Title: Romance According to Murata
Genre: Romance/Humor…mostly humor
Pairings: Various. Wolfram/Yuuri, Yozak/Conrart, Gwendel/Günter. Hinted Murata/Gisela (read a story with them as a side pairing once, thought it was cute.)
Rating: T
Summary: Shin Makoku, influenced by some of its citizens visiting Yuuri's world, decided to make their own newspaper. Murata is asked to write a column in the paper, and the double black decides to do a romantic advice column. Now people all over Shin Makoku are coming to Murata for romantic advice! What's a reincarnated Great Sage to do?
AN: I am sixty percent done with the next chapter of "The Backhanded Slap" and I'll have it out, if all goes according to plan, Tuesday.
This is for letters/responses to letters.
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Murata sat down at his desk the following workday. The mail carrier had already dropped off Murata's letters on the double black's desk. Murata moved his copy of "The Voice of Shin Makoku" into one of the desk's drawers.
"Wow," the double black whistled as he looked at the slightly larger stack of envelopes. "I guess my last article was a success." He thought aloud. Smiling broadly, Murata reached for the letter on top of the stack.
Dear Murata,
First of all, how dare you reveal my identity! What if he read your article, did you think of that? Thankfully, he was far too busy teaching my little brother's fiancé, once again you're lucky that my brother's fiancé didn't get to read the paper either.
Secondly, I think some of your advice you gave me yesterday is working already. When he entered my office yesterday after I had already read your article. So, I immediately started to follow your advice. The object of my affection busted into office, about the same time he usually does, and started to complain about that other man. I looked up and smiled to show that I was interested in what he was talking about. I think it worked because every time he looked at me he forgot what he was going to say. However, I couldn't think of anything to talk about, so I just sat there.
Help your ANONYMOUS reader,
The Workaholic.
Murata shook his head before he relaxed into his chair. He honestly didn't think that his advice would work that quick. Sure, he knew that he would get Gwendel and Günter together but he thought it was going to take a little more time and effort on Gwendel's part, considering the stoic man was romantically and socially inept.
"Will wonders ever cease?" Murata asked himself. The great sage was stumped, but happy, that his friends got together ahead of schedule. The double black then shrugged and began to write his response.
Dear Gwendel,
If you don't want me to reveal your identity don't use such an obvious alias, or chose one that amuses me. It's that simple. Practice your creativity man!
Now onto the advice, but first congrats are in order for learning how to smile so quickly! Honestly, I thought it was going to take you a while. Anyways, you need a list of topics to talk about, right? Since this guy is a teacher, and seems intelligent, why don't you ask him if he read any good books lately, or if he could recommend a book for you to read? Why not ask him about his family, or something along those lines? Use one of those questions as a starting point and you'll be having a conversation before you know it!
Signed by the luckiest man in Shin Makoku,
Romance According to Murata.
Chuckling in amusement, Murata followed the same process as yesterday. He placed both the letter and the response into the folder. Murata then reached for a new letter.
Dear Geika,
I do apologize for not reading your article, but I was ever so busy teaching our majesty. I was, however, informed that someone was trying to get advice on how to court my darling Gisela. I also heard that you, thankfully, pretty much shot that rapscallion, whomever it was, down.
I still cannot believe that someone was trying to woo my daughter! She only ninety years old! She's just a baby for Shinou's sake! Anyways, thank you for putting a stop to that.
Oh! I heard people are using aliases when they write to you instead of their real names. How fun! I'll be,
Tall Light and Handsome!
P.S. Could you perhaps send a healer over? When I went to talk to Gwendel, he appeared to be constipated judging be the weird faces he was making when I was in his office. Every time I looked at him I lost my train of thought because I honestly thought he was going to…just send a healer.
Murata dropped the letter because his whole body was shaking with laughter. Gwendel was trying to smile, and Günter thought he was constipated?! Murata doubled over in laughter, holding his stomach.
Oh Shinou his sides hurt!
After Murata's laughter died down to light giggling he began to write his response.
Günter,
I would never plan on giving advice to woo your daughter. Besides, a real man would ask for your permission first. By the way, clever alias.
Romance According to Murata.
P.S. … I don't think Gwendel is sick, or constipated. If you're worried about him maybe you should talk to him yourself?
Murata smirked mischievously while he placed both papers into the folder. Any fool knows if you want to get the girl, you need to be on her father's good side. Plus, as an added bonus, Gisela's other suitors would be too scared to ask for romantic advice. It's easy to forget, after all, that despite Günter's joyous personality he can become frighteningly serious. The man did teach Conrad how to fight with a sword if that was any indicator. Murata suddenly realized that letter Gwendel wrote would be embarrassing to him after he reads Günter's letter.
"Should I take Gwendel's letter out of the folder?" Murata sighed as he tapped his fingers on his desk. After a couple of seconds of deep thinking and consideration he shook his head side to side, "Nah."
With that Murata went to grab another letter leaving both Gwendel's and Günter's letters on the folder.
Murata,
I understand that you're writing an advice column, and that you enjoy revealing most of the people who write into you, and that's fine. But why did you have to reveal me, the person someone is trying to seduce, and leave the writer, 'The Red Menace', anonymous? More importantly why did you have to suggest that I should be kissed by this person because I'm too thick headed?
Do you have any idea how my day went yesterday? After I finished my morning jog with Heika, I went to train my soldiers. When I got to the training grounds three soldiers, my own soldiers, KISSED ME! After I reprimanded them, and finished the training, I went to the formal dining hall to join my friends and family for breakfast.
