Garth's Amazing Adventure - PART 2

Will Ferrell Strikes Back A. K. A. I Am Your Father

(Setting: As we left our hero, Garth, he was king of who knows where, but he was king. So that's where our story starts.)

Garth: "Bring me my royal band! Royal Band! Royal Band! Party Time! Excellent! Wooo - ooo - oooo!"

(A dwarf brings in a band with brightly colored hair and sparkling guitars.)

Lead Singer: "So what should we play?"

Garth: "Humor me."

Lead Singer: "A one . . . a two . . . a one, two , three , four, rock 'n' roll!"

(The band starts playing a song from Aerosmith and Garth shakes his head and plays with his (royal) drumsticks. Suddenly his butler walks in carrying a large scroll.)

Butler: "You have an unusual visitor."

Garth: "Excellent!"

(The butler walked out and came back leading a transparent person with no arms into the large room made of marble.)

Garth: "Wayne! I thought you were, like, dead!"

Wayne: "Well I am a ghost. I came to warn you about the bad men who are gonna attack your empire and stuff. So you should be, like, scared."

Garth: "Not so Excellent."

Wayne: "Not Excellent at all."

Garth: "So what should I do?"

Wayne: "I don't know. All I know is that I'm out of here! Later! Much!"

Garth: "Wait! What's it like to be dead?"

Wayne: "Same as being alive only it's harder when you got no arms."

Garth: "Okay you can leave now!"

(Wayne disappears into thin air. Garth begins to listen to his royal band again and all is back to as it was before Wayne's visit.)

Garth: "Pump it up!"

(As Garth is pumping it up in a place far from his castle all of Will Ferrell's Alter - Egos plan to take over Garth's Kingdom)

Craig Buchanan (The Liberation Party Witch): "Well, fellas we need to make haste! So if you're down with the spirit lets do some planing!"

(As Craig says this he does an incredibly gay dance.)

Steve Buttabi: "I think once we've taken over Garth's kingdom we should party at the Roxbury!"

David Larry: "Mr. Bo Jangles thinks we should get drunk once we've taken over. Poor Mr. Bo Jangles has a problem."

Mustafa: "I think we should break into the castle with use of high tech gadgetry and weaponry."

Drill Sargent: "Take off the stupid hat and give me twenty. You scum bag if we must attack we must attack with the element of surprise! We must attack as one unit and we must plot out the plan and the enemies weak points!"

Craig: "Good plan! All you other alter - egos will follow the command of us three - Mustafa, Drill Sargent and of course me. We will attack as soon as it is dark. We will bring guns, smoke bombs, etc. and once that's over we'll get jiggy wit it!"

Steve Buttabi: "Well spoken."

Tom Wilkens: "But he has the power of the Church Lady on his side!"

Drill Sargent: "Good Point! You're promoted!"

Tom Wilkens: "Yeah!"

Drill Sargent: "Now you're demoted!"

Tim Wilkens: "Aw!"

Craig: "Lets proceed to plot out our plan!"

(Craig takes out a model of Garth's castle.)

Craig: "We will split up into four groups! Each group will attack one side of the castle and then we will proceed into the castle with the use of the entrance on the west side of the castle!"

Drill Sargent: "Why don't we enter the castle at the dead of night as one group! We will step quietly and I refuse to get jiggy wit it!"

Craig: "Or we could do that!"

(Craig proceeds with his gay dance. Steve shakes his head and Drill Sargent continues to scream at everyone for no apparent reason. But in Garth's castle Garth is busily plotting his defense plan and plan for world domination.)

Garth: "Ha! I beat you at Risk for , like, the hundredth time in a row. Give up!"

Dwarf: "Alright, Oh Mighty King!"

(Garth's Butler enters.)

Garth: "Jeeves, my main man! What's shakin?"

Butler: "My name isn't Jeeves and shouldn't you be planning against that attack your friend Wayne told you was going to happen."

Garth: "Jeevsie! Wayne was only playin!"

Butler: "He seemed quite serious to me."

(The Church Lady Appears)

Church Lady: "He's right! The devil worshiping son of a guns are going to attack!"

Garth: "Woah! Not so excellent!"

Church Lady: "Well isn't that special."

(Church Lady disappears.)

