them away, "Yes I will." A smile spreads across his lips. He slides the ring on my fingers and finally presses his lips to mine being careful not to hurt me.
"You can't run from me or do something because you think it's best for me."
"I won't. Never again. I love you, Lucas."
"I love you, too, Riley." He kisses me again and butterflies flutter around in my stomach.
A year goes by and Lucas and I have a small wedding at his family farm house in Texas mid-September. We didn't want anything to extravagant. We just wanted to share our love with close family and friends. It was something simple, but it will forever be a day I will remember.
Lucas and I have been married for a few months now, and it's everything I ever imagine it would be. Today is Christmas Eve, and we just got home from my parents' apartment. As soon as I get inside, I move to grab a present from the Christmas tree.
"Riley, we said no present until the morning," Lucas says grabbing the present out of my hands.
"Just one, pleaseee!" I beg and he shakes his head. "It's not for me, it's for you."
"Oh in that case, it changes everything," he jokes. "No presents until the morning we discussed this."
"Please! It's just one. You won't regret it I swear!"
"Fine," he takes the small thin box in his hands and slowly starts to unwrap it. I watch his eyes grow as he lifts the top. "Riley, what is this?" he holds of a picture of a sonogram. "Are you saying that you're pregnant?"
I can't help the tears that welled up in my eyes. I nod my head, "I guess miracles do happen," I say through my tears.
I look up at him and he had tears running down his face with a big smile plastered on his lips. "I'm going to be a dad!" he brushes my tears away and I do the same to him, "and you're going to be a mom." He stares into my eyes, "How far along are you?"
"About fourteen weeks."
"Our wedding day?"
"Maybe. We're going to be parents Lucas!" A smile I can't contain plays on my lips.
"Yes we are, and you are going to be an amazing mom," he presses his lips against mine and I feel the butterflies.