You know what happened to me as I walked from the training grounds to the formal dining room? I got KISSED by twenty-one DIFFERENT people! I got kissed by: five gardeners, two window washers, six maids, and eight butlers!
When I finally entered the dining room, I noticed my long time friend Yozak was there. I was slightly relieved because I was sure if anyone would know what was happening he would. Before I even sat down in my chair, the person who brought out our breakfast KISSED me in front of everyone. Wolfram, who was strangely sitting on the other side of the table instead of sitting next to his fiancé, started yelling about how disgusting it was to kiss in public and it was only a practice that commoners do, Heika threw his hands in the air saying that today was weird and muttered how Wolfram was avoiding him for some reason, Günter started demanding how long I was dating this man and wanted to know when the wedding was, and Yozak…well Yozak looked like he was going to hurt somebody. My day went down from there, and I don't desire to discuss any more of it.
So, imagine my surprise when I opened the paper and read YOUR column? So please don't write about me again, or if you do, don't reveal MY identity.
Signed,
The White Knight.
"Damn!" Murata exclaimed as he re-read the letter. "Who knew the brunette was so popular? Looks like Yozak has some competition." He then shook his head in disbelief before he grabbed a fresh piece of paper and wrote his response.
Dear Conrart,
If I were you, I'd feel flattered that so many people found me attractive. However, if it makes you feel uncomfortable, I won't reveal your identity when people write in when they're trying to seduce you. No guarantees when you write in yourself.
Romance According to Murata
By the way, out of curiosity, did Yozak reveal who it was he wanted to hurt?
Murata slightly grimaced as he placed the papers into his folder. He then looked down at the stack of letters and saw an envelope that resembled the Yozak's from last time. With a grimace, Murata opened the letter, he was so not looking forward to this.
Hey Kiddo,
What was the deal with yesterday? Do you have any idea how hard it is to watch the guy you're in love with get kissed by other people? Well that's what I witnessed all day yesterday! It didn't stop until I punched this one guy out after he kissed MY brunette. I was so upset that I couldn't even follow your advice.
Any other bright ideas?
One Pissed Off Mazoku.
Murata met out a breath of relief. He expected something far worse that what Yozak wrote. He was still glad he was safe at Shinou's temple, a place where males couldn't enter unless invited, though. The double black rubbed his temples until a brilliant idea entered his mind. Smiling, Murata touched his quill onto a fresh piece of paper.
Dear One Pissed Off Mazoku,
Why didn't you kiss him?! You should have kissed the guy, and told him the truth just like I said last time. If you did that, instead of sending me this letter you could have been doing "other" things right about now, if you know what I mean.
I told you seducing "him" would not be easy.
Don't worry because I have other ideas. How about the next time the two of you are alone, and are not on some sort of mission, admit your feelings. Then kiss him, and not one of those weak kisses like he got the other day, but a hot, steamy, passionate kiss that'll make him completely forget what I have brilliantly dubbed, 'the kissing incident'.
Good luck, again,
Romance According to Murata
Feeling that this idea would work for Yozak, Murata placed both papers inside the folder. It was hard not to find the whole thing slightly amusing, and slightly wished he could have witnessed Conrad's kissing escapades. Murata then was thankful that it was Conrart that was being kissed and not Yuuri. Slightly shivering at the thought of what Wolfram would do, Murata went to grab the last letter.
Dear Murata,
Let me be the first to commend you on your brilliant idea of spreading romance and free love to the citizens of Shin Makoku! Also thank you for helping my sons especially Gwendel, he's far too serious! I know you'll do a good job!
On a side note, I'm about to set off on another voyage to find free love soon. Where do you think I should go to? Is there a particular destination better than the rest?
Hugs and Kisses,
The Sexy Queen
Xoxoxox~
"A great place to go, eh?"Murata leered, rubbing his chin in thought as his cheeks started to flush a pretty pink color. Without having to think to hard about a place for Lady Celi to visit Murata began to write.
My Sexy Queen,
If I were you I'd go to a nice tropical beach. After all, seductiveness is an important part of romance and what better place to be seduced, or to seduce someone else, than a beautiful beach filled with half naked beautiful people? Look for a guy you find attractive, seduce him, and then start to be romantic with him.
Romance According to Murata.
Sighing dreamily, the double black shoved Lady Celi's letter and the response in the folder. He then grab for the next letter. When he felt no envelopes left, Murata snapped out of his dream like state of imagining Lady Celi in a black bikini and saw there were no more letters.
"I didn't receive a letter from Bielefeld or Shibuya today." Murata pouted. "Ah well," Murata stretched. "Bielefeld is perhaps trying to give the cold shoulder thing his all and hasn't had the time to write in his success." Murata then smiled as he got up from his chair, "and Shibuya is probably too confused by what's going on, and he probably doesn't even know about my romance column yet. Oh to be a fly on the wall of the castle today." The double black chuckled thinking of his Yuuri's confused looks, and responses.
Murata then walked out of the room happily knowing that he was going to get a letter from Yuuri, Wolfram, or both very soon.
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Okay, don't hurt me, I promise the next chapter will be some Wolfyuu! –Runs from fellow angry Yuuam/Wolfyuu fans-
By the way I'm going to try and introduce more character in the story i.e. Alford, Anissina, etc. if there are any requests for characters to write in and get romance advice from Murata just let me know! (This includes ANY character.)
Anyways Read and Review please! First five reviewers get a Murata plushie!