Garth: "So all we gotta do is release the Church Lady within."

Dwarf: "Why?"

Garth: "Cuz whenever she shows up that's the solution to all my problems."

Dwarf: "Well isn't that special."

Garth: "See you can do it!"

(Dwarf makes a strange face and leaves the room.)

Garth: "Everyone must learn to release the Church Lady within!"

(Now somewhere in the dark little cave where Garth met Yoda sat Yoda drinking his Green Tea. Suddenly the Church Lady appears.)

Church Lady: "The force is strong with this one."

Yoda: "Yes! Yet he is naive, but there is another."

Church Lady: "Well for Christ's sake where in heavens names is this other?"

Yoda: "He's dead."

Church Lady: "A lot of good that does us!"

Yoda: "Oh screw you!"

Church Lady: "Dear me! Satan Alert! Satan Alert!"

Yoda: "Leave now! No Green Tea for you!"

(Church Lady disappears and Yoda continues to drink his green tea.)

Yoda: "Garth must have patience if he wants to defeat Will Ferrel and his alter - egos. I sense danger ahead."

(Church Lady appears.)

Church Lady: "Who are you talking to?"

Yoda: "I sensed your presence so I figured I'd talk to you and you'd appear."

Church Lady: "You, my green little friend, need to lay off the liquor."

Yoda: "I was right wasn't I and I thought I told you never to mention my problem again!"

Church Lady: "God knows your problem without me talking about it."

Yoda: "Let god know!"

Church Lady: "Satan knows too."

Yoda: "Damn him!"

Yoda: "Let him be damned!"

Yoda: "May damned he be!"

Yoda: "Let damned be he!"

Yoda: "He is to be damned!"

Church Lady: "Well isn't that special."

(Church Lady disappears and Yoda takes another sip of his tea. Will Ferrell's alter egos are already approaching Garth's Kingdom and Craig continues to do his incredibly gay dance all the way there.)

Craig: "We're outside the kingdom right now, but the entrance has been blocked!"

Drill Sargent: "By what?!?"

Craig: "This funky looking shadow!"

Drill Sargent: "Get down and give me 20! A shadow cannot hurt you! You are nothing, but a wimp! We can easily pass through the darkness!"

Craig: "You've got some bad Karma my friend."

Drill Sargent: "You should quit acting like a baby! You are supposed to be the man these alter - egos call captain! Start acting like one, you pussy!"

Craig: "Well in the name of the Spartan Spirit you're right! Lets attack!"

(The alter egos run inside the castle. Garth is in his castle trying to practice releasing the Church Lady within when suddenly Will Ferrell and the other alter egos enter the main chamber of his palace where Garth is practicing.)

Garth: "Damn you! You're here!"

Craig: "I have something to tell you."

Garth: "What?"

Craig: "I am your father."

Garth: " Really?"

Craig: "Hell no! To think me your father! I didn't think that anyone would be stupid enough to actually believe that! That's a laugh!"

Garth: "Hey! Stop laughing at me!"

Garth: "Release the Church Lady within (repeats 3 times). . ."

(Garth calls out his warriors and royal subjects who are all ready for battle. The fight lasts for hours, but in the end Garth wins [duh] )

Craig: "Well this sucks! Lets go!"

(The alter - egos leave and Garth celebrates. Church Lady appears holding a mace and a golden staff.)

Church Lady: "You've earned this."

(Church Lady hands the staff to Garth.)

Garth: "Excellent!"

Church Lady: "Well isn't that special."

(Yoda appears.)

Church Lady: "You deserve this!"

(Church Lady hits Yoda with the Mace.)

Yoda: "That hurt you jack ass!"

Church Lady: "What did you call me?"

Yoda: "You heard me! Jack ass!"

Church Lady: "No you didn't!"

Yoda: "I did and I'll say it again! You're a jack ass!"

Church Lady: "That's it green boy you're going down!"

(Church Lady hits Yoda with the mace several times more and they both disappear. Garth lives happily ever after as king of his kingdom. Garth accomplished many great deeds in his time. He married and had children and passed away. When he passed away his oldest son, Doug, took his thrown. Wayne's Ghost never returned to Garth's Kingdom although he was spotted at the Bahamas.)

THE END